The only reason I didnt delete her number and block her for cancelling the 1st date was because she suggested the next day

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

OK but it seems you have always come from a place of plenty, you find, you escalate, you seal the deal, the same cannot be said for the OP.
He cannot really afford to be too hasty with the NEXT button.

@elaine567that is a great point!  When one comes from a place of abundance, walking away when something feels off is easy, there's plenty more where he/she came from.

But when one comes from a place of scarcity and lack, difficulty getting dates, they tend to hold tighter even when something feels off. 

It can become a vicious cycle of accepting scraps, getting rejected and living in lack.

That said, @Fox Sakemade a relevant point, the OP has become bitter.  And she did offer an alternative date.

So yeah okay, give her the benefit of doubt this time, but if she flakes again, that's it! 

[elaine567]

3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

It's a learned skill that any man can learn (including the OP). 

He doesn't have to put up with sub-par BS excuses.  A 3 year old nephew's birthday party... give me a break.

It is really no skin off his nose to agree to the Sunday, it is not as if they are queuing up to date him. 
Reservations cost nothing.

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

It can become a vicious cycle of accepting scraps, getting rejected and living in lack.

 

No one should have to accept scraps, cast offs or Sunday dates.

I'd rather be alone then be treated like a second class, plan B, maybe date. 

So basically what this woman is saying is... If nothing else better comes along, maybe I'll go out with him on a Sunday afternoon... 

That is a pity date.

[Fox Sake]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

@elaine567that is a great point!  When one comes from a place of abundance, walking away when something feels off is easy, there's plenty more where he/she came from.

But when one comes from a place of scarcity and lack, difficulty getting dates, they tend to hold tighter even when something feels off. 

It can become a vicious cycle of accepting scraps, getting rejected and living in lack.

Ooft! Preach it! Hahah I have literally gone from the first , to second , to third paragraphs in a few years! 

[elaine567]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

if she flakes again, that's it! 

Agreed.

[Happy Lemming]

Just now, elaine567 said:

It is really no skin off his nose to agree to the Sunday, it is not as if they are queuing up to date him. 
Reservations cost nothing.

It's degrading... you go through the effort of planning the date, gathering up the money to pay for the date, making the reservations and asking the woman out.  You get excited about meeting a new person and then she cancels to go out with someone else.

It's crap and he deserves better... anyone does.

[Fox Sake]

Just now, Happy Lemming said:

No one should have to accept scraps, cast offs or Sunday dates.

I'd rather be alone then be treated like a second class, plan B, maybe date. 

So basically what this woman is saying is... If nothing else better comes along, maybe I'll go out with him on a Sunday afternoon... 

That is a pity date.

What she said was - she’s got a nephews birthday party and she would like to do it the following day.
 

You are filling in the blanks with the most negative of outlooks man.  That’s not healthy. 
 

While I get where you’re coming from , you still need to take some people at their word. Assuming the most negative worst all the time on someone you don’t know is not a great mindset. You can’t pigeonhole everyone ! 

[Happy Lemming]

4 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

What she said was - she’s got a nephews birthday party and she would like to do it the following day.

 

And a 3 year old's birthday party would be a day event.  She could make an appearance (at the party) and be gone by 3:00pm, plenty of time to get home, shower, get dressed, makeup, etc. for a 7:00pm-8:00pm dinner date??

A 3 year old would be in bed by 7:00pm... Its a BS excuse.

She offered Sunday just in case "Saturday night" guy turns out to be a fail/dud.  The OP is the backup plan.  Saturday night is the big DATE night, not Sunday.

[Alvi]

Just from my personal experience. If someone cancels a first or a second date for whatever reason, it's not a good sigh. It means that that person is flaky, not interested, has other options, etc...Not good. I've tried to give some of the "reschedulers" a benefit of a doubt more often than not, and each and every time they ended up disappointing me. Why? Because they were not that interested to meet me in a first place.  Now, if a guy tells me that he cannot meet me for whatever reason, I just block him. No ifs, buts or maybes. It may sound drastic, but I have to look out for myself. If a guy is interested, then is is going to meet you. If the interest is very low or lukewarm at best, cancelling and rescheduling is  what you are going to get. 

[Fox Sake]

7 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

And a 3 year old's birthday party would be a day event.  She could make an appearance (at the party) and be gone by 3:00pm, plenty of time to get home, shower, get dressed, makeup, etc. for a 7:00pm-8:00pm dinner date??

A 3 year old would be in bed by 7:00pm... Its a BS excuse.

She offered Sunday just in case "Saturday night" guy turns out to be a fail/dud.  The OP is the backup plan.  Saturday night is the big DATE night, not Sunday.

