The only reason I didnt delete her number and block her for cancelling the 1st date was because she suggested the next day

[IntBrowser]

15 hours ago, introverted1 said:

Reservations? Is this a first meeting? 

And yes, lots of people attend relatives' birthday parties, especially when the relative is their sibling's young child.

yes its a first meeting

[IntBrowser]

14 hours ago, poppyfields said:

If this were me, I'd be questioning (to myself) why the hell did she make the date in the first place, knowing her nephew was having a birthday party?

Surely, since it's family, she must have known about the party in advance?  

I typically know about family celebrations weeks or at least many days in advance. But no this girl only find out the day before? 

Not buying it, sounds like a BS excuse @IntBrowser, most likely made another date she preferred to you. 

I'd move on, I can smell BS a mile away. 

Pretty much lol

[IntBrowser]

13 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Ok that's fair, see what happens Sunday.  

I predict she will cancel again, I hope I'm wrong and Im sure Im projecting but when I've broken first dates/meets or had men break with me, nothing good ever became of it.

First impressions are so important, they set a precedent for what's to follow, imo.

But good luck @IntBrowserhope it works out.

I feel the same way lol     And since I reached out tonight,  I will not leave this apt if I dont get a text or call from her saying she is leaving at this time or headed out

[IntBrowser]

13 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Same here... I mean a 3 year old's birthday party is going to be during the daylight hours 2:00 - 3:00pm (at the latest).  Plenty of time to get home, shower and get ready for an evening date.

Her "plan B" guy asked her out, and she thinks he is a better date.  Saturday night is date night, not Sunday.  This woman just put you on the back burner in case "Saturday night guy" doesn't pan out.

@poppyfields hit the nail on the head.

If a woman cancels the first date on me, I won't ask her out again. (especially with this lame excuse of a 3 year old nephew birthday party)

NEXT!!

That's why I have made my last contact unless she reaches out again.    I called tonight to confirm plans and she was unable to talk because she is hanging out with her sister.     So I am not texting or calling tomorrow at all and if it gets to be  6pm and 6:30pm and I havent heard from her then I will just remain home and delete and block

[IntBrowser]

12 hours ago, SumGuy said:

Maybe because the kid wants their favorite aunt to sleep over, perhaps the drive is far, all sorts of reasons.

Could as well ask why cancel the reservation?  Just ask out someone else, a friend, go enjoy it yourself...the first is spur of the moment and odd, the second requires a social circle (it is usually very easy to add people to your table as it brings in more $), and the last requires a level some comfort with oneself and confidence.   Being thin skinned and quick to pull the trigger, never saw those as associated with positive dating traits....no matter how you spin it as not wasting my time.

cancelled the reservation and went to another restaurant with someone else,

[IntBrowser]

11 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

It's a learned skill that any man can learn (including the OP). 

He doesn't have to put up with sub-par BS excuses.  A 3 year old nephew's birthday party... give me a break.

Glad I wasnt the only one who thought that was BS

[IntBrowser]

11 hours ago, poppyfields said:

@elaine567that is a great point!  When one comes from a place of abundance, walking away when something feels off is easy, there's plenty more where he/she came from.

But when one comes from a place of scarcity and lack, difficulty getting dates, they tend to hold tighter even when something feels off. 

It can become a vicious cycle of accepting scraps, getting rejected and living in lack.

That said, @Fox Sakemade a relevant point, the OP has become bitter.  And she did offer an alternative date.

So yeah okay, give her the benefit of doubt this time, but if she flakes again, that's it! 

It dont matter about having lots of options, i rather sit home alone in my underwear eating something delicious than play games with a grown woman

[IntBrowser]

11 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

No one should have to accept scraps, cast offs or Sunday dates.

I'd rather be alone then be treated like a second class, plan B, maybe date. 

So basically what this woman is saying is... If nothing else better comes along, maybe I'll go out with him on a Sunday afternoon... 

That is a pity date.

The more you say the more I want to cancel the reservation and block her LOL

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

The more you say the more I want to cancel the reservation and block her LOL

No no no, just wait! Don't get wound up yet, just get to the day first.

[IntBrowser]

11 hours ago, Alvi said:

Just from my personal experience. If someone cancels a first or a second date for whatever reason, it's not a good sigh. It means that that person is flaky, not interested, has other options, etc...Not good. I've tried to give some of the "reschedulers" a benefit of a doubt more often than not, and each and every time they ended up disappointing me. Why? Because they were not that interested to meet me in a first place.  Now, if a guy tells me that he cannot meet me for whatever reason, I just block him. No ifs, buts or maybes. It may sound drastic, but I have to look out for myself. If a guy is interested, then is is going to meet you. If the interest is very low or lukewarm at best, cancelling and rescheduling is  what you are going to get. 

agree 100%.    It just feels that another BS excuse is coming tomorrow morning.      My prediction is tomorrow she will do one of the things below

 

Not call or text at all

Text a BS another excuse

 

She was probably out with some guy tonight that's why she said she cant talk and said over text.............I will see you tomorrow at 7pm"

[IntBrowser]

11 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Yeah gotta admit, if a man broke a Saturday night first date saying he had to attend his 3-year old nephew's birthday party that afternoon (last minute) my spiney senses would be on high alert.

