hodgsonoliver Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 So my partner/Ex Partner and i had an argument 7th of august, which resulted in her driving home from a night out and bringing all my clothes back from her house and leaving them at mine i proceeded to have a breakdown and which ended up myself getting sectioned, I've now got help from therapy, However the girl has now changed her number and blocked me on all social media accounts, is there anything i can do to rectify this or do i now need to just move on?
Wiseman2 Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 45 minutes ago, hodgsonoliver said: bringing all my clothes back from her house and leaving them at mine i proceeded to have a breakdown and which ended up myself getting sectioned, However the girl has now changed her number and blocked me on all social media accounts What was the argument about? Was there violence or threats of suicide? What happened that resulted in hospitalization? Were you brought in by police? Did she get a restraining order? Focus on your mental health. Leave her alone or you could have legal problems since there's now a record of this event. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 53 minutes ago, hodgsonoliver said: However the girl has now changed her number and blocked me on all social media accounts, is there anything i can do to rectify this or do i now need to just move on? Yes, you need to move on. Continue working on your emotional well-being. 1
Author hodgsonoliver Posted August 15, 2021 Author Posted August 15, 2021 9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: What was the argument about? Was there violence or threats of suicide? What happened that resulted in hospitalization? Were you brought in by police? Did she get a restraining order? Focus on your mental health. Leave her alone or you could have legal problems since there's now a record of this event. We were both at bath music festival, few drinks too many and it was just a petty argument, i'd gone to ask somebody for a fag (which she hates) she caught me and we argued, the hospitalization - they did an assessment the following morning and they decided it was just too much alcohol and stupidity, ( which it was) NO thankfully no restraining order or anything like that. but thank you
Author hodgsonoliver Posted August 15, 2021 Author Posted August 15, 2021 1 hour ago, hodgsonoliver said: So my partner/Ex Partner and i had an argument 7th of august, which resulted in her driving home from a night out and bringing all my clothes back from her house and leaving them at mine i proceeded to have a breakdown and which ended up myself getting sectioned, I've now got help from therapy, However the girl has now changed her number and blocked me on all social media accounts, is there anything i can do to rectify this or do i now need to just move on? Bit of addition to the post - My partner/ex and I drunkenly argued 7th of august, She drove home from the city we were staying in leaving me behind, I carried on drinking and was sectioned under the mental health act due to police being concerned for my well being I was released Sunday morning once sobered up, During that time my partner returned all of my stuff, clothes/bathroom stuff/shoes and all other items. I had a break down and told her to look after my two cats, to which she panicked rang the police and tried to contact me I ignored her till later that evening by which point she refused to talk to me. Come Monday morning I went home and tried to talk to her but she had blocked my number by now and all social media accounts, my breakdown went a bit pear shape and I tried to overdose, she was concerned about me and rang the police (she didn’t know but was concerned about me) On Tuesday I received help from therapists and now have alcohol counselling to help me with coping methods. Since Tuesday I’ve been unable to contact her I believe she has blocked me on all social media accounts and changed her mobile number, the only thing left is her address but I don’t want to randomly show up to try talk to her. Is there anything that can be done?
Blind-Sided Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 Just time to move on, and work on yourself. 3
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 Sounds like a woman at the end of her tether with you. She is done with you. Until you get yourself sorted out properly, you do not have a hope in hell with her. Concentrate on getting yourself stable and alcohol free. Work with your therapists. Leave your gf alone. 2
Author hodgsonoliver Posted August 15, 2021 Author Posted August 15, 2021 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: Sounds like a woman at the end of her tether with you. She is done with you. Until you get yourself sorted out properly, you do not have a hope in hell with her. Concentrate on getting yourself stable and alcohol free. Work with your therapists. Leave your gf alone. Yeah i think she probably is at the end of her tether and it is understandable. I am continuing to work with the therapists and we've found out the root causes and i've been given 'steps' on how to control alcohol as it's not a dependancy but its a don't know how to stop when i've had a few. so there's some steps to work on with that. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 I'm sorry this happened to you but if she went through all the trouble & expense to change her # you have to assume she really wants nothing to do with you & that if you contact her you will end up on the receiving end of a restraining order. If her reaction to you smoking was to leave you miles away from home, return all your stuff, call the cops, block you & change her contact info there is too much drama in this relationship for it to be sustainable. There has to be more to the story then you understand. Given that you were so drunk that you had to be hospitalized by order of the police any chance you did something worse that you don't remember? Do you routinely drink this much? Some soul searching is in your future but do it without her.
Wiseman2 Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 45 minutes ago, hodgsonoliver said: I don’t want to randomly show up to try talk to her. Just move forward. That last thing you need on top of everything else is an arrest for trespassing. 2
Author hodgsonoliver Posted August 15, 2021 Author Posted August 15, 2021 8 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I'm sorry this happened to you but if she went through all the trouble & expense to change her # you have to assume she really wants nothing to do with you & that if you contact her you will end up on the receiving end of a restraining order. If her reaction to you smoking was to leave you miles away from home, return all your stuff, call the cops, block you & change her contact info there is too much drama in this relationship for it to be sustainable. There has to be more to the story then you understand. Given that you were so drunk that you had to be hospitalized by order of the police any chance you did something worse that you don't remember? Do you routinely drink this much? Some soul searching is in your future but do it without her. I can only assume she has changed her number, it could just be that i'm blocked (i don't actually know) i feel like there is more to the story other than just the smoking but i honestly don't remember. I know i was very insecure during the relationship. Something else clearly happened after she left which i honestly don't remember. I do remember carrying all my clothes around Bath at 2 in the morning due to the train station being closed. but other than that nothing remembered. No i don't drink this much, i can happily have one or two on a friday and not have any issues, However when i go out for drinking i stuggle to stop and over drink if that makes sense.
