glows Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 29 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: But the weird thing was that we met almost a month ago and ever since that moment he was equally enthusiastic with texting, proposing things to do etc. And then since Sunday no contact or response, which makes me think he probably thinks I shouldve made more of an effort in communicating a program or plan, since we will meet in my town. But actually, him not responding keeps me from making these plans. It's sounds poorly planned in general. He could have still reached out and communicated his lack of interest or change of heart. YOU should be the one deciding whether you want to keep up with this or whether you'd prefer to move on. Don't wait for him to decide for you. Like I said, chances are he'll come back with some lame excuse that he got caught up in something and want to reschedule long after the fact. You should treat your time as precious. If you sense something like this just leave it and move on to other dates.
Author Savannah1990 Posted August 10, 2021 Author Posted August 10, 2021 well, actually he responded just a few minutes ago. Asking what and where we will meet tomorrow. But I notice that I dont even know if Im really excited to meet him anymore. I was somehow always a bit on the fence with this guy (nice mental connection but not straight away physical attraction) and now it feels he has pushed me over the fence towards ending this. Or am i being to harsh?
glows Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 1 minute ago, Savannah1990 said: well, actually he responded just a few minutes ago. Asking what and where we will meet tomorrow. But I notice that I dont even know if Im really excited to meet him anymore. I was somehow always a bit on the fence with this guy (nice mental connection but not straight away physical attraction) and now it feels he has pushed me over the fence towards ending this. Or am i being to harsh? Base your decision on the overall impression you get of him and the circumstances surrounding this situation not because you're upset over one weekend. You should have some clear idea of what you're looking for in a partner. Go with your gut instinct. If you're not feeling it, end it peaceably and with respect/tact. You can let him know you enjoyed the time so far but don't see this continuing, wish him the best.
poppyfields Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: well, actually he responded just a few minutes ago. Asking what and where we will meet tomorrow. But I notice that I dont even know if Im really excited to meet him anymore. I was somehow always a bit on the fence with this guy (nice mental connection but not straight away physical attraction) and now it feels he has pushed me over the fence towards ending this. Or am i being to harsh? No not harsh, but perhaps a bit hypocritical. He took longer than you expected to respond, so now YOU are turned off, ugh. Or now you say, never all that into it in the first place? Sorry but WTF. This is why having too many and imo unreasonable expectations is so dangerous. Had you had more options yourself, relaxed and "gone with the flow" you would have been happy to hear from him and together planned your second meet. Edited August 10, 2021 by poppyfields
Author Savannah1990 Posted August 10, 2021 Author Posted August 10, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: No not harsh, but perhaps a bit hypocritical. He took longer than you expected to respond, so now YOU are turned off, ugh. Or now you say, never all that into it in the first place? Sorry but WTF. This is why having too many and imo unreasonable expectations is so dangerous. Had you had more options yourself, relaxed and "gone with the flow" you would have been happy to hear from him and together planned your second meet. But I do have more options, thats not the problem. I'm seeing a few other guys as well. But taking over 34 hours to respond just before a date is set seems like playing games to me and yes, thats a turnoff for me 1
poppyfields Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: But I do have more options, thats not the problem. I'm seeing a few other guys as well. But taking over 34 hours to respond just before a date is set seems like playing games to me and yes, thats a turnoff for me Ok that's it then, next. You are within your rights to be turned off by anything you want, just as he was or may have been, which is why it took him so long to respond, possibly. Not necessarily playing games. Now he's circling back, who knows why. What are you going to do? Sounds like you really like him otherwise this thread wouldn't exist. I mean what about the other men you're seeing, why no threads about them? Am I wrong? Edited August 10, 2021 by poppyfields
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 19 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: it feels he has pushed me over the fence towards ending this. What does that mean? You waited hrs for an update? First you're worried about him standing you up and now that he contacts you and you want to nix the whole thing? Decide if you want to see him or not before he drives down only for you to be "pushed over the fence". Basically I agree with you that this distance is a nonstarter to begin with. 1
poppyfields Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: First you're worried about him standing you up and now that he contacts you and you want to nix the whole thing? Not uncommon which is why "romantic" relationships need a total revamp! Lol
Calmandfocused Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 5 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: Yeah but what doesnt make sense to me is that we're 'taking our time' to respond to each other for the full 2 months and that has never been a problem, he was continuously enthusiastic up til now Sometimes people simply get tired/ burnt out by the game. They then stop playing coz they can’t be bothered anymore. There are never any winners in this scenerio. Behavioural mirroring never really works in the early stages of dating. It hasn’t worked here either. He gave up/ got bored. It happens. Btw, If you have time to write this thread you have time to text your boyfriend back in a reasonable time frame. I’m a single mother of 2 with a high flying career and I work a lot of hours. It’s never taken me 12 hours to respond to anyone. Maybe just something to think about. 1
Daisydooks Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Texting is not "an investment". In fact it's the laziest cheapest thing to do. He can text you from the toilet, a woman's house, watching tv etc. An investment is seeing you in person on a regular basis. Don't get overinvested like this in texting. The same could be said about OP though. Lol. She had family stuff and was tired at work but couldnt text for 12 hours? Lol. He is mirroring her I think? It seems neither of them is overly interested
Alpacalia Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 4 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: But taking over 34 hours to respond just before a date is set seems like playing games to me and yes, thats a turnoff for me Well regardless he got back to you. So either go on the date or not. Your call. 2
stillafool Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 6 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: yes, youre right! what I dont get is: why would a guy elaborately text you (and on a pretty personal level too!) for months and realy invest in that just to go AWOL one day before a planned date on HIS initiative. Guys are like aliens He probably met someone closer who he can actually see and touch. This is why LDR rarely work out. You should do the same and go for guys you can actually date without much planning.
poppyfields Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 (edited) 34 hours is less than two days, I do not think that is unreasonable at all. It's actually less than a day and a half! I don't mean to sound preachy but I invite you to read my post on @Emilyinrosesthread. It talks about needs, expectations, seeking validation. I won't repeat it here, but again invite you to read if interested in having more successful dating experiences and relationships. Because to be honest and not meant as a humble brag or anything but I don't experience a fraction of the issues that I read about here. I broke up with my ex (3-year RL) in January, had not dated for the next few months (by choice), then met a man spontaneously at a café one morning and we have been happily dating ever since! That's typically how it goes for me, once I meet a man with whom there is a mutual attraction and connection, we date! It's casual at first, we don't text ad nauseum, if either one of us takes 48 to respond it's NO big deal. There is never a "what are we" or "what does this mean" talk, we go with the flow and allow our RL to develop naturally and organically. We both have lives outside of each other, we both have our own purpose. We don't seek validation from each other, we have that within. And we "enhance" each other's life, not BE each other's life. It really does make all the difference, and it took me some time to get to this place, but it's well worth it! Edited August 10, 2021 by poppyfields 1
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