thebiglimp Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 I got a girl who was super hot toward me 1st date then suddenly super cold 2nd then kinda luke warm on text until today i put a stopper on whatever we were developing. My feeling was that she was putting me on the back burner but now i have an epiphany that maybe she wanted me to chase her. Heres the detail- our 1st real date (after the initial meetup thru dating app week before) goes incredibly well. The chemistry is off the roof and she opts to spend all night with me without time limit. I ask her for a kiss and her response is that she is open to it but its too soon. She wants to take time because shes just been out of a relationship. We walk more and she suggests holding hands in the future ect. We end the date on a high note and the sky is the limit. But her being only recently out of the relationship is a yellow flag for me. She asks to meet up again the next day. Again the chemistry is there but im guarded because of that yellow flag. She senses something is off and cuts the date short. The texting from her afterward has all the sign of slow ghosting. My text left on read, her not starting any convo. Short replies. So i just flat out say that i like her and im looking for something serious. Now she begins writing long messages that say our chemistry was off last time, she needs to take things slow, thank you for being open ect. I text her the next day that i wanna call her (my plan was to ask her out on phone and also talk about her yellow flag) Shes busy but would love to another day (classic brushoff afaik). Turns out she went on another tinder date that nite. Ive written her off at this point. But then she texts me at random the next date about my bug bite (we had gone hiking earlier) I tell her i need to give her her ointment back (for the bug bite) and her response is to keep it as long as you need it. So at this point i know shes blocking further advances from me so i just go what the hell and text her what i wanted to say on the phone about the yellow flag and wish her farewell. Here is where things get interesting. Shes bummed out im leaving her and wanted to hang out more. I say you cut the date short and killed the flow and i cant rely on that. She says it was because of work i swear i would be happy to meet you again. I put a pin on it by saying that i made things too awkward right now so will instead wait for a month or so before contacting her again. The above stuff she wrote were in long letters and carefully written unlike the brush off i was getting leading up to it. Which makes me think she did want to keep me on. My first conclusion to that is as an orbiter. Just someone to give her attention while she keeps browsing around. But what if it was to have me chase her? Our first date, you dont find that kind of affection from someone unless they are choosing you to be your partner, from my past experiences, and i was so sure of it all day. If you do that one day and simply switch it off the next, youre either mentally unstable or a great manipulator, and i dont wanna imagine her as either. So what do you guys think?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 31 minutes ago, thebiglimp said: But what if it was to have me chase her? It wasn't. She is rebounding and dating around. She likes you okay but she's exploring her options as a newly-single woman. 33 minutes ago, thebiglimp said: Our first date, you dont find that kind of affection from someone unless they are choosing you to be your partner No, your assumption here is not correct. I am not sure where you are getting that from, but plenty of people are capable of being affectionate/touhcy/etc without any intention of getting serious. They simply enjoy the physical affection in the moment. Most people do not choose their partners based on just one date, anyway, so you're applying far too much meaning to first-date interactions. You mentioned that there was no kiss on the first date or holding hands either, so I am not clear why you conclude that lesser affection means a woman is choosing you as her partner. You got too far ahead of yourself there. 38 minutes ago, thebiglimp said: If you do that one day and simply switch it off the next, youre either mentally unstable or a great manipulator You think in extreme terms, thebiglimp. Part of your problem is that you read way too much into whatever affection was expressed on the first date, so you can't fathom how she could shut it off without labeling her as something quite negative. From how I read it, this was a typical first date without any sign of bigger commitment, and she's changed her mind and is entertaining other options. She's not mentally unstable or manipulative. Reign in your expectations. Remember that just because you felt a certain way does not mean the woman did. If she's going cold and distancing herself, it's usually because she's lost interest and not because she wants you to chase her. Disappointing, yes, but try to keep perspective. This one wasn't a match, so on to the next. 2
ChatroomHero Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 Sounds like she is trying to keep you in orbit. When she needs to communicate to keep you in orbit, she puts in effort. When you are orbiting and not a threat to walk, you're not important. If I were you, I'd probably move on because you'll just get more of the same.
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