sushiandtacos Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 Hey ya'll long time no see I've been really busy with school but hope all of ya'll are doing well I recently have been talking to this guy, we've been on around 4 dates. Initially he's been so sweet, driving over to see me even tho it's over 40 minutes each way, texting everyday, wishing me luck on exams, etc etc the whole nine yards. I even cancelled the second date three times due to certain things coming up and he was still willing to see me after all that. I thought that this guy is growing on me slowly even tho there wasn't that initial chemistry/spark that I felt on my end. Due to going on different trips and break from school, we had a few weeks in between when I saw him for our third date. After our third date, he asked me to be "official". I was put off guard bc of how early he asked me and was not expecting that. I accidentally mumbled an affirmative sound but after coming back and thinking about it that same night I was freaking out bc I was not ready yet. I texted him the next day saying I needed more time and that it was way to early for me. He understood and was sweet about it. Then the fourth date things got weird... I won't go into specifics but essentially we were making out and things were getting heated until he told me he was a virgin. I was, again, put off guard and decided to stop things from going forward. I noticed he felt awkward and uncomfortable too so it looked like he was relieved when we stopped. He comes from a very Catholic upbringing, but I asked him if he didn't believe in pre-marital sex. Then he preceded to tell me that he didn't know and was sorry he couldn't answer me... Another detail was when he was pulling his pants up (lol) he said "IDK if we want to talk ab this now but I'm looking for something long-term idk about you..." which looking back now I definitely feel like he was judging me about wanting to hook up AND who says I'm not looking for something long term just because I want to have sex outside of marriage?? This comment made me feel judged! Then I'm back in my home state for break and he texted me just yesterday that after thinking about our convo (which was barely a convo lol) that he thinks we're not compatible but has enjoyed our times together. I responded back saying I don't understand how he wanted to be official two weeks ago but then decide to end things about something we barely talked about (which is about sex). He didn't respond lol. My friends are surprised how someone who wanted me to be his girlfriend just weeks ago doesn't respond or communicate and end things via text. Then he preceded to delete me off on social media... TBH I wasn't into him as much BUT my feelings are still confused and hurt on the sudden shift and just ending things after doing something physical. Sorry for the long post, but thanks for reading guys and wanted to know ya'lls thoughts about the matter.
JustGrand Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 (edited) 33 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: IÂ asked him if he didn't believe in pre-marital sex. Then he preceded to tell me that he didn't know and was sorry he couldn't answer me. The true answer is probably yes. But because you were about to have sex with him and his pants was down and stuff, he said "I don't know." He knows things didn't go well and at that point and being put on the spot with that specific question probably a bit of shame from his internal conflicts. Either that or he couldn't go through with it for some other reason that bothered him greatly. Im also a Christian and believe in no sex before marriage... But I didn't make it that far. Men can be tempted especially when in a very horny mood. It could've been that too for your man... Or should I say now an ex. Edited August 18, 2021 by JustGrand 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 He shared he was a virgin you stopped and held back hes now embarrassed and felt he said too much now pulls away  how is this any different than some women actually pulling away from a relationship because sex happened too soon thus they were embarrassed as being too easy? 1
Miss Spider Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 (edited) Heâs terrible bc he feels you two are incompatible and voiced that to you in a polite and mature manner instead of just ghosting which would have been easier? Just goes to show you can never win lol Is it really anyone whoâs been on like 4 dates and wants to break it offâs duty to detail why until the other person finds it acceptable. Feeling incompatible is reason enough and that can happen for a lot of reasons especially this early on. Edited August 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough 5
glows Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 The key word is incompatible. Itâs used quite a lot to explain away a vast number of reasons why individuals arenât right for each other but I think it also speaks volumes subtly and a lot can be read between the lines especially unspoken words and gestures that suggest two people are not meant for each other. I think he tried to play a role, something ultra sweet and accommodating, but it couldnât sustain itself. This frees you up to see others and feel less self-conscious too.  1
Author sushiandtacos Posted August 18, 2021 Author Posted August 18, 2021 I just felt that we could've had a conversation about this instead of just ending it so abruptly with a text. Just hurt that he made assumptions that I wasn't okay with not having premartial sex when he never asked me anything. I was just starting to open up to him too especially after he thought this was serious enough to put labels on/be official. I guess how quickly he can make this a relationship, he can quickly end things too.Â
