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He's on Vacation and not communicating

Starrs

By Starrs
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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I'm pretty sure he wants to get laid.  I don't see serious anywhere in here.  

so why would he buy me a sleeping mask? if he only wants sex? he knows i don’t like his room and i can’t sleep there. i think it shows he cares about me.

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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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19 hours ago, BaileyB said:

You can count on both hands how many hours you have spent with this man - as such, he has no obligation to contact you while on vacation. Sit tight, let him enjoy his vacation, and let him contact you when he returns home. Consider this a pause - if he is interested, he will pick things up when he returns home.

Or - you could send him a text to ask how his vacation went when you know he is home… and then, wait for him to take it from there.

PS. Why are you sleeping in the same bed with a man that is a virtual stranger - and then telling him that you don’t want sex? First, you don’t know this man well… you should not be sleeping in his bed. And second, grown men generally expect sex when a woman agrees to come to their place and sleep in their bed. You are playing a dangerous game here - be very, very careful! 

i know and i am pretty sure he is sleeping with someone else, because i found woman’s lotion from bath and body works in his guest bedroom. i haven’t mentioned it though. i think it’s a red flag since he has no siblings or children.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Posted

A sleeping mask costs $1 at the Dollar Store; maybe $12 if he goes all out for a nice silk one.  

It's still cheaper than dinner, especially if you are willing to drive over to his place, not insist on a proper date & get naked in his bed with him the 2nd & 3rd times you ever met him. 

The lotion could be left over from an EX or just him being a good host.  If he has a guest room, that is all the more reason you should not have slept in his bed with him so early.  

I'm warning you.  This guy thinks you are easy.  

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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

A sleeping mask costs $1 at the Dollar Store; maybe $12 if he goes all out for a nice silk one.  

It's still cheaper than dinner, especially if you are willing to drive over to his place, not insist on a proper date & get naked in his bed with him the 2nd & 3rd times you ever met him. 

The lotion could be left over from an EX or just him being a good host.  If he has a guest room, that is all the more reason you should not have slept in his bed with him so early.  

I'm warning you.  This guy thinks you are easy.  

i don’t see it that way, should i ask what he thinks of me? we went to the movies and my friend paid for our tickets because she owed him money and then he paid for the snacks that i wanted. the following morning he paid for brunch and then the last time i saw him we ordered door dash from a restaurant it was a little pricy and he paid for it. so technically it was a date but i was the one who didn’t want to go out and we ate in his bedroom because his dog is always hungry.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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1 hour ago, Starrs said:

he is always sending me kissing emojis and is buying me a sleep mask. i’m pretty sure he wants to get serious.

Take it from someone twice your age - these are not signs that a guy wants to get serious.

. 

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spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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I think if he doesn't keep in touch regularly, say every other day, while he is on holiday, you could maintain a connection rather than blocking him but not initiate anything.  If he's interested, he should be making an effort.  I simply don't believe that if someone is keen on you, they will forget you for a whole vacation.

You are wise in that you don't want to be clingy but if he does not maintain that occasional convo with you, then leave him to it.  It sounds like he's got other things going on - which is fine - but a guy who is keen on you will not forget you for three days.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

A sleeping mask costs $1 at the Dollar Store; maybe $12 if he goes all out for a nice silk one.  

It's still cheaper than dinner, especially if you are willing to drive over to his place, not insist on a proper date & get naked in his bed with him the 2nd & 3rd times you ever met him. 

The lotion could be left over from an EX or just him being a good host.  If he has a guest room, that is all the more reason you should not have slept in his bed with him so early.  

I'm warning you.  This guy thinks you are easy.  

 

What if it’s a Blissy sleep mask?

Edited by Cookiesandough
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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Posted
1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

What if it’s a Blissy sleep mask?

He's gonna get the one from the dollar store or his local CVS.  Heck he's on holiday.  He might even re-gift the one he got for free on the plane.  

2 hours ago, Starrs said:

i don’t see it that way, should i ask what he thinks of me? we went to the movies and my friend paid for our tickets because she owed him money and then he paid for the snacks that i wanted. the following morning he paid for brunch and then the last time i saw him we ordered door dash from a restaurant it was a little pricy and he paid for it. so technically it was a date but i was the one who didn’t want to go out and we ate in his bedroom because his dog is always hungry.

