Holly J Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 I am very perplexed and I know people can't be in his mind, but maybe some insight would help. I don't know this guy I've been talking to, I'll just call him "Paul". Paul randomly friended me earlier this year, because I'm friends with his one friend. He lives in Chicago and I live in Pittsburgh, PA. When I contracted covid he seemed genuinely concerned and messaged me to see if I was okay. We started connecting shortly after. Then, we were just Facebook talking to each other under each other's posts, then it progressed to messaging in the inbox more, then him giving me his number because he said he genuinely enjoyed talking to me. Fast forward. We started texting. He was always texting and saying "good morning" to me. He started off the texts everyday and we messaged each other every day. He was a lot of fun to talk to because he talked about everything and he is a super funny person. Then he progressed it to calling me. We spoke for 7 hours! He was very flirtatious but he was also talking regularly as well with me and highly respected me. He was making me really happy because he seemed genuinely interested in me and asking me questions that seemed of someone who was interested. He kept saying how I am a "rarity" and how he is so lucky to have someone like me in his life. He was joking a lot and saying "So do you like diamonds or ruby's or emeralds? Because I need to know what kind of ring to get you!" It was all fun and games, but he was super kind, told me deep stuff about his past and we both related so well to each other and each other's traumas. We were in sync! The sparks were flying and we both were even saying we are each other's twin flame. It was wild. He kept saying it more though. I spoke to him more and our convos on the phone would go for hours upon hours. Then he asked if I had Snapchat, I said "no" but he told me to create one, and then he said we should video call, but I'm too uncomfortable with that because I just don't like myself on video. He saw videos of me with my friends that my friends did, and I happen to be in it and I cringe everytime. I told him maybe when I am more comfortable I'll do that. He was fine with it and kept on talking to me. All of a sudden, he stopped the lovey dovey stuff and just respectfully spoke to me like a platonic friend after we both said we really like each other. So, that kind of confused me. Then I took a step back because it seemed this girl on his FB was awfully close to him, almost like she could've been a girlfriend. I asked him politely because I don't want to be flirting and talking to a taken man. He claims he is single and she is a platonic friend but they seemed pretty personal. I naturally was weary, so I just texted him and told him I couldn't talk on the phone because I was super busy. He had a "crisis" and said he cut the girl he is friends with that I was weary of, out. He said there was a woman named "Tina" who asked him to go to this event (supposedly just to be nice and as a friend, he kept making that point to me) but the girl he is close with asked him to go out with her to some nightclub first, so to be fair he took her invite instead of Tina's but the girl he is "platonically friends" with, ditched him, and blew him off. So Tina cut him out and got angry, and he said "That was out of character for her to do that! She never blows me off. I'm cutting her out. I feel bad Tina got hurt and she was really upset. She didn't want to hear me out that I was just trying to be fair." I just was casual about it because it sounded like a break up to me and that girl I was weary of and suspected to be his girlfriend sounded even more like it could be. All of a sudden since that incident happened, he hasn't really texted me. He was so distraught about the situation, I told him I'd call Sunday when I'm off work, well he seemed to not want to talk and barely texted me back Sunday. He totally shifted and switched gears after this situation where he cut this girl out of his life for blowing him off. He doesn't like my posts anymore. Yet he is posting all over FB, when he texts me there's no emojis and he isn't overly friendly, he is just casual and speaking to me like we never had a spark. He is just super casual and not as lovey dovey, gracious, flirty, funny, and as inviting. He replies hours back to me now and hasn't even tried to call me. Whereas he was calling me before and wanting to talk to me on the phone than text. We had such a beautiful connection, and spark. All of a sudden he is kind've just being distant and a bit cold. He isn't as funny and flirty with me. He just is like "whatever", but I am perplexed as to what happened? I asked him if he was ok and he could tell me anything, I'm open to his struggles, etc. He said "I know you are. You're very kind but I am doing great Holly! No need to worry!" He keeps claiming he is "fine" yet he isn't as warm and wanting to talk to me. I don't understand how we went from really liking each other and talking about meeting up with each other, him joking he'll marry me, saying I am his twin flame, and saying how "beautiful" I am, sharing my deepest traumas with him, as he was with me, and then boom! It's like none of that happened and that spark is gone. It's depressing me and I'm honestly so confused. I wonder if my hunch was right that the girl he seemed close with was his girlfriend and he is acting this way because she broke up with him because he is a cheater? I just don't get how we went from talking all day everyday to this sudden distance and strange shift in mood, and supposedly he is "ok". Any thoughts? Thank you.
