Always paranoid and anxious that my boyfriend doesn't care as much for me and that he will leave me.

[BreannaDt]

I’m (25F) in a very new relationship with 27M and although I should be happy and enjoying the moment, I am extremely anxious.

When we’re together he seems very into me, always paying me compliments, very touchy, etc. He was the one who suggested we become boyfriend and girlfriend, a few dates in.

The thing is, when we’re not together, he sometimes takes a few hours to text. This makes me feel like he’s not as into me as I am into him. I’m also just generally paranoid that he’s just settling for me, or that once he gets bored/finds someone better he will just leave me.

I think I will be devastated if he leaves me. I feel like this codependency is not healthy, but at the same time, I am also addicted to being with him. I am in particular addicted to the attention and the validation he gives me. If he were to pay me less attention or leave me I’d be absolutely crushed. I honeslty don’t know if I could survive it.

I am so happy when he sends me texts. I am in a state of worry and anxiety if he takes more than 2 hours to respond. I am anxious about whether he’ll initiate/plan our next date or if that will be on me. It’s horrible! Will it get better with time or will I always feel this way?

 

Edited August 8, 2021 by BreannaDt

[Ami1uwant]

Takes big step back…

 

he person us different on responding to text messages.  Some CANT respond at work.

 

im not someone attached to my phone.  If it’s urgent . Call me..don’t text.

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, BreannaDt said:

I think I will be devastated if he leaves me. I feel like this codependency is not healthy, but at the same time, I am also addicted to being with him. I am in particular addicted to the attention and the validation he gives me. If he were to pay me less attention or leave me I’d be absolutely crushed. I honeslty don’t know if I could survive it.

I would strongly encourage you to find a counsellor to help you cope with your anxiety. If you don’t, I guarantee that this relationship will end because your constant need for reassurance will eventually smother the man and you will bring about the very thing you say you do not want. 

Of course you would survive the end of a relationship. Try not to catastrophize, it does nothing to help the anxiety you are feeling. 

 

Edited August 8, 2021 by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, BreannaDt said:

when we’re not together, he sometimes takes a few hours to text.

This is normal. 

People have lives, OP, and are not constantly on their phone. What about you? Do you work, study, have a social life? What do you do in between waiting for texts to pop up on your screen? 

Whether your extreme anxiety gets better or not is up to you - but understand it's outside the relationship. Have you always had low self-esteem? This type of fear is usually related to insecurity, so I would start there. Work on identifying where that comes from, and why you don't feel good enough. As @BaileyB suggested, it is probably best to seek some professional counseling to help you manage.