Do not ask what he thinks of you.  He'll let you know.  Buying you stuff is not the best indicator of anything.  Some people are more free with money than others.  

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Angelle Established Member

Angelle

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Posted

In my experience, if he wanted to get serious, he would be talking to you, even though he's on vacation. 

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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Posted (edited)

After 3 dates, he's thinking about all the fun he's having on vacation. Free and clear because you're not exclusive.

Step way back from this. He's not trying to build a relationship he's trying to have fun sowing wild oats.

Stay free yourself. That's the easiest way to keep things on a level playing field.

Edited by Wiseman2
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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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5 hours ago, Angelle said:

In my experience, if he wanted to get serious, he would be talking to you, even though he's on vacation. 

so i should ask him if he wants to get serious? cuz he already told me he does.

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Starrs said:

so i should ask him if he wants to get serious? 

Don't ask. Just watch what he does and how he treats you.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, Starrs said:

so i should ask him if he wants to get serious? cuz he already told me he does.

Let the man get home from his vacation & take you on an actual date 1st.  Stop rushing everything. Serious relationships build gradually. 

Are you sure you want to get serious with somebody who lives 1.5 hours away.  Before you started this you thought that was an unsurmountable distance.  You don't know each other well enough to even ascertain whether this will work at this early stage.  Give it more time. 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted (edited)
16 minutes ago, Starrs said:

so i should ask him if he wants to get serious? cuz he already told me he does.

Good heavens, it's been 3 dates. You barely know each other at this point. 

Stop putting pressure on the situation. See how it unfolds naturally. 

Edited by ExpatInItaly
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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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6 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Let the man get home from his vacation & take you on an actual date 1st.  Stop rushing everything. Serious relationships build gradually. 

Are you sure you want to get serious with somebody who lives 1.5 hours away.  Before you started this you thought that was an unsurmountable distance.  You don't know each other well enough to even ascertain whether this will work at this early stage.  Give it more time. 

that’s true but he said i can live with him if it works out. 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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4 minutes ago, Starrs said:

he said i can live with him if it works out. 

You can't take things like this seriously when you haven't even had a proper date yet. 

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, Starrs said:

that’s true but he said i can live with him if it works out. 

STOP!!!!!! 

You just met this guy.  Living with somebody before you have known them & dated them conventionally for at least 1-2 years is rash.  It practically guarantees this won't work. 

Life is not instantaneous.  You have to plan & take your time.  Rash reckless decisions produce bad outcomes.   

 

Where are your parents in all of this?  What are they going to think when you their 21 year old daughter tell them that you are contemplating living with some guy you haven't even been on a date with?   Would you tell them you slept naked in his bed 2x?   When your actions don't hold up to the harsh light of day you need to think about what you are doing, what decisions you are making & why you continue to act so foolishly.  

Edited by d0nnivain
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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Posted
22 minutes ago, Starrs said:

that’s true but he said i can live with him if it works out. 

Goodness gracious…

Like I said, one day you will look back on this experience (not relationship, it’s not a relationship yet) and think - what was I thinking…

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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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15 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

STOP!!!!!! 

You just met this guy.  Living with somebody before you have known them & dated them conventionally for at least 1-2 years is rash.  It practically guarantees this won't work. 

Life is not instantaneous.  You have to plan & take your time.  Rash reckless decisions produce bad outcomes.   

 

Where are your parents in all of this?  What are they going to think when you their 21 year old daughter tell them that you are contemplating living with some guy you haven't even been on a date with?   Would you tell them you slept naked in his bed 2x?   When your actions don't hold up to the harsh light of day you need to think about what you are doing, what decisions you are making & why you continue to act so foolishly.  

my parents wouldn’t know about him until we got serious and why else would he want me to live with him? he already lets me stay over anytime i want to. it’s a clear indication he actually likes me. 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, Starrs said:

he already lets me stay over anytime i want to

Girl. 

You have met 3 times. 

You need to come back to down to earth a bit here. "Whenever I want to" doesn't even exist in this budding relationship yet. Get to several months and then you wil be in "whenever i want to" territory. 

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but you come across as quite inexperienced with dating and guys. Have you had a boyfriend before? 

