Are Paid Dating Sites/Apps Better Quality Dates (Generally) Compared to Free Sites?

[Miss Spider]

That’s interesting you mention that because awhile back I had joined dating apps, then met a guy on them. Then like a year later I was single again so I went back on. Matched with several or the same guys again xD Left and a year layer happened again.. some of the same guys. Unless they’re just coincidentally breaking up the same time as me that means they’ve been on there at least  3 years. Idk was just kind of amusing to me , not sure  why 

Edited September 2, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

That’s interesting you mention that because awhile back I had joined dating apps, then met a guy on them. Then like a year later I was single again so I went back on. Matched with several or the same guys again xD Left and a year layer happened again.. some of the same guys. Unless they’re just coincidentally breaking up the same time as me that means they’ve been on there at least  3 years. Idk was just kind of amusing to me , not sure  why 

I have had two stints on OLD with an 18 month gap in between where I was seeing someone.  I matched with so many girls on Tinder and Bumble that I'd matched with 18 months prior.

Sure, as you say, it could be just a coincidence that we're both on at the same time, twice. 

However, I doubt it and, I'd put a wager on that nearly two years has passed since I was last on OLD apps, I'd still see some old faces again.

[chillii]

Still, there could be a few reasons though if some had been on them a few yrs and one might actually be legit, there's just no one on it that takes their fancy enough to even bother.

l was helping or trying to my brother set up date sites awhile back , the same two l was on yrs ago. But while we were looking through , l didn't see one women l'd seriously even bother contacting if it were me looking, not one. So if that were me l might be just waiting or browsing a few yrs just for someone to turn up that was all the right stuff. He found the same problem wasn't even interested in anyone on them but eventually one very special to him, lady did turn up and he's been seeing her awhile now. But he was just saying a few wks back , out of two sites if not for her he was wasting his time bc there was no one on either that interested him.

[Trail Blazer]

On 9/2/2021 at 4:09 PM, chillii said:

Still, there could be a few reasons though if some had been on them a few yrs and one might actually be legit, there's just no one on it that takes their fancy enough to even bother.

l was helping or trying to my brother set up date sites awhile back , the same two l was on yrs ago. But while we were looking through , l didn't see one women l'd seriously even bother contacting if it were me looking, not one. So if that were me l might be just waiting or browsing a few yrs just for someone to turn up that was all the right stuff. He found the same problem wasn't even interested in anyone on them but eventually one very special to him, lady did turn up and he's been seeing her awhile now. But he was just saying a few wks back , out of two sites if not for her he was wasting his time bc there was no one on either that interested him.

Which dating sites?  What is the population density of the area you live in?  I live on the rural outskirts of a modest-sized city, and I can say that there were thousands upon thousands of attractive women on Tinder and Bumble. 

I kept my search radius down to 20 miles for when I was looking for a relationship, as ideally I'd like to date someone on my side of town.  Even then, there were no shortages of choice.  I met my lovely girlfriend who was only living five miles away and the rest is history.

[poppyfields]

On 9/1/2021 at 11:39 PM, chillii said:

l was helping or trying to my brother set up date sites awhile back , the same two l was on yrs ago. But while we were looking through , l didn't see one women l'd seriously even bother contacting if it were me looking, not one.

 

1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

I live on the rural outskirts of a modest-sized city, and I can say that there were thousands upon thousands of attractive women on Tinder and Bumble. 

I would venture to guess the reason for that discrepancy is  @chillii may have higher standards than you in the looks department TB and as such wouldn't find as many women attractive as you did (if any). 

Or perhaps "higher" was the wrong word, "different" might be a better word.

Different in that it takes that somethin somethin over and above just an attractive photo to strike his fancy

Just a guess as I'm actually the same.  Your standard "hot" hunky joe schmo just didn't do it for me.  I wouldn't even say I found them attractive because it takes so much more than a hot pic to light my fire.  I dismissed most of those guys when I was OLDing.

Another reason why I dislike OLDing.

