Met Another Man Today.

[Miss Spider]

30 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

No worries, I often misread too or don't read all the posts, it happens.

You're on LS while on a date?  You're killing me sista, lol.

I just showed him and he’s like “fcks this sht?? xD ” i’m like, what you’re about to be about if we start dating. You might even get a whole thread made about you if you’re lucky!! ”

 

So have you decided if you going to break it off with the other guy or just let things ride out? Keep us updated on marine biologist . That’s a dope job btw. 

[Interstellar]

he was doing so well until he had to throw in the “you are way too pretty for me” aka you’re out of my league line. talk about a putdown. but he did try to close you so hey, a weak close is better than not closing.

[poppyfields]

Just now, Cookiesandough said:

I just showed him and he’s like “fcks this sht?? xD ” i’m like, what you’re about to be about if we start dating. You might even get a whole thread made about you if you’re lucky!! ”

 

So have you decided if you going to break it off with the other guy or just let things ride out? Keep us updated on marine biologist . That’s a dope job btw. 

Yeah I am gonna break it off, I am not one to "ride it out," once I make up my mind, it's done.

You're so funny with your English slang, I had no idea what a "dope job" was, I just googled it!

Yeah I agree it's very dope!   

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Interstellar said:

he was doing so well until he had to throw in the “you are way too pretty for me” aka you’re out of my league line. talk about a putdown. but he did try to close you so hey, a weak close is better than not closing.

LOL, I think it was a line, I didn't take it seriously.   I teased him about it, we both laughed.  Out loud!  

But yeah excellent closer.

Edited August 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I had a series of dates with shorter men that were confident therefore hot. I usually wear flats, there is so much variety and l feel as sexy in them as in high heels.

I have absolutely no problem being a bit taller in heels.  Before I met him, I thought I might be but when a man is THAT confident and has that strong a presence (regardless of height), it sheds an entirely different light on the whole matter.

But I think I might be jumping the gun a bit, let me call him first and see if he asks me out!!  

Or am I supposed to ask him out since I called?  lol

I have a lot of dating experience but gotta say, me taking his number and calling, this is all new to me.

Edited August 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Or am I supposed to ask him out since I called?  lol

No... let him do that, just have your schedule handy, so you can confirm or offer alternative date/time.

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I have a lot of dating experience but gotta say, me taking his number and calling, this is all new to me.

You'll do fine!!  He'll be excited to hear from you and I'm sure he already has some date ideas in his head.

[chillii]

Gonna be interesting , l shall check back in a wk or two haha.

lf l had a dollar for every supermarket thing l've stumbled across mannnn, l could retire. l'm spoken for but l have often wondered if there's ever any marriages or anything ever comes of it with super market encounters. And how could women working in them possibly be single bur l've also had this incredibly cute Asian chick that works at mine, eyeing me off 4yrs now. One day she was on the check out my turn came and she's looking me up and down it was crackin me up, l felt like a sex object ha ha ha .  l usually only see her working around the place , not so close up. Dunno about the height one though , if a man is insecure about being the same height then women must be insecure to then for usually wanting taller men right .

[poppyfields]

Read these boards chillii, which I know you do, so many threads/posts from men about being shorter, I don't make this stuff up.  Not all shorter men feel this way obviously.

Have no idea about the psychology behind why women (in general) like tall men, whether they are insecure or not, my guess is some are, some aren't. 

I've never cared, but the men I've gotten involved with just happened to be on the taller side. 

This thread is not about that, but thanks for responding, appreciate the contribution. 

 

Edited August 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Fox Sake]

11 hours ago, poppyfields said:

L   

Anyway, I am going to text him but I'd feel better if I end things with the guy I have been seeing first.  Not sure why, like I said we never discussed exclusivity, but I'd feel better anyway.

 

I approve of your process   Your moral standing is spot on 

[chillii]

Yeah very true pop, think they're worried about nothin myself, see plenty around with women.

They'll probably never work this out but l've always wished l was shorter, l'd kill for it. l'm noticed everywhere l go , shyts me and my heads always stuck up there on it's own in a crowd haha. PS , and in the cinema , even though l slouch down bc l am a sloucher anyway haha, l'm still in peoples way.

Double ps , and yeah def' , talk to the guy you've been seeing first , it's just the decent thing to do.

