Lifegoeson12 Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 So to make it shorter, I broke up with my ex about 2 years ago, since then we have both dated others. Anyway since then some of his closest friends have been contacting me. These are the friends he always kept me away from. I met them all over the course of our relationship but we never properly hung out it was more of passing meets. My ex always gave the impression that they weren't really fond of me although he never exactly said it. Now, this is where the issue is. three of his friends have asked me out on dates and now a fourth. From what I know these would be his close friends and I am a little confused. I wouldn't ever dream of dating or even asking one of my friend's exes to go on a date as I feel it would be some sort of betrayal. Part of me thinks maybe they don't realize who I am? Although I would assume they do seeing as I dated their friend for over a year. I'm not sure if my ex is putting them up to it? Or even why they would ask me out if my exe gave me the impression that they didn't even like me. Am I wrong in thinking it's weird to be asked out by four of my exes friends? I would love to hear your thoughts on it. 1
basil67 Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 Yes, it's weird. His mates are either total sleazes or up to something. I'd give them a wide berth. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 If this is on some app or OLD, they might not know who you are. If they sought you out through social media then they obviously are not very good friends to your EX. From a loyalty perspective alone, I would avoid them meaning they aren't loyal to him so you should be suspicious of them. Frankly, I would decline all of them because you don't want to be in the middle of a 5 way tug of war -- the 4 of them plus your EX. Why would you deliberately put yourself somewhere you would have to endure your EX socially by dating his friends? All in all the whole thing sounds like tiresome drama to be avoided. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 I would have nothing to do with any of them. If they're good friends, they know who you are. And they might all be talking about you and trying to see who can "score" with you first. It's too sketchy that 4 of them have come out of the woodwork; I don't think that's just a conincidence. 3
poppyfields Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I would have nothing to do with any of them. If they're good friends, they know who you are. And they might all be talking about you and trying to see who can "score" with you first. It's too sketchy that 4 of them have come out of the woodwork; I don't think that's just a conincidence. Agree with this^, huge ICK factor. This did happen to me once and I was actually repulsed by it, it wasn't flattering to me at all. I mean the thought of them talking, possibly comparing notes, which having five brothers, I know men do, so like others, I'd be taking a pass. Ick ick ick. 1
Alpacalia Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 (edited) The sheer number is strange. Fortunately, I've never had this happen to me, so take my advice with a grain of salt. If you think their behavior is inappropriate, it is up to you to set up a barrier. Some friends may be fine with their friends dating their ex, but others may think it's inappropriate. Is this something your ex would agree to? Not that he has a say in the matter, and you are not compelled to seek his consent, but a polite courtesy never hurts. However, a better question might be - why would your ex's friends want to go towards where their friend has already been involved with? Edited August 19, 2021 by Alpaca
ShyViolet Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 Yeah there is something suspicious about this. It's like maybe they're all planning this and they think it's a big joke. You shouldn't even respond.
Wiseman2 Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 10 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: maybe they don't realize who I am? Although I would assume they do seeing as I dated their friend for over a year. How are you in touch with them ? Dating apps? Why wouldn't they know who you are? Just cease contact and delete and block your ex and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. Move forward in a new fresh way, not with anyone's thirsty entourage. 1 1
stillafool Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 58 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How are you in touch with them ? Dating apps? Why wouldn't they know who you are? I agree. How do they have access to you? Once your ex was gone so should everyone who is involved with him. 1
Alpacalia Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 If you were with your ex for a long time I think it's natural that you would forge some kind of platonic relationship with them. Fortunately some are just more respectful than others with not crossing any boundaries and going after their friend's exes. 1 1
stillafool Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 54 minutes ago, Alpaca said: If you were with your ex for a long time I think it's natural that you would forge some kind of platonic relationship with them. Fortunately some are just more respectful than others with not crossing any boundaries and going after their friend's exes. No, she said this about them: 12 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: These are the friends he always kept me away from. I met them all over the course of our relationship but we never properly hung out it was more of passing meets. My ex always gave the impression that they weren't really fond of me although he never exactly said it. 1
Alpacalia Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: No, she said this about them: I was more so giving my own perspective with regard to: "once your ex was gone so should everyone who is involved with him" (guess that was a bit off topic on my part) But yes - I suppose there is a reason and maybe OP will chime in at some point. 1 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 20, 2021 Posted August 20, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: So to make it shorter, I broke up with my ex about 2 years ago, since then we have both dated others. Anyway since then some of his closest friends have been contacting me. These are the friends he always kept me away from. I met them all over the course of our relationship but we never properly hung out it was more of passing meets. My ex always gave the impression that they weren't really fond of me although he never exactly said it. Now, this is where the issue is. three of his friends have asked me out on dates and now a fourth. From what I know these would be his close friends and I am a little confused. I wouldn't ever dream of dating or even asking one of my friend's exes to go on a date as I feel it would be some sort of betrayal. Part of me thinks maybe they don't realize who I am? Although I would assume they do seeing as I dated their friend for over a year. I'm not sure if my ex is putting them up to it? Or even why they would ask me out if my exe gave me the impression that they didn't even like me. Am I wrong in thinking it's weird to be asked out by four of my exes friends? I would love to hear your thoughts on it. as a guy I wouldn’t date a good friend ex just after ending the relationship. It different if it’s an ex of someone I am casual friends with.what I mean by casual friends are peop,e you might know like you want to high school ir college or some church with or they were a coworker where you might have socialized as coworker outside of work. Sometimes in large friends groups of about a dozen or so not e everyone are best friends 4-5 of the 12 you are closer to and regularly talk to but the others in the group you don’t socialize with them on your own but only with the group. In a group of friends I have it’s me and my brother, 3 brothers, two guys who are 1st cousins. In high school about 5 of them were in one graduating class, 3 were in another. Others were in different grades. We are all friends on FB for those who have profiles. the way my brother met his wife….he had been away at college staying there in a few summers thus not coming back much and socializing. On of the guys had dated this girl long enough that she had met many of the guys at some party/ socializing things. Thry had broken up. My brother after 4.5 yrs at college, moved back home and got a job. By chance they happened to be at this dive bar near where one of the guys lived. She happened to be there that night with her friends. So she recognized some of the guys and they chatted. My brother came up and the guys said hey do you want to meet XXX former gf. He came over and said us this the infamous YYY— she knew who YYY was, it wasn’t her and she punched him. Later she came over to apologize and they started to talk. My brother and this guy in the group she dated are not close and he wasn’t there that night so he didn’t care thus was an ex of someone he knew. Edited August 20, 2021 by Ami1uwant 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted August 20, 2021 Author Posted August 20, 2021 So I should mention, 2 of them found me on Social media. I wasn’t friends with them. They started following me and then slid into my DMs the others messaged me on dating apps. Im just confused, as my ex always gave me the impression they didn’t really like me. Yet now they are all asking me out for a date. My ex had some narcissistic tendencies so my friends assume he just made me think they didn’t like me. I won’t be getting involved with them. I don’t want that drama of running in the same circles as him. I just thought it was so freaking odd that they all have been messaging me.