Even if he offered Sunday.

I'd probably next him, but I do have an abundance mindset so that's probably why.

If he were sick or had a legit family emergency, I'm flexible and would understand.

But this last minute nephew birthday party in the afternoon, I dunno, it sounds off to me. 

But again, play it out, maybe it will work out, I hope it does!  

 

These are always the top excuses that people use when cancelling a date...men or women

Family

Work

Health

[IntBrowser]

8 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

No no no, just wait! Don't get wound up yet, just get to the day first.

it just looks more and more like a lie.    Now all of a sudden she cant talk because she is hanging out with her sister in law lol     Based on history, if I dont confirm plans the night before the date,   it never happened

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

it just looks more and more like a lie.    Now all of a sudden she cant talk because she is hanging out with her sister in law lol     Based on history, if I dont confirm plans the night before the date,   it never happened

Is there anything in particular about this woman that is making you this anxious? You're agitated and seem pretty invested (getting kind of angry/upset in advance before anything even happens and REALLY afraid that she's going to cancel). You shouldn't be this much at the edge of your seat over just one date. My opinion is, you need to cool down considerably and be MUCH more casual about the outcome, or it is 100% going to show and you're going to scare her.

You haven't even been out once. Your attitude should be: if we go out, great, hope it's fun. And if we don't, there are other women, looking forward to good times coming! And...that's it.

 

[introverted1]

7 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

   So I am not texting or calling tomorrow at all and if it gets to be  6pm and 6:30pm and I havent heard from her then I will just remain home and delete and block

WTF? 

6 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

she said she cant talk and said over text.............I will see you tomorrow at 7pm"

So you're going to stand her up?

 

Do you actually want to date? You don't seem to be able to get out of your own way.

You haven't even met this woman yet and you have already ascribed all sorts of negative motives to her.  Yes, is is possible she wasn't at her nephew's party last night, but it is also possible that she was.  So far, I don't see what she's done to warrant such an extreme response from you:  she had a conflict, so she asked to reschedule.  She couldn't talk when you called but confirmed over text. What exactly is wrong with this?

Are you expecting to be prioritized by someone who hasn't even met you?

[princessaurora]

I had a wedding anniversary a few weeks ago I knew was coming up but forgot about how soon. I made plans for a girls night with one of my oldest besties not realizing I scheduled it on the very date. 2 days before I had to tell her  it was my anniversary and  she was like "you're just realizing this now?", but we laughed it off because that's just how much I have going on right now. 

I would give her the benefit of the doubt and see if she goes out with you tonight. 

But just a bit of advice. You have got to find a way to overcome all this negativity because it really does poison your entire aura. You are projecting an environment no woman is ever going to want to be a part of by assuming they're all going to stand you up or not accept you in the first place. I really think you need to address these issues before you're going to be able to find a successful relationship. 

 

 

Edited August 8, 2021 by princessaurora
Add

[poppyfields]

On behalf of @IntBrowserwould like to say a few words. 

Yes this woman had a conflict, which let's be real, was most likely that she accepted a date with another man AFTER she had already accepted @IntBrowser's invite. 

If she had said "no I already have plans Sat night, how about Sunday?" when he originally asked, his frustration now would be unwarranted. 

But come on, she flaked after originally accepting, and who likes being sloppy seconds as my mom would say?  She's playing him!  

Exacerbated by the fact he called her last night, Saturday night, long after this supposed "birthday party" for his 3-year old nephew was over, and she shoots him down giving yet another BS excuse that she can't talk cause she is with her sister?

WTF, she cant talk 5 min when she's with her sister after already breaking the date? 

She wasn't with her sister, she was on another date, this is obvious at least to me (and a few others), and common sense. 

I'm a woman, not proud to admit but have done things like this myself.

@IntBrowseryour mistake was not following your gut and believing this woman was legit.

Next time this happens, and after careful consideration whether it's a genuine excuse or BS, and your gut is screaming at you that it's BS, simply move on.

"No, sorry have other plans for Sunday, take care."  

IF she has a genuine interest, she knows where to find you, but even then I wouldn't, again first impressions are everything, they set a precedent for what follows. 

If this was a friendship where trust has already been established as in @princessaurora's scenario, THAT is a completely different thing. 

This was a first meet, a date, and once again first impressions mean so much.

When you have an abundance mindset, no need to settle for being sloppy seconds or accepting BS excuses when a person flakes for what appears to be a BS reason.  Simply move on to the next. 