Who’s to say she’s not tired and wants be be at her best?! I would want to be.
This Cynical outlook is just assuming the worst and I think it’s destructive…it’s throwing away a potential opportunity at the cost of satisfying the ego 

[poppyfields]

14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

And a 3 year old's birthday party would be a day event.  She could make an appearance (at the party) and be gone by 3:00pm, plenty of time to get home, shower, get dressed, makeup, etc. for a 7:00pm-8:00pm dinner date??

A 3 year old would be in bed by 7:00pm... Its a BS excuse.

She offered Sunday just in case "Saturday night" guy turns out to be a fail/dud.  The OP is the backup plan.  Saturday night is the big DATE night, not Sunday.

Yeah gotta admit, if a man broke a Saturday night first date saying he had to attend his 3-year old nephew's birthday party that afternoon (last minute) my spiney senses would be on high alert.

Even if he offered Sunday.

I'd probably next him, but I do have an abundance mindset so that's probably why.

If he were sick or had a legit family emergency, I'm flexible and would understand.

But this last minute nephew birthday party in the afternoon, I dunno, it sounds off to me. 

But again, play it out, maybe it will work out, I hope it does!  

 

Edited August 7, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

it’s throwing away a potential opportunity at the cost of satisfying the ego 

Good point!

And own I've done that! 

Fine line between detecting and not tolerating BS and satisfying the ego. 

Perhaps it's a mix of both. 

Edited August 7, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

And a 3 year old's birthday party would be a day event.  She could make an appearance (at the party) and be gone by 3:00pm, plenty of time to get home, shower, get dressed, makeup, etc. for a 7:00pm-8:00pm dinner date??

A 3 year old would be in bed by 7:00pm... Its a BS excuse.

Typically but who knows, maybe the grand parents (anyone else) has a long drive to get there and they made it a dinner b'day. My nephew turns 3 next werk. On a normal day he's in bed at 19h30, with visitors they don't observe that routine and the kid can be up running around till 22h.

Why so quick to negatively judge people with 0 insight on their life dynamic.

Edited August 7, 2021 by Gaeta

[Happy Lemming]

56 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

This Cynical outlook is just assuming the worst and I think it’s destructive…

If you think my opinion is cynical and destructive, put me on your ignore list. And you'll never have to read my posts again.

The OP can decide for himself what is the more likely scenario, I still call BS on this "3 year old nephew birthday party" excuse.

Everyone has an opinion, I have mine... you have yours. 

[Fox Sake]

13 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

If you think my opinion is cynical and destructive, put me on your ignore list. And you'll never have to read my posts again.

The OP can decide for himself what is the more likely scenario, I still call BS on this "3 year old nephew birthday party" excuse.

Everyone has an opinion, I have mine... you have yours. 

I never said I wanted to ignore you. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I was actually reaching out to you as I haven’t noticed that before. you may very well be correct about everything. 
 

I’m simply trying to say that a positive outlook is better, there is always an exception to the rule. There are some good people out there. There is also zero proof and 100% speculation. 

 I prefer constructive thought process over destructive thought process. Words are powerful and you have the ability to effect people deeply.
Just because you don’t trust her , I don’t think there’s any need to say that she’s 100% just off with someone else without any proof. 
 

I totally respect your opinion , so please don’t think I’m having a go at you for what you said, its about how it pigeon holed people and made it all doom and gloom! 

Edited August 7, 2021 by Fox Sake

[poppyfields]

This is so silly. I mean maybe this, maybe that, maybe she anticipates being tired, maybe it's an evening party for a 3-year old, maybe no one in her family told her about it until the day before, maybe she forgot to mark her calendar, does it matter?

She broke the meet/date.  She offered a reschedule the following day.   

Sometimes I think people would be better off simply saying "I'm so sorry, something came up, can we reschedule for tomorrow"?  It's a first meet, do we really owe each other a detailed explanation for a first meet?  

I'd probably go if a man said that to me.

Versus some lame excuse about attending a 3-year old's birthday party (most likely in the afternoon) that no one in his/her family bothered to tell them about until the day before.

Sounds lame and gets the brain spinning, it's human nature!  I don't think anyone is immune to that no matter how secure they are or how abundant their life is. 

And no more making elaborate dinner reservations for a first MEET.  For just this reason.  You don't know this person and they make flake. 

Goid luck whatever you decide @IntBrowser.

 

 

Edited August 7, 2021 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

15 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

This is so silly. I mean maybe this, maybe that, maybe she anticipates being tired, maybe it's an evening party for a 3-year old, maybe no one in her family told her about it until the day before, maybe she forgot to mark her calendar, does it matter?

She broke the meet/date.

 

There is an old saying about "your word is your bond"... She agreed to this date.

Even if she forgot about this 3 year old's party, you call up your sibling, tell them you'll make an appearance at the 3 year old's party, take a picture or two with the child, maybe watch him/her open a few gifts and leave.  You give yourself enough time to get home and get ready for an evening date. 