d0nnivain Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 3 minutes ago, hodgsonoliver said: However when i go out for drinking i stuggle to stop and over drink if that makes sense. That is a sign of somebody with alcohol problems. You can ask your friends to fill in the gaps in your memory. If you didn't go to Bath with friends, just assume you did something horrid like cheated & move on. Your EX does not want you back. Leave her alone. 3
ShyViolet Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 I don't know what you mean "is there anything that can be done to rectify this". She is your EX and she has made it clear that she's done with you. You need to accept that and never try to contact her again. You need to work on your own substance abuse issues, move on, and that's it. 2
smackie9 Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 2 hours ago, hodgsonoliver said: Yeah i think she probably is at the end of her tether and it is understandable. I am continuing to work with the therapists and we've found out the root causes and i've been given 'steps' on how to control alcohol as it's not a dependancy but its a don't know how to stop when i've had a few. so there's some steps to work on with that. You have years of therapy and counseling ahead of you. Best to focus on that, get well before you step into another relationship. Let healing from the breakup be a part of your recovery. I wish you all the best. Hope you feel better. 3
glows Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 2 hours ago, hodgsonoliver said: I can only assume she has changed her number, it could just be that i'm blocked (i don't actually know) i feel like there is more to the story other than just the smoking but i honestly don't remember. I know i was very insecure during the relationship. Something else clearly happened after she left which i honestly don't remember. I do remember carrying all my clothes around Bath at 2 in the morning due to the train station being closed. but other than that nothing remembered. No i don't drink this much, i can happily have one or two on a friday and not have any issues, However when i go out for drinking i stuggle to stop and over drink if that makes sense. It’s a vicious cycle of you drinking uncontrollably, blacking out and feeling insecure. A relationship won’t help you feel better. It’ll add on to your stress, insecurity and you’re ignoring the drinking problem. Try working on you for awhile, stay sober and single and sort yourself out. Leave her alone as the message is loud and clear: she doesn’t want any contact with you or a relationship with you. Go on and get sober and get back on track. Do it for yourself, not anyone else. 3
Ms.Jazzy Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 It's best to leave her alone and move on! If you try to reach out to her given the fact that she blocked you she made it clear she want to be left alone. Just to be clear she can charge you with stalking and harassment if you refuse to.
spiderowl Posted August 16, 2021 Posted August 16, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, hodgsonoliver said: Yeah i think she probably is at the end of her tether and it is understandable. I am continuing to work with the therapists and we've found out the root causes and i've been given 'steps' on how to control alcohol as it's not a dependancy but its a don't know how to stop when i've had a few. so there's some steps to work on with that. I think it might help to look at it from another perspective. From your point of view, you were distressed after the argument (which involved you doing something she was already unhappy with), you drank too much, so much so that the police were concerned whether you were sober enough to be safe. To her, you went and ignored her feelings and got very drunk. When this blew up into an argument, you were so drunk the police took you into care. This was probably upsetting for her then extremely frightening. It was the last straw and she decided she'd had enough. She took your stuff out of her house and sent it to your place. You responded by suggesting you might take your own life and then went AWOL. During this time, she must have been panicked and upset. She wanted you to stop smoking, not end up in this situation! She doesn't want to go through all that again. What might seem like minor, upset behaviour to you was probably terrifying for her. She doesn't need all that. You weren't getting on well or this argument would never have arisen as it did. It sounds like you were already pretty drunk by that point. It is hard to reason with anyone who is drunk. Would you still want to be in touch if the roles were reversed? You can go to therapy and learn to deal with anger and upset by methods other than alcohol. This is a time for you to learn new coping mechanisms and to start again. It is not likely to be with this woman but if you can learn what is driving you to become drunk and belligerent, you can get on top of it for good. Edited August 16, 2021 by spiderowl
Miss Spider Posted August 16, 2021 Posted August 16, 2021 What part of any of that makes it sound like a good idea to contact her lol 1 1
Author hodgsonoliver Posted August 16, 2021 Author Posted August 16, 2021 11 hours ago, spiderowl said: I think it might help to look at it from another perspective. From your point of view, you were distressed after the argument (which involved you doing something she was already unhappy with), you drank too much, so much so that the police were concerned whether you were sober enough to be safe. To her, you went and ignored her feelings and got very drunk. When this blew up into an argument, you were so drunk the police took you into care. This was probably upsetting for her then extremely frightening. It was the last straw and she decided she'd had enough. She took your stuff out of her house and sent it to your place. You responded by suggesting you might take your own life and then went AWOL. During this time, she must have been panicked and upset. She wanted you to stop smoking, not end up in this situation! She doesn't want to go through all that again. What might seem like minor, upset behaviour to you was probably terrifying for her. She doesn't need all that. You weren't getting on well or this argument would never have arisen as it did. It sounds like you were already pretty drunk by that point. It is hard to reason with anyone who is drunk. Would you still want to be in touch if the roles were reversed? You can go to therapy and learn to deal with anger and upset by methods other than alcohol. This is a time for you to learn new coping mechanisms and to start again. It is not likely to be with this woman but if you can learn what is driving you to become drunk and belligerent, you can get on top of it for good. This has most certainly been the most helpful of comments. I didn't see it from another perspective so to be able to read this and get some form of understanding has definitely made it easier to understand. you are very right it probably was very terrifying for her and I am starting to understand/ come to terms with why i've been blocked (again this comment has been a real eye opener) personally if it were me and the roles were reversed i'd probably want some form of contact but very very limited. I also imagine family and friends would tell me not to contact this person again. Therapy is definitely helping and now its a very long road to recovery as it were. 1
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