Black Cement Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 Met a girl on a dating site. We added each other on social media, and have been sending each other memes and chatting for a few months. We finally met up for drinks/dinner, & I think it went pretty well. Another month went by, & we still talk every day, but nothing is ever flirty, its always platonic. I want to take it to the next step but I'm afraid I might ruin things. I tend to rush into relationships in the past and it ends up not working out. Thinking about asking her out again, I want to know her intentions, but I don't want to ask and make it awkward.
Caauug Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 Ask her out again, and flirt with her. If you have an interest in her, let her know. 2 months chatting and only one meeting, you are now "Friend zoned"... 1 hour ago, Black Cement said: I'm afraid I might ruin things. What would you ruin? You were on a dating site to find a date.... If she only wants a platonic friend you have already failed by spending 2 months chatting with her... Next level with her or the next girl make it one or the other. 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 Well dating apps are for dating. That means going on dates. If you think she's friendzoning you, stop chitchatting and move forward. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 4 hours ago, Black Cement said: been sending each other memes and chatting for a few months. We finally met up for drinks/dinner, & I think it went pretty well. Another month went by, This is the opposite of rushing, OP. Why are you dragging your feet? You're taking way too long here to arrange a second date. 3
Fox Sake Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 5 hours ago, Black Cement said: Met a girl on a dating site. We added each other on social media, and have been sending each other memes and chatting for a few months. We finally met up for drinks/dinner, & I think it went pretty well. Another month went by, & we still talk every day, but nothing is ever flirty, its always platonic. I want to take it to the next step but I'm afraid I might ruin things. I tend to rush into relationships in the past and it ends up not working out. Thinking about asking her out again, I want to know her intentions, but I don't want to ask and make it awkward. I hate to say it , but I think there’s a chance you could have missed your window of opportunity. The stinger is that because you’ve taken so long, things have likely turned Platonic as a result. Sounds like you went from one extreme to the next as far as your dating game goes. she probably thought you weren’t interested romantically or have zero game. So what have you to lose now? you don’t want to ask and make it awkward but really unless you just see this girl as your friend and are happy having just that forever more , then you have nothing to lose. The longer you wait, the further away possibility will become. Get some peace , and get some answers. Or you risk the chance of building this girl up in your head so much that it ruins everything anyway. You never know, you could be pleasantly surprised by the outcome, but given the time scale and how you feel things are going, definitely prepare yourself for rejection. Whatever the outcome is - you will benefit from it one way or another. Next time you like someone don’t wait so long. Love is a lottery! 2
d0nnivain Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 This has already dragged out too long that you have friend zoned yourself. From a dating app you make plans to meet within the 1st week. Then you date conventionally for several months before you give somebody a window into your life by adding them to your social media. The idea that you have now been talking for a month without seeing each other & without flirting is the kiss of death. You can & should try scheduling another date but I fear too much time has already passed. 1
princessaurora Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 7 hours ago, Black Cement said: Another month went by, & we still talk every day, but nothing is ever flirty, its always platonic. I want to take it to the next step but I'm afraid I might ruin things. Why didn't you ask her out again after the first date? You can't sit on these things. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 Agree with others. This woman may well have been open to some romance with you, but when you did all the platonic social media talking and then met in person and probably kept things totally platonic--and when you didn't follow up the date--then she likely concluded that you wanted a friendship with her. So walking yourself back from the friendzone is really hard. There is another issue here. You have to learn to distinguish between friendship communication and romantic, flirtatious communication. The difference can be subtle, but the energy is not. Let's go to your in-person date. Did you tell her she looked nice during that date? Did you smile at her the way someone with romantic interest smiles or checks out someone else? Did you find things about her attractive? Did you like her smile or her voice or the way she talked or her energy for life? Those are the things you want to pay attention to--not just the details of whatever time-filling conversation you are hiding behind. Ironically, if you're hiding behind all the conversation, a good first step for you might to be to shut up some during a meeting. Shutting up allows you to relax and get into your body and let your body indicate an interest. Let your smile indicate interest. If you keep yammering away, you can easily miss her signs of interest. So let's back up: I'm not convinced you felt romantic energy towards this woman on your date with her. Did you? I don't think you did. You want to be able to feel if there is something special going on. If you don't feel any romantic spark, then relax, you don't want to work hard to create it. Bottom line: less yammering--more listening, more paying attention to the feel of the conversation, to the energy that being with this person creates. Before you seek more with this woman from this point, you want to make sure you felt something when you met her. There's a 90 percent chance there was not romantic chemistry when you met her or you would have been on the phone with her the next day about a follow-up meeting.
glows Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 8 hours ago, Black Cement said: I want to take it to the next step but I'm afraid I might ruin things. I tend to rush into relationships in the past and it ends up not working out. Thinking about asking her out again, I want to know her intentions, but I don't want to ask and make it awkward. You’re not expected to be a mindreader. Expecting it from yourself and from others is only going to drive your anxiety up the wall and create misunderstandings. The point of asking her out on another date is to find out whether she’s interested in continuing to see you. If she accepts and sees you again after all this time, there’ll be some degree of awkwardness and likely a few questions on her end. You have to be brave enough and willing enough to answer for your mistakes then and be honest and sincere. Nothing less. Don’t make assumptions of how she’ll think and feel on her behalf. She decides if she wants to see you again and that will be your answer. Ask her out. Let us know how it goes.
