I and my ex

[Lionea]

For the past two weeks I have been dating my ex behind my current boyfriend's back. Although dating, maybe too much said, we mostly have sex.

I love my boyfriend very much, he is tender, kind to me, in bed he is also good. I split up with my ex a few years ago because we argued constantly, he yelled at me. 

My boyfriend and I have been trying for a baby for two months. I don't take birth control, we have stated that to make it last longer we will use the pull out method. 

However, I want the baby to be my ex's.... I don't want him to raise it, but I want it to have his qualities, his confidence, his determination, his hardworking, his masculinity. I don't want to pass on that "softness" of my current boyfriend to the child.

So for the past two weeks I have been visiting my ex and letting him come inside me....He knows I'm off the pill but doesn't care, so I guess it doesn't matter to him.

I think my boyfriend will be a great father, thanks to just his caring nature. That he would raise my child with me to be a wonderful human being. But I don't want to hurt him so I'm afraid to talk to him. 

What should I do? Should I prepare to be a single mother? Or should I go back to my ex even though I don't want to? Or, as I sometimes think, should I go see a psychiatrist?

[DKT3]

Wow.......prepare to be single because you are clearly not relationship ready.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Lionea said:

should I go back to my ex 

You already have, as a lover and sperm donor. As far as your current BF you're using him as a security blanket

Yes this plotting type of major deception regarding paternity is pathological, see a psychiatrist.

[BetrayedDad]

If what you’re saying is true, then I’d strongly encourage you to break up with both guys today and go see a psychiatrist...seriously, ASAP.  A baby is the last thing you need right now.

[Starswillshine]

Geez Louise, you are actually trying to bring a child into this whole mess? 

The child isn't even created yet, and I already fear for him/her. 

[HadMeOverABarrel]

1 hour ago, DKT3 said:

Wow.......prepare to be single because you are clearly not relationship ready.

To say the least!

[Lionea]

But isn't it important to have a child with the person you want to have a child with?

And raise them with the person you want to raise them with?

I know it's hard because they are different people, but I also want the best for myself and the baby too - that's why I want my boyfriend to be the father, even though not the biological one... My only fear is that I will hurt my boyfriend so much that he will hate me. 

And I think I agree with you guys that I'll probably end up being left alone...

[Ha-ha]

Is this story even real?

[ExpatInItaly]

26 minutes ago, Berlin said:

Is this story even real?

I highly doubt it. 

[elaine567]

This is the personification of the "biological" theory that says "women" will seek out men with the "best" genes to be the father of their children and use other males as providers and carers to make sure the child has the best chance of survival.
As a "survival of the fittest" strategy it makes sense.
But I doubt it happens a lot in our modern world.
I am not saying men do not bring up other men's children as their own, oblivious as to who the biological father is, of course they do, but I don't think many women are deliberately planning it out like the OP apparently is.

[pepperbird2]

17 hours ago, Lionea said:

For the past two weeks I have been dating my ex behind my current boyfriend's back. Although dating, maybe too much said, we mostly have sex.

I love my boyfriend very much, he is tender, kind to me, in bed he is also good. I split up with my ex a few years ago because we argued constantly, he yelled at me. 

My boyfriend and I have been trying for a baby for two months. I don't take birth control, we have stated that to make it last longer we will use the pull out method. 

However, I want the baby to be my ex's.... I don't want him to raise it, but I want it to have his qualities, his confidence, his determination, his hardworking, his masculinity. I don't want to pass on that "softness" of my current boyfriend to the child.

So for the past two weeks I have been visiting my ex and letting him come inside me....He knows I'm off the pill but doesn't care, so I guess it doesn't matter to him.

I think my boyfriend will be a great father, thanks to just his caring nature. That he would raise my child with me to be a wonderful human being. But I don't want to hurt him so I'm afraid to talk to him. 

What should I do? Should I prepare to be a single mother? Or should I go back to my ex even though I don't want to? Or, as I sometimes think, should I go see a psychiatrist?

