Truevette Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 Say you've been dating someone for at least 11 months or could be longer you talked to this person everyday for at least three to five hours if not more if you didn't see them. I know after a breakup women may be alone or start talking to other guys but we still think about our ex a lot. I think women usually hold on longer than men not all but some. Even when we start talking or liking a new guy sometimes we still feel like "it's not my ex" or who we really want and it takes time fully let go. Of course this doesn't apply to all women but a lot of cases it takes some time to move on. I know for me with one of my ex's I thought about him like everyday for 2 months even while I was talking to another guy and we weren't even together that long maybe 6 months. Is it the same for men? Especially men who are emotional? Do men hold on as long as women do sometimes or think about their ex everyday? I know some men usually move on faster and sleep with someone else and some women do too. I'm just wondering if some men feel the same?
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 (edited) I once heard that it takes about 1/2 the length of the relationship to fully get over it. That doesn't mean you never think about the person again but that it doesn't hurt when you think about them. It varies from person to person but I don't think there are bright line gender distinctions. Edited August 13, 2021 by d0nnivain 1
smackie9 Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 It's not a guy thing or a woman thing...some people do some don't. It also depends on the investment, how strong their feels are. There are some exes you could care less about and some you obsessed. every situation and person is different. 1
Miss Spider Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 This totally depends on the person/relationship. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 This isn't related to gender. It depends on the individual, their feelings about the relationship, whether they wanted the break-up or not...the list goes on. I'm a woman but it has varied a lot for me, depending on the relationship. With a couple of them, I was ready to end it and moved on quickly after the break-up. With others, it was slower process and I needed more time. It also didn't depend on the length of the relationship, necessarily. There are too many other variables that affect this sort of thing. Are you hoping that your ex misses you, OP? 2
basil67 Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 I'm a woman. The last time I had a break up, the only thoughts I had about my ex were about being glad I'd left. And because I had no sadness about leaving, I moved on quickly. 1
Alvi Posted August 14, 2021 Posted August 14, 2021 Some people can get fairly quickly over their exes. For some, the answer would ne never. It depends on a person and the reason of a break up. I've met quite a few of guys who are not over their exes. One guy talked to me nonstop about his ex-wife for 20 minutes till I had enough and left. He was divorced 4 years prior. Another has been divorced for 10 years but still cannot get over her. One was a widower. His wife passed away 6 years prior to us meeting but it was obvious that he was nowhere ready to date someone new. Never mind that he had tons of dates and relationships after she passed away. 1
Starrs Posted August 14, 2021 Posted August 14, 2021 it depends on why the “breakup” happened, i moved on from my ex even before i broke up with him. now, if you were the one who was the problem then it would definitely take longer to move on.
Lotsgoingon Posted August 14, 2021 Posted August 14, 2021 OMG, if you are dumped by an an ex you were really attached to, you are stunned and in grief, and you will think of the ex a lot. Certainly every day but early on many many hours on every one of these days. I have no sense that this is gender related. Some guys might talk about this less than women, but don't be fooled. If a guy is dumped by someone he really likes, he hurts. Just a silly piece of evidence here: think of all the male singers who croon those devastating love songs (often love-break-up songs). Where you under the impression that guys had some Dr. Spock thing going on?
Mrin Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 On 8/13/2021 at 7:59 PM, Lotsgoingon said: OMG, if you are dumped by an an ex you were really attached to, you are stunned and in grief, and you will think of the ex a lot. Certainly every day but early on many many hours on every one of these days. I have no sense that this is gender related. Some guys might talk about this less than women, but don't be fooled. If a guy is dumped by someone he really likes, he hurts. Just a silly piece of evidence here: think of all the male singers who croon those devastating love songs (often love-break-up songs). Where you under the impression that guys had some Dr. Spock thing going on? I do think there is some truth to the stereotype about men moving on quickly. I think men are more likely to enter into a real relationship shortly after the demise of a marriage or long-term committed relationship. Women may date after the end of a marriage or long-term relationship but are less likely to get into another relationship right off the bat. As a broad generalization I think women understand the concept of healing after a breakup before moving into a relationship. Whereas men will view a new relationship as a part of the healing. If that makes sense. But I do agree with you that when it comes to break ups of shorter less serious relationships than gender doesn't really play a role. That's just my two cents. Back to the OP's question and tying in with what @Lotsgoingonjust said, men can still think about their exes long after the break up. LS is full of such threads. But by and large we are less likely to show it or talk about it. Or do much about it honestly - e.g. seek therapy, personal development etc. Yay suppressionof emotions. Ha! Mrin 1
Lotsgoingon Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 I definitely think on the outside guys might "act" like they move on more quickly than women. That's different than really moving on. There is a whole guy narrative out of there of the guy who breaks up with a woman, dates another woman, seems pretty well adjusted but, turns out a year or so into the new relationship, the guy can't get the ex out of their mind. Guy realizes he had something special with the ex. Kinda a delayed mourning. There are also tons of stories of guys drinking and acting out in response to being dumped. Those guys are in grief as well--though we don't always name it that way. It's funny: guy friends know exactly the grief level of other guys. The wording guy friends will use is something along the lines of "he had a bit of a hard time after the breakup." That means huge grieving--healthy and/or unhealthy. Turns out, we guys are human beings. 1
Mrin Posted August 15, 2021 Posted August 15, 2021 3 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: I definitely think on the outside guys might "act" like they move on more quickly than women. That's different than really moving on. So much truth here. 1
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