impuls3 Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 alright first things first that you all should know. i love this girl with all my soul, i WANT this to work out...now the story we met back in july and everything was going smoothly for a month... we were always playing around and talking and being together... then a month in my jealousy got the best of me... since she is a VERY flirtacious person and i had never had to deal with that before. anyways after 2 months she told me we need a break. now, heres the part that i dont get. I am there VERY often, i spend much of my week there with her. However, now when im over we bearly talk about anything and she sits on her computer for 5 or 6 hours a day and i sit around on her bed normally staring at the walls. i have talked with her many times about this and she usually manipulates the conversation into ME doing something wrong. she tells me she loves me all the time and we are still sexually active. today we were talking abit and she brought up that it will be our 3 month anniversary next week. however, if were not going out how could that have any meaning to her, ALTHOUGH, i spend so much time with her and shes still all over me alot of the time, not to much has changed since we were going out... im sooo confused and i really dont understand whats going on at all. alot of the time she'll seemingly avoid me, but she just says "thats what she does" whatever thats supposed to mean. i talked to alot of my friends and they all think i should get rid of her. but i really do love her and i have tried everything to make it like how it used to be. i guess im dwelling on the past but i REALLY want this to work out. so my question is does anyone have any point of views im not seeing? or am i just seeing what i want to see and really the war is just in my head. please help me!
Neptune Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Well, it is up to you to at least back off a bit. But that is hard because you will get the urge for a booty call. But, if you could manage to get a grip....even if you have to use a litte vasaline to get by, it would put you in control. See, that`s the problem....she is in control, and you are like a puppy dog begging for attention. Eventually she will get really tired of you unless you become assertive and stand on your on.
Author impuls3 Posted October 19, 2005 Author Posted October 19, 2005 thanks neptune, i really appreciate it
slubberdegullion Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 I'm with Neptune on this one (there's a first time for everything, I guess ). Grow some stones, dude. She's treating you like the stuff that comes out of the back of a horse. Fortunately, it's only been 3 months; but I'd drop her and her 'tude like a rotten potato at a maggot festival.
Lishy Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Stop seeing her and dont tell her why. She does not deserve you at all!!!! She is using you as a convienience and YOU are letting her! Grow some nuts and kick her to the kerb babe - If she decides she wants to be with you she will surely let you know Good luck hon
Author impuls3 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Posted October 20, 2005 once again, thanks for the replies... but this is the way i see it... sorta my own "light" i guess... she was raped when she was a kid and never told anyone, and her last boyfriend used to beat the crap outa her... so i always try to be there for her 24/7 with whatever she needs, and being the good guy that i am i guess i smothered her abit and she took advantage of me... but i really don't just wanna throw her out like yesterdays paper... i would much rather fix what i have... any suggestions other then avoiding her and see if she comes crawling back? Thanks guys
Lishy Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 these are her issues babe - and she will deal with them in her way! The more you stick around being her lapdog the less she will appreciate you being there - Trust me on this. She has no reason to sort things out at the moment as you are her mr reliable and she is used to being treated badly You cant be her councellor she has to realise the part you play in her life and whilst you are sat looking athe the walls whilst she is on the computer things will never change Good luck hon
Author impuls3 Posted October 21, 2005 Author Posted October 21, 2005 these are her issues babe - and she will deal with them in her way! The more you stick around being her lapdog the less she will appreciate you being there - Trust me on this. She has no reason to sort things out at the moment as you are her mr reliable and she is used to being treated badly You cant be her councellor she has to realise the part you play in her life and whilst you are sat looking athe the walls whilst she is on the computer things will never change Good luck hon thats gotta be the most clarified thing anyone has ever said to me in such a short blurb...thanks except my problem is still that im really at a point in my life (especially with it being our "anniversary" soon) that i can't bring myself to just blow her off... plus i have this horrid feeling that if i did that, i would lose her forever, which i don't know if i could handle... and nobody give me the "set her free if she loves u she'll come back" thing... i know i know... ahahah i dont know what to do with myself, i gave my whole life up for her... such a bad move... ouch
ICS Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 I see you are on the same boat as me, except I have been with my S/O for 3 years and not 3 months She must mean the world to you since you are defending her so much. If you can change yourself for her, then of course the problems will get smaller and smaller. Although I have to warn you, because she may or may not ever change for the better, the longer you stay with her, the more feelings you have for her, and thus the more difficult it will be to leave her, even if your relationship does not turn out to be what you expected or what you wanted. You will come to find that there will be many moments where you love her so much that you can forgive her for anything, but there are also those times that will want to make you run, as you may be irritated to the core by what could have been instead of what it turned out to be. You will try to push yourself harder and harder to fit into her life and be that ideal guy for her. You definitely don't give up on the relationship now, and it's evident, but at least try to talk to her to see if you can work things out for the better. If your girlfriend is unlike mine (who simply CANNOT tolerate talks about feelings), then you may be in for quite a challenge. Good luck and I wish you the best.