The first thing I would do is come clean to your boyfriend. The second thing you might want to do i brush up on your genetics. Many of those traits you like are learned, not inherited.

 

4 hours ago, Lionea said:

But isn't it important to have a child with the person you want to have a child with?

And raise them with the person you want to raise them with?

I know it's hard because they are different people, but I also want the best for myself and the baby too - that's why I want my boyfriend to be the father, even though not the biological one... My only fear is that I will hurt my boyfriend so much that he will hate me. 

And I think I agree with you guys that I'll probably end up being left alone...

If you want he best for your child, you would never, ever, ever , ever consider doing this. What do think it does for a child/adult to find out the man that raised them and they consider "dad" isn't their bio-father?
Someone who would intentionally do that has a lot of work and growing up to do before they choose to have kids.

[Guildford]

This is why there is a growing belief among men that you should always check the paternity of your new born child no matter how much you trust the mother.

[vla1120]

6 hours ago, Lionea said:

1. But isn't it important to have a child with the person you want to have a child with?

2. And raise them with the person you want to raise them with?

3. I know it's hard because they are different people, but I also want the best for myself and the baby too - that's why I want my boyfriend to be the father, even though not the biological one... My only fear is that I will hurt my boyfriend so much that he will hate me. 

4. And I think I agree with you guys that I'll probably end up being left alone...

1. Then why are you with someone with whom you do not want a child?

2. See number 1

3. If you wanted what was best for your baby, you would not be contemplating starting his/her life with a huge lie. 

4. It's not too late to stop seeing your ex, then break up with your boyfriend you are betraying, and work on yourself before you even think of bringing a child into the world!

[stillafool]

6 hours ago, Lionea said:

 My only fear is that I will hurt my boyfriend so much that he will hate me. 

You are correct he will hate you with all of his heart.  Also don't think you can get away with pawning off someone else's child onto your boyfriend as you will be found out.  Even though your bf will be hurt the one you will be hurting more is the baby you plan on lying to.  Who ever told you that just because a child has a macho father they will be that way too?  The way to have a confident, determined and hardworking child is to raise them that way.  As far as being masculine suppose the child is a girl.  Is that what you want?  Obviously you ex isn't too masculine as he is willing to just dump a child in you and let another man raise it.  That isn't a masculine quality but someone who could care less about the woman he is having sex with.  Please break up with your current boyfriend because he deserves better and so does any child coming your way.

[pepperbird2]

It's just awful to start a child's life off with a lie.  OP. I know you don't mean it to be, but this is one of the most incredibly selfish and self centred threads I've seen on here.

[DKT3]

6 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

It's just awful to start a child's life off with a lie.  OP. I know you don't mean it to be, but this is one of the most incredibly selfish and self centred threads I've seen on here.

The logic is sound, let's be honest.  Yet, there is something very sociopathic about her thinking,  like these guys and the intended baby are just game pieces for her to move around with no consideration for the impact it will have on them, as long as she gets what she wants. I really hope this is a 14 year old girl playing around on the internet. 

Edited August 20, 2021 by DKT3

[pepperbird2]

1 hour ago, DKT3 said:

The logic is sound, let's be honest.  Yet, there is something very sociopathic about her thinking,  like these guys and the intended baby are just game pieces for her to move around with no consideration for the impact it will have on them, as long as she gets what she wants. I really hope this is a 14 year old girl playing around on the internet. 

People think paternity can remain a secret,  but these sorts of things have  way of coming out in the wash.

 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Lionea said:

But isn't it important to have a child with the person you want to have a child with? And raise them with the person you want to raise them with?

Yes. That mean ex guy and bf guy should be replaced with one good genes and good BF guy. Sounds weird but a lot of people do it that way.

I think the news of 'not only am I cheating but your genes are no good' would end the relationship, no?

Edited August 20, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Bryanp]

So I guess that you would not mind having your boyfriend have sex with another woman behind your back and putting your health at risk for STD's.

