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He's on Vacation and not communicating

Starrs

By Starrs
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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, stillafool said:

I think what's up is he's having a damn good time and not thinking about her.  Which is normal when on vacation and not in a serious relationship.

Agreed, and that is no doubt what she or anybody else who is invested, will find a tad uncomfortable.
He built her hopes up on the first day to think they were "an item", but now it seems they are not. 

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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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15 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I think what's up is he's having a damn good time and not thinking about her.  Which is normal when on vacation and not in a serious relationship.

he texted me now, saying “good morning beautiful☺️, sorry i haven’t been talking to you but i don’t want you to think i forgot about you”  what should i say back? 

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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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11 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Is he the one who usually initiates, or do you sometimes reach out too? 

i used to initiate more, until we had a big argument he said he was done with me and then he changed his mind and said he likes me.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

Say, "hope you're having a great time and can't wait to see you when you get back.  Happy upcoming B-day!  Hope you have fun."

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Take a deep breath & wait a minute.  No need to give him the impression you have been glued to your phone waiting for him, especially because you have been.  

What do you want to say back?  I'd keep it super light:  

"No worries.   Good morning.  How's the beach?"  

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Starrs said:

i used to initiate more, until we had a big argument he said he was done with me and then he changed his mind and said he likes me.

You have meet this man 3 freaking times.  What on earth was there to have a "big argument" about?  If he was "done with you" hwat caused him to change his mind & how can you ever trust him if he flip flops so causally? He sounds like a flake who doesn't know his own mind.  Then again both of you are young, & as I have already pointed out you have made a ton of mistakes in here already so maybe you are perfect for each other.  🙄

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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You have meet this man 3 freaking times.  What on earth was there to have a "big argument" about?  If he was "done with you" hwat caused him to change his mind & how can you ever trust him if he flip flops so causally? He sounds like a flake who doesn't know his own mind.  Then again both of you are young, & as I have already pointed out you have made a ton of mistakes in here already so maybe you are perfect for each other.  🙄

at first it didn’t find him attractive, so i pushed my friend to him. the first meet up he was angry at me because i was watching soccer while having dinner at the restaurant he said i was disrespectful. and then i kept saying him and my friend would be cute he told me he wanted nothing to do with me. i said i was sorry and to give it another try he said “OK this is the last time” after that we discussed about what he wanted out of this and he said he wants to make it work and have a relationship. we have not argued anymore, as i believe in his word. 

cleverusername Established Member

cleverusername

Posted
Posted

Just text him whatever you want to say. Keep it positive, keep it light. The neediest thing you can do is change who you are to appeal to someone else. If he has a problem with your communication habits, its on him as a partner to communicate that to you. 

glows Established Member

glows

Posted
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1 hour ago, Starrs said:

at first it didn’t find him attractive, so i pushed my friend to him. the first meet up he was angry at me because i was watching soccer while having dinner at the restaurant he said i was disrespectful. and then i kept saying him and my friend would be cute he told me he wanted nothing to do with me. i said i was sorry and to give it another try he said “OK this is the last time” after that we discussed about what he wanted out of this and he said he wants to make it work and have a relationship. we have not argued anymore, as i believe in his word. 

Keep the interactions light. This squabble didn't need to happen. Next time if you find someone unattractive, drop the situation and don't push anyone on someone else. It's very disrespectful to pass a person/human being off to another like an object. Now that it's happened it can't be undone so keep the interactions/text messages light and casual and see whether you both continue to get along. If you do not, don't push to be friends. You can go your separate ways respectfully. 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Starrs said:

then i kept saying him and my friend would be cute he told me he wanted nothing to do with me

What were you thinking?

That was a pretty big rejection on your part, OP. And now you're upset he doesn't talk to you enough when he's on holidays? Starrs. Seriously. You need to cut this guy a little slack and realize that you have sent way too many mixed messages yourself. 

You are part of the problem here. Are you sure you are suddenly attracted to him now, or is your ego a little bruised that he might not be so keen on you anymore? Because now that you have added this detail, it reads a lot more like the latter. Sorry to be blunt. 

Edited by ExpatInItaly
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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What were you thinking?

That was a pretty big rejection on your part, OP. And now you're upset he doesn't talk to you enough when he's on holidays? Starrs. Seriously. You need to cut this guy a little slack and realize that you have sent way too many mixed messages yourself. 

You are part of the problem here. Are you sure you are suddenly attracted to him now, or is your ego a little bruised that he might not be so keen on you anymore?

i am definitely attracted to him, since we had alone time but on facetime he looked very unappealing. that’s why he was better off with my friend, but since we hung out i feel a connection he seems to care about me he said he will buy me a sleeping mask so i can sleep in his room. i think this shows he likes me, right? his room is very bright i have a hard time sleeping there.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

You'll just have to wait and see how this pans out. 

But I can tell you, when you have already had one big argument and you have met a grand total of 3 times, it is generally not a good sign. Too much drama too early. 

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You need to realize that you have sent way too many mixed messages yourself. 

You are part of the problem here.

Yup!

This, to me, is a relationship that you look back on ten years later and say - what the heck was I doing/thinking? Sorry OP - but there are just so many mixed messages, you are moving way too fast, you have some pretty unrealistic expectations of him and very little self awareness - this is a relationship you learn from, one your way to finding a mature, healthy relationship.

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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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8 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Yup!

