He scheduled a date but I haven't heard from him since

[princessaurora]

It's also possible he could have had an earlier date that went better than expected, and he wasn't ready to end it, so he was trying to delay his date with the OP.  

[poppyfields]

Lol, let's think of all the negative things it might be and pick the one we like best!

Seriously though, no rhyme or reason but I am one of those people that is notoriously late for most everything.

It's a real struggle to be on time (no judgment please, I'm trying to change my ways about this).

Thank goodness I have jobs that were flexible in this regard.  Arrival time between 8:00-10.30, no big deal.  As long as I get my work done, my bosses (men) never cared.  

With respect to dates, I always call (not text) when running late.  I am hugely apologetic!

My dates have never taken issue with this.  If they were picking me up at my apt, they would make themselves a drink, we would chat whike I'm finishing up

If meeting them somewhere, they'd sit at the bar, chat with bartender or whomever and wait.

I think generally speaking, men are more flexible about lateness than women, they don't take it personally which I think is important.

Just my experience.

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

Xxxxx

Edited August 22, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

cookies, where did you get I'm an hour late? Lol

Not an hour but maybe 20-30 min. or so.

I dunno I am generally pretty flexible about stuff like that, as long as they keep me informed.

I try hard to not take it personally.

That said, men are rarely late for our dates, I'm the one running late most of the time.

Like I said, working on this cause I know it's not cool, even though my boyfriends have never been much bothered by it. 

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

Okay gotcha yea that’s not what happened here. He texted he’d be there a half hour late and 45 min passed with no contact. 
 

I think guys are more understanding about  lateness in general. It can take  a lot for a girl to get ready lol 

Edited August 22, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Okay gotcha yea that’s not what happened here. He texted he was running late and he’d be there a half hour late and 45 min passed with no contact. 

Yeah definitely NOT cool, agree. 

That IS very rude and disrespectful.

I am curious what happened though, I probably would not have blocked just to hear his reason/excuse. 

I don't normally block people unless they're harassing me or something.

But understand why people do, just not my style, typically. 

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

Yea agreed 

[glows]

Engendering this lateness issue is insulting to women who are on time or early for their meetings, appointments and dates. Not all women take a long time to get ready either. And many do not primp excessively or make a big deal out of one date. 

He was late and pushed it back twice with little reason. It’s a personal choice also whether to cancel or meet with him. I’m glad the OP cancelled as she just wasn’t feeling it to start it seems. Unfortunate but this happens. We can only learn about people when dating or put to the test. 

[Miss Spider]

10 minutes ago, glows said:

Engendering this lateness issue is insulting to women who are on time or early for their meetings, appointments and dates. Not all women take a long time to get ready either. And many do not primp excessively or make a big deal out of one date. 

He was late and pushed it back twice with little reason. It’s a personal choice also whether to cancel or meet with him. I’m glad the OP cancelled as she just wasn’t feeling it to start it seems. Unfortunate but this happens. We can only learn about people when dating or put to the test. 

Sorry I wasn’t attempting to gender it, but there are socialized differences between men v women in dating. I was just stating that in my experience men have been very understanding with lateness and it seems the case in poppy’s situation. Men do tend to want to take a more “gentleman” role ( even today, in our progressive world) which includes being on time and facilitating/leading the date, so more likely to feel the need to be on time. 
 

I also think men tend to be more desperate than women in general too so they more forgiving , but that’s a different story.
 

Of course I see there are plenty of women who would forgive this behavior too , and men who wouldn’t. 

Edited August 22, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[glows]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

Sorry I wasn’t attempting to engender it. I was just stating that in my experience men have been very understanding with lateness and it seems the case in poppy’s situation. I think men tend to be more desperate than women in general too so they are able to be more forgiving , but I see there are plenty of women who would forgive this behavior too  

I would say it’s the type of person responding or interacting with the other person. I don’t agree that men as a whole are more desperate. It may be the type of individual who’s too keen and overlooks repetitive lateness and is inconsiderate of others that appears more forgiving. That is a red flag to me, a pushover who expects others to bend to their lateness or timing. 

I do think this is very situational and dependent on whether those two have a spark or are willing to overlook being late that one time. 

Lateness in general is devaluing someone’s time and effort. I don’t take this lightly because I appreciate it when someone makes that time for me. 

[Miss Spider]

22 minutes ago, glows said:

I would say it’s the type of person responding or interacting with the other person. I don’t agree that men as a whole are more desperate. It may be the type of individual who’s too keen and overlooks repetitive lateness and is inconsiderate of others that appears more forgiving. That is a red flag to me, a pushover who expects others to bend to their lateness or timing. 