You are dreaming if you think your boyfriend will not find out due to health records alone. You seriously are absolutely delusional in your thinking. Your boyfriend will find out and detest you forever. Be prepared to have your boyfriend marry another woman down the line and you will be a single mom. 

By the way, what happens if your child is a girl? Your boyfriend does not deserve what you are doing to him. You are clearly a very self-destructive individual. Everything will blow up in your face and deservedly so.

[DKT3]

7 minutes ago, Bryanp said:

So I guess that you would not mind having your boyfriend have sex with another woman behind your back and putting your health at risk for STD's.

You are dreaming if you think your boyfriend will not find out due to health records alone. You seriously are absolutely delusional in your thinking. Your boyfriend will find out and detest you forever. Be prepared to have your boyfriend marry another woman down the line and you will be a single mom. 

By the way, what happens if your child is a girl? Your boyfriend does not deserve what you are doing to him. You are clearly a very self-destructive individual. Everything will blow up in your face and deservedly so.

Does anyone remember the lady who came here freaking out because her three adult children decided to do 23 and me for the Christmas gathering.  She knew for sure that one of them was not her husband's kid and possibly all three weren't. We all tried to convince her to tell her husband before they had a much different test result.  She did then blamed all of us because her husband left.

 

Point being its never safe when you deceive about paternity. 

Edited August 20, 2021 by DKT3

[Daisydooks]

On 8/19/2021 at 3:38 PM, Lionea said:

For the past two weeks I have been dating my ex behind my current boyfriend's back. Although dating, maybe too much said, we mostly have sex.

I love my boyfriend very much, he is tender, kind to me, in bed he is also good. I split up with my ex a few years ago because we argued constantly, he yelled at me. 

My boyfriend and I have been trying for a baby for two months. I don't take birth control, we have stated that to make it last longer we will use the pull out method. 

However, I want the baby to be my ex's.... I don't want him to raise it, but I want it to have his qualities, his confidence, his determination, his hardworking, his masculinity. I don't want to pass on that "softness" of my current boyfriend to the child.

So for the past two weeks I have been visiting my ex and letting him come inside me....He knows I'm off the pill but doesn't care, so I guess it doesn't matter to him.

I think my boyfriend will be a great father, thanks to just his caring nature. That he would raise my child with me to be a wonderful human being. But I don't want to hurt him so I'm afraid to talk to him. 

What should I do? Should I prepare to be a single mother? Or should I go back to my ex even though I don't want to? Or, as I sometimes think, should I go see a psychiatrist?

What in the ever loving hell did I just read?

Yes, please see a psychiatrist. Get ON birth control. Do not bring a baby into this train wreck

[BaileyB]

On 8/19/2021 at 2:38 PM, Lionea said:

My boyfriend and I have been trying for a baby for two months.

However, I want the baby to be my ex's....

What should I do?

Yowzers! 

Well first, you should take a remedial English class because the title here should read, My ex and I. 

Second, you should fess up to both men and only proceed if they both agree to this hair-brained scheme. 

If you are not willing to do that, you should stop having sex immediately. No child needs to be born into this kind of willful deception. 

Edited August 21, 2021 by BaileyB

[mark clemson]

On 8/19/2021 at 12:38 PM, Lionea said:

What should I do?

I would say that IF you actually get pregnant by your Ex but stay with and/or marry your current BF, you should be prepared for that info to one day come to light due to genetic testing, as this has become quite common in recent years.

This means that your BF/future husband would find out and whatever consequences would ensue. It would probably get ugly, it might get EXTREMELY ugly.

Logic would suggest that if your Ex wouldn't be a good father, you not have a kid with him OR be a single mom IF you think you could actually handle that.

There is also no reason to "drag your current BF into this" as that is not particularly fair to him.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

4 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Well first, you should take a remedial English class because the title here should read, My ex and I. 

I don't know, Bailey. Grammer aside, don't you think the ordering in the title perfectly aligns with the content of the original post? 😉 I think the title suits the thread well considering the post.