Author impuls3 Posted October 21, 2005 Author Posted October 21, 2005 thanks ICS... im really relieved to see someone else is in the same boat as me... is your girlfriend also a huge flirt and your constantly feeling like she's cheating on you? ahahaha, im screwed till the end... but thanks ICS ...and whats S/O?
Lishy Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Oh Impuls please get the strength to give her the space she so needs! You will get dragged down and you will come out of this so damaged. It's so easy to give advice and i DO know this but from the outside it is so black and white! You have one choice darling there are no magic solutions - No fairytale ending, this girl is broke and you CANNOT fix her - she has to fix herself. Being there for her is not helping her it is just sticking a bandaid on the wound that will not heal. She needs air and if you love her then give her air and let her breathe!!!! I wish you all the strength in the world honey i really do!!
slubberdegullion Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 impuls3, you lucky bugger... lishy never called me honey
Author impuls3 Posted October 22, 2005 Author Posted October 22, 2005 impuls3, you lucky bugger... lishy never called me honey oooooolala...dont i feel... lucky? its probably cuz im just better looking. ahaha
ICS Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 thanks ICS... im really relieved to see someone else is in the same boat as me... is your girlfriend also a huge flirt and your constantly feeling like she's cheating on you? ahahaha, im screwed till the end... but thanks ICS ...and whats S/O? Well, she values her friends alot, and sometimes it could make me feel like I am insignificant. My girlfriend isn't a huge flirt, but some of her actions are inconsistent with her words. I know she is not the type to cheat, but she can be very open with her friends. For instance, how would you feel if your girlfriend slept in the same bed as her best friend (a guy)- because they are roomates and the guy's room had a portable heater.. since the house had no heat? Who's wrong and who is right? Those are some of the problems I deal with my girlfriend from time to time, but I trust that she does not cheat. The first question that most people will ask you is often about how much you love her, and why? That's one of the questions you have to ask yourself, especially since you are at an early stage of your relationship, meaning you can get away being less hurt if that is your choice. If you want to know more about my relationship with my girlfriend so as to have some insight on yours, you can read my thread, it's my life story more or less: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t72694/
Author impuls3 Posted October 22, 2005 Author Posted October 22, 2005 already read it but thx i forgot to say...the wierdest thing happend to me today.... well besides the part where my own mother told me she didnt love me and had no respect for me. but anyways i was at the girlfriends, and we wake up (cuz i slept there) and all was fine, she woke up and jumped on her computer as usual...after a night of showing no emotion towards me, and then i get a message on my phone from my mom telling me how if i didn't have a job by 5 o'clock she was gonna call the cops and have me dragged out of my house... so anyways i was in shambles and felt like dying...like most days. but as i was about to pack up and leave she just started to hug me and kiss me and told me shes here for me. i found it kinda odd that she still appears to care about me. but then i told her i love her and she didn't say it back, as usual, and i left for my 3 hour transit ride home...
Lishy Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 Oh baby the problem here isn not the girl but your mum! Damn I am so feeling for you - You obviously have such a deep need for love you hang onto your girlfriend. I honestly do not know what to advise you other than to maybe get some councelling and find the real root to your problems. Damn!! I feel pretty useless for you I cannot even begin to understand what you are going through! I pray to god to give you strength to deal with your life and your problems. Your girlfriend is lucky to have a guy like you and I hope she realises that soon!
