Is it time to Axe a 5 year Friendship?

[Beachead]

Hey @Kai_Kai

It hurts when people start treating us this way doesn't it?  This is what I would do.

Don't text her about these issues.  I wouldn't even call her.   It's not worth the trouble.  If you have that conversation, I am almost sure, it won't go the way you hope for.  Either: 

1. It'll be an argument that will end ugly and leave you feeling regret.

2. She might pretend to be okay while she's actually upset with you which will turn to resentment and then carry into her conversations as passive aggressiveness later on.

3.  Things will change for a short time but then she'll go back to the way she was. 

Ultimately, she is grown adult who knows how to conduct herself and is doing exactly what she wants to be doing.  She is investing in the areas of her life she wants to be investing in.  If she wanted to keep in touch more often, she would.  So the fact that she is not, is really the answer you require.  You don't need to try and dig it out of her through a conversation.  You can see it and feel it. 

She's a bit self-absorbed but there's no point in blaming her because you won't be able to change her behaviour.  What you can change is your part in the equation which is you expecting a lot more than you should from a person who is no longer able to give you what you want.  Quietly readjust your expectations and as Donnivain says..let it fade.  You've got other friends who treat you the way you want to be treated so you don't really have to rely on her.

Hope this helps

- Beach

[Wiseman2]

Put her on the backburner. She's got too much craziness going on in her life right now. Let the dust settle.

[Kai_Kai]

9 hours ago, Beachead said:

Hey @Kai_Kai

It hurts when people start treating us this way doesn't it?  This is what I would do.

Don't text her about these issues.  I wouldn't even call her.   It's not worth the trouble.  If you have that conversation, I am almost sure, it won't go the way you hope for.  Either: 

1. It'll be an argument that will end ugly and leave you feeling regret.

2. She might pretend to be okay while she's actually upset with you which will turn to resentment and then carry into her conversations as passive aggressiveness later on.

3.  Things will change for a short time but then she'll go back to the way she was. 

Ultimately, she is grown adult who knows how to conduct herself and is doing exactly what she wants to be doing.  She is investing in the areas of her life she wants to be investing in.  If she wanted to keep in touch more often, she would.  So the fact that she is not, is really the answer you require.  You don't need to try and dig it out of her through a conversation.  You can see it and feel it. 

She's a bit self-absorbed but there's no point in blaming her because you won't be able to change her behaviour.  What you can change is your part in the equation which is you expecting a lot more than you should from a person who is no longer able to give you what you want.  Quietly readjust your expectations and as Donnivain says..let it fade.  You've got other friends who treat you the way you want to be treated so you don't really have to rely on her.

Hope this helps

- Beach

Yeah, after sitting on it calling her would literally be a waste of my time right now. It's wasted energy and headache. I am just going to focus on my family and my group of friends and revisit that another time. 

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Put her on the backburner. She's got too much craziness going on in her life right now. Let the dust settle.

I agree. She has a lot of drama in her life she needs to sort through and our friendship is not on the top or even bottom of her list right now or maybe ever. 

[Beachead]

@Kai_Kai

Quote

Yeah, after sitting on it calling her would literally be a waste of my time right now. It's wasted energy and headache. I am just going to focus on my family and my group of friends and revisit that another time. 

I think that's the best approach as well, just because I used confront friends who did things like this, and learned it rarely goes well, and I've heard other's stories about experience the same. 

That's not to say this is how you should deal with all unpleasant situations.  Some situations require and can benefit from a conversation.  Some don't.  For this situation, she lives far away, most of the communication is through texts and she is just swamped with her own life, so talking to you is an obligation at the moment..and you feel that from her.  So if you start bringing all this up and ask for something she can't give, it'll just add more to the obligation she feels.  You want this person to be a better friend because she wants to be.  Not because you want her to be right?   Hence, putting some distance between you two is better. Maybe she'll turn it around later on, who knows, but for now, I'd  "Demote" her to a class of unreliability and that way your expectations will go down and it will gradually bother you less and less.    If she points out your distance at point, you can just chalk it up to being busy with your life, just as she does, and there's nothing she could say to it.

- Beach