21 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Versus some lame excuse about attending a 3-year old's birthday party (most likely in the afternoon) that no one in his/her family bothered to tell them about until the day before.

Sounds lame and gets the brain spinning, it's human nature!  I don't think anyone is immune to that no matter how secure they are or how abundant their life is. 

 

This is exactly why I call BS... the excuse is so lame.  The least she could do is come up with something believable.

24 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

And no more making elaborate dinner reservations for a first MEET. 

You can't fault the guy for trying to make a good first impression.  I've planned some elaborate first dates and they were great.  The woman enjoyed herself and agreed to a second date.

I did have one woman cancel on me for a second date and I got stuck with some tickets that I purchased.  I ended up giving them away to friends.  Her excuse was lame (I don't remember it), but I didn't ask her out again.

[poppyfields]

14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

You can't fault the guy for trying to make a good first impression.  I've planned some elaborate first dates and they were great.  The woman enjoyed herself and agreed to a second date.

I've been on elaborate first dinner dates too and they were a disaster! 

One man was a bonafide psychopath who stalked me afterwards, another propsed marriage (and he was serious); I knew after 10 minutes I didn't want to be there but was stuck because it was "dinner" and I felt obligated to stay.

[Happy Lemming]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

One man was a bonafide psychopath who stalked me afterwards, another propsed marriage (and he was serious); I knew after 10 minutes I didn't want to be there but was stuck because it was "dinner" and I felt obligated to stay.

You win... WOW!! I guess there are some strange individuals out there.  Marriage really?? WOW!!

No, I can't say I've had any real disaster first dates (like that).  I've had some where at the end of the evening I didn't want to ask them out again, but nothing scary. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

17 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

If she had said............"what about next weekend?"     I would have said BYE and hung up on her lol            I had a date scheduled for tomorrow and made reservations and she said she had to cancel because of her nephew birthday party?    So she said.........."how bout sunday?     So lets see if she comes up with another excuse.      But once someone cancel I start to feel like it wont happen and feel like another excuse is coming.         So I wonder when I call tomorrow will I get the voicemail?     But to cancel a date because of a 3 year old birthday just sounded weird as hell.

I'm sure she must have known more than a couple of days in advance that her nephew was going to have a birthday, so yes, it likely was an excuse. (ETA: oh, sorry, I read back and saw that people already discussed this aspect.)

You've never been out, though, so it wouldn't be weird for her to go for someone/thing else that popped up, though. 

If you had tickets to the Met with her or something for the past month and she up and cancelled days in advance, okay, you'd have reason to be pizzed. You guys don't even know each other. I'd be casual and say "sure." If she then cancelled a second time...bye.

Edited August 7, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Even if she forgot about this 3 year old's party, you call up your sibling, tell them you'll make an appearance at the 3 year old's party, take a picture or two with the child, maybe watch him/her open a few gifts and leave.

Except not all families roll like that. Some are a lot closer and want to spend time together on these occasions, and it turns into a bigger family event in and of itself. And not all of them live close enough to do a quick drop-in for a birthday party, either. We have no idea how near (or far) these people are to this woman.

I think OP needs to chill and see what happens on Sunday rather than let his bitterness and his ego get the best of him, once again. 

 

[poppyfields]

4 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

You win... WOW!! I guess there are some strange individuals out there.  Marriage really?? WOW!!

No, I can't say I've had any real disaster first dates (like that).  I've had some where at the end of the evening I didn't want to ask them out again, but nothing scary. 

Yeah, classic unhealthy love-bombing (versus "healthy" love-bombing, lol). 

Based on god only knows what - my hair?  my eyes, my body?  We had just met!  But yeah a bit ridiculous, and strange indeed!  

Where is @IntBrowser???

 

[IntBrowser]

20 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Did you reply to that?

And yes, if she flakes on Sunday too, forget her and keep moving. 

I expect her to flake.    I just tried to call her to confirm things for tomorrow and she text back she couldnt talk because she is hanging out with her sister and asked was we still on for 7pm tomorrow.  lol    Im 80% sure I wont be leaving this APT

[IntBrowser]

16 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

Ummmm..... she doesn't know you... the 3 yo is family to her.  So yes... the 3yo is more important than a blind date.   

I don't think I would go as far as to hang up on someone... but I would put it on the back burner if she said "Next week".  Give her the benefit of the doubt... and go have a good time. 

If she had said next saturday she would have been hung up and blocked

[IntBrowser]

16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. If you're interested meet for a brief coffee at a mutually convenient day, time and  area where you can get to with your own transportation.  If you're not interested just move to the next.

I am doing brunch or coffee anymore,  dinner only once the sun goes down