Amanda92 Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 We have here so many topics that a guy stops texting or initiate less meetings or step back after sex. How do you think? How can you recognize that a man cares about you and want a serious relationship? I know that it's depends and every situation is different, but let's share our experience and opinion. How a relationship should start in your opinion? What are green and red flags?
basil67 Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 33 minutes ago, Amanda92 said: We have here so many topics that a guy stops texting or initiate less meetings or step back after sex. How do you think? I also read this statement here and think it's rubbish. It's my experience is that if a guy is into you, good sex makes things even better. If he's not into you, then he'll get his sex and leave. The key here is not the sex, but how much he's into you. For the record, I've been with my husband nearly 30 years and we had sex on the night of the day we met. 8
chillii Posted August 11, 2021 Posted August 11, 2021 lt has nothing to do with anything as far as a future relationship goes. lf he's into her and falling , and loves her physically as well , you click together and it's all just there between you, then the physical will all just take care of itself later anyway bc those are the things the physical comes from long term , don't have those then the whole thing won't even work out anyway. So there's no hurry bc if it's gonna go anywhere there'll be all the time in the world . How you get along and feel about each other is what you need to look for early in , but that'll be very very obvious anyway so if that;s there for you both your on the right track.
Wiseman2 Posted August 11, 2021 Posted August 11, 2021 11 hours ago, Amanda92 said: How can you recognize that a man cares about you and want a serious relationship? Well if you have doubts, that's a good indicator that things aren't going well. 2
Weezy1973 Posted August 11, 2021 Posted August 11, 2021 11 hours ago, basil67 said: It's my experience is that if a guy is into you, good sex makes things even better. If he's not into you, then he'll get his sex and leave. The key here is not the sex, but how much he's into you. My experience as a guy is that the good sex can turn a “maybe” into a “yes”. And average or bad sex can turn a “maybe” into a “no”. The key can indeed be the sex. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2021 Posted August 11, 2021 I only assess actions. I don't try to read tea leaves based on #s of calls or texts. Frankly too many calls or texts feels smothering & annoying. Instead does he plan dates? Does he ask in advance? Is he on-time for dates? Is he respectful of your time? Does he listen & really hear you. . .remembers things you said? Does he talk about the future appropriately -- mentioning next week or next month early on but not talking about marriage, kids or lengthy vacations next year? Have you met parts of his circle -- friends, family etc? Is he generous of spirit? 3
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2021 Posted August 11, 2021 His vibe. I can just sense it not just through his actions, how he looks at me, etc. I can totally tell when they are just going through the motions or doing the moves. One of my biggest pet peeves/turn offs is them ordering me a glass of white wine with out even asking me what I would like. I hate white wine, or any wine. That was the most common big red flag to me because that says he has no interest in knowing me, that I'm just the same as any other. Creeper, player or clueless. 4
poppyfields Posted August 11, 2021 Posted August 11, 2021 34 minutes ago, smackie9 said: His vibe. I can just sense it not just through his actions, how he looks at me, etc. I can totally tell when they are just going through the motions or doing the moves. Absolutely! Same for me. Not just his vibe though, more how we vibe "together." Our energy. You can just feel when it's there, I can anyway and I have never been wrong. I will say it does not happen often, in fact very rarely when it's genuine and not based on the superficial - looks, money, status. Re sex, never been "pumped and dumped" probably because I am very discretionary w/r/t who I choose to have sex with. And other than the occasional romp in Europe when traveling through years ago , I prefer to have sex with men I feel a true connection and energy with. 2
glows Posted August 11, 2021 Posted August 11, 2021 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: I only assess actions. I don't try to read tea leaves based on #s of calls or texts. Frankly too many calls or texts feels smothering & annoying. Instead does he plan dates? Does he ask in advance? Is he on-time for dates? Is he respectful of your time? Does he listen & really hear you. . .remembers things you said? Does he talk about the future appropriately -- mentioning next week or next month early on but not talking about marriage, kids or lengthy vacations next year? Have you met parts of his circle -- friends, family etc? Is he generous of spirit? I agree with this. And it can be said for any relationship also, friendship/platonic or otherwise. I look at actions only.
Uruktopi Posted August 11, 2021 Posted August 11, 2021 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Well if you have doubts, that's a good indicator that things aren't going well. Not strictly always true, but true most of times.
