He says he never wants to get married but I do. Is this a reason to end the relationship?

[Miss Spider]

21 minutes ago, Woggle said:

Most people do treat marriage as a piece of paper though. The goal should be building a relationship that is actually worth marriage then maybe it will be worth that piece of paper. I told my wife that I would rather pour acid down my throat than ever get married again and yet we are fifteen years strong and that is because we built that foundation first. A great relationship matters more than any piece of paper.

Totally agree. If this guy was in his 40s I would say give up. But with this guy, the odds are that with love will probably come marriage^^  That’s beside the point though. The OP doesn’t even want to be married for many years

[Lotsgoingon]

Yeah, young men spot all this kind of stuff when they're young. This guy is 90 percent there (interested in marriage) when he says he believes in commitment and in raising children. He's just doing a young person's "rebel" thing of "I don't need to be married." 

Unless you want to get married in the next two years, I'd keep going with this guy. What you want to avoid is the guy says he is not interested in family or having kids!

[Caauug]

On 8/23/2021 at 9:44 PM, GimmyG said:

His concern was about the divorce aspect of marriage.

If you are going to continue to see him, you need to know more of his views on divorce. It's not likely the divorce, likely the division of assets.

Remember: Not all countries, states/provinces etc have the same laws when it comes to legal separations, divorces, division of assets, child custody, and alimony etc... 

On 8/23/2021 at 9:44 PM, GimmyG said:

But I don’t know if I can commit to a relationship where I don’t have a long term future with the person.

So, without M you will not have a long term future with the person? I don't see your reasoning here.... Marriage is a legal contract that can only be dissolved (divorce) by government courts or death of a partner. The only thing a marriage guarantees is one or both parties will loose in a divorce most likely the man will loose the most. The only winners in a D is the lawyers/courts. 60% of M end in D and 70% of divorces initiated by the woman. 

Sometimes immigration to another country requires M for one partner to sponsor the other.

People really need to look into why they want to get M and what benefits does M provide for them, and what does it not do. 

On 8/23/2021 at 9:44 PM, GimmyG said:

I’m only 22 and still in school but ideally I’d like to get married by 30 and have kids,

That's a red flag!!! You are racking up collage debt and want to be M and have kids by 30? When will you pay off your student loans? Once M he will be responsible for your loans while you play SAHM.... By the time you are ready to rejoin the work force the collage degree will be out dated??? What's in it for him?

 

A co-worker told me when his M ended, he and his exW sat down and divided up the assets wrote everything out, agreed on child support payments etc. They submitted it to the courts.... She moved (home) with the child to the other side of Australia. The courts rejected the division of assets document, it wasn't fair? Anyway 2 years later and properties sold to pay lawyers fees both him and his exW gets less than first agreed on and the lawyers/courts got richer. First agreement was about a 40/60% split for his exW, in the end it was about 30% legal fees 30% him 40% exW.... The Child support never changed and wasn't an issue.

What has any government department (court), done properly, efficiently, fairly? The more times the court can get the ex partners to court the more money they will make (this is any country). Why would you want to involve the government into your personal relationship and finances???

[Lauriebell82]

14 hours ago, Woggle said:

Most people do treat marriage as a piece of paper though. The goal should be building a relationship that is actually worth marriage then maybe it will be worth that piece of paper. I told my wife that I would rather pour acid down my throat than ever get married again and yet we are fifteen years strong and that is because we built that foundation first. A great relationship matters more than any piece of paper.

I agree that not everyone values their marriage properly. But there are a lot of people who do. And work very hard at it. I was one of those people. My ex husband did not. He left. I made mistakes, but I still tried very hard to make it work. 

What you are talking about is more about traditional attitudes about the institution of marriage more then anything else. There is nothing wrong with valuing tradition. There is nothing wrong with not valuing tradition. What matters is that you respect each other's wants and needs in a relationship. A strong foundation is essential for a healthy marriage..whether you value tradition or not. I missed that part the first time I got married. But I won't ever make that mistake again. 

[Miss Spider]

5 hours ago, Caauug said:

If you are going to continue to see him, you need to know more of his views on divorce. It's not likely the divorce, likely the division of assets.

Remember: Not all countries, states/provinces etc have the same laws when it comes to legal separations, divorces, division of assets, child custody, and alimony etc... 

So, without M you will not have a long term future with the person? I don't see your reasoning here.... Marriage is a legal contract that can only be dissolved (divorce) by government courts or death of a partner. The only thing a marriage guarantees is one or both parties will loose in a divorce most likely the man will loose the most. The only winners in a D is the lawyers/courts. 60% of M end in D and 70% of divorces initiated by the woman. 

Sometimes immigration to another country requires M for one partner to sponsor the other.

People really need to look into why they want to get M and what benefits does M provide for them, and what does it not do. 

That's a red flag!!! You are racking up collage debt and want to be M and have kids by 30? When will you pay off your student loans? Once M he will be responsible for your loans while you play SAHM.... By the time you are ready to rejoin the work force the collage degree will be out dated??? What's in it for him?

 

A co-worker told me when his M ended, he and his exW sat down and divided up the assets wrote everything out, agreed on child support payments etc. They submitted it to the courts.... She moved (home) with the child to the other side of Australia. The courts rejected the division of assets document, it wasn't fair? Anyway 2 years later and properties sold to pay lawyers fees both him and his exW gets less than first agreed on and the lawyers/courts got richer. First agreement was about a 40/60% split for his exW, in the end it was about 30% legal fees 30% him 40% exW.... The Child support never changed and wasn't an issue.

What has any government department (court), done properly, efficiently, fairly? The more times the court can get the ex partners to court the more money they will make (this is any country). Why would you want to involve the government into your personal relationship and finances???

Case in point. A lot of assumptions being made here. First of all, the one that she is racking up college debt and that she will not have a better paying job than he does? Look, we get that you don’t like marriage, and that’s perfectly fine because no one will make you,  but there is no a red flag with wanting to be married with children by 30.

Edited August 25, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[stillafool]

On 8/23/2021 at 3:52 PM, spiderowl said:

If he has said this, then it would be wise to believe him.  He is firm about not getting married.  If that is what you want, you two are not compatible.  In my experience - and I have been in the same position as you - compromise will always hurt you.  I should have walked as soon as I heard this but I didn't.  Many years later, I still regret not having the self-respect to walk away.

This is me.  I believe people when they tell me something.  I don't try to change their mind or talk anyone into anything.  I just decide if this is something I want and if not, I'd walk away.  There are just too many people out there than to try to talk someone into something they've already stated they don't want.

[divegrl]

I haven’t read all the replies. 
 

Honestly I would just end it. You want to get married. He does not. That is a huge compatibility issue. 
 

It’s really hard to break up with someone who aligns in so many other areas. You will find someone who shares the same life goals and core values as you. 
 

Wishing you the best friend!