Alpacalia Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 6 hours ago, Holly J said: So do you like diamonds or ruby's or emeralds? Because I need to know what kind of ring to get you!" 6 hours ago, Holly J said: him joking he'll marry me, saying I am his twin flame, and saying how "beautiful" I am Such remarks should never be taken literally. It's the use of inference and intensity to create the illusion of false intimacy. In general, talking to a random stranger in the manner in which you both did for hours on end with no intention of meeting is not a smart idea. I'm sorry this occurred to you, but I believe he is already involved with someone or is somewhere in the middle. He came on way too heavy, and you can be sure that he's merely interested in getting his needs satisfied and has no intentions to engage in you long-term. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 I think you're right that he is dating this Tina lady, and she does not like that he spends all this time talking to another woman online. So, he's distancing himself from you to appease her (as he should, if they are in fact dating) 6 hours ago, Holly J said: him joking he'll marry me, saying I am his twin flame, and saying how "beautiful" I am This is too much from a man you have never met. He got carried away with the fantasy, but you can't take such things seriously when they're coming from a stranger. I realize it's flattering to these things but it's important not to lose perspective and assume it means something deeper without ever having met the person who's whispering these sweet nothings to you. In the futrure, don't get too caught up in a digital fling, and don't share your most personal issues and trauma either. Too many people do so hoping that it means there's a deep connection or emotional trust, but again, it doesn't mean that when you have never met the person offline. So it hurts even more when the other person just falls off the radar, because they've allowed themselves to be vulnerable under the wrong circusmtances. It's better if you stop contact with him. He sounds like a bit of a player, honestly.
Miss Spider Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 7 hours ago, Holly J said: He lives in Chicago and I live in Pittsburgh, PA. Maybe he finally realized what a bad idea it was? 1
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 You were something to do, somebody to talk to while he was in Covid lockdown. Now that the world is opening up again he has less interest in his long distance chat buddy who won't even video with him. 2
ShyViolet Posted August 19, 2021 Posted August 19, 2021 Maybe he just finally realized what a waste of time it is to spend hours and hours every day talking to someone who is several states away and who you've never met in person? Maybe he realized that this is all a fantasy and it's not a substitute for a real relationship. And maybe you should take this cue to realize the same thing. 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 20, 2021 Posted August 20, 2021 23 hours ago, Holly J said: I am very perplexed and I know people can't be in his mind, but maybe some insight would help. I don't know this guy I've been talking to, I'll just call him "Paul". Paul randomly friended me earlier this year, because I'm friends with his one friend. He lives in Chicago and I live in Pittsburgh, PA. When I contracted covid he seemed genuinely concerned and messaged me to see if I was okay. We started connecting shortly after. Then, we were just Facebook talking to each other under each other's posts, then it progressed to messaging in the inbox more, then him giving me his number because he said he genuinely enjoyed talking to me. Fast forward. We started texting. He was always texting and saying "good morning" to me. He started off the texts everyday and we messaged each other every day. He was a lot of fun to talk to because he talked about everything and he is a super funny person. Then he progressed it to calling me. We spoke for 7 hours! He was very flirtatious but he was also talking regularly as well with me and highly respected me. He was making me really happy because he seemed genuinely interested in me and asking me questions that seemed of someone who was interested. He kept saying how I am a "rarity" and how he is so lucky to have someone like me in his life. He was joking a lot and saying "So do you like diamonds or ruby's or emeralds? Because I need to know what kind of ring to get you!" It was all fun and games, but he was super kind, told me deep stuff about his past and we both related so well to each other and each other's traumas. We were in sync! The sparks were flying and we both were even saying we are each other's twin flame. It was wild. He kept saying it more though. I spoke to him more and our convos on the phone would go for hours upon hours. Then he asked if I had Snapchat, I said "no" but he told me to create one, and then he said we should video call, but I'm too uncomfortable with that because I just don't like myself on video. He saw videos of me with my friends that my friends did, and I happen to be in it and I cringe everytime. I told him maybe when I am more comfortable I'll do that. He was fine with it and kept on talking to me. All of a sudden, he stopped the lovey dovey stuff