mark clemson Posted August 11, 2021 Posted August 11, 2021 (edited) Speaking generally, a man who's interested will be genuinely interested in communicating and spending time with you, responsive (within reason - life happens) and will show that he cares with small actions (this can take a wide variety of forms, from a hug goodbye, to buying you a birthday present, to offering to fix your sink, etc, etc, etc). The problem of course is that "interest level" interacts with personality and social skills. A person with good social skills and life experience can easily project e.g. "strong emotional interest" and caring when their intent may be to date around. A person with poor social skills may have lots of genuine interest, but never be able to "break the ice" or, if they do, make an off-color remark or other faux-pas that shut things down. Persons with an avoidant attachment style may be genuinely interested but come across as distant and indeed even push-back or end things if you "move too fast" for them. They like you at a "safe distance". Those with insecure attachment may also very genuinely like you but come across as clingy and, well, insecure e.g. too interested and/or controlling. And these factors will interact with your personality/attachment style, your perception, and your expectations about what is appropriate/reasonable. So unfortunately romance tends to be somewhat messy/haphazard in some ways, like many organic phenomena. The species reproduces, but it's not all fun and games OR particularly easy, fair, and/or well-organized. Edited August 11, 2021 by mark clemson 2
spiderowl Posted August 11, 2021 Posted August 11, 2021 (edited) Well I guess it can depend on different factors, such as: - is he a guy who is capable of loving? Some people are just self-serving and selfish, good at flirting but underneath it all lacking empathy. A guy who lacks empathy is never going to be a caring boyfriend. Please note, jealousy is not a sign of love - is he there for you, if you allow him to be? Will he help you with things, do nice things for you - is he concerned about your safety? - he will probably want to make sure you have safe transport home, that you are not alone at night somewhere, that you are not stranded - does he listen to you and actually hear what you say? - he is caring but not controlling, he'll suggest things that might help, for example, but will not insist or imply you are stupid because you are not following his instructions - he'll make sure you are ok when you go out, that you have a seat, something to drink or eat, that you are comfortable. An uncaring guy will leave everything to you - someone who really likes you and cares about you will keep in touch but he won't be a nuisance or put pressure on you. He won't neglect you or leave you wondering about any plans. He'll make plans with you and take your feelings into consideration Edited August 11, 2021 by spiderowl 4
Classicfiction Posted August 12, 2021 Posted August 12, 2021 On 8/10/2021 at 5:20 PM, Amanda92 said: We have here so many topics that a guy stops texting or initiate less meetings or step back after sex. How do you think? How can you recognize that a man cares about you and want a serious relationship? I know that it's depends and every situation is different, but let's share our experience and opinion. How a relationship should start in your opinion? What are green and red flags? I think I'm struggling with the same thing. Its hard for me to tell if a guy is genuinely interested or just passing time with me. OP, I've talked to friends of mine who have been in stable long term relationships who no longer have regular sex, but who are totally comfortable with it. So I'm left wondering how they transitioned to that place. And how to know if you're just entering post honeymoon phase or if there's a deeper lack of interest??
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2021 Posted August 12, 2021 58 minutes ago, Classicfiction said: I've talked to friends of mine who have been in stable long term relationships who no longer have regular sex, but who are totally comfortable with it. So I'm left wondering how they transitioned to that place. And how to know if you're just entering post honeymoon phase or if there's a deeper lack of interest?? Odds are one of them is unhappy but they stay because there are costs to getting out.
basil67 Posted August 12, 2021 Posted August 12, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Classicfiction said: OP, I've talked to friends of mine who have been in stable long term relationships who no longer have regular sex, but who are totally comfortable with it. So I'm left wondering how they transitioned to that place. And how to know if you're just entering post honeymoon phase or if there's a deeper lack of interest?? The causes could also be medical/physical. Your friends could be us. We still get on really well, love each other, are happy together and couldn't imagine being apart. I've always had a super high sex drive, but menopause wreaked havoc with my libido and, with doctors, I've tried every possible solution to no avail. And there's also physical issues where penetration feels like razor blades. (I won't go further into this outside of the sex forum). Meanwhile, hubby has his own issues which have required medical attention. Neither of us would leave the other for issues which are outside of their control. Edited August 12, 2021 by basil67 2
Classicfiction Posted August 12, 2021 Posted August 12, 2021 1 minute ago, basil67 said: The causes could also be medical/physical. This could be us. We still get on really well, love each other, are happy together and couldn't imagine being apart. But menopause wreaked havoc with my libido and I've tried every possible solution to no avail. And there's also physical issues where penetration feels like razor blades. (I won't go further into this outside of the sex forum). Meanwhile, hubby has his own issues which have required medical attention. Neither of us would leave the other for issues which are outside of their control. Ok.. so communication sounds like the difference for you guys then? You talk about it and are open about it. Whereas, if someone was losing interest, they might brush the other person off or act like they don't know what the issue is. 1
mark clemson Posted August 12, 2021 Posted August 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Classicfiction said: I've talked to friends of mine who have been in stable long term relationships who no longer have regular sex, but who are totally comfortable with it. In my relationships it'd be a big red flag, but every couple is a little different. There are low and very low drive folks out there. Also there can be legitimate reasons for it like health issues, as mentioned above. Also as mentioned above, sometimes one (or even both) "suffer in silence" to maintain the relationship; there are many folks who don't find it easy or pleasant to be alone.
Emilyinroses Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 (edited) On 8/10/2021 at 11:20 PM, Amanda92 said: We have here so many topics that a guy stops texting or initiate less meetings or step back after sex. How do you think? How can you recognize that a man cares about you and want a serious relationship? I know that it's depends and every situation is different, but let's share our experience and opinion. How a relationship should start in your opinion? What are green and red flags? I am one of the people who posted that. And to me one thing I value greatly and tells me a man is into me is consistency. Not to say there are periods he might communicate less for a specific reason, but to me a man who is into you even communicates that. He is consistent in his communication, his actions match his words AND he lets you know if for some reason he is going to communicate less. In sum, he is in touch and prioritises how you feel, and wants to build something together from the very beginning. It’s a matter of give and take, not just take and get an outcome like in many situations. I guess in sum the energy is just different, you don’t question where this is going, why he hasn’t been in touch, etc. He is clear and transparent if he really likes you, and makes you feel secure. That’s the kind of relationship I would love to have. Where you KNOW this time is for real. Edited August 13, 2021 by Emilyinroses 5
Emilyinroses Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 (edited) 1 minute ago, Emilyinroses said: Sorry posted twice. Edited August 13, 2021 by Emilyinroses
Miss Spider Posted August 13, 2021 Posted August 13, 2021 For me it’s when you’re telling a story in a big group and get cut off by someone else. The guy who cares repeats what you’re saying and tells you to finish your story.
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