EDIT:  I recall during the VERY brief period when I was OLDing 3+ years ago (when I met my last long term ex), one of my BFFs and I were scrolling through pics and she was like "on man, he is HOT!!"   She found sooooo many guys hot and fukkable (her word) and I am like "ewwww, no thank you!"

There's just no accounting for one's particular taste.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 3, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

From what I’ve heard from guy friends is that only  about 95% of the hot women are bots. Oh my gosh , when I was OLD , if I had a nickle for every time I got asked if I was a bot or fake and im just average looking.. I guess bots/scammers are using Avg looking chicks now because most avg guys finally caught on that the famous Instagram models are not actually looking to date them lol… most of them at least, but denial is a strong medicine 

[chillii]

6 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Which dating sites?  What is the population density of the area you live in?  I live on the rural outskirts of a modest-sized city, and I can say that there were thousands upon thousands of attractive women on Tinder and Bumble. 

I kept my search radius down to 20 miles for when I was looking for a relationship, as ideally I'd like to date someone on my side of town.  Even then, there were no shortages of choice.  I met my lovely girlfriend who was only living five miles away and the rest is history.

 

Cookie prettywell nailed it , thks Cookie, but yeah l look for a lot more than just attractive my friend , that doesn't even scratch the surface of what l like.What l like is a one in millions so of course l'm a hard case in that regard and very few women would interest me at the best of times.

His area's pretty big really and he's not fussed about distance loves traveling so yeah , quite a range. 2 or 3 different sites , pof , rsvp we have here never see that mentioned on forums over there although l think it is international , and he joined match to , you have that right . Anyway it was just my observation from the sidelines l'm with a partner anyway but he found the same thing his very fussy similar to me like that. As l say though he did meet someone and she's a pretty special girl so far, hope things go well for them , time will tell.

 

 

 

 

Edited September 3, 2021 by chillii

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, chillii said:

l look for a lot more than just attractive my friend , that doesn't even scratch the surface of what l like.  What l like is a one in millions so of course l'm a hard case in that regard and very few women would interest me at the best of times.

Despite our differences @chilliiwe are very similar in this regard (see my previous post in response to @Trail Blazer); I sensed that was why you don't typically find many women attractive on line.

It's all very subjective and for some of us, it takes a lot more than an attractive on line pic.  It's just that somethin somethin, something unique about their look, their style, it's a sense you get about a person that you personally find intriguing.  

That's how it was for me anyway when I did OLD, which I refuse to do anymore.

 

Edited September 3, 2021 by poppyfields

[chillii]

18 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Despite our differences @chilliiwe are very similar in this regard (see my previous post in response to @Trail Blazer); I sensed that was why you don't typically find many women attractive on line.

It's all very subjective and for some of us, it takes a lot more than an "attractive" on line pic.

 

 

Hiya pop , yeah l've noticed that but l dunno. l saw all these ok some were very nice looking women smiling away buttttt, so what ! There's so much more.

ps , sorry btw , that was meant to be Poppy nailed it , l somehow l wound up putting in cookies but still. Personally l def' wouldn't write date sites off, there'll be those hidden jewels too subtly existing away quietly that people looking for more will hopefully find.

 

 

 

Edited September 3, 2021 by chillii

[Trail Blazer]

6 hours ago, poppyfields said:

 

I would venture to guess the reason for that discrepancy is  @chillii may have higher standards than you in the looks department TB and as such wouldn't find as many women attractive as you did (if any). 

Or perhaps "higher" was the wrong word, "different" might be a better word.

Different in that it takes that somethin somethin over and above just an attractive photo to strike his fancy

Just a guess as I'm actually the same.  Your standard "hot" hunky joe schmo just didn't do it for me.  I wouldn't even say I found them attractive because it takes so much more than a hot pic to light my fire.  I dismissed most of those guys when I was OLDing.

Another reason why I dislike OLDing.

EDIT:  I recall during the VERY brief period when I was OLDing 3+ years ago (when I met my last long term ex), one of my BFFs and I were scrolling through pics and she was like "on man, he is HOT!!"   She found sooooo many guys hot and fukkable (her word) and I am like "ewwww, no thank you!"