glows Posted August 20, 2021 Posted August 20, 2021 It's odd. But you don't have to think about it anymore if they're blocked. 1 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 20, 2021 Posted August 20, 2021 (edited) 50 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: my friends assume he just made me think they didn’t like me. That's interesting. Probably some truth to that. Egotistical people love to divide and conquer. It's the whole "me and everyone else vs you" thing. You seem to have dodged 5 bullets at once. The jerk you broke up with and his 4 equally creepy friends. Edited August 20, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 1
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2021 Posted August 20, 2021 (edited) Well it's pretty obvious why he kept you away from them....because they have no bro code honor among them. They probably would have hit on you when you and your ex were dating. They say you are the company you keep. Edited August 20, 2021 by smackie9 1 1
spiderowl Posted August 21, 2021 Posted August 21, 2021 (edited) It is very odd and I can understand you being suspicious. I suppose it is might be that if lockdown has ended where you are and they have seen you on social media, that they are (quite independently) taking the opportunity to make contact while they can. It could be they think two years is enough time for your ex to have got over you. They may or may not be close friends with your ex - only you would know how close. All of them hitting on you at the same time seems like too much of a coincidence though. It could be that your ex kept them away from you because he didn't trust them and thought they might try to steal you away. If so, he was right! But yes, it is strange that it is happening all at once and it smacks of being coordinated. While I would turn them down before too long, I would be sorely tempted to ask a few questions first to see what is happening - why is he suddenly contacting you now, what about the bro code, are they still friends with X, X and X, and so on. Edited August 21, 2021 by spiderowl 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted August 23, 2021 Author Posted August 23, 2021 On 8/21/2021 at 10:40 PM, Wiseman2 said: Stalking by proxy? It could be, but I don’t know why he’d do that. I’m pretty sure he’s in a relationship now so I doubt he’s thinking about me.
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted August 23, 2021 Author Posted August 23, 2021 On 8/21/2021 at 10:34 PM, spiderowl said: It is very odd and I can understand you being suspicious. I suppose it is might be that if lockdown has ended where you are and they have seen you on social media, that they are (quite independently) taking the opportunity to make contact while they can. It could be they think two years is enough time for your ex to have got over you. They may or may not be close friends with your ex - only you would know how close. All of them hitting on you at the same time seems like too much of a coincidence though. It could be that your ex kept them away from you because he didn't trust them and thought they might try to steal you away. If so, he was right! But yes, it is strange that it is happening all at once and it smacks of being coordinated. While I would turn them down before too long, I would be sorely tempted to ask a few questions first to see what is happening - why is he suddenly contacting you now, what about the bro code, are they still friends with X, X and X, and so on. Yeah I agree, it does feel coordinated although although why? If they fancied me or whatever it’s just so strange that they all started messaging me. my friends think I should be worried because they might have a bet or something about who can sleep with or something along those lines. I’m not in contact with my ex, however my friend did say he removed her from his followers but still follows her. So she can’t see what he is posting but he can see what she is. it’s just odd that happened and then now his closest friends are all hitting on me.
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted August 23, 2021 Author Posted August 23, 2021 As I’d mentioned my ex had some narcissistic tendencies. He used to make me feel bad about myself and one of the ways he done it was by saying his friends weren’t fond of me and think he could do better with someone better looking and yes he actually said that. He was an a**h***. So either he lied about his friends thinking I was ugly or he has them setting me up for something. I haven’t blocked them yet, I am getting a feel for them in the sense I wanna see if they’ve been told to contact me.
spiderowl Posted August 23, 2021 Posted August 23, 2021 3 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: As I’d mentioned my ex had some narcissistic tendencies. He used to make me feel bad about myself and one of the ways he done it was by saying his friends weren’t fond of me and think he could do better with someone better looking and yes he actually said that. He was an a**h***. So either he lied about his friends thinking I was ugly or he has them setting me up for something. I haven’t blocked them yet, I am getting a feel for them in the sense I wanna see if they’ve been told to contact me. You are right, he was an a**h***! Who would say that to their girlfriend? Good thing you have moved on. If his friends are anything like him, you would be best to steer clear of them. 1
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