So is it normal for people to flip when you don't respond to texts right away

[Miss Spider]

10 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

why does he have your facebook?

 

Edited August 8, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Miss Spider]

This thread has been resolved tysm everyone 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

 I don’t want to keep going out with him every few days and talk to him all the time ‘cuz not sure I’m feeling him

Just level with him. At this point he thought you were ok going out again.

[Taramere]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

So I asked this before but I have my read receipts on and didn’t leave him on read or anything. He went out with me on weds night.  I told him I wasn’t a good texter ( True. Unless it’s urgent I don’t like it) and he agreed. So he messaged me Thursday and Friday and I didn’t open his messages because I was busy and I don’t want to keep going out with him every few days and talk to him all the time ‘cuz not sure I’m feeling him, but not opposed to going out with him now and then to see where things go.
 

Then he messaged me on Saturday morning ON FACEBOOK “Hey so I’m feeling like a stalker at this point. I’m gathering I said something that pushed you away, would love to understand.” So I responded to his messages, said sorry been busy, how are you?All of sudden he’s like “I’m good” “ok” lol and I know passive aggression when I see it.
 

Is it just something you have to accept that if you don’t get back to someone right away they start to hate you, because I’ve noticed a theme  ?  My friends get me , I guess I mean dates 

I think I would respond to his message to say that first of all I was sorry not to get back sooner.  That I understand texting is a lot of people's preferred form of communication, but that it's not mine - and that when I'm busy I will frequently forget to check my texts.  That I realise I need to work on that a bit (and you probably do.  I can sympathise with you not checking your texts as I don't like it either, but given the number of people who do use texting as their preferred form of communication, checking your texts more regularly is probably a good, social habit to get into). 

For me, this guy's accusation of being passive aggressive coming that early on would spell the end of things. I seem to be alone in taking issue with that, but to me - an accusation like in these circumstances sounds like a projection.  Passive aggressive behaviour is calculated behaviour aimed at expressing anger without taking ownership over it.  It really doesn't sound as though you were being angry or aggressive in failing to check your texts.  Maybe a tad lazy and indifferent in not checking your texts (because let's face it, if you were really into the guy you would be checking your phone regularly, regardless of how you normally feel about texting) but that's hardly the same as being passive aggressive.

I think if he's accusing you of that so early on, then he's probably projecting a chippy, passive aggressive side to him that you'll probably be seeing plenty more of if you go on more dates together. 

[Miss Spider]

7 minutes ago, Taramere said:

I think I would respond to his message to say that first of all I was sorry not to get back sooner.  That I understand texting is a lot of people's preferred form of communication, but that it's not mine - and that when I'm busy I will frequently forget to check my texts.  That I realise I need to work on that a bit (and you probably do.  I can sympathise with you not checking your texts as I don't like it either, but given the number of people who do use texting as their preferred form of communication, checking your texts more regularly is probably a good, social habit to get into). 

For me, this guy's accusation of being passive aggressive coming that early on would spell the end of things. I seem to be alone in taking issue with that, but to me - an accusation like in these circumstances sounds like a projection.  Passive aggressive behaviour is calculated behaviour aimed at expressing anger without taking ownership over it.  It really doesn't sound as though you were being angry or aggressive in failing to check your texts.  Maybe a tad lazy and indifferent in not checking your texts (because let's face it, if you were really into the guy you would be checking your phone regularly, regardless of how you normally feel about texting) but that's hardly the same as being passive aggressive.

I think if he's accusing you of that so early on, then he's probably projecting a chippy, passive aggressive side to him that you'll probably be seeing plenty more of if you go on more dates together. 

Thank you!!! So you feel me. It sucks we expect communication to be answered so quickly these days, but I get we’re in a new age where instant messages/gratification/pots are all a thing so they expect what they expect and some people just have to deal. I am guilty of it myself. I know I’ve come to expect people to respond in a certain amount of time or I just lose interest/move on because everything goes so fast . I guess that’s just the way things are and you got a take an L sometimes 

Edited August 8, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[BaileyB]

I could very well be wrong and if I am, I apologize. I read that to mean that cookie thought he was being passive aggressive by asking why she hadn’t replied and then saying “all good” when she offered an explanation. If I read that wrong cookie - I’m sorry about that!