There's just no accounting for one's particular taste.

 

 

 

 

 

LOL, I've got pretty high standards, poppy!

Perhaps it's where I live, I dunno, but what I do know is if guys are discarding the girls I've swiped right to then they're after a unicorn.  That is my opinion.

Exactly how does one ascertain the "something something" through a photo?  For mine, if they're physically attractive and aren't wearing a MAGA hat, I'll swipe right.

Perhaps I'm like your friend, I swipe on a criteria of whether someone is fukkable  and just take it from there.  Meh, it's a criteria that has served me well!

[Trail Blazer]

47 minutes ago, chillii said:

 

Hiya pop , yeah l've noticed that but l dunno. l saw all these ok some were very nice looking women smiling away buttttt, so what ! There's so much more.

ps , sorry btw , that was meant to be Poppy nailed it , l somehow l wound up putting in cookies but still. Personally l def' wouldn't write date sites off, there'll be those hidden jewels too subtly existing away quietly that people looking for more will hopefully find.

 

 

 

So much more... what?  Explain what your thought process is when you swipe left on a hot chick?

I can tell you the reasons I would swipe left; if she is too far right-leaning in her political views, or she's devoutly religious.

Or, if I got a generally bad vibe from the very limited snippets of information I could ascertain from her profile.  But that was few and far between.

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

 

Cookie prettywell nailed it , thks Cookie, but yeah l look for a lot more than just attractive my friend , that doesn't even scratch the surface of what l like.What l like is a one in millions so of course l'm a hard case in that regard and very few women would interest me at the best of times.

His area's pretty big really and he's not fussed about distance loves traveling so yeah , quite a range. 2 or 3 different sites , pof , rsvp we have here never see that mentioned on forums over there although l think it is international , and he joined match to , you have that right . Anyway it was just my observation from the sidelines l'm with a partner anyway but he found the same thing his very fussy similar to me like that. As l say though he did meet someone and she's a pretty special girl so far, hope things go well for them , time will tell.

 

 

 

 

Okay, so we'll pen you down as wanting a

Got it!

I've used PoF, Match and Tinder/Bumble.  RSVP is not common at all in the United States, but seems similar to match.

Good for your friend that he found someone special.  You only need to find one person, that's all!

[poppyfields]

18 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

LOL, I've got pretty high standards, poppy!

I know, sorry I changed that from "high standards" to "different standards."  We all have different standards based on different things that's all I meant.

For me, it's very difficult to explain, IF it can be explained at all!

Just that something unique about them (to me) - their look, their style, their energy, which I CAN sense from a pic.  I am also able to gain a strong sense about them by how they communicate with me, how they articulate themselves, etc.

I know weird, but that's me!!  I am extremely particular with respect to who I found attractive and who I chose to meet, and it was NOT just based on a pretty face either, or whether I found them fukkable or not, lol.

 

Edited September 4, 2021 by poppyfields

[Trail Blazer]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

From what I’ve heard from guy friends is that only  about 95% of the hot women are bots. Oh my gosh , when I was OLD , if I had a nickle for every time I got asked if I was a bot or fake and im just average looking.. I guess bots/scammers are using Avg looking chicks now because most avg guys finally caught on that the famous Instagram models are not actually looking to date them lol… most of them at least, but denial is a strong medicine 

I doubt that 95 percent figure, but certainly a few are.  The thing is, you can spot a bot a mile away.  Well, I know I could.  It baffles me how people are unable to determine a fake account from a real one. 

I also wonder what someone defines as a fake account?  Obviously fake accounts which use stolen images is one thing, but often women create account using their own images with their only intention to garner more followers on Instagram.

I think a lot of guys like to say there's more fake accounts out there than actually exist.  It probably helps them to feel better about not receiving a lot of matches.

Either that, or your friend is an unlucky one who has had scammers use fake accounts to regularly try and fleece him out of something.  I'd be somewhat surprised to hear this was the case, though.

