Acacia98 Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 22 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: For the man, being early shows respect for the other person's time. I agree. Not just for the man but for the woman too. Many folks think it's not a big deal, but in my personal experience it's been a pretty accurate predictor of reliability and basic respect. 3
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 There's a difference between being 10 minutes late -- with a heads up in advance -- & what this guy did. Even if the 10 minutes is a harbinger of things to come, I could live with that. This -- 2 push backs for a 1st date with no explanation -- that too low interest for me. The fact that he ruined Saturday night . . .just no. Moving on is the right call. 3
jspice Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 18 hours ago, glows said: That may be your experience and I respect that but it’s no excuse for a woman to take advantage of it. She only comes across as disrespectful especially if it’s repeated. The same goes for men. It’s the person not the gender. Regarding options of either gender that is dependent on age, background and looks. I don’t think a sweeping generalization of men is very accurate. I think you are confusing types of dates/people as a whole and making broad generalizations of men in the process. Absolutely. Continuously arriving late and just throwing your hands up and saying “oh, you know me “ is incredibly thoughtless. If you know you have an issue arriving on time, you make appropriate arrangements. I have friends like this and I stopped waiting for them. I leave if they can’t arrive on time. My hair takes 2-3 hours to do and if I can be on time, they can too. 2 1
poppyfields Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, jspice said: Absolutely. Continuously arriving late and just throwing your hands up and saying “oh, you know me “ is incredibly thoughtless. If you know you have an issue arriving on time, you make appropriate arrangements. I have friends like this and I stopped waiting for them. I leave if they can’t arrive on time. My hair takes 2-3 hours to do and if I can be on time, they can too. Despite my tendency to be late sometimes, I agree with this^^. At least to a certain extent. Nothing to do with doing my hair, just too much stuff on my plate and managing time better. I really need to get better at that. I beat myself up about it more than others ever could and although I wasn't the thread starter, this thread has been extremely eye opening!! Edited August 23, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Daisydooks Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 My mom always said "when you show up late, it shows the person youre meeting you simply dont care enough to be on time." That has stuck with me. My grandfather was notoriously late for everything he didnt want to do, and always on time for work (a job he liked) and things he wanted to do. He wasnt late for everything, so he very much had the ability to get where he needed to be on time. His tardiness was a show of disrespect, truly. 4
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 Showing up on time as promised is just good manners. 2
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) I’ve been on countless dates and late to the majority of them ( not by 45 min, mind you) and never been called out, had someone lose interest, or even had a guy blink an eye about it ever. I don’t think I am some anomaly. Someone has to get there first Edited August 23, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
poppyfields Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: I’ve been on countless dates and late to the majority of them ( not by 45 min, mind you) and never been called out, had someone lose interest, or even had a guy blink an eye about it ever. I don’t think I am some anomaly. Someone has to get there first Yeah as I said earlier, none of my dates or boyfriends ever took issue with this. However, now that I think about it, my boyfriends and I don't typically set an exact time anyway, it's "thereabouts" (i.e. between 8:00-8:30) which gives a bit of wiggle room if either one of us gets caught up in doing whatever and running a bit late. It's really never been a huge deal, I don't even have a set schedule at work, as long as I get my work done, that's all that matters. However, for school, I really need to make a concerted effort to be on time as there is no wiggle room there. What's interesting is the suggestion that when someone is running late, it reflects they don't want to be there, which is untrue. In fact, I have actually shown up ON TIME to events that I had no interest in attending but felt obligated to attend, and 5-10 minutes late to dates I was extremely excited about! Bottom line, some people are sticklers for punctuality and will thus attach all sorts of negative judgments to it when others are running late (thoughtless, inconsiderate, disrespectful, poor manners, no interest in the person), and some aren't. My nature is extremely flexible and I tend to attract others who are the same. If any of my dates ever started giving me shyt because I was a few minutes late, even when calling to apologize, that would be a big fat NEXT. But to each their own. Edited August 23, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Alfano Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 On 8/22/2021 at 12:43 PM, Cookiesandough said: In the event you change your mind later, it’s more readily accepted than the truth( I don’t/not sure I want meet up with you/changed my mind) because “life happens” It's easier to lie, I got that part. Be honest, challenge yourself to do the difficult things asuch as telling the truth. Your parents will be proud of you.
Alfano Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: I’ve been on countless dates and late to the majority of them You're late, why? Because you're disorganized and can't keep to a schedule or you simply don't care enough or respect the value of time to the other person? Or because you view them as less important than you? What if you had to sit there countless times by yourself, waiting up to 45 minutes for a person to show up, how would that make you feel? 2
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 14 minutes ago, Alfano said: Your parents will be proud of you. I’ve already let my parents down
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Alfano said: What if you had to sit there countless times by yourself, waiting up to 45 minutes for a person to show up, how would that make you feel? That wouldn’t happen because I’m rarely on time Edited August 23, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Alfano Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 9 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: That wouldn’t happen because I’m rarely on time That's not the point. I'm trying to get you to think about the feelings of the other person which I realize is a lost cause. 1
Alfano Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 13 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I’ve already let my parents down I'm sure there are other reasons to be a good person and respect and care for others, if you can't think of any I'll see what I can come up with.