I do think this is very situational and dependent on whether those two have a spark or are willing to overlook being late that one time. 

Lateness in general is devaluing someone’s time and effort. I don’t take this lightly because I appreciate it when someone makes that time for me. 

I agree with you that what poppy talked about/being a little tardy is not what happened here. This is a different issue and little off topic. But I will say one more thing on it. 
 

I believe men in general do you have less dating options and expectations, which cause them to be less picky about things like tardiness. Look online and take your average woman’s online dating xp vs men. 
 
 

Women tend to be much more sensitive to dating ‘slights’ like tardiness in showing up on a date or texting back time because they’re conditioned to believe interested men act in a certain way. And in general, they do. Men in my experience have been way more forgiving on these things at the beginning. 

There are general differences in how men vs women act in courtship/dating. Sorry, just is. Like you would never see a woman compelled to text a guy “good morning. handsome” every freaking day xD 

Not saying this is blanket true for all it everyone does these. Just in general, there are differences.  

58 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Okay gotcha yea that’s not what happened here. He texted he’d be there a half hour late and 45 min passed with no contact. 
 

I think guys are more understanding about  lateness in general. It can take  a lot for a girl to get ready lol 

 

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

I agree with you that what poppy talked about/being a little tardy is not what happened here. It’s a completely different issue in a little off topic. But I will say one more thing on it. 
 

I believe men in general do you have less dating options and expectations, which cause them to be less picky about things like tardiness. Look online and take your average woman’s online dating xp vs men. 
 
 

 

Women tend to be much more sensitive to dating ‘slights’ like tardiness in showing up on a date or texting back time because they’re conditioned to believe interested men act in a certain way. And in general, they do. Men in my experience have been way more forgiving on these things at the beginning. 
 

Not saying this is blanket true for all. Just in general. 

 

 

You're making too much sense today cookies, lol.

[glows]

3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I agree with you that what poppy talked about/being a little tardy is not what happened here. This is a different issue and little off topic. But I will say one more thing on it. 
 

I believe men in general do you have less dating options and expectations, which cause them to be less picky about things like tardiness. Look online and take your average woman’s online dating xp vs men. 
 
 

Women tend to be much more sensitive to dating ‘slights’ like tardiness in showing up on a date or texting back time because they’re conditioned to believe interested men act in a certain way. And in general, they do. Men in my experience have been way more forgiving on these things at the beginning. 

There are general differences in how men vs women act in courtship/dating. Sorry, just is. Like you would never see a woman compelled to text a guy “good morning. handsome” every freaking day xD 

Not saying this is blanket true for all it everyone does these. Just in general, there are differences.  

 

 

That may be your experience and I respect that but it’s no excuse for a woman to take advantage of it. She only comes across as disrespectful especially if it’s repeated. The same goes for men. It’s the person not the gender. 

Regarding options of either gender that is dependent on age, background and looks. I don’t think a sweeping generalization of men is very accurate.

I think you are confusing types of dates/people as a whole and making broad generalizations of men in the process. 

 

[poppyfields]

@glowsnone of my boyfriends ever felt disrespected.  Truth. 

You're stereotyping and generalizing, different people will have different reactions based on past experiences etc.

As I said, personally I drive myself crazy when running late more than anyone else. Typically 20 min or so.  That goes for work too. 

You seem to take being a bit late personally, and it's not meant to be taken that way and it's important to remain flexible and open minded, life is too dam short.

Now what happened here, guy was rude and yes disrespectful.  Telling her 30 min late but still had not arrived after 45.

The respectful thing would have been to keep her informed he is still running late and apologized for keeping her waiting. 

If it's a pattern, she can decide if it's a dealbreaker, it never was with any of my boyfriends, again they did not take it personally nor felt "disrespected." 

It'a a quirky part of my nature, again working on it cause I drive myself crazy about it more than anything. 

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by poppyfields

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

And wtf at people who think not wanting to go a date for any reason is a matter of debate

Changing your mind is one thing but to be rude about it & just delay or lie & then block is a problem.  Game playing is not attractive.  

[glows]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

@glowsnone of my boyfriends ever felt disrespected.  Truth. 

You're stereotyping and generalizing, different people will have different reactions based on past experiences etc.

As I said, personally I drive myself crazy when running late more than anyone else. Typically 20 min or so.

You seem to take being a bit late personally, and it's not meant to be taken that way and it's important to remain flexible and open minded, life is too dam short.

Now what happened here, guy was rude and yes disrespectful.  Telling her 30 min late but still had not arrived after 45.

