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He scheduled a date but I haven't heard from him since

Alvi

By Alvi
in Dating

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted

Well he did call and explain he's running late. He doesn't have to give you a specific reason.

45 min. is not the end of the world. If you were meeting someone you were really interested in

It seems you weren't that interested anyway. So, no harm, no foul.

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

I think you need to be a little more flexible. Sh$t happens and we get late. It doesn't mean we're bad people. Once I was on my way out to a date and came face to face with the roof evaluator, I had completely forgot about them coming over that day after dinner. I called my date and explained I'd be late maybe 20-30 mins.......I was late probably 45 mins. He waited, I apologized profusely, he was a sweetheart and we dated a while. 

  • Like 1
Amanda141 Established Member

Amanda141

Posted
Posted

I think it depends.

For example if the date is at 7pm, and before 5pm he tells me that an unexpected event happened and he will be 30/45 mins late, it's okay. But if he tells me after 6.30 (so when I am already all dressed up and going to the place) I think it's rude (unless something really bad happened, like a car accident ecc)

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
18 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

I think it depends.

For example if the date is at 7pm, and before 5pm he tells me that an unexpected event happened and he will be 30/45 mins late, it's okay. But if he tells me after 6.30 (so when I am already all dressed up and going to the place) I think it's rude (unless something really bad happened, like a car accident ecc)

We have no control on when unexpected event will happen to us. It could be 2 hours before the date of 5 mins before leaving for the dates. Example, if your date leaves on time for your date but once at his car he realizes he has a flat tire, how is that rude of him? No one can plan a flat tire 45 mins ahead.

  • Like 1
Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

Posted
Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

No one can plan a flat tire 45 mins ahead.

I can change the tire on my car in under 5 minutes and have done it in the rain in 3 minutes.  I dare say most guys can. 

If the guy had a car accident or flat tire, he would have included that in the text.

If the date was important to him, he would have been early/on time.  You have to show a new person that you do want to date them, showing up on time, dressed appropriately is step one. And its quite easy, pick out clean, nice clothing and leave your home with plenty of time to spare.

For the man, being early shows respect for the other person's time.  Moreover, I think women get nervous if they are waiting around (by themselves) for the man to show up.  Why would I want to cause this woman any additional worry/angst for the date.  I want her to be happy and relaxed, not nervous if I'm going to show up or not.

"You never get a second chance to make a good first impression." - Will Rogers

Edited by Happy Lemming
spelling
  • Like 5
seapebbles Member

seapebbles

Posted
Posted

I think a quick confirmation text is fine on the day of a date especially if was planned several days in advance, but not really necessary if you have set up a time and place already. Maybe say "Hey, just confirming X place at X time tonight, correct?" 

Postponing the date by 30 mins and letting you know in advance isn't a problem, life happens. At least it gives you the choice to still meet or cancel. What bothers me is that he told you he was going to be even later after he was already late! That tells me that he doesn't respect your time. This is a first date when he should be going out of his way to make a good impression. If the reason he was running late was so important or an emergency, he should have rescheduled. 

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
28 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

"You never get a second chance to make a good first impression." - Will Rogers

Ok flat tire is a bad example if the guy is handy. Plenty of men would call road assistance and it might be embarassing to them to admit they can't change a tire. Maybe it's IBS hitting when he's nervous, name it.

I prefer being flexible the first time around. It might be the only time he'll be late. 

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
34 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I prefer being flexible the first time around. It might be the only time he'll be late. 

Or it could be proof that this is how somebody handles everything -- a date late & a dollar short.  

I'm not going to bite somebody's head off for a couple of minutes but to push a date back 2x without details or an explanation is not good.  

  • Like 4
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

He didn’t have a flat tire, lol. I use that excuse all the time 

ClearEyes-FullHeart Established Member

ClearEyes-FullHeart

Posted
Posted
24 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

He didn’t have a flat tire, lol. I use that excuse all the time 

Girl stop using it yourself! Haha. Trying to be funny not judgmental but I know you can overcome your fear of being direct and honest. Once you start you will realize how empowering it is, and you can still be polite about things and not bash feelings! 

  • Like 3
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Alvi Established Member

Alvi

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

No, I did not meet him. I felt like he wasn't that keen on meeting, hence pushing the meeting further and further. I was fine with him rescheduling once since life does happen,  but when he did it the second time I got a bad feeling that he is not going to show up at all. I didn't ask him why he would be late. It is really none of my business what is going on with him, since we are strangers who never met. I think it would be up to him to volunteer the info but he did not.  

2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

If the date was important to him, he would have been early/on time.  You have to show a new person that you do want to date them, showing up on time, dressed appropriately is step one. And its quite easy, pick out clean, nice clothing and leave your home with plenty of time to spare.

For the man, being early shows respect for the other person's time.  Moreover, I think women get nervous if they are waiting around (by themselves) for the man to show up.  Why would I want to cause this woman any additional worry/angst for the date.  I want her to be happy and relaxed, not nervous if I'm going to show up or not.

This is what I think as well. Yes, a man showing up on time or even earlier is a very good manner, indeed. It would totally put me at ease since I am get really nervous before meeting a stranger. It would tell me that he is interested in meeting me and that subconsciously makes me more comfortable and relaxed. 