[Miss Spider]

2 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I could very well be wrong and if I am, I apologize. I read that to mean that cookie thought he was being passive aggressive by asking why she hadn’t replied and then saying “all good” when she offered an explanation. If I read that wrong cookie - I’m sorry about that!

No sry that’s correct. That was my assumption of him being passive aggressive. He asked me on another date soon so he’s still somewhat interested but at the same time he got kind of short with me . It’s hard to explain but I know it when I see it 

[BaileyB]

6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It sucks we expect communication to be answered so quickly these days

But seriously cookie, let’s say that he phoned you and left you a message like the good old days… would you think it appropriate to not return his call for two days? 

I don’t disagree that we are in an age where people are expected to be available all the time and that’s not always a good thing… But, is it not possible to send a polite reply within a day or two after receiving the text that says “Got your message. busy with work this week. Will get back to you later.””

As we see on this board all the time - if you liked the guy and he didn’t read or respond to your text - you would probably be singing a very different tune…

Edited August 8, 2021 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s hard to explain but I know it when I see it 

You know it because you are doing the same thing. You told him you were busy and that you were not upset when clearly you are not happy with him. You didn’t reply to his texts for the same reason - with kindness, that was a pretty passive aggressive way to respond rather than just telling him that it’s too much too soon…

[Beachead]

@Cookiesandough

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Is it just something you have to accept that if you don’t get back to someone right away they start to hate you, because I’ve noticed a theme  ?  My friends get me , I guess I mean dates 

Some people are looking for flings and non-committal things but some are looking for meaningful relationships.  If you are lukewarm with the first group, you're not really going to hurt them, because they don't care all that much anyway.  But the second group?  That is the group where a lukwarm attitude like yours will do damage.  The problem is not everyone is openly honest about what they want and as a result, you may not know who's who.  They may hold their cards close to the vest while they figure out what you're all about.

You should therefore assume that the people you date are ALL looking for a relationship regardless of what they tell you.   Assume they'll have expectations and assume they will expect you to respond within a certain time-frame.  Assume, the timer begins after their message is delivered to you and every hour you don't respond, is an hour of anxiety and stress generated on their end.  Whether that's true or not, doesn't matter, just assume it, and respond within a timely manner.  This way, your approach will compensate for the latter group of people who actually are looking for relationships.

Generally, when you like someone, you'll naturally respond quickly and plan outings and things will flow forward very organically.  The reason your calculated right now or at best, lukewarm, is because you're uninterested in him.  The outing you two had should have done its job such that you'd have wanted to talk to him the next day but it didn't.

I gather from your posts, you are talking to a lot of people at once when you generally don't know what you want for yourself or what you want from your life. Taking on other people's feelings in addition to your own when you are just figuring yourself out, is a great way to confuse yourself even more.  You need solo time (For awhile) to turn the volume down on all the noise in your head so that you can hear yourself think.  

- Beach

 

Edited August 8, 2021 by Beachead

[Weezy1973]

Same Cookies pattern, different guy…

[Acacia98]

I'm glad the thread's resolved for you, cookiesanddough. If you'll  forgive me, I wanted to weigh in briefly... I grew up in an era when cell phones weren't widely available, so the whole constant texting and instantaneous communication thing irritates me sometimes. Sometimes, one really does have too much on their plate and responding immediately is not possible.

As far as messaging goes, if I send someone (a date) a message once and they don't respond in 3 or so days, I might be slightly annoyed. But I'll move on. I'm not going to send another message because if they didnt read the first one, why would they read a second one? And I sure wouldn't hunt them down on social media. This guy is a bit too much.

Edited August 8, 2021 by Acacia98

[6ix]

Closed by request.