Please help! I'm in need of advice on my relationship.

[glows]

It's a good thing that you are writing out your frustration here as opposed to contacting her. Her remorse sounds like dumper's guilt but her feelings overall for you changed. Hang in there and stay sane until you have to meet her to do any exchange of items. Don't hold on to anything material in the hopes of contacting each other again or remaining friends if the future seems uncertain. 

[Joe1983]

@glows thanks bud I’m seriously trying to just take one day at a time. It’s been hard not speaking as you can imagine we both spoke or saw each other almost every day. We did agree a two week space spell but she also said maybe give a week (tomorrow is a week) to see how we both feel and to get our heads clear again this doesn’t mean we are or not getting back together at the end of the day time will tell what happens but as for the situation itself I really couldn’t see why it was worth breaking for the purposes she gave when tbh these are things anyone can sit and talk solve. I’ve got a heap of clothes with her which if it’s not meant to be I will need to get plus I have her home keys which she will need back after that if the future isn’t certain I’m not making any other attempts to be friends or win her back. I’ve not cheated or done anything out of line so I don’t see the need to even though I will be hurt over something so little. 

[Joe1983]

@Gaeta @Acacia98 @spiderowl @glows
as you know today has been a week and I got a message from her which I never expected to get even that I felt that perhaps we would atleast speak about this. But now this seems to be different to what we originally discussed and I’m seriously struggling - I was sent the below today which if I’m honest I don’t know if it’s shallow of me but I’m not sure if I totally believe it.

”Hey,
Hope you’re week has been ok. I’ve had time to reflect and really think it’s best we do call it a day. This is no reflection on you, I’m not in the headspace at the moment. I’ve actually started therapy and need some space to be on my own and work through things.
I know you need to come and get your things - or I can meet you. Let me know what works? I’m really sorry to have hurt you.”

[spiderowl]

42 minutes ago, Joe1983 said:

@Gaeta @Acacia98 @spiderowl @glows
as you know today has been a week and I got a message from her which I never expected to get even that I felt that perhaps we would atleast speak about this. But now this seems to be different to what we originally discussed and I’m seriously struggling - I was sent the below today which if I’m honest I don’t know if it’s shallow of me but I’m not sure if I totally believe it.

”Hey,
Hope you’re week has been ok. I’ve had time to reflect and really think it’s best we do call it a day. This is no reflection on you, I’m not in the headspace at the moment. I’ve actually started therapy and need some space to be on my own and work through things.
I know you need to come and get your things - or I can meet you. Let me know what works? I’m really sorry to have hurt you.”

I am sorry, Joe1983, she has called it a day.  She had doubts, felt there were incompatibilities, and the brief separation was a way for her to edge out of the relationship.

I know it is extremely painful.  Just remember that you loved her and you can love someone else.  Relationships are about feeling attraction, interest and compatibilities.  If all those are not in place, then the relationship falters.  It is no-one's fault.  Relationships can end over whether someone likes dogs or not.  People brush past and some stick and some don't.  We don't know why, we only know if we are enjoying the encounter or not.  Once you have got over the pain of this ending, you will start to look outwards again and see women who share your values.  It is possible even though you don't feel like it at this moment.  Cry and let this run through your system; it will work its way out bit by bit until you feel a whole lot better and optimistic again.

[Joe1983]

@spiderowl hi thank you for your kind words. I’m seriously heartbroken snd upset. I really feel lost because as much as you know she mentioned indifferences earlier as in last week now she’s skipping it to having therapy which isn’t what we discussed. If that was the case then why push me away and why can’t I support her snd just fine her space instead of just splitting up! I’ve a few friends who are having therapy and again this hasn’t stopped them from being together. What gets me is that theirs been no room for any discussion about this it’s like a flip of a coin and that was it! I’m really hurting and feel like why can’t we just speak about it and just see where we go I know going through therapy isn’t easy and I can find her space but this just sounds like there is more to it now. I just hope that this therapy stuff isn’t just an excuse.

