So is it normal for people to flip when you don't respond to texts right away

[Miss Spider]

So I asked this before but I have my read receipts on and didn’t leave him on read or anything. He went out with me on weds night.  I told him I wasn’t a good texter ( True. Unless it’s urgent I don’t like it) and he agreed. So he messaged me Thursday and Friday and I didn’t open his messages because I was busy and I don’t want to keep going out with him every few days and talk to him all the time ‘cuz not sure I’m feeling him, but not opposed to going out with him now and then to see where things go.
 

Then he messaged me on Saturday morning ON FACEBOOK “Hey so I’m feeling like a stalker at this point. I’m gathering I said something that pushed you away, would love to understand.” So I responded to his messages, said sorry been busy, how are you?All of sudden he’s like “I’m good” “ok” lol and I know passive aggression when I see it.
 

Is it just something you have to accept that if you don’t get back to someone right away they start to hate you, because I’ve noticed a theme  ?  My friends get me , I guess I mean dates 

Edited August 8, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[smackie9]

If this keeps happening, you are the common denominator not them. Tip: It's a sign of interest when you respond. If you don't "feel like it" that shows disinterest to everyone. Change your behavior, and they will change too.

[Alvi]

Well, let me tell you about this one guy that I've been chatting with. He started to bombard me with the messages. I was at work and wasn't able to respond to most of them much. So within 4 hours his messages went like this: "Hello" many times, "Why are you not responding?", "What are you doing?", "You are not interested?" I tried to explain that I was busy at work but no avail. Anyway, he told me that I apparently wasn't interested and he blocked me. I was laughing so hard. Really, the crazies do tend to weed themselves out. Oh, and I suppose he unblocked me today. He sent me a message saying that I didn't feel the same way about him that he felt about me. Seriously, we never met in person, the dude really sounds out of there. I blocked him. I think I missed a giant bullet.

 

[smackie9]

That's a little different. You got yourself a weirdo there.

[Miss Spider]

12 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Well, let me tell you about this one guy that I've been chatting with. He started to bombard me with the messages. I was at work and wasn't able to respond to most of them much. So within 4 hours his messages went like this: "Hello" many times, "Why are you not responding?", "What are you doing?", "You are not interested?" I tried to explain that I was busy at work but no avail. Anyway, he told me that I apparently wasn't interested and he blocked me. I was laughing so hard. Really, the crazies do tend to weed themselves out. Oh, and I suppose he unblocked me today. He sent me a message saying that I didn't feel the same way about him that he felt about me. Seriously, we never met in person, the dude really sounds out of there. I blocked him. I think I missed a giant bullet.

 

Thanks. Wow. Your guy sounds like clear cut crazy to me. I’m just not sure if this guy is crazy or it is my texting habits. Maybe smackie is right I don’t deserve love because I don’t like texting. But I don’t like to text and never will. I miss the old days. People didn’t have to deal with the expectation of real time communication back then 

Edited August 8, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[smackie9]

If you don't like texting, tell them to call you, or you just call them back.

[Happy Lemming]

As a general rule, I respond to all communications within 24 hours.  I did it in my professional life as well as my personal life.  Even if I don't have an answer to your question or solution to your problem/inquiry.  I will acknowledge your message and explain why I don't have an answer.  If I don't want to go out with someone again, I will straight up tell them that.

If you call/text/e-mail me and don't hear back in 24 hours, I'm dead or in a coma.

[smackie9]

Telling them you are a bad texter, isn't the same as saying "I choose not to use texting as a form of communication".

[Miss Spider]

8 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

If you don't like texting, tell them to call you, or you just call them back.

Thank you. This might be an excellent solution to my problem, actually. I don’t like phone calls either, but I maybe this will limit the contact to that with more urgency. We’ll see. 
 

Thank you, everyone

Edited August 8, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Happy Lemming]

5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I’m just not sure if this guy is crazy or it is my texting habits. Maybe smackie is right I don’t deserve love because I don’t like texting. But I don’t like to text and never will. I miss the old days. People didn’t have to deal with the expectation of real time communication back then 

I don't text, never have.  When I want to date a woman I call her up with the plan (time/date/place/activity).  If she says "yes", then I'll meet her or pick her up on said date/time.

If she needs something before the date she is welcome to call me, otherwise any conversation is best saved for the actual date.

I'm a confident male and don't need constant reassurance by having someone acknowledge a text message every five minutes.  It doesn't sound like this gentleman has much confidence.

[BaileyB]

36 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I responded to his messages, said sorry been busy,

That’s not exactly true. 

36 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I didn’t open his messages because I don’t want to keep going out with him every few days and talk to him all the time ‘cuz not sure I’m feeling him

This is the real reason why you didn’t open or reply to his messages. 

36 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I know passive aggression when I see it.

Obviously, because the game you are playing by not opening or responding to his texts and then telling him you were busy and there is no problem is very misleading and - dare I say it - passive aggressive. 

You need to be honest with this guy about your expectations. If you are not feeling it but not opposed to keeping him around for occasional companionship then you need to tell him that. 

Whether you intend to date the man or not - not opening or responding to his texts for two days is pretty rude. He has every right to be wondering what is going on…

Edited August 8, 2021 by BaileyB

[Gaeta]

It says you and this guy are not on the same page and he has not been made aware of it clear enough. Telling him you dislike texting isn't the same as *l may not reply to your text for  as long as 4-5 days*. 

[Miss Spider]

11 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

That’s not exactly true. 