 

[IslandSanctuary]

Generally yes. Where I am there is a free dating site that is the butt of a lot of jokes, the people on there generally being those who find it hard to get a partner. 

Paid sites you find some people that aren't personality disordered if you're lucky. 

Edited September 4, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
unkind

[chillii]

3 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Okay, so we'll pen you down as wanting a

Got it!

I've used PoF, Match and Tinder/Bumble.  RSVP is not common at all in the United States, but seems similar to match.

Good for your friend that he found someone special.  You only need to find one person, that's all!

 

l'm not single and looking so whatever l like doesn't really matter anyway ha , l probably shouldn't even be here. But l like and need what l do , most of it couldn't be reeled off in some list. Don't know much about the swiping thing people talk about , seems so shallow and empty. The one stint l was on a site way back when it had a sort of gallery with brief lines under profiles and if there was someone you liked you clicked on the profile to find out more.

There were one or two very special to my tastes anyway , women on it. As l say l think they're well worth having bc you never know exactly , you really only need that one special person.

 

 

 

Edited September 4, 2021 by chillii

[Love2Love78]

On 8/25/2021 at 10:48 PM, Daisydooks said:

I met my H on POF 8 years ago. He is my bestest friend and the most awesome guy I know. ❤ I think it depends on the person really. 

For me, I was driven to apps because I wasnt finding men in real life I was attracted to in any real way or if I was, Id find out they had kids after meeting them or something. Id meet them, then would find out they lived with 3 other guys.  With OLD, I KNOW people can lie but I was able to weed guys I found attractive out who just didnt fit the mold for me with OLD. I also didnt have a tonne of time to search high and low and wasnt an overly social woman. I was and am career driven and although I had time free on weekends to date, I didnt really live a lifestyle that had me out every Friday and Saturday on the prowl. So OLD was great for me. Of course I had a few connections online that didnt pan out in real life which I think it fairly normal where the connection in person wasnt really there. 

 I literally chose my husband down to his hair colour and astrological sign, and of course his desire for things like kids and marriage. I was very picky about what I wanted and I found it easier to find online than in real life, funny enough.  

 

I feel the same exact way as far as it being easier to find what I want online.  I have kids, so putting that out there online filters out those who don't like kids.  Plus, like you said, I am very picky.  I know this.  A lot of the time, the profile can let me filter them out.  Like if someone is hardcore religious, I'm out.  Too credulous imo.  Regardless, I do have a long list, which is why I was so surprised this last one was all of them.

With that said though and tying into what you said on your profile, a lot of the filtering I can do with dating sites goes out the window.  People will intentionally lie about things, hide things, or otherwise try to convince you they are what they *want* to be, rather than who they actually are.  So, I've definitely had better luck with online than the people I've met in person, but even then, it's SO hard to find what I want. 

I think I'll be giving Eharmony and OkCupid a shot when I am ready again.  Do both paid and non-paid to see which one works out better.  Plus, like others said, might as well do multiple sites to increase your likelihood of finding what you want. 

On that note, I do have to say a part of my problem when it comes to breaking up with someone is how picky I am.  My pickiness makes it so that I only actually run into someone that I really feel it could go somewhere with every few months or so, even when I'm actively dating and making an effort.  So, in the rare instances where I see potential with someone, say it has been 6mos of dating and them getting nowhere, it's hard to just walk away the second I see something I don't like.  But, I am working on maintaining healthier boundaries.  In the future, if someone has something to work on as serious as this woman did, I AM NOT going to stick around while they *try* to fix it.  As others made an excellent point of, she is in her 40s, knows she has problems, yet STILL at this age has not changed them yet most likely means she never will?  I mean maybe after all her children leave the home and she gets sick and tired of having one toxic relationship after another.  Maybe at that point she will make an effort to fix it.  Sadly, her solution currently is to just not date anymore, and FWB doesn't work for her either, so no idea what she plans to do.  Fortunately, not my problem anymore.