Savannah1990 Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 (edited) Hi everyone, I'm dating again but this is the second guy with whom things turn vague. We had for about 2 months of chatting and for about 2 weeks ago, we met for the first time when I was in his area to visit friends (he lives about a hundred miles away). We had a great few hours, he was all enthusiastically and we chatted every day since then. No kissing, just a nice mental connection. the pursuing came from him for about 90% i guess. He then asked me if I wanted to meet again, this time he would visit my area. So we where chatting about some things we could do, I suggested visiting theatre, but that was all sold out. We were exploring some other things and jokinlgy shared some bad movies which we could watch. He sent me one, I responded to that 12 hours later (we sometimes have leaps in our texting bc of work/kids) making a joke about that movie and that werd better see another one (it was obvious that he also realky didnt want to see this movie). My last response was this message, which I sent 30hours ago, and our date is supposed to be tomorrow. I'm confused; should I now take initiative? Is he annoyed that I didnt had a 'program' for our date 30 hours ago and is that why he isnt responding? This guy seemed realllllly into me so I'm not sure what to do, but I do think its kinda rude to just not respond no more Edited August 10, 2021 by Savannah1990
Maldives Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 From what I read it sounds like the slow response is from your end too is that correct ? 1
Author Savannah1990 Posted August 10, 2021 Author Posted August 10, 2021 1 minute ago, Goodguy05 said: From what I read it sounds like the slow response is from your end too is that correct ? Yeah, it took me 12 hours to reply to 1 message bc I was with family, came from work and was tired. But actually, this happend more often during our texting, he also does it sometimes. But actually now, it already takes him 30hrs to respond. Which makes me pretty hesitant to create program for our date tomorrow.
Maldives Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 There's your answer your slow response has made him think your not interested. And he's slow response has done the same for you 1
Author Savannah1990 Posted August 10, 2021 Author Posted August 10, 2021 Just now, Goodguy05 said: There's your answer your slow response has made him think your not interested. And he's slow response has done the same for you Yeah but what doesnt make sense to me is that we're 'taking our time' to respond to each other for the full 2 months and that has never been a problem, he was continuously enthusiastic up til now 1
Maldives Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 12 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: Yeah but what doesnt make sense to me is that we're 'taking our time' to respond to each other for the full 2 months and that has never been a problem, he was continuously enthusiastic up til now Could be any number of things. Ask him whats happened. However if he's backed off not the best if signs that in itself tells you he's lost interest
Miss Spider Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 (edited) Suggest dating guys who live closer Edited August 10, 2021 by Cookiesandough 2
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said: We had for about 2 months of chatting. he lives about a hundred miles away Unfortunately both of these are red flags. Don't bother with anyone you can't see on a regular basis and be skeptical of people seeking out distance dating. On the same note, do not chitchat with anyone this long. Meet in a timely fashion, which means date more locally and logistically. So you dodged a bullet because seeking out distance and chitchatting weeks on end are both huge red flags. 2
Author Savannah1990 Posted August 10, 2021 Author Posted August 10, 2021 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately both of these are red flags. Don't bother with anyone you can't see on a regular basis and be skeptical of people seeking out distance dating. On the same note, do not chitchat with anyone this long. Meet in a timely fashion, which means date more locally and logistically. So you dodged a bullet because seeking out distance and chitchatting weeks on end are both huge red flags. thanks for your reply. Why exactly are these red flags? We also couldnt meet bc we were on holidays
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 2 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: Why exactly are these red flags? He lives 100 miles away. Major red flag. You had one date. Sometimes things fizzle . Surely he would rather date locally where he can see someone regularly, no? Are either of you married/living with someone? Why the distance? 1
glows Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said: Hi everyone, I'm dating again but this is the second guy with whom things turn vague. We had for about 2 months of chatting and for about 2 weeks ago, we met for the first time when I was in his area to visit friends (he lives about a hundred miles away). We had a great few hours, he was all enthusiastically and we chatted every day since then. No kissing, just a nice mental connection. the pursuing came from him for about 90% i guess. He then asked me if I wanted to meet again, this time he would visit my area. So we where chatting about some things we could do, I suggested visiting theatre, but that was all sold out. We were exploring some other things and jokinlgy shared some bad movies which we could watch. He sent me one, I responded to that 12 hours later (we sometimes have leaps in our texting bc of work/kids) making a joke about that movie and that werd better see another one (it was obvious that he also realky didnt want to see this movie). My last response was this message, which I sent 30hours ago, and our date is supposed to be tomorrow. I'm confused; should I now take initiative? Is he annoyed that I didnt had a 'program' for our date 30 hours ago and is that why he isnt responding? This guy seemed realllllly into me so I'm not sure what to do, but I do think its kinda rude to just not respond no more Just pick up the phone and call. Or, if he can’t do that to arrange a proper date he’s not worth your time, OP. Texting about logistics is just a terrible idea overall. He likely will get back to you but it won’t be in a timely manner and something has come up. If you’re both going to engage in a long distance relationship it requires more planning and communication which you both don’t have.