poppyfields Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 1 hour ago, sushiandtacos said: TBH I wasn't into him as much BUT my feelings are still confused and hurt on the sudden shift and just ending things after doing something physical. I'm trying to sympathize sushi but sorry having trouble doing so. How is he so terrible? People are allowed to change their minds, and what happened that was physical, besides making out, did you give him a BJ or something? I mean you said his pants were down, logical assumption, I could be wrong. Doesn't really matter though. Anyway, as cookies said, he ended it maturely and politely not to mention, admittedly you weren't into him much anyway! So what's troubling you exactly? That he decided he wasn't into you and said it first before you did? I'm not understanding. 3
Author sushiandtacos Posted August 18, 2021 Author Posted August 18, 2021 17 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Heâs terrible bc he feels you two are incompatible and voiced that to you in a polite and mature manner instead of just ghosting which would have been easier? Just goes to show you can never win lol Is it really anyone whoâs been on like 4 dates and wants to break it offâs duty to detail why until the other person finds it acceptable. Feeling incompatible is reason enough and that can happen for a lot of reasons especially this early on. I'm upset and questioning how genuine he was in the beginning about wanting me to be his girlfriend if he can end things so quickly after a 360 shift without even having a conversation about it. 1
Author sushiandtacos Posted August 18, 2021 Author Posted August 18, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: I'm trying to sympathize sushi but sorry having trouble doing so. How is he so terrible? People are allowed to change their minds, and what happened that was physical, besides making out, did you give him a BJ or something? I mean you said his pants were down, logical assumption, I could be wrong. Doesn't really matter though. Anyway, as cookies said, he ended it maturely and politely not to mention, admittedly you weren't into him much anyway! So what's troubling you exactly? That he decided he wasn't into you and said it first before you did? I'm not understanding. Hi poppy!! Okay I guess I was being salty and wish I can change the title lol. You are right, I shouldn't be upset especially since I wasn't into him as much. But he was slowly growing on me ngl and especially after he expressed how serious this could go a few weeks ago made me more open to the idea of being in a relationship again. 2
poppyfields Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: I'm upset and questioning how genuine he was in the beginning about wanting me to be his girlfriend if he can end things so quickly after a 360 shift without even having a conversation about it. sushi feelings can change on a dime in these early stages, no rhyme or reason it happens ALL the time! Again, you werent into him either, so try to let it go. You were not the right fit together, he originally may have thought you were but then after the awkwardness after revealing he was a virgin, he changed his mind. Simple as that really. Edit: You said things were getting heated, why did you suddenly stop after he told you he was a virgin? Did that turn you off? How do you think that made him feel? Edited August 18, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
Author sushiandtacos Posted August 18, 2021 Author Posted August 18, 2021 10 minutes ago, poppyfields said: sushi feelings can change on a dime in these early stages, no rhyme or reason it happens ALL the time! Again, you werent into him either, so try to let it go. You were not the right fit together, he originally may have thought you were but then after the awkwardness after revealing he was a virgin, he changed his mind. Simple as that really. Edit: You said things were getting heated, why did you suddenly stop after he told you he was a virgin? Did that turn you off? How do you think that made him feel? Agreed, just needed some support so I appreciate this post Bc even tho he initially started the physical things, I could tell he was getting uncomfortable after I gave him the physical signs that I wanted to go all the way... Also I asked if he brought a condom then that's when he told me he didn't and that he's never done this before lol.Â
Miss Spider Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 (edited) Heâs might just feel really awkward about everything Edited August 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough 4
JRabbit Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 48 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: I'm upset and questioning how genuine he was in the beginning about wanting me to be his girlfriend if he can end things so quickly after a 360 shift without even having a conversation about it. Why are you upset though, you didnât want to be his gf! he wants a relationship and you told him you didnât, but that you wanted to sleep with him. He probably didnât understand that, and decided you werenât a good fit. Seems like your ego took the hit more than your heart. 4 1
Author sushiandtacos Posted August 18, 2021 Author Posted August 18, 2021 6 minutes ago, JRabbit said: Why are you upset though, you didnât want to be his gf! he wants a relationship and you told him you didnât, but that you wanted to sleep with him. He probably didnât understand that, and decided you werenât a good fit. Seems like your ego took the hit more than your heart. I think you hit the nail on the head...Â