and just respectfully spoke to me like a platonic friend after we both said we really like each other. So, that kind of confused me. Then I took a step back because it seemed this girl on his FB was awfully close to him, almost like she could've been a girlfriend. I asked him politely because I don't want to be flirting and talking to a taken man. He claims he is single and she is a platonic friend but they seemed pretty personal. I naturally was weary, so I just texted him and told him I couldn't talk on the phone because I was super busy. He had a "crisis" and said he cut the girl he is friends with that I was weary of, out. He said there was a woman named "Tina" who asked him to go to this event (supposedly just to be nice and as a friend, he kept making that point to me) but the girl he is close with asked him to go out with her to some nightclub first, so to be fair he took her invite instead of Tina's but the girl he is "platonically friends" with, ditched him, and blew him off. So Tina cut him out and got angry, and he said "That was out of character for her to do that! She never blows me off. I'm cutting her out. I feel bad Tina got hurt and she was really upset. She didn't want to hear me out that I was just trying to be fair." I just was casual about it because it sounded like a break up to me and that girl I was weary of and suspected to be his girlfriend sounded even more like it could be. All of a sudden since that incident happened, he hasn't really texted me. He was so distraught about the situation, I told him I'd call Sunday when I'm off work, well he seemed to not want to talk and barely texted me back Sunday. He totally shifted and switched gears after this situation where he cut this girl out of his life for blowing him off. He doesn't like my posts anymore. Yet he is posting all over FB, when he texts me there's no emojis and he isn't overly friendly, he is just casual and speaking to me like we never had a spark. He is just super casual and not as lovey dovey, gracious, flirty, funny, and as inviting. He replies hours back to me now and hasn't even tried to call me. Whereas he was calling me before and wanting to talk to me on the phone than text. We had such a beautiful connection, and spark. All of a sudden he is kind've just being distant and a bit cold. He isn't as funny and flirty with me. He just is like "whatever", but I am perplexed as to what happened? I asked him if he was ok and he could tell me anything, I'm open to his struggles, etc. He said "I know you are. You're very kind but I am doing great Holly! No need to worry!" He keeps claiming he is "fine" yet he isn't as warm and wanting to talk to me. I don't understand how we went from really liking each other and talking about meeting up with each other, him joking he'll marry me, saying I am his twin flame, and saying how "beautiful" I am, sharing my deepest traumas with him, as he was with me, and then boom! It's like none of that happened and that spark is gone. It's depressing me and I'm honestly so confused. I wonder if my hunch was right that the girl he seemed close with was his girlfriend and he is acting this way because she broke up with him because he is a cheater? I just don't get how we went from talking all day everyday to this sudden distance and strange shift in mood, and supposedly he is "ok". Any thoughts? Thank you. This happens in relationships. If something happens some are just fair weather friends where if any crisis comes up they might run. this seemed to naturally happen which there is nothing wrong with that. Years ago in early internet days Zi met people through various chat rooms on AOL from different places not near me or through social message boards or other social sites. In some ashes something developed or was going that track. Then some peop,e lime the idea but not the reality if distances. In thus time with Covid where peop,e can’t socialize are looking for social interaction. when meeting people who are long distance you need to talk more to see ifyou are matching on many levels that you might not do if you two were in the same area. some might use this to emotionally support them between local relationships and they have no real seriousness on actually pursuing something.
JRabbit Posted August 20, 2021 Posted August 20, 2021 Just a heads up, this is also a scam. I just listened to a Dateline podcast where the guy did similar things. Randomly add to FB, talk you up, then find a reason to come stay with you eventually, and then drain your bank accounts. Heads up.
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2021 Posted August 20, 2021 The relationship has ran it's course...flirty penpals...if there is a girl with in his reach he's gonna go for her. This is why you never invest so much emotionally when you are not even dating or have met. Text buddies that's all it was.
glows Posted August 20, 2021 Posted August 20, 2021 Words are easy especially spoken from afar. Whether or not he was cheating on someone else is uncertain. What you do know is that his earlier words to you were insincere, lacking any substance or worth. If your heart is open to something more down to earth and real, you might want to date in person locally instead of depending on Facebook to ascertain the intentions of your new partner.
Recommended Posts