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 Hey why are you being mean to me. Never said I was 45 minutes late. Typically no more than 10 min. Have pity on those who aren’t as perfect as you and precisely on the dot every single time.
poppyfields Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Hey why are you being mean to me. Never said I was 45 minutes late. Typically no more than 10 min. Have pity on those who aren’t as perfect as you and precisely on the dot every single time. Hey just do what my boyfriends and I do! Between 8:00-8:30 for example. Life is stressful enough without worrying about offending a date because you are running a few minutes late. My boyfriends sometimes (often) run late too! A meeting running late, stuck in traffic, ran into an old friend, whatever. That's why what we do works better than a time set in stone. Shyt happens. Time can get away from us sometimes, no one is meaning to be disrespectful or inconsiderate. Could some of us improve our time management skills? Yes! Of course. But can we all at least try to get along please? lol None of us are perfect people. Edited August 23, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Alfano Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 19 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Hey why are you being mean to me. Never said I was 45 minutes late. Typically no more than 10 min. Have pity on those who aren’t as perfect as you and precisely on the dot every single time. Sorry I read your post wrong I thought you said you were 45 minutes late all the time. Anyway try to be on time, it's just a nice thing to do! 1
Alpacalia Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 2 hours ago, smackie9 said: Showing up on time as promised is just good manners. Agree. I dated someone that lived over an hour away and he drove to me and was on time every single date.
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) 56 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Hey just do what my boyfriends and I do! Between 8:00-8:30 for I thought everyone did this. Lol around 8 means anywhere from 8-8:30I couldn’t cope with someone obsessive about punctuality either, so it’d be for the best anyway . but like I said. Never met a guy who cared enough out of countless guys I’ve met Edited August 23, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
poppyfields Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I thought everyone did this. Lol around 8 means anywhere from 8-8:30.. Apparently not from reading these posts. But we will actually say when a scheduling a time, "how about we meet between 8:00 and 8:30," which gives wiggle room for BOTH of us. I mean again, a meeting running late, stuck in traffic, my boss (or his) asking to stay a few minutes to complete a task, running into an old friend outside the building and wanting to chat for a few. I am imagining a scenario where my boyfriend is experiencing any of those things and frantically scrambling trying to make an 8:00 pm deadline to meet and risk pissing me off or whatever. Can't speak for others but I am not inclined to impose that type of stress on him, nor would I appreciate it being imposed on me, life is stressful enough! But you know what, not my place to say what works for others. If someone is a stickler for punctuality and their partner is the same, and they're happy, good for them! That is literally all that matters. Edited August 23, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) Poppy babe girl, I always say “let’s me around or about x time” and then I update when I’m like 5 minutes away and never had an issue, literally ever. Friends or dates, never . I’m don’t usually say I’m going to come, but if I say I’m going to come, I’ll let you know around when I’ll be there But what I want to reiterate I think being a little late give or take is distinctly different than radio silence , then pushing a date back 2x, then still not being there and more silence . That’s rude to me Edited August 23, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
poppyfields Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Poppy babe girl, I always say “let’s me around or about x time” and then I update when I’m like 5 minutes away and never had an issue, literally ever. Friends or dates, never . But what I want to reiterate I think being a little late give or take is distinctly different than radio silence , then pushing a date back 2x, then still not being there and more silence . That’s rude to me I agree, this thread seems to have taken a life of it's own! lol I think what you and your boyfriends do is fine, and updating if running late. It really shouldn't be that big a deal imo, shyt happens, life happens! The best partners imo are open and flexible, and don't take this stuff too personally attaching all sorts of negativity to it. But in the OP's case, that was disrespectful especially on a first meet. First impressions DO matter and she was right to next him imo. Edited August 23, 2021 by poppyfields 2
ASG Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 On 8/22/2021 at 8:44 PM, Cookiesandough said: If they can’t tell if they are blocked( I agree if someone can see they’re blocked, it’s a bit different) , then blocking someone because there’s nothing more to discuss isn’t rude at all. Again, the result would be the same .. an ignored text. Unless, you want to spend your time arguing/justifying your actions or stating “refer to initial text” ad nauseum to someone who can’t accept a no. People can always tell when they are blocked... Unless you're using a dating app that doesn't have read receipts. Otherwise, it's always pretty clear.
Miss Spider Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 11 minutes ago, ASG said: People can always tell when they are blocked... Unless you're using a dating app that doesn't have read receipts. Otherwise, it's always pretty clear. Not using dating apps at the moment. You can’t tell you are blocked through text message
ASG Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Not using dating apps at the moment. You can’t tell you are blocked through text message You 100% can. I have delivery receipts on my text messages. From 2 different operators on 2 different countries. I can see if a message has been delivered or not. If it hasn't and isn't for a period of time, I assume block. And if you call, it goes to voice mail. Again... people can DEFINITELY tell. 1
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