introverted1 Posted August 21, 2021 Posted August 21, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, ConfusedGuy said: She’s not done anything at all - I mean yes we’ve had our problems like any other relationship - there has been some infidelity on both sides over the course of the relationship but we made it work and got over it all as we do really care for one another. I seem to have lost all interest in sex with her and I know she’s beautiful but I just don’t have that drive or excitement anymore! Yes I’m in my 20s almost 30! Infidelity on both of your parts? Huge red flag. Maybe give a little more insight into the relationship. I suspect you know what brought you to this point. Edited August 21, 2021 by introverted1
Ami1uwant Posted August 21, 2021 Posted August 21, 2021 On 8/20/2021 at 7:54 AM, ConfusedGuy said: Hi, this is my first post on here and im new to forums but impartial views may help me with my above dilemma. as you can tell I love my partner and deeply care for her but im not sure if im in love anymore. been together for 7 years and bought a place and moved in together just over a year ago and that took some adjusting. Before this took place I was having some minor doubts about the relationship and if it was what I wanted, I put this down to the change in way of life and general feelings when you move into a new place. since then I’ve found my mind wandering a lot into the ‘what I’d’ and ‘am I happy’ realms. There’s no sexual passion or drive on my part any longer since moving in and I generally looks for excuses not to do things with her and love it when she goes out with the girls - sounds terrible but it’s how I feel… there’s been talk of marriage and kids and I thought it was what I would like but in the last year or two I’ve not been so sure. I’m all over the place and feel being single, although I’d miss her as I do love and care for her, may resolve a lot of my issues and things. any help?? How old are you? thus is why I suggest living together for a period to see how it goes. why are happy she goes out? What’s the issues?
Caauug Posted August 21, 2021 Posted August 21, 2021 On 8/20/2021 at 7:54 PM, ConfusedGuy said: There’s no sexual passion or drive on my part any longer since moving in and I generally looks for excuses not to do things with her and love it when she goes out with the girls - sounds terrible but it’s how I feel… This is a worry.... Normally, healthy men have a sex drive (it's part of human nature), you state she is good looking? Why has your sex drive for her gone? IMO there are under laying psychological issues. 13 hours ago, ConfusedGuy said: She’s not done anything at all - I mean yes we’ve had our problems like any other relationship - there has been some infidelity on both sides over the course of the relationship but we made it work and got over it all as we do really care for one another. WTF? How can you say "She has done nothing at all" and "there has been some infidelity"??? That's just a NO!!!! I think this is likely the problem. She cheated and you forgave her... Now you don't really trust her??? If she's not giving you the feelings of admiration and she doesn't show she values you, your self esteem will drop. She will see this and her attraction for you will drop. If she is being less than faithful to you this will naturally make you shy away. No man wants to raise an other mans child under false pretenses. Not all damage is repairable. No damage should be rug swept.... Be careful. Protect yourself. You are second guessing yourself and this will appear unsteady to your GF.
Lotsgoingon Posted August 21, 2021 Posted August 21, 2021 On 8/20/2021 at 7:54 AM, ConfusedGuy said: There’s no sexual passion or drive on my part any longer since moving in and I generally looks for excuses not to do things with her and love it when she goes out with the girls - sounds terrible but it’s how I feel… Yes, I can provide some help. This relationship is not happy for you--I don't care how much you say you admire your gf. Sounds like you are unhappy. Now the first step is to usually think about what you want from the relationship that you aren't getting--and ask for them. But sounds like you don't have any passion. Then that's a no-go. Sounds like you need to break up with her. Also it seems like you have a feeling that your unhappiness is somehow wrong, something to apologize for. This probably means you're way too passive in this relationship. After 7 years, it should be clear: yes or no, do you want to marry this person?! Yes or no (if you don't like marriage) is this the woman you want to be with?! If you can't answer a loud "yes" then the answer is no. Don't waste anymore of your time and her time. How did you let this lackluster thing continue for seven years. Moving in together was a mistake. That sounds like a time when you needed to break up! Bottom line: drop the guilt. If you're unhappy, you're unhappy. Quit acting like you're stealing a lollipop out of the mouth of a kid. Romance demands brutal honesty. If we don't strongly, overwhelmingly want to be with someone, the relationship won't work.
IslandSanctuary Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is the biggest red flag line ever. If someone thinks like this/is capable of saying this then I am of the opinion that they aren't relationship material. Ever hear of the '7 year itch'? Relationships get boring, it's reality. You can't 'love someone but not be in love with them' it's a BS line narcissistic/damaged wayward spouses use, very similar to 'It's not you - it's me' type lines. You obviously haven't suffered enough heartbreak and isolation when you were younger. Maybe leave her, have a few years of meaningless sex with old, terrible people and wind up almost completely alone - then you will understand what you've lost. Love is for the good times and the bad - if a relationship is going through a tough time then both parties are to blame to some extent. If you think negative thoughts about your partner it's because you allow your mind to wander that way. Try for a week to only think positive things about her, and always focus on the good things she does for you and you'll see I'm right and you are the master of your own thoughts. Someone unappreciative or highly critical with their thoughts is going to have a tough time of long lasting relationships, and that's on them - even if usually they don't get it. I had a lot of sex when I was young and it really is never as good as you think it's going to be, and there A LOT of stupid horrible people out there and A LOT of people that F you around. If you don't appreciate a good person then that means you aren't a good person.
Wiseman2 Posted August 22, 2021 Posted August 22, 2021 On 8/21/2021 at 5:29 AM, ConfusedGuy said: - there has been some infidelity on both sides over the course of the relationship but we made it work and got over it So there has been cheating and outside interests. If you wish to live together out of convenience, try an open relationship rather than deny there's someone else.
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