Take me for example. I was very eager to meet him so I said good bye to my friends way ahead of the meeting so that I could go home and get ready for our date. It usually takes me forever to get ready, so I have to start way ahead of time. I live my house early so that I would show up on time. One of my exes was chronically late for everything. Literally, every single time he would show up late. But he somehow managed to be on time for our first three dates.  I suppose he wanted to leave a good impression. Even he knew that being late in the very early stages of dating is a no-go. 

 

Edited by Alvi
  • Like 2
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)

So how do things stand now?  Did he respond to your cancel? 

Edited by poppyfields
  • Author
Alvi Established Member

Alvi

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Just now, poppyfields said:

So how do things stand now?  Did he respond to your cancel? 

I blocked him after I told him to just forget it. I don't know, maybe I was too harsh and acted irrationally but I wasn't at a very good place mentally yesterday after he rescheduled a second time. Somehow that triggered a very bad reaction and I ended up crying on my friend's shoulder for a while about how guys keep on canceling on me the very last minute and how I cannot find anybody to date.

Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted

Life happens, and while it's wonderful that he informed you, you don't want to disregard and undervalue your own time by over-promising yourself in the name of pleasing and fear of saying no (i.e. you canceling/rescheduling).

Alfano Established Member

Alfano

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

He didn’t have a flat tire, lol. I use that excuse all the time 

Why the need to lie?

You're part of the problem.

  • Like 2
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
22 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I blocked him after I told him to just forget it. I don't know, maybe I was too harsh and acted irrationally but I wasn't at a very good place mentally yesterday after he rescheduled a second time. Somehow that triggered a very bad reaction and I ended up crying on my friend's shoulder for a while about how guys keep on canceling on me the very last minute and how I cannot find anybody to date.

I'm sorry that this triggered you & made a bad situation worse.  There are good people out there but sometimes they feel hard to find. Don't completely give up hope.  Look on the bright side:  your friend was there offering that shoulder to cry on.  Be grateful for that.  When you see the abundance that is already in your life, it becomes easier to attract more goodness. 

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, Alfano said:

Why the need to lie?

 

In the event you change your mind later, it’s more readily accepted than the truth( I don’t/not sure I  want meet up with you/changed my mind) because “life happens”

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
30 minutes ago, Alvi said:

 I ended up crying on my friend's shoulder for a while about how guys keep on canceling on me the very last minute and how I cannot find anybody to date.

But he did not cancel on you. 

You were SO afraid he'd cancel on you that YOU cancelled on him first....then your vision of it is HE cancelled.

This is not a good frame of mind to date

  • Like 6
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted

Sometimes people lie to avoid unnecessary drama too. 

I recall having a date but I was dead tired and not into it.  I told my date that and he went so off on me, yelling through the phone!   

Next time I broke a date, I decided to tell a white lie that I fell and hurt my ankle, couldn't walk.

THAT guy went off on me too!  Accusing me of lying, which I was but geez. 😳

Either way, you just can't win sometimes.

 

 

 

  • Shocked 1
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

But he did not cancel on you. 

You were SO afraid he'd cancel on you that YOU cancelled on him first....then your vision of it is HE cancelled.

This is not a good frame of mind to date

Yup, allowing fear to drive your ship.

I recently did this myself!  

Rethinking that decision but that's another thread. 

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

Broke my ankle is a new one for me… I’d only use that if I was sure I didn’t want to see him ever again or for at least  a couple weeks lol

 

 I like to keep it more open than that and I’ve played out “I’m sick”

My guess he was: 
1. Was trying to push Alvi’s date back until after hours (after 8ish) so that they couldn’t really do anything but go to each other‘s house. Essentially booty lol 

2. Had more than one online date that he was juggling for her Saturday night. But he hadn’t closed quite yet on his preference, so he was pushing her back . Also explains why he hadn’t confirmed 

3. Wasn’t certain he wanted to meet up for whatever reason. Could be nervousness or just generally being unsure about it.

 

Who knows. That’s my guess though. Regardless,“I’m running late” for 45+ minutes with no excuse at all is rude af. I’m surprised ( well, not really) people are telling alvi to be understanding about that on the first date… which someone should be trying to make somewhat of an impression. 
Not hard to get a man if you put up with literally anything 

You did fine to me. Don’t feel bad though. It’s not just you. OLD can be a ****show 

Edited by Cookiesandough
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

I want to say that I got in a car accident the first date I had with my third boyfriend(He was from tinder) No one was injured but it was pretty serious. I updated him and we still had that date

poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Broke my ankle is a new one for me… I’d only use that if I was sure I didn’t want to see him ever again or again for at least  a couple weeks lol

Lol, yeah I didn't want to go out with him again.  And I sure didnt after he went off on me! 

I was a coward back then, not proud to admit that. 

Now I am more truthful, but back then (early 20s in between relationships), total coward. 

 

Edited by poppyfields
  • Like 1
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Lol, yeah I didn't want to go out with him again.  And I sure didnt after he went off on me! 

I was a coward back then, not proud to admit that. 

Now I am more truthful, but back then (early 20s in between relationships), total coward. 

 

In that case, I would have just given my excuse and blocked. People can’t tell when they’re blocked on my phone and if I don’t want to see him anymore, there’s no need for anymore discussion.

i’d still do that even today. I don’t think it’s being a coward to not want to have to bother with BS.

 

And wtf at people who think not wanting to go a date for any reason is a matter of debate xD 

but anyway 

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