This is the real reason why you didn’t open or reply to his messages. 

Obviously, because the game you are playing by not opening or responding to his texts and then telling him you were busy and there is no problem is very misleading and - dare I say it - passive aggressive. 

Whether you intend to date the man or not - not opening or responding to his texts for two days is pretty rude. He has every right to be wondering what is going on…

Thank you for your insight, BaileyB. I was not trying to be passive aggressive or rude. It is true I was not so busy I could not have looked, however, I didnt want to leave him on read and I didn’t feel I could tell him the truth.”I’m not sure I like you that much, but hang around so maybe we can go out on dates later and I’ll see if I change my mind?“ That would go over really well haha. So I just tried to change the subject/redirect the topic. 

 

I mean it’s not unusual to feel this way about someone? And to keep talking to him constantly feels misleading in displaying more interest than I actually have and then he’ll try to nail down another meet in the near future and I’m not ready . 

Edited August 8, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Miss Spider]

It’s so messed up how before 2004 no one had to deal with this and now there’s no excuse not to talk to someone for more than 24 hours( and I feel like everyone feels that way too). Doesn’t that feel super suffocating to anyone else. 

[smackie9]

10 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Thank you. This might be an excellent solution to my problem, actually. I don’t like phone calls either, but I maybe this will limit the contact to that with more urgency. We’ll see. 
 

Thank you, everyone

You can say "contact me if you want to go out again". Or "life is busy enough, I don't have time to answer text messages from anyone".

[smackie9]

I think it's about level of interest. Some people get smitten right away, some don't. You obviously don't, but he does, so it's an unmatch.

[Gaeta]

How many times you've seen him by now?

[BaileyB]

You owe him the truth. He would probably much rather you tell him that you are not sure about this then pretend and mislead him - or what you are doing now which is sending mixed messages and playing games. 

Yes, it’s hard to say - but if you are going to date, you are going to need to have some of these hard conversations occasionally. 

It’s easy to hide behind excuses - I’m not a good texter or I was too busy to respond. Nobody is so busy that they can’t send a polite response to a text in 48 hours. 

 

Edited August 8, 2021 by BaileyB

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

 Doesn’t that feel super suffocating to anyone else. 

I don't date anyone that needs constant reassurance.  There are confident professional people that don't require that suffocating communication style.  You just need to find someone that is similar to your style/desire.  Probably someone professional with a professional career that works hard and doesn't sit around on the couch staring at his phone needing that form of reassurance/communication.

[Gaeta]

Just now, Happy Lemming said:

I don't date anyone that needs constant reassurance.  There are confident professional people that don't require that suffocating communication style.  

In this case it's not about communication style. It's about cookie lacking interest.

[Happy Lemming]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

In this case it's not about communication style. It's about cookie lacking interest.

Then she needs to communicate that to him in a timely manner. 

"Thanks, but no thanks"... if you will.

Yes... I'm a little confused if cookies doesn't like this gentleman or if she doesn't like his communication style and need for reassurance.  But yes... all communication favorable or not should be returned/acknowledged in a 24 hour period.

[Miss Spider]

13 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

How many times you've seen him by now?

2 times only

[Miss Spider]

6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Then she needs to communicate that to him in a timely manner. 

"Thanks, but no thanks"... if you will.

Yes... I'm a little confused if cookies doesn't like this gentleman or if she doesn't like his communication style and need for reassurance.  But yes... all communication favorable or not should be returned/acknowledged in a 24 hour period.

But it’s not really no thanks , I’m just not that sure I’m interested in at the moment and he wants to go out at least 1 x a week and he’s not on my radar like that yet . Everyone’s been here.. All communication should be acknowledged within 24 hours. Okay I will keep this in mind, this was not a rule I knew/adhered to, so now I know

 

 

[IntBrowser]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

So I asked this before but I have my read receipts on and didn’t leave him on read or anything. He went out with me on weds night.  I told him I wasn’t a good texter ( True. Unless it’s urgent I don’t like it) and he agreed. So he messaged me Thursday and Friday and I didn’t open his messages because I was busy and I don’t want to keep going out with him every few days and talk to him all the time ‘cuz not sure I’m feeling him, but not opposed to going out with him now and then to see where things go.
 

Then he messaged me on Saturday morning ON FACEBOOK “Hey so I’m feeling like a stalker at this point. I’m gathering I said something that pushed you away, would love to understand.” So I responded to his messages, said sorry been busy, how are you?All of sudden he’s like “I’m good” “ok” lol and I know passive aggression when I see it.
 

Is it just something you have to accept that if you don’t get back to someone right away they start to hate you, because I’ve noticed a theme  ?  My friends get me , I guess I mean dates 

why does he have your facebook?

[BaileyB]

6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

But it’s not really no thanks , I’m just not that sure I’m interested in at the moment and he wants to go out at least 1 x a week and he’s not on my radar like that yet .

You need to communicate that to him then. Let him know what you are thinking - and he can decide if this is something he wants to invest in or not. If he decides to stick around and you decide at a later that you want to see him more - you can always do that. But - if he wants a relationship and you are luke warm - you need to tell him that so that he can plan accordingly…

Too be honest cookie, this sound a lot like your other relationship. You show some interest and when he wants to have a relationship - you back away and profess lack of interest, I’m too busy, etc. It’s not “no thanks” because you want to keep them around for your own convenience… but, that’s not really fair to them unless they are aware this is exactly what you are doing…

Edited August 8, 2021 by BaileyB