glows Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 You were right to put on the brakes if you felt it was too soon. Frankly that seems rushed and forced at only 3 dates. The confusion came about when you decided sleeping with him would be a good way to deepen the relationship. Some people arenât into things in that order. He felt conflicted and turned off most likely but itâs anyoneâs guess in the end why he ended it completely or told you you were both incompatible. Thatâs a clear No that he doesnât agree with the way you do things. I think you have every right to feel upset or more disappointed rather. You said he was growing on you. You didnât have a chance to warm up to him in your own time, your way. Whatever you feel is valid. 1 1
poppyfields Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 12 minutes ago, glows said: Whatever you feel is valid. Her feelings are valid of course, I was just questioning why she believed he was/is so "terrible," which is the title of this thread. But she confirmed it was more about her ego being hurt/disappointed which I can understand. Happens to the best of us... 2
Author sushiandtacos Posted August 18, 2021 Author Posted August 18, 2021 17 minutes ago, glows said: You were right to put on the brakes if you felt it was too soon. Frankly that seems rushed and forced at only 3 dates. The confusion came about when you decided sleeping with him would be a good way to deepen the relationship. Some people arenât into things in that order. He felt conflicted and turned off most likely but itâs anyoneâs guess in the end why he ended it completely or told you you were both incompatible. Thatâs a clear No that he doesnât agree with the way you do things. I think you have every right to feel upset or more disappointed rather. You said he was growing on you. You didnât have a chance to warm up to him in your own time, your way. Whatever you feel is valid. Thank you @glows  Looking back I think he was looking for a relationship rather than a person to be in a relationship with judging by how fast he tried to put labels on. Almost like you know me, I think I was trying to grow/force my feelings rather by physical intimacy and things just went to shreds after lol 1
introverted1 Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 You rejected him when you agreed to being official and then walked it back. The next time you saw him, you were ready for sex. If he doesn't have a lot of dating experience (or possibly, even if he does), this could be confusing and/or signal you want NSA sex. He determined that you're not compatible and let you know. Nothing terrible about that, imo, particularly since you say you weren't all that jazzed about him. 3
stillafool Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 10 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: TBH I wasn't into him as much BUT my feelings are still confused and hurt on the sudden shift and just ending things after doing something physical. But you didn't have sex with him. Your ego is hurt because he was the one who dumped you. He's right you two aren't compatible because you barely liked him. You cancelled the 2nd date 3 times! He should have ended his pursuit then. I don't think he was judging you he just stated what he wanted which was a serious relationship. Maybe he knows you aren't a virgin but he didn't say anything about that just that he didn't know what you were looking for. Maybe you should have told him what you're looking for. Anyway the way you talk about him it doesn't seem like you should care that he's gone. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 This all moved too fast for him. He wanted his 1st time to be inside a loving committed relationship.  You may have been thinking about working toward that but you certainly weren't there at date 4.  As much as you felt judged, he felt that he was out of step with modern dating because he was balking at the promise of sex.  Neither of you are wrong but you are very wrong for each other. Leave it be.  1
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 He's conflicted by his religious beliefs and his raging hormones. I knew guys that struggled with virginity, and doing the deed. Some held the act of first time like the holy grail, wanting all fluffy clouds and roses, some were just damn scared to do it. None of this has anything to do with you....this is his dilemma. He obviously had a plan in his head how he was going to do it. It backfired on him, and he got scared, later thinking it was a warning from God...you know guilt. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 I agree with the general consesus of the others - he's not terrible, but he is not right for you. And you are not right for him. That's all. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 It seems like you're hurt because he was able to resist you sexually, and stick to his values. A lot of men cannot as easily do this.Â
Miss Spider Posted August 18, 2021 Posted August 18, 2021 (edited) Ummm it sounds like he was fine with getting a oral sex/sticking his p mouth? (Unless Iâm wrong about this lol). But canât have piv because god? Hmmm interesting values. Edited August 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough
Author sushiandtacos Posted August 18, 2021 Author Posted August 18, 2021 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: Umm it sounds like he was fine with getting a bj/sticking his p mouth? (Unless Iâm wrong about this lol). But canât have sex because god? Hmmm interesting values. I don't get this as well. One girl I know has had sex via "God's blindspot" but still calls herself a virgin bc hasn't done PIV .... 1 1
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