Your bitterness and frustrations with dating would lessen tremendously if you did that, cause as it stands now, it's become a vicious cycle and your bitterness is palpable, NOT good. 

Edited August 8, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

10 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

That's why I have made my last contact unless she reaches out again.    I called tonight to confirm plans and she was unable to talk because she is hanging out with her sister.     So I am not texting or calling tomorrow at all and if it gets to be  6pm and 6:30pm and I havent heard from her then I will just remain home and delete and block

You date like a girl. Always defensive, entitled, you don't need any of these women to ruin your dates, you do it yourself perfectly each time. You auto-sabotage each and every time. 

[Happy Lemming]

59 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

WTF, she cant talk 5 min when she's with her sister after already breaking the date? 

She wasn't with her sister, she was on another date, this is obvious at least to me (and a few others), and common sense. 

 

This... exactly!!

If she was with her sister, the sister would have said "Take 5-10 minutes and talk to this guy" and left the room.  She couldn't talk because she was on a date with another guy.  Giving @IntBrowser 5-10 minutes of her time wasn't an option because she was on a date with another guy.

Her lies are piling up and they haven't even made it to the first date.

NEXT!!

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, princessaurora said:

But just a bit of advice. You have got to find a way to overcome all this negativity because it really does poison your entire aura. You are projecting an environment no woman is ever going to want to be a part of by assuming they're all going to stand you up or not accept you in the first place. I really think you need to address these issues before you're going to be able to find a successful relationship.

So much this.

You haven't even met this woman!  So either you take what she says at face value and plan to have an enjoyable time on your date today OR you decide she's not worth it and you move on. 

The anger and bitterness you are displaying in response to a stranger's actions is over the top.  Your angry, defeatist attitude isn't going to attract women to you, online or otherwise. 

Take a break, do some introspecting, get your head straight, date when it feels like it will be something enjoyable.

 

 

[Gaeta]

If she was with another date she would not have replied/answered. Period.

Edited August 8, 2021 by Gaeta

[poppyfields]

22 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

You haven't even met this woman!  So either you take what she says at face value and plan to have an enjoyable time on your date today OR you decide she's not worth it and you move on. 

I agree!  

He's never even met her, all the more reason to next her when he smells something's not right. 

And it's really not up to us or anyone else but IntBrowser himself to determine when something doesn't smell right. 

I happen to think her excuse was BS but my opinion is irrelevant, it's his opinion and feelings that count.

Here, he doesn't have good feelings, he senses she's bs'ing him, that is when he simply moves on.

He already feels bitter, makes no sense to continue this. 

Text her and break the date today, wish her well, move on.

 

Edited August 8, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

If she was with another date she would not have replied/answered. Period.

Not necessarily.

She still wants the option, if she had not answered, she might have lost that option since her excuse was she was attending a birthday party. 

JMO.

Edited August 8, 2021 by poppyfields

[IntBrowser]

9 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Is there anything in particular about this woman that is making you this anxious? You're agitated and seem pretty invested (getting kind of angry/upset in advance before anything even happens and REALLY afraid that she's going to cancel). You shouldn't be this much at the edge of your seat over just one date. My opinion is, you need to cool down considerably and be MUCH more casual about the outcome, or it is 100% going to show and you're going to scare her.

You haven't even been out once. Your attitude should be: if we go out, great, hope it's fun. And if we don't, there are other women, looking forward to good times coming! And...that's it.

 

No Im not angry at all lol     I kind of blame myself because I remember her tinder profile was blank and she had 3 pics.     So that was a red flag right there and something to watch out for in the future.     I am kind of annoyed that I stayed up late on a work night talking to her until 4am and it appears it was all for nothing lol

[princessaurora]

20 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Here, he doesn't have good feelings, he senses she's bs'ing him, that is when he simply moves on.

He already feels bitter, makes no sense to continue this. 

But he feels like this about pretty much any potential prospect. He has basically put all women in the same box and with that attitude he wouldn't know a good one if she was right in front of his face. He needs to stop having these preconceived notions because it's only hindering him. 

 

[IntBrowser]

4 hours ago, introverted1 said:

WTF? 

So you're going to stand her up?

 

Do you actually want to date? You don't seem to be able to get out of your own way.

You haven't even met this woman yet and you have already ascribed all sorts of negative motives to her.  Yes, is is possible she wasn't at her nephew's party last night, but it is also possible that she was.  So far, I don't see what she's done to warrant such an extreme response from you:  she had a conflict, so she asked to reschedule.  She couldn't talk when you called but confirmed over text. What exactly is wrong with this?

Are you expecting to be prioritized by someone who hasn't even met you?

if she doesnt send me a text or call me regarding our 7pm dinner date,  do you really think Im leaving this apt?    I have done my part and called her last night to confirm so if she does not contact me at all to say I am leaving out or see you later then I am not going anywhere.     Especially after a cancelled date.    I need to see some effort on her part that shows she wants to see me