[spiderowl]

28 minutes ago, Joe1983 said:

@spiderowl hi thank you for your kind words. I’m seriously heartbroken snd upset. I really feel lost because as much as you know she mentioned indifferences earlier as in last week now she’s skipping it to having therapy which isn’t what we discussed. If that was the case then why push me away and why can’t I support her snd just fine her space instead of just splitting up! I’ve a few friends who are having therapy and again this hasn’t stopped them from being together. What gets me is that theirs been no room for any discussion about this it’s like a flip of a coin and that was it! I’m really hurting and feel like why can’t we just speak about it and just see where we go I know going through therapy isn’t easy and I can find her space but this just sounds like there is more to it now. I just hope that this therapy stuff isn’t just an excuse.

I do understand and I have been there too.

She didn't allow room for discussion because she doesn't want to discuss it.  She has finished things and does not want you to find space.  I know it hurts to realise this.

A guy I was dating once broke up with me.  He also mentioned he was thinking of having therapy.  I think it's just another way of saying 'I am going to focus on myself (not you)'.  At the end of the day, they are going their own way and not including you or me.  

If you try to understand what she was thinking, you will drive yourself crazy.  We never really understand why someone has broken up with us.  It never seems fair or the 'right time'.  This is why you need to accept that she's gone and that she wasn't the right person for you.  The right person would not have broken up with you, plain and simple.  

When you have recovered from this, you will meet someone new, someone who is even more special to you and you will be glad you weren't stuck with the previous girl.  I know it all seems remote now, when you are dealing with the heartbreak, but things will get better.  Talk to friends and family if you can, anyone who will listen sympathetically.  You will need to reorientate yourself and adjust.  Take what help you can get. xx

Edited August 28, 2021 by spiderowl

[Gaeta]

I'm so sorry Joel983 it didn't have the ending you wished for.

The only reason she broke up is because she didn't feel it anymore. A woman in love does not let her man down that easily. 

It will hurt for a while but life will go on and you will meet someone new, better, more committed. Once you're in a better relationship you'll understand why it was better for this one to not last. Allow yourself to feel hurt and betrayed for a while then move on with life. When my ex left 9 months ago I thought I'd never recover from his betrayal but here I am dating a new man that makes me want to trust again. 

Edited August 29, 2021 by Gaeta

[glows]

21 hours ago, Joe1983 said:

@Gaeta @Acacia98 @spiderowl @glows
as you know today has been a week and I got a message from her which I never expected to get even that I felt that perhaps we would atleast speak about this. But now this seems to be different to what we originally discussed and I’m seriously struggling - I was sent the below today which if I’m honest I don’t know if it’s shallow of me but I’m not sure if I totally believe it.

”Hey,
Hope you’re week has been ok. I’ve had time to reflect and really think it’s best we do call it a day. This is no reflection on you, I’m not in the headspace at the moment. I’ve actually started therapy and need some space to be on my own and work through things.
I know you need to come and get your things - or I can meet you. Let me know what works? I’m really sorry to have hurt you.”

The kindest thing you can do for yourself is accept it as it is. Keep telling yourself it didn't work. The comment on therapy is to cushion the blow or suggest that she has issues to work out on her own (so that you don't appear as the only person she has problems with). Move forwards resolutely and give yourself more time to heal. 

[Herkamer]

Hey, man, it's okay. Honestly, she may have done you a favor, without her knowing that she did. I know it sucks, right now, because I've been there (I'll get into that shortly).

[ ]  I believe she was just simply using you so she could have or get one step closer to Chad (first time or getting him back), and all the while trying to gain access to your resources and getting gifts to show how desirable she is.