Author Black Cement Posted August 22, 2021 Author Posted August 22, 2021 Well after the date, I didn’t get a follow up text or call. Then a day later we just started doing the social media thing again. Don’t get me wrong, we make each other laugh and I do feel the chemistry, but I guess I am dragging my feet. I went on vacation after that and started a new job so things got hectic. Just going to ask her out and see what happens after that. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 Asking her out again sounds like the plan. At least there are reasons for the delay on your part -- vacation & a new job. While CW states that a woman should text thank you after the date that is not carved in stone. Since she has continued to interact with you, it may not be fatal but after all this time don't be surprised if her interest cooled. She views this month long delay as you rejecting her.
Ami1uwant Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 1 hour ago, Black Cement said: Well after the date, I didn’t get a follow up text or call. Then a day later we just started doing the social media thing again. Don’t get me wrong, we make each other laugh and I do feel the chemistry, but I guess I am dragging my feet. I went on vacation after that and started a new job so things got hectic. Just going to ask her out and see what happens after that. some advice 1. don’t link in social media until you meet in person. 2. You have a short window to develop a relationship before it naturally fruendzones which thrn makes it risky to start a romantic relationship. After the first date shoukd have asked for a second 3. this has happened too many times— don’t date right before you go on vacation, start a new job, planning on moving, or right before Xmas. Wait until after these events to try to date. A break early on before it’s establishes makes one forget about the other. 2
Miss Spider Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 If I met a guy on a dating app and he hadn’t made a move on me for a month I would write him off as a giant weirdo and not in a good way, just saying 2
Lotsgoingon Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 Dude, going on vacation is NOT a reason to not call someone you're interested in. Romance doesn't work that way. You can take 5 minutes to call someone you're interested in. If you don't, usually that means you're not interested. Sometimes people think they're interested. They over-think themselves into being interested, but the best evidence of being interested is action. Are you really sure you're interested? Seriously, vacation as an excuse, and new job. So what?! You call from vacation--you take 5 minutes. The lack of an after-date text probably means she does see you as friend only. We don't necessarily text friends after meetings like we do romantic interests. 1
Author Black Cement Posted August 22, 2021 Author Posted August 22, 2021 3 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Dude, going on vacation is NOT a reason to not call someone you're interested in. Romance doesn't work that way. You can take 5 minutes to call someone you're interested in. If you don't, usually that means you're not interested. Sometimes people think they're interested. They over-think themselves into being interested, but the best evidence of being interested is action. Are you really sure you're interested? Seriously, vacation as an excuse, and new job. So what?! You call from vacation--you take 5 minutes. The lack of an after-date text probably means she does see you as friend only. We don't necessarily text friends after meetings like we do romantic interests. I was texting her while on vacation, just didn’t ask her out. We actually talk every day.
Author Black Cement Posted August 22, 2021 Author Posted August 22, 2021 13 minutes ago, glows said: Have you asked her out yet? I did this morning, still haven’t heard a reply yet. We usually are talking throughout the day
glows Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 Give it time for her to reply. If she doesn’t respond or declines then be respectful of her choice also. 1
smackie9 Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 Dude texting everyday for months is the kiss of death. Totally friends zoned. What you need to do is, you talk two or three convos, ask for a date, have a date, then ask for another a few day later. If none of that happens, they had no intention of dating you. So many of these girls just like someone to give them attention. Cut this habit out of being someones text buddy.
Lotsgoingon Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 Texting everyday without asking her out is a way of volunteering to be in the friendzone.
MeadowFlower Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: Dude texting everyday for months is the kiss of death. Totally friends zoned. I disagree. Maybe she's just waiting for him to tell her how he feels and ask her.
Author Black Cement Posted August 23, 2021 Author Posted August 23, 2021 She finally replied, she said yes and seemed pretty excited. Just gotta find the right kind of date and be on my game… 2 1
glows Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 40 minutes ago, Black Cement said: She finally replied, she said yes and seemed pretty excited. Just gotta find the right kind of date and be on my game… Good to hear! Let us know how it goes.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 2 hours ago, Black Cement said: She finally replied, she said yes and seemed pretty excited. Just gotta find the right kind of date and be on my game… Good news. Don't overthink it too much. Plan something fun and be yourself.
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Black Cement said: She finally replied, she said yes and seemed pretty excited. Just gotta find the right kind of date and be on my game… Seal the deal Edited August 23, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Recommended Posts