HotRevolver93 Posted August 14, 2021 Posted August 14, 2021 (edited) Whenever I ask guys who are dating or have a partner how did they meet they always say “it will happen when you least expect it” or “it just happened”. I don’t necessarily think they’re lying to me but it does seem kinda odd how this has never happened to me. Like you would think in 26 years this would happen but it never does. One of my best friends was in my situation, he didn’t get dates or anything like that. Then one day a cute girl comes up to him and they have been dating for 4 years now. Great for him I guess but I sometimes can’t help but be envious. I tried being aggressive in terms of hitting on girls asking them out and doing the online dating thing and it never worked. The last 2 years I’ve kinda just fell back and nothing “just happened either”. Either I’m the most unlucky man in the history of the world or there’s more to this than just “it will happens when you least expect it” Edited August 14, 2021 by HotRevolver93
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2021 Posted August 14, 2021 You have to make an effort but aggressive isn't the way to go. It's OK to be assertive & to exude confidence. But trying too hard comes with an air of desperation which turns people off. 1
FudgeSwirl Posted August 14, 2021 Posted August 14, 2021 What they are saying is true to an extent because when you harp too much on a plan on finding someone, it taints one's thinking and sometimes ruins potential dates. When you are ready to get back out there just make sure you know what you want in a relationship with the mindset that if a girl isn't interested, it's for the best for both of you and it saves you energy for someone who will eventually be very much interested in you.
Happy Lemming Posted August 14, 2021 Posted August 14, 2021 Dating is fun!! Work is not... There is some planning involved with dates, but I never really considered it "work" I always enjoyed meeting new women, I never considered that "work". I'm someone who has always met the women I dated in "real life", not "on-line". My advice... Always Be Closing (as a famous salesman once said) Always be talking to people, always be friendly/engaging, always be gregarious, always be upbeat & fun, always be outgoing, always be confident. In no time, you'll be dating various women. Just my two cents... 2
Blind-Sided Posted August 14, 2021 Posted August 14, 2021 8 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: Dating is fun!! Work is not... There is some planning involved with dates, but I never really considered it "work" I always enjoyed meeting new women, I never considered that "work". Yep.... this. After my D... it was fun, and exciting to go out again. Even if the girl I was being introduced to wasn't my type... it was still fun. AND... that is part of this. If you are frustrated, and aggressive... then you will put off that vibe, and nothing will form. Also.... you say " you would think in 26 years this would happen"..... but are you in your 30's? Because you wouldn't expect it to happen when you are an infant. LOL. As for myself... I didn't really care about girls until I was 18. I was having too much fun with my buddies. If you were like that... then you would have never put off the vibe that you would be open to a relationship. And finally... take a look at yourself. Are you..... 1) putting off the vibe that you want a relationship? (or are you hanging out with your buddies, and not talking to people outside your circle) 2) Are you keeping yourself clean? (do you like to work on your car, or play in the mud [off-road] and not making sure you and your cloths are clean when you go out) 3) are you talking nice to girls? (or are you talking to them like one of the guys) 4) Do you have something to offer? (do you have a job, car, house? Are you stable?) You have to understand... girls in their late 20's are starting to look for a long term relationship... and not just a guy to "Date". Anyway... it will, and does happen. My current GF isn't someone I was chasing, and I figure she wouldn't want to hang out with someone like me... and when we reconnected... I was actually out with friends being introduced to someone else. My exW... she was chasing a buddy of mine (in college) and we wound up getting together. A LTGF I had in my 20's was someone I didn't know, and a friend was dating her brother, and we got together after meeting for the first time. And there were a few more like that. Keep yourself open to a relationship... and it will happen when you least expect it.
smackie9 Posted August 14, 2021 Posted August 14, 2021 Change what you do. Don't "hit" on woman. Look for someone that you lock eyes with, and do the double take to see if she smiles, then go over and be a gentleman, introduce yourself with out stupid pickup lines. Smile lots, and carry yourself with confidence. Another plus is how you look. Dress a little trendy, spend the time on your looks to look put together. Women tend to look at what shoes men wear to gauge personality. Get a skill like cooking and learn to entertain socially. The more you socialize, the better the chances you will run into someone. 2
snowboy91 Posted August 14, 2021 Posted August 14, 2021 I think the overarching thing is that when you're with the right person, everything becomes easy. It's incredibly easy to get bogged down in forcing attraction to work because you want a relationship, and/or this person should work because they tick certain boxes for what you want in a relationship. But there is a certain (good) feeling when you meet someone and you somehow know in some way that they are good for you (and it defies all logic). If that happens when you're not ready, that explains why it happens to some people "when they least expect it". On the flip side, if you're trying to force it to happen when it's not natural, you've got a lot of effort to put in which may end up futile in the end. Aim to have fun, no matter what. If you meet someone and you're having fun with them, they are more likely to want to pursue something with you. But if they don't want to pursue anything, you still had some fun anyway, and you may have learned something more about what you do/don't like.
Recommended Posts