Author impuls3 Posted October 22, 2005 Author Posted October 22, 2005 Your girlfriend is lucky to have a guy like you and I hope she realises that soon! since i can't even begin to understand my so called girlfriend i don't know if she loves me or not, or can even stand being around me... sometimes she is very in your face and will tell you exactly what she is feeling, but lately she's been all bottled up... i really can't play this game anymore and i was ready to get rid of her, cut my losses where they stood and move on with my life... just then i realized my life's gone... i have nothing left, no job, not in school, broken home, broken relationship. so if i did get rid of her and not keep on riding out this wave of heartbreak after heartbreak, then i really will be the guy who lost it all... so i dont know what to do... and nobody can help me because i can't really put how or what i feel into words, besides hate, hate for myself.
Lishy Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 You feel hate for yourself because of the hate shown to you i think - You have to try to find some way to get your self worth back. You are obviously a kind and caring person and I really do not know what i can say to make you feel better!!!!!! I feel for you darling and some day I hope you discover what you are worth and find the love you should have for yourself!!!!!
Author impuls3 Posted October 22, 2005 Author Posted October 22, 2005 thanks for the advice lishy but right now im just trying to decide if this life is worth hangin on to anymore as i literally sit here with tears rolling down my face because i realize how badly i screwed up my own life and every aspect it...
ICS Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 I hear you. Your situation resembles my own alot, especially your situation last night. Like you, I also went to sleepover at my girlfriend's last night, in the same city as you, on the same day, and perhaps not far from where you were, but who knows. My mom was not thrilled that I was seeing her because she does not like her around me. In fact, she told me that if I were to move in with her(which I wanted to do), she would stop paying for my school and kick me out, and then I'll be on my own. Tough situation, and with a rational mind, I did not move in with my girlfriend. So right now I have a girlfriend who gets mad at me from time to time about not moving in with her. My parents also enforced that I am not to visit her every week, and my mom wanted me to visit her only once a month max. They tell me that I have no reason to sleepover everytime I visit her, but the truth of the matter lies in the conflicts in our daily schedules, and evenings are just about the only time we can find to spend with each other. I really needed the sleepovers to see her and spend time with her. Your girlfriend may be high maintenance, but I think she does care about you. No matter how bad everything seems now, you have to pull yourself together, and prove to your mom that she cannot treat you like dirt and that you will stand up for yourself. Please be strong, nothing will work unless you do.
Author impuls3 Posted October 23, 2005 Author Posted October 23, 2005 i know i need to be strong, but how can i have any strength when i really can not see what i am living for... all i ever wanted was for me to love someone and them to love me back... and i cant even have that
slubberdegullion Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 ... all i ever wanted was for me to love someone and them to love me back... and i cant even have that Dude, virtually every human being on the face of the planet wants the same thing, so it's not like this is the first time someone's been distressed about this. I honestly don't mean to make light of your situation (especially since Lishy's now calling you babe... you lucky b@st@rd!) but what you're experiencing is normal stuff. The strength that you think you don't have is actually all there; it's not dependent on anyone else. You'll get through this. Hey, if I can do it...
hooghie Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 i know i need to be strong, but how can i have any strength when i really can not see what i am living for... all i ever wanted was for me to love someone and them to love me back... and i cant even have that And you won't have it so long as your eyes are ONLY on HER. You really need to stop being her dog. Girls don't respect guys who are like that. We just enjoy manipulating them and having them around when we need or want something. From the way you let her treat you- you don't respect yourself. Now how can a girl love someone who doesn't respect himself?
Author impuls3 Posted October 23, 2005 Author Posted October 23, 2005 And you won't have it so long as your eyes are ONLY on HER. You really need to stop being her dog. Girls don't respect guys who are like that. We just enjoy manipulating them and having them around when we need or want something. From the way you let her treat you- you don't respect yourself. Now how can a girl love someone who doesn't respect himself? true say... but shes a control freak, and when i stand up to her she gets angry at me so i guess im gonna haveta do it anyways?
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