This, to me, is a relationship that you look back on ten years later and say - what the heck was I doing/thinking? Sorry OP - but there are just so many mixed messages, you are moving way too fast, you have some pretty unrealistic expectations of him and very little self awareness - this is a relationship you learn from, one your way to finding a mature, healthy relationship.

he said he will always remember the first meet up that i was pushing him to my friend. i feel dumb but i can’t go back, he knows i am very interested otherwise i would have never gone to see him. 1 hour and 30 is a lot and that’s something i would never do but i did it because i like him. and i don’t want to bother him as he is enjoying with his family, i have had a hard time moving on from the guy who broke my heart in May. with this guy i feel something special and a good feeling about it he makes me forget about the other guy who blocked me everywhere. 

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, Starrs said:

with this guy i feel something special and a good feeling about it he makes me forget about the other guy who blocked me everywhere. 

Well then, my advice is to slow down and date this man properly. Don’t rush - don’t sleep in his bed with no clothes on, no talk about sleep masks or blocking him when he doesn’t text you… Let things unfold naturally and see what happens - get to know him better, have fun, and keep a little mystery..

Edited by BaileyB
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Starrs said:

at first it didn’t find him attractive, so i pushed my friend to him. the first meet up he was angry at me because i was watching soccer while having dinner at the restaurant he said i was disrespectful. and then i kept saying him and my friend would be cute he told me he wanted nothing to do with me. i said i was sorry and to give it another try he said “OK this is the last time” after that we discussed about what he wanted out of this and he said he wants to make it work and have a relationship. we have not argued anymore, as i believe in his word. 

Was it just the two of you having dinner together or was your friend there also?

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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Was it just the two of you having dinner together or was your friend there also?

my friend was there and i lied to them i was getting a call from my brother and stepped out when i was actually on facetime with another guy. i didn’t wanna be there tbh and i made a huge mistake leaving them alone my friend said him and her are not romantically interested in each other. he said he didn’t trust me, but then we met and kept talking and we said we like each other. 

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

So you wanted him to get with your friend and I imagine you were watching the game to give them a chance to talk and get to know each other.  You got a call from a guy and stepped away from the table and went out to facetime.  Why was it a huge mistake to leave them alone together,  to watch the game while they talked or to take a call when you guys were there for the two of them to get to know each other?  This doesn't make sense because I would have done the same thing if I was taking my friend to meet a guy at a restaurant.  I would busy myself with other things while they talked and got to know each other.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

Girl, you are way way way way way too invested in this for a guy you barely know that can barely can bother to text you once in a few days. I think you need step way, way back. It’s way overthinking.  Focus on other things. Work on your goals until the next date. Imbalances like this at the beginning rarely seem to work out. He’s all in your mental and you’re analyzing every little interaction while he’s probably thought of you like once or twice on his trip 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Snow_Queen Established Member

Snow_Queen

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Starrs said:

he said he will always remember the first meet up that i was pushing him to my friend. i feel dumb but i can’t go back, he knows i am very interested otherwise i would have never gone to see him. 1 hour and 30 is a lot and that’s something i would never do but i did it because i like him. and i don’t want to bother him as he is enjoying with his family, i have had a hard time moving on from the guy who broke my heart in May. with this guy i feel something special and a good feeling about it he makes me forget about the other guy who blocked me everywhere. 

It sounds like this guy may be a rebound. I’d suggest putting on the breaks and focus on healing from any remaining heartbreak. You were already on the fence about him from the start.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

What a mess. 

Let me see if I understand.  You saw this guy on FB but didn't really care for the look of him & you were very put off by the distance.  He's 1.5 hours away which is too far for your tastes.  Just for the record that makes him GUD -- geographically undesirable -- not full blown long distance because really if you meet in the middle, it's only 45 minutes.  

So you go & meet him with your friend anyway.  Taking a friend along on a 1st date / meet is rather pushy  & crass.  You tried to pair them but she didn't want anything to do with him.  You ignored him (& presumably her) in favor of a game on TV plus you went outside to talk to another guy while you were there.  He understandably was insulted by your rudeness & cluelessness.  So you two had a fight.  @Starrs it's time to grow up & at least learn to be polite.  

Somehow through all that you managed to hook up two more times & have 2 naked sleepovers but there have been no actual dates & there was not sex. You must be very pretty because your behavior indicates that the guy should have never spoken to you again. 

Anyway now he's away & you are upset & were thinking about blocking him before he texted you this morning, in anticipation of confirming your date this weekend.  

Whew . ..I'm emotionally exhausted just typing that.  Too much drama. 

Hopefully you replied back.  Hopefully you will reach out with birthday greetings when it's time.  Try to behave a little more  politely on your date this weekend.  It will seriously cut down on the angst.   

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Starrs said:

a good feeling about it he makes me forget about the other guy who blocked me everywhere.

And here it is. 

You're not into this guy for the right reasons. 

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ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
Posted

I'm gonna be honest, you don't sound mature enough to be dating.  You seriously need to chill and stop overthinking... this is not your boyfriend, this is not a guy you are in a relationship with.  This is a guy you have met in person 3 times.  You hardly know this guy.

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Starrs Established Member

Starrs

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43 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

I'm gonna be honest, you don't sound mature enough to be dating.  You seriously need to chill and stop overthinking... this is not your boyfriend, this is not a guy you are in a relationship with.  This is a guy you have met in person 3 times.  You hardly know this guy.

he is always sending me kissing emojis and is buying me a sleep mask. i’m pretty sure he wants to get serious.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Starrs said:

he is always sending me kissing emojis and is buying me a sleep mask. i’m pretty sure he wants to get serious.

I'm pretty sure he wants to get laid.  I don't see serious anywhere in here.  

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