The respectful thing would have been to keep her informed he is still running late and apologized for keeping her waiting. 

If it's a pattern, she can decide if it's a dealbreaker, it never was with any of my boyfriends again they did not take it personally.  

 

I never responded to you in this thread except now (no desire to interact with you). 

I don’t see any generalizing on my part. I’ve said it’s situational and dependent on person, not gender.

The thread was starting to make large generalizations about gender and some derogatory ones of men and women which are quite untrue.

[poppyfields]

Just now, glows said:

I never responded to you in this thread except now (no desire to interact with you). 

Was that remark necessary @glows?

Seems like a dig, but no worries, we dont have to interact, just giving my opinion same as you.

[glows]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Was that remark necessary @glows?

Seems like a dig, but no worries, we dont have to interact, just giving my opinion same as you.

The thread is in response to the OP and lateness. It turned into a gender debate. I’m addressing engendering the issue of lateness.

This is not about you.

Edited August 22, 2021 by glows

[Miss Spider]

30 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Changing your mind is one thing but to be rude about it & just delay or lie & then block is a problem.  Game playing is not attractive.  

What would be the difference in their mind? Would it really be better if he said the truth?  “You see, I changed my mind about wanting to meet you tonight. I was on the fence and decided I’d rather spend tonight watching the bachelorette rather than  go out and spend my money on you” or  “hey, i decided I want to meet someone else tonight. Next time?” yeah that’s not a game playing but will it really make OP feel better than than a polite “excuse” like I got a flat or I’m sick? Also, what if he might want to see her again down the line. He would be burning a huge bridge. That’s why excuses exist. 

 

If they can’t tell if they are blocked( I agree if someone can see they’re blocked, it’s a bit different) , then blocking someone because there’s nothing more to discuss isn’t rude at all. Again, the result would be the same .. an ignored text. Unless,  you want to spend your time arguing/justifying your actions or stating “refer to initial text” ad nauseum to someone who can’t accept a no.

Edited August 22, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Miss Spider]

57 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

You're making too much sense today cookies, lol.

I’m taking after you ^^

[Happy Lemming]

3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I want to say that I got in a car accident the first date I had with my third boyfriend(He was from tinder) No one was injured but it was pretty serious. I updated him and we still had that date

Many years ago (when I lived in a cold weather state) I was in a car accident en route to a date.  Some guy rear-ended me as traffic slowed up on this twisty back road, he slid on the slow/ice.  The damage was minimal.  I took a bungee cord and strapped my bumper cover back on. The guy and I exchanged information and I went on and kept the date.

In the end, I was only a few minutes late and we had a nice evening. 

[Miss Spider]

16 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Many years ago (when I lived in a cold weather state) I was in a car accident en route to a date.  Some guy rear-ended me as traffic slowed up on this twisty back road, he slid on the slow/ice.  The damage was minimal.  I took a bungee cord and strapped my bumper cover back on. The guy and I exchanged information and I went on and kept the date.

In the end, I was only a few minutes late and we had a nice evening. 

Mine happened in the winter too! Someone side swiped me and ran jacking up my a bunch of my side. I was sooo pressed but I wasn’t about to let him ruin my date too so I texted him like “gonna be late, just got in an accident” 

 

I knew he would probably think it was an excuse at first but I showed up like 20 min late and we hit it off!! He ultimately ended up offering to pay to fix it for me^^ 

Edited August 22, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I believe men in general do you have less dating options and expectations, which cause them to be less picky about things like tardiness.

 

I disagree... maybe on-line male daters have less options, but I never had a problem finding a woman to date.

And "no" I won't put up with tardiness... 7:00 means 7:00, not 7:30, if a woman's tardiness becomes a habit, I'm out.  My time is just as important as hers.

[smackie9]

I'm a firm believer first impressions count. Being on time, prompt courteous contact, showing up washed, pressed, groomed and smelling good is key, because I'm that way too. I'm never late for anything. I plan ahead, and even show up early. I can't stand people who lose track of time, are unprepared or just really don't give a rat's a$$ they're going to be late. Flat tire? I can change a tire in about 15 mins and that's taking my time. No excuses.

[Acacia98]

22 hours ago, Gaeta said:

We have no control on when unexpected event will happen to us. It could be 2 hours before the date of 5 mins before leaving for the dates. Example, if your date leaves on time for your date but once at his car he realizes he has a flat tire, how is that rude of him? No one can plan a flat tire 45 mins ahead.

True.

But a reasonable person would tell you he/she had a flat tire and give you the chance to decide whether to wait for 45 minutes or however long it takes.