Edited August 19, 2021 by chillii

[poppyfields]

Current guy and I meeting for lunch today.  Ugh, not looking forward to this at all!!

[Miss Spider]

24 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Current guy and I meeting for lunch today.  Ugh, not looking forward to this at all!!

Poppy do you have to end it? It just doesn’t seem like you. You’re  about enjoying the moment and going with the flow. You were having so much fun with him?

[elaine567]

16 hours ago, poppyfields said:

...long story short, he is still grieving his late wife.

He may actually be glad when you end it.
Saves him from doing it.
OR he may just expect you to accept there are three of you in the relationship - one obviously deceased...

I once read an article from a widow. She said she will always love her dead husband and any other partner will have to accept that. She said that because  they never went through the usual break up process, the  distancing, the fights, the falling out of love, the disappointment, the hatred...  she has no reason to not love him. They were in full "in love" mode. He went out to work and just never made it home...

[poppyfields]

22 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Poppy do you have to end it? It just doesn’t seem like you. You’re  about enjoying the moment and going with the flow. You were having so much fun with him?

To be perfectly honest cookies, not sure what I want to do.  But we will talk, I mean really "talk" which is something we haven't done.

I think sometimes I am too "go with the flow" and it can cause confusion for both myself and whomever I'm dating.  

Same thing happened in my last relationship early on.

So just gonna play it out.  Talk, about how I feel, how he feels. 

Yesterday, I felt a surge of excitement about meeting supermarket guy, today I feel more grounded. 

It's interesting and causes you to wonder about the guys who ask for your number in the moment but never call?

Well the tables are turned here, because I am the one who took his number but now I'm unsure after being so excited yesterday! 

Thanks cookies, you can be a dear, I'll keep you posted. 

 

Edited August 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He may actually be glad when you end it.
Saves him from doing it.
OR he may just expect you to accept there are three of you in the relationship - one obviously deceased...

I once read an article from a widow. She said she will always love her dead husband and any other partner will have to accept that. She said that because  they never went through the usual break up process, the  distancing, the fights, the falling out of love, the disappointment, the hatred...  she has no reason to not love him. They were in full "in love" mode. He went out to work and just never made it home...

Yup, exactly.  It's how my dad felt too about my step mom.

No matter who else he dated after she died, she would always remain the love of his life.  

Edited August 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[introverted1]

 

13 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He may actually be glad when you end it.
Saves him from doing it.
OR he may just expect you to accept there are three of you in the relationship - one obviously deceased...

I once read an article from a widow. She said she will always love her dead husband and any other partner will have to accept that. She said that because  they never went through the usual break up process, the  distancing, the fights, the falling out of love, the disappointment, the hatred...  she has no reason to not love him. They were in full "in love" mode. He went out to work and just never made it home...

 

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Yup, exactly.  It's how my dad felt too about my step mom.

No matter who else he dated after she died, she would always remain the love of his life.  

This is why I won't date a widow.  You are competing with a ghost and you'll never win.  Plus, assuming the marriage was long, those two people grew up together, not literally of course, but if they met in their 20s or even 30s, they had a lot of time to synch up their rhythms.  So hard to come along with a new rhythm.

[Miss Spider]

 

I’m just saying here you’re having fun with him in the moment and freeing yourself from outcome. If you enjoy your time together, why does it matter if he’s emotionally unavailable to you? Especially at 2 months?  Unless there is some thing else here that makes you uncomfortable about the situation that I missed, and you were no longer enjoying your time together? Like he’s venting about it too much/wants a hot agony aunt? 

Sorry, it just seems like you have some core principles/beliefs about this very thing, which I want to be clear, I do NOT share whatsoever. But I respect it nonetheless and I guess I’m wondering if this isn’t adherence to that( and if so, why not?) or something else is at play here where it’s no longer enjoyable to you to hang out with him, despite detaching yourself from the outcome( which is something I saw you say you’re working on) . 
 

 OK. I just read that you are feeling guilty about talking to others even though you’re in a no exclusive rship. 

This is one situation in which I agree with you. And I am not going to be the devil on the shoulder. Wow. Put it on record. 