Edited by ExpatInItaly
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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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10 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Girl. 

You have met 3 times. 

You need to come back to down to earth a bit here. "Whenever I want to" doesn't even exist in this budding relationship yet. Get to several months and then you wil be in "whenever i want to" territory. 

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but you come across as quite inexperienced with dating and guys. Have you had a boyfriend before? 

i’ve been in 3 serious relationships, i’ve been single since november of last year and would like to have a relationship i miss the feeling.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Posted
12 minutes ago, Starrs said:

i’ve been in 3 serious relationships, i’ve been single since november of last year and would like to have a relationship i miss the feeling.

Ok, then you should already know that 3 meet-ups is nowhere near enough time to decide if you want to get serious. 

Missing a relationship is not a good reason to put the horse before the cart, especially with a guy had doubts about 2 meet-ups ago. 

I still get the impression you are trying to hurry this along not because you actually like the guy for who he is (and you frankly don't even know who he really is yet), but because you ust want a boyfriend and it helps distract you from whichever guy it was who blocked you. What is the story there, anyway? Who was that guy and how long ago was that?

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HadMeOverABarrel Established Member

HadMeOverABarrel

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Posted
20 hours ago, Starrs said:

he said he will always remember the first meet up that i was pushing him to my friend. i feel dumb but i can’t go back, he knows i am very interested otherwise i would have never gone to see him. 1 hour and 30 is a lot and that’s something i would never do but i did it because i like him. and i don’t want to bother him as he is enjoying with his family, i have had a hard time moving on from the guy who broke my heart in May. with this guy i feel something special and a good feeling about it he makes me forget about the other guy who blocked me everywhere. 

I'm wondering if the reason you started liking this guy is because you like the attention he's giving you. 

Maybe your ego took a hit from your last bf and now here is someone who is making you feel better about yourself. When you see him desiring you, it makes you feel wanted and special. I think you slept naked next to him to get even more of a reaction from him so you could feel even more wanted and desired. Then, not giving in to his desire and seeing he is still there, hoping and waiting, is giving you further validation to your ego. 

When he isn't giving you attention, you become insecure and start feeling like maybe you aren't so wanted and desired. Now here you are asking how to get his attention back without appearing needy or desperate (basically).  You want his attention to validate your worth. At the same time you are withholding your vulnerability because you are afraid if he saw your insecurities, he would completely reject you.

All this is to say what you are really struggling with here is a self-esteem issue.  You are looking to others to validate your worth. You may not see it, but that's what your behavior indicates. 

I realize you came here for 'how to play this right' so you can get what you want, but I believe what I'm offering you here will be much more valuable to you in the long-run. I remember feeling as you do now when I was in my 20's. I've had to work to move through and beyond it. I hope you will, too, because if you do, your perfect relationship with the right person will fall into place for you naturally. Actually, most things in your life will just become easier and, perhaps best of all, you'll lose all the anxiety connected with fearing not getting what you want or need. 

If you don't want to take my advice, get the following two books, which will help you fake it until you make it:

1. What Smart Women Know by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol

2. Why Men Love b****es by Sherry Argov

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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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37 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Ok, then you should already know that 3 meet-ups is nowhere near enough time to decide if you want to get serious. 

Missing a relationship is not a good reason to put the horse before the cart, especially with a guy had doubts about 2 meet-ups ago. 

I still get the impression you are trying to hurry this along not because you actually like the guy for who he is (and you frankly don't even know who he really is yet), but because you ust want a boyfriend and it helps distract you from whichever guy it was who blocked you. What is the story there, anyway? Who was that guy and how long ago was that?

i was seeing him from december to may, he blocked me because he was sick of my actions. last night i found him on the app we met on and i decided to msg, i was desperate for him to take me back i did a lot but he says we can talk but doesn’t want to meet me? i would really like to get him back i nearly loved him.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Starrs said:

 last night i found him on the app we met on and i decided to msg, i was desperate for him to take me back i did a lot but he says we can talk but doesn’t want to meet me? i would really like to get him back i nearly loved him.

Last night?

And you're whining about Vacation Guy not communicating enough with you?

Let this Vacation Guy go. You are using him for attention and an ego-stroke. Not cool. 

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