jgraham11 Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 So there’s a girl I used to work with when I was little younger, maybe around 25-26 years old. I’m 29 now, but we kind of just reconnected a bit recently and I asked her out for drinks because I always had a bit of crush on her before. Anyway, I knew she had a daughter, but I wanted to dig a little to see who the father was so I went on IG and found her daughters father and he’s.. let’s just say not a good person. He runs in some real notoriously dangerous gangs in the city I live in and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous dating her with this guy looming in the background. I mean I have no problem defending myself if things ever got to that point, but these people don’t fight, they shoot lol. How do I approach this? I mean for all I know things will be fine if we get into a serious relationship possibly, but I don’t know, it’s making me think.
stillafool Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 She's into bad boys. I think you should keep it moving especiall if this guy is the father of her daughter.
Author jgraham11 Posted August 15, 2021 Author Posted August 15, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: She's into bad boys. I think you should keep it moving especiall if this guy is the father of her daughter. Well she definitely WAS at the very least. Not sure if she is now cause she’s got her life together, got a nursing degree, doing well for herself as a single parent it seems, but that doesn’t make things any easier necessarily. Hate to say it but I think you might be right.. might need to quit while I’m ahead. 1
stillafool Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 They never really get it out of their system. Those guys have nothing to offer but good sex and swag and a lot of good women are attracted to them believe it or not.
Caauug Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 (edited) Red Flags: Single mum, her child will be her priority in her life, as it should be. She has a family, you can only be an addition to her family. If she lets you tag along with her and her family you will be expected to "provide" like you were the father and to "Protect" maybe from the father.... The Bad Boy Father, a very large possibly he will never go away. He is the father to her child, the child will forever tie them together. Alfa Widow, look out for this one.... She may be forever comparing her BF's to the father of her child. If she's attracted to Bad Boys and he is/was near the top (in her mind), you may never measure up. She may be the "Widow" because she can not get or keep the man who she considers is the "Alpha".... Good Luck. Enjoy the ride but don't get to invested in her. Edited August 15, 2021 by Caauug
ShyViolet Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 Trust your instincts and stay away from this situation.
Wiseman2 Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 5 hours ago, jgraham11 said: .. might need to quit while I’m ahead. If you think her child's father is a trouble maker, cut your losses. He'll be in the picture one way or another.
Author jgraham11 Posted August 15, 2021 Author Posted August 15, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: If you think her child's father is a trouble maker, cut your losses. He'll be in the picture one way or another. Well that’s the thing, I don’t know that for sure. For all I know he won’t care at all me dating her. I mean he doesn’t even live in the same state as me anymore.
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 (edited) Take a big wide swerve. Yes he could be a reformed character...and she could a fantastic wife for you with a lovely angelic little daughter, a ready made family. happy ever after.. BUT.. Edited August 15, 2021 by elaine567
d0nnivain Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 Right now it's one date. Go on the date. See what this lady is like as a date rather than somebody you knew 4 years ago. See if you like her well enough to go on a 2nd date. You might not. As you get to know her better, listen for info about the baby daddy. For all you know she has a restraining order against him. However, if you find out he's in the picture or is threatening you then you can reevaluate how you feel about her. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 You see the father as a huge red flag. Just go out with her and see how it feels and go from there. All along you keep an eye out on her reports on the father. And you check your gut. 2
glows Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 This wouldn’t appeal to me. Hassles and headaches don’t do it. If it’s constantly at the back of your mind or something you worry about it will change you as person. This is the part where you know yourself.
lana-banana Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 Go on the date. You have no idea what the exact circumstances are and right now you're letting assumptions and fears cloud your judgment. It sounds like she's done a lot of growing up; why not meet her and see? 1
smackie9 Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 If you don't feel comfortable, then don't get involved. For me that would be my first reaction too.
Alpacalia Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 15 hours ago, jgraham11 said: How do I approach this? I mean for all I know things will be fine if we get into a serious relationship possibly, but I don’t know, it’s making me think. If things were to turn serious with her then you will have to be comfortable with the fact that you're going to be around that type of lifestyle (since she has a child with him). Think it through.
Author jgraham11 Posted August 15, 2021 Author Posted August 15, 2021 2 hours ago, Alpaca said: If things were to turn serious with her then you will have to be comfortable with the fact that you're going to be around that type of lifestyle (since she has a child with him). Think it through. She's not into that lifestyle, it’s the father, who isn’t really in the picture aside from seeing his daughter once every couple of months maybe. I’m probably going to at least go on this one date with her. I can’t see the harm in getting drinks and I’ll reassess after and see if I can safely get information out of her on the subject without it seeming obvious that I see huge WARNING signs. 2 1
Lotsgoingon Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 Just go out ... you don't have to try to get information about the father (and her relationship with the father) on the date. Just listen. She should bring up all this stuff at some point, and if she doesn't, you'll know something is up with her. Just first tune into whether or not you really like her. Emphasis there on REALLY like her. Like you think she is an amazing person and if the connection between you is amazing. If connection is so so, leave her alone. But that rule applies to anyone, with a scary baby daddy or not. 1
Author jgraham11 Posted August 15, 2021 Author Posted August 15, 2021 18 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Just go out ... you don't have to try to get information about the father (and her relationship with the father) on the date. Just listen. She should bring up all this stuff at some point, and if she doesn't, you'll know something is up with her. Just first tune into whether or not you really like her. Emphasis there on REALLY like her. Like you think she is an amazing person and if the connection between you is amazing. If connection is so so, leave her alone. But that rule applies to anyone, with a scary baby daddy or not. Very true.. thanks. Let’s see how this goes.. can’t even believe this is something I’m going through haha.
Lotsgoingon Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 If you like her genuinely based on what you know so far, then you can go see her. (I assume her ex isn't a murderer.) And it's OK to be nervous.
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 Why even bother? Big neon signs flashing. How are you going to deal with a guy who runs in notoriously dangerous gangs in your city? Stop the fantasy happy ending right there. Women like this will go back to their "notoriously dangerous" ex in a heart beat, if he clicks his fingers. Usually after you have invested your heart and soul in her and her daughter... Stay well away, your first instincts to give this probably a miss were correct. 1
Author jgraham11 Posted August 15, 2021 Author Posted August 15, 2021 24 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Why even bother? Big neon signs flashing. How are you going to deal with a guy who runs in notoriously dangerous gangs in your city? Stop the fantasy happy ending right there. Women like this will go back to their "notoriously dangerous" ex in a heart beat, if he clicks his fingers. Usually after you have invested your heart and soul in her and her daughter... Stay well away, your first instincts to give this probably a miss were correct. For what I can gather they were never actually together in the first place. It was just a one night type of deal that 9 months later turned into a daughter.
Wiseman2 Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 1 hour ago, jgraham11 said: I’m probably going to at least go on this one date with her. I can’t see the harm in getting drinks and I’ll reassess after Drinks are harmless. You can always back out if it gets weird down the road.
stillafool Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 12 hours ago, jgraham11 said: Well that’s the thing, I don’t know that for sure. For all I know he won’t care at all me dating her. I mean he doesn’t even live in the same state as me anymore. Those guys never marry their baby's momma and normally have more than one, but do go back and forth between them whenever they choose. I doubt very much it was a one night deal that got her pregnant. Saying 1 night with a gang member is better than saying she was in love with one hoping he would straigtnen up. Nothing to be proud to admit.
stillafool Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 39 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: (I assume her ex isn't a murderer.) Yeah, don't count on this. If he has marks on his face (usually a tattooed tear) he is a murderer. Those marks are a sign of pride with them.
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