I think that is a primary issue with the casual in name only label/situationships.  I think when things stop becoming so casual with one party ( and this is almost always the case)  they do start to feel guilty for keeping their options open( which is a great set up for the person who really does feel casual about it and is). For a lot of people that would be when sex is involved…. I get others don’t care, but for me that would do it. It would feel so weird talking to other dudes while having sex with another. So I get you. And I think you’re making the right decision there if you do decide you don’t want to see the widower anymore/see where it goes. 
 

sorry. I just saw that you responded.I was writing this as you were as you posted that so I did not read it yet

 

Edited August 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Happy Lemming]

56 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Current guy and I meeting for lunch today.  Ugh, not looking forward to this at all!!

Just "rip the band-aid" off and let the chips fall where they may.  Although, I appreciate an in-person breakup, most do it over the phone.  Try not to talk and talk and talk about it, just tell him that the relationship has reached its conclusion for you and you need to say "good-bye".  You really don't owe him a reason or explanation.  To tell you the truth, I don't want to hear an explanation when I get dumped, just tell me and let me go on my way.

As for "grocery store" guy, what do you have to lose??  Call him up tonight, go out, eat a meal together and learn more about one another.  You'll know a lot more "stuff" about him, after going out on your first date. At that point, you can decide if you want to continue.

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

This is why I won't date a widow.  You are competing with a ghost and you'll never win.  Plus, assuming the marriage was long, those two people grew up together, not literally of course, but if they met in their 20s or even 30s, they had a lot of time to synch up their rhythms.  So hard to come along with a new rhythm.

This pretty much sums it up.  Exactly how I feel.

Guess I'm not such a "casual" dater after all.

Or was, but when feelings emerge beyond the initial attraction and chemistry, I'm not.

Thanks guys!  Taking it all in, you've all been extremely helpful! 

[Miss Spider]

39 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

To be perfectly honest cookies, not sure what I want to do.  But we will talk, I mean really "talk" which is something we haven't done.

I think sometimes I am too "go with the flow" and it can cause confusion for both myself and whomever I'm dating.  

Same thing happened in my last relationship early on.

So just gonna play it out.  Talk, about how I feel, how he feels. 

Yesterday, I felt a surge of excitement about meeting supermarket guy, today I feel more grounded. 

It's interesting and causes you to wonder about the guys who ask for your number in the moment but never call?

Well the tables are turned here, because I am the one who took his number but now I'm unsure after being so excited yesterday! 

Thanks cookies, you can be a dear, I'll keep you posted. 

 

Okay that totally answered my question(s) I think.  

I can understand that. He did JUST lose her, right? So grieving hard right now. So sad. You can’t replace a person and it won’t be the same, but he can fall in love again someday.  Now might be hard. 

What do you mean I CAN be a dear.  Hahaha. I love you, poppy. 

 

About supermarket dude, it’s only been last night and it’s not past noon(?)Maybe he adheres to that weird three day rule or is playing some weird game. Sounds like you guys really hit it off and it’s very unlikely they cold approach for your number and wouldn’t call.   I think sometimes  it just takes awhile to get around to it  or they want to play it cool… 

Edited August 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

About supermarket dude, it’s only been a day and it’s not even past noon(?)Maybe he adheres to that weird three day rule and doesn’t want to come off too desperate. 

He asked for mine, but I took his number instead cookies, I'm supposed to call him.

 

 

Edited August 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

He asked for mine, but I took his number instead cookies, I'm supposed to call him.

 

 

Oh bet. Sorry.  Better get on that!!! 

Edited August 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[elaine567]

Why did you do that Poppy?

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Why did you do that Poppy?

Do what?  Take his number?

Because we were clicking, my current guy and I aren't exclusive and we're on the outs anyway. 

I wasnt planning on calling unless and until I ended it with current, I posted that. 

Edited August 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Calmandfocused]

Poppy, I’m so jealous how you just randomly bump into these super hot SINGLE guys! That is so unfair! .

The super hot guys I end up chatting to in public (just making conversation)  are always married, no exception. 

The ones who are single are not the sort of guys I’d find attractive. 
 

Mind you, I’m the sort who would not wait in a 30 minute queue. I’m more likely to leave, muttering about incompetent management and understaffing, and go to another shop. Perhaps I should change my position on that! Patience is a virtue and yours had clearly paid off! 
 

im really sorry to hear about lawyer guy. Unfortunately you’re right. There is no vacancy in his heart right now. It wouldn’t be fair on either of you to continue. 
 

I also know you dislike talking on the phone and the fact you’re going to ring this other guy is very brave indeed. Good on you! Let us know how it goes.