Author Savannah1990 Posted August 10, 2021 Author Posted August 10, 2021 19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He lives 100 miles away. Major red flag. You had one date. Sometimes things fizzle . Surely he would rather date locally where he can see someone regularly, no? Are either of you married/living with someone? Why the distance? yeah probably he'd rather date local, but he reached out to me, we're in the same social group so we where kind of acquinted. Its not like we met on an app or anything like that. I'm sure he's not married or living with someone bc there are multiple people we both know who also know we had a date. If he had a gf, I would have been warned
Weezy1973 Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 3 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: yeah probably he'd rather date local, I think it’s easy to text, chat, FaceTime etc. from the comfort of your own home. Once things get to the seeing each other in person stage, the extra work involved for a longish distance relationship often isn’t worth the hassle. 2
Alpacalia Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 Don't do anything. If you don't hear from him, you'll know his motives weren't genuine in the first place.
Author Savannah1990 Posted August 10, 2021 Author Posted August 10, 2021 5 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Don't do anything. If you don't hear from him, you'll know his motives weren't genuine in the first place. yes, youre right! what I dont get is: why would a guy elaborately text you (and on a pretty personal level too!) for months and realy invest in that just to go AWOL one day before a planned date on HIS initiative. Guys are like aliens
glows Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 2 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: yes, youre right! what I dont get is: why would a guy elaborately text you (and on a pretty personal level too!) for months and realy invest in that just to go AWOL one day before a planned date on HIS initiative. Guys are like aliens No, they are not like aliens. Like Weezy mentioned it is easy for people in general to talk up a storm from afar with no commitments and little effort. When reality settles in along with all the logistics most find LDR too much. It doesn’t mean that all long distance relationships are wrong. It does mean you should be more careful and patient about getting to know someone. 2
Alpacalia Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 8 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: yes, youre right! what I dont get is: why would a guy elaborately text you (and on a pretty personal level too!) for months and realy invest in that just to go AWOL one day before a planned date on HIS initiative. Guys are like aliens Unless he is going out of his way to stay in touch with you, texting in minimal effort. Did he or you call each other? video call? You said this was the second guy that things turned vague. What happened there? 1
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 11 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: why would a guy elaborately text you for months and realy invest in that Texting is not "an investment". In fact it's the laziest cheapest thing to do. He can text you from the toilet, a woman's house, watching tv etc. An investment is seeing you in person on a regular basis. Don't get overinvested like this in texting. 2
poppyfields Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 (edited) 38 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Don't do anything. If you don't hear from him, you'll know his motives weren't genuine in the first place. I don't think that's fair Alpaca. His motives could very well have been genuine, people have a right to change their minds. @Savannah1990you had only met in person once. Perhaps after your meet, he realized you weren't the right fit or whatever and began slowly fading back. He continued chatting but it just wasn't there for him, it happens. He's chatting and meeting other women which is what you should be doing too! Meeting other men, locally. It's certainly NOT because you didn't respond for 12 hours. Lord, any man who would get his knickers in a knot and drop you cause of that is not a man you should want to date anyway. That wasn't it. He changed his mind after meeting in person, it happens all the time. And began fading. That's my guess anyway. And Wiseman is right, after two months of texting and one meet, there is no "investing" much too soon for that. Moving forward, try to scale back expectations, keep things in proper perspective and learn to 'roll with the punches.' Especially when meeting on line. Edited August 10, 2021 by poppyfields 1
glows Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 (edited) I suspect he will be back but it will be poor timing and most likely not an oversight on his part. Whatever his reasons if he hasn't gotten back to you within a reasonable timeframe for a tentative plan that you both had initially, you have your answer. This is not likely to be someone I'd bother arranging anything else with. He's showing you how little he values your time if he cannot break it off respectfully if he's no longer interested especially considering you met in person in a shared social setting/group and not on a dating app. Edited August 10, 2021 by glows
Alpacalia Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 18 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I don't think that's fair Alpaca. His motives could very well have been genuine, people have a right to change their minds. People can change their minds at any time. Totally agree. 1
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 Men are not aliens. If you show enthusiasm, respond promptly to their messages, keep in contact, be flirty/upbeat....they respond. 1 1
Author Savannah1990 Posted August 10, 2021 Author Posted August 10, 2021 But the weird thing was that we met almost a month ago and ever since that moment he was equally enthusiastic with texting, proposing things to do etc. And then since Sunday no contact or response, which makes me think he probably thinks I shouldve made more of an effort in communicating a program or plan, since we will meet in my town. But actually, him not responding keeps me from making these plans.
poppyfields Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 (edited) 34 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: And then since Sunday no contact or response, which makes me think he probably thinks I shouldve made more of an effort in communicating a program or plan, since we will meet in my town. But actually, him not responding keeps me from making these plans. Just my experience, but when a man is truly interested and attracted, he doesn't drop off because you didn't plan the second meet! Not gonna happen. That's a story you are telling yourself to ease the disappointment of being rejected. Blaming yourself. It's quite common. I'm sorry, my advice is let it go. You had ONE meet. Become more outcome independent and again try to roll with the punches. It's quite possible he sensed your intensity and expectations and that is what might have turned him off. No matter how we try, people can always sense such things. It's the exact opposite of what you are assuming. EDIT: You may still hear from him. Dont rule it out, anything goes in these precarious early stages. Edited August 10, 2021 by poppyfields
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2021 Posted August 10, 2021 3 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: about 2 weeks ago, we met for the first time when I was in his area to visit friends he lives about a hundred miles away. Try not to fret. You drove 100 miles to him, but just as lazy as texting, he doesn't want to bother driving to you. So it's not about having an itinerary mapped out, it's about he was only marginally interested.
Recommended Posts