do women judge men based on their relationship failures rather than successess?

[ironpony]

I feel this is the case because when I was in my mid to late 20s I kept being told that women keep getting a bad impression of me, because I never had a serious relationship before at that time.  It's not that I didn't want one, it's just no woman was interested in anything serious back then.  But then when I was 28 I got my first serious one that lasted four years.  After that I was more popular with women and they loved hearing the fact that I had a four year long relationship, like that was a relationship status accomplishment.

Now I am pushing 40 and I was told by someone I know that women do not like a guy who is 40 and has never been married yet, or at least they do not like the idea of it.  But isn't that a good thing, if a guy never settled into a marriage that would have failed?   Isn't that smart of the guy?  I feel like if women want a guy with a failed marriage once he reaches 40, then women want men who have had failures that they didn't avoid, and that women want men who have a failure list with women, rather than avoiding failures.

If that makes sense?

[chillii]

Ahh dunno man. lt's not all about what women want , there's two people you and her , what do you want ? How would you feel if her history was the same as yours , what sort of past would you rather she had?

But then of course you do hear a lot from guys too that say if she was 40s or 50s and never married or especially never had at least a long term relationship , then she's likely got something , maybe it's the same as from women about men, not sure. 40s not too bad though to my mind , 50s is pushing it.

l was married a long time so later l was wary of women who'd not been married or not had at least one long relationship. On the other side of the coin though most well know marriages don't always work and if they were divorced too then they know all the complications of marriage and tended to be very understanding about a divorce.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, ironpony said:

Now I am pushing 40 and I was told by someone I know that women do not like a guy who is 40 and has never been married yet,

Woman here, and the above is a sweeping generalization and certainly not true of all women. 

I'm 40 now, but I met my man when I was 34 and he was 48. He had never been married but had had some serious, long-term relationships (same for me) I saw this as a plus for me, as he has no ex-wives around, nothing linking him to a past. Marriage is neither here nor there for either of us. For us, the ability to commit in our hearts is what matters most. 

Now, if a man around my age had never really had a serious relationship at all, well, yes, I would be wondering why that is. 

[ShyViolet]

Why would someone prefer a man who's been married and divorced, over one that's never been married?  That makes no sense.  Just because one person told you this, doesn't make it true.  Finding out that someone is divorced doesn't raise their attractiveness level.  That's just a strange generalization to make.

If anything, having a divorce in one's past often equals "baggage" which lowers their attractiveness level.

[Gaeta]

I don't care if a man has ever been married or not, but i'm not American but l'm reading here it's important for many American so my opinion may not apply.  That being said when l read profiles and l see men 45 + and their longest relationship is 2 years l don't message them. That tells me they can't handle long term and are out the door as soon as the NRE has ran out.

[Gaeta]

28 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

If anything, having a divorce in one's past often equals "baggage" which lowers their attractiveness level.

At 40+ baggage = experience. When l come across a man that was with his ex 25 years he is much more attractive to me than a man of 50 who only had 2 year rrlationships all his life.

[ironpony]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

At 40+ baggage = experience. When l come across a man that was with his ex 25 years he is much more attractive to me than a man of 50 who only had 2 year rrlationships all his life.

Oh okay, but if a guy is 50 and doesn't have any long-term relationships, it doesn't that mean that he just didn't want to settle and isn't not settling a good thing? Or a guy who is willing to settle more attractive?

Edited August 8, 2021 by ironpony

[ExpatInItaly]

40 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay, but if a guy is 50 and doesn't have any long-term relationships, it doesn't that mean that he just didn't want to settle and isn't not settling a good thing? 

It might mean that. 

But I can tell you that most of us would probably first wonder there is something about him that put other women off. That would be my first thought, if I am being completely honest. Not that he didn't settle. 

[Miss Spider]

I’d rather date a 40+ guy with no experience than a divorcee

[poppyfields]

The man I'm seeing is a widower which also comes with it's share of issues, especially if it was a good, very loving marriage. 

It's sometimes difficult to live up to the memory of a dead wife where there was a lot of love between them.

As we become closer, experiencing that now, I may start a thread, not sure yet. 

It is still VERY early stages though,  less than two months, so we are still in the process of finding our way...

I dont think relationships are easy no matter how we slice it.

Never married, divorced, widowed, they all come with their share of challenges imo.

Edited August 8, 2021 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

9 hours ago, ironpony said:

Now I am pushing 40 and I was told by someone I know that women do not like a guy who is 40 and has never been married yet...

I'm 56 and never been married... (And quite happy, I might add) It never slowed me down one bit nor changed how I dated.  If a woman didn't want to date me because I had never been married before, so be it.  I'll move on to the next one.

Plenty of fish in the sea...

[HotRevolver93]

No girl wants a date a dude with zero experience past a certain age 

[smackie9]

There's someone for everyone as they say.....

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

I’d rather date a 40+ guy with no experience than a divorcee

Because you're not divorced yourself. It's normal to seek what we're familiar with. Same as single parents dating single parents etc.

[Ami1uwant]

The issue is more along the lines of relationship experience than if they got married.

 

id have concerns on someone with littke relationship experience by 40.  
 

Some  hold a negative flag against single parents or divorcée for no reason.