There was a woman I went out with a year ago, and I believed, at the time, things were going good. Messaged each other, flirted, I thought we were having a good time. We even had some more personal, more private conversations that I thought was proving we were falling for each other. Trying to make a long story shorter, she was engaged before to a guy who was basically Chad, and every complaint she had about him, it was followed up by a compliment. He was extremely bad to her, but she always was thinking of him. Our last time together, she had told me that this guy passed away a short while before we met. Couldn't tell you how long before because she simply didn't tell me. After we were together on last time, 3 weeks had gone by, 2 of those weeks she ghosted me, and she called it off.

Now, the time she ghosted me, I thought it was because of a family matter dealing with a deceased sibling who passed away earlier last year. I thought she was going into a depression because the two were close, but, as it turned out, that wasn't the case. It wasn't me, ultimately, that she called it off. Her sister and brother in law even told me that it wasn't me, and that I was the first guy in a long time that the family actually liked, so I wondered about it. Recently, it came to me as to possibly why she actually called it off with me: The day she told me her ex passed away, she revealed that the ex's wife told her and said she would have liked for her to come down and share stories about him. You can say that this woman I dated was still in contact with her ex fiance, at least she was with his wife. I also found out she had been engaged two times after this guy, but neither one lasted anywhere near as long as her first. The time she ghosted me was pretty uncanny, too. A day or two after we were together, she went down, with her friend, to the town that she met this guy and where he had been living with his wife. I can't necessarily prove it, but I wonder if she actually did meet up with the widowed wife, thinking about it now while typing this.

In any case, I believe, to one degree, that the reason she called it off with me was because she was hoping to meet with her ex as a means of jealousy. I would meet him, he would be jealous that I was with this woman, she would want him to want her back, and they'd be back together, even though, based on the things she said about him, he was horrible to her. But now that he's gone, I am no longer useful to her. I haven't heard from her in a about a year, but honestly, I'm glad I'm not with her because her sister told me other things this woman did, which I'm glad I didn't stay with her because of that (and none of it was good). So, like the woman you were seeing, the woman I dated did me a favor by calling it off. I tried my luck with another woman, but a week after I asked out and she gave me the infamous "I don't know" answer, found her out on the street, while I was working, with a guy that was her bf. It was like she enjoyed the validation, but did not want to go out with me because she had a better looking guy.

In the end, I made a decision that, for now, I'm not going to pursue any woman. I have no reason playing these childish games nor do I have any desire being used as a prop or tool for jealousy purposes. Since I started doing the things I enjoy, now women want to do things with me. However, I'm not going the route of an intimate relationship because I refuse to get hurt the way that happened before. I'll make new friends out of them, but that's it. No further than that. My advice to you is to do the same thing. Don't pursue any woman for awhile, but rather just wait. Enjoy being with your family and friends, and enjoy doing the hobbies you love. In the meantime, build up your confidence and keep your chin up. There may be someone that'll come along and likes you for you. You, me, and MANY other guys are in the same boat as you, so you're not alone in this. We're more than willing to help you out and keeping you moving. Stay frosty, brother!

Edited August 31, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Miss Spider]

On 8/28/2021 at 5:56 PM, Joe1983 said:

@spiderowl hi thank you for your kind words. I’m seriously heartbroken snd upset. I really feel lost because as much as you know she mentioned indifferences earlier as in last week now she’s skipping it to having therapy which isn’t what we discussed. If that was the case then why push me away and why can’t I support her snd just fine her space instead of just splitting up! I’ve a few friends who are having therapy and again this hasn’t stopped them from being together. What gets me is that theirs been no room for any discussion about this it’s like a flip of a coin and that was it! I’m really hurting and feel like why can’t we just speak about it and just see where we go I know going through therapy isn’t easy and I can find her space but this just sounds like there is more to it now. I just hope that this therapy stuff isn’t just an excuse.

Sorry. I know it’s hard, but I really suggest you believe her and let it go. It is an excuse. I’ve had to give them because people do not want to let go when you tell them the truth. And I don’t understand why people clean so tightly to people who don’t want to be with them. You deserve someone who wants to be with you. Just as she does. Please move forward and do not keep hoping on this one

 

go nc. I am very sorry