He said he forgot to bring condoms, twice!

[stillafool]

Since you dont' want to buy condoms to keep on hand for safe, spontaneous sex and he won't bring any just forget about having sex for a while.

[smackie9]

7 hours ago, sallynow said:

I am not going to buy condoms to put in the drawer. 

What I am going to do though is not invite men into my house where we can be intimate without discussing contraception before hand.

I think this is fair. You want someone who is responsible for their safety too. Neither of you know who they have been with or are being with. So discussing it before hand seem reasonable.

[Miss Spider]

New idea: keep comdoms around , but only xxL magnums. Only the guy who fits the shoe..

Edited August 9, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Maldives]

On 8/7/2021 at 1:57 AM, sallynow said:

I met this guy on a dating app, we have been on several dates and one of those dates ended in a steamy session on the sofa.

When we were kissing and touching I asked him if he brought condoms with him and he said no. He asked if I take the pill and I said no. So he said he will pull it out before he cu** so there's no problem. After a while I told him I am not comfortable and cannot relax so is better if we stop. We stopped and we agreed for him to buy condoms for next time we have sex.

So next time was yesterday. We went out for dinner and after dinner we went to his house. I asked him if he bought the condoms and he said he completely forgot... that he has been busy the past days, didn't have time to do that and forgot. He still wanted to have sex saying he will pull it out, but I decided not to. He insisted but I didn't do it. He said next time he will definitely buy condoms.

I just find this all very weird. It feels like he either doesn't care so he really forgot about it, or he doesn't like to wear condoms and pretended he forgot. Either way I feel forgetting something so important is totally disrespectful of me and my boundaries, and also when he knows that doesn't make me feel at ease.

I'm tempted to break it off with this guy because I feel like he already disrespected some important boundaries and didn't care about me. What do you think of this?

Another danger around this is Std's you don't know him for that reason alone I would have declined 

[Trail Blazer]

Dude's don't simply "forget" condoms.  If they do not have them, they've elected to not have them on hand.  Good that you've sent him packing.

Edited August 10, 2021 by Trail Blazer

[sallynow]

On 8/9/2021 at 2:45 PM, stillafool said:

Since you dont' want to buy condoms to keep on hand for safe, spontaneous sex and he won't bring any just forget about having sex for a while.

There is  no such a thing as "spontaneous sex" when you invite a guy to your house you are attracted to, or go to his place. Sex is already on your mind when that happens, and anyone saying the contrary is lying.

That doesn't mean that you have to have sex just because you invite the guy to your house or go to his, but I'm pretty sure that 100% of the time the two people are thinking about it, one way or another. Unless they are 10 and are playing Playstation.

So my mistake here was not to not have condoms at mine, it was to believe he would bring them without asking him beforehand. THAT was the issue. But I agree that even if he said yes he'll bring them, he might not do it, so in that case yes better for me to have some.

Edited August 12, 2021 by sallynow

[FMW]

2 hours ago, sallynow said:

So my mistake here was not to not have condoms at mine, it was to believe he would bring them without asking him beforehand. THAT was the issue

Plus going ahead and having sex without them.  If you see your role as a passive one in this situation you're more likely to find yourself in a similar situation again.

Most of us have made slip ups, I'm not beating you up for that. And I agree that he should have had them.  But it's bothersome to me as a woman to leave it there when you seem to feel no responsibility to take action to care for yourself.  THAT is the issue that jumps out to me.

 

[sallynow]

5 hours ago, FMW said:

Plus going ahead and having sex without them.  If you see your role as a passive one in this situation you're more likely to find yourself in a similar situation again.

Most of us have made slip ups, I'm not beating you up for that. And I agree that he should have had them.  But it's bothersome to me as a woman to leave it there when you seem to feel no responsibility to take action to care for yourself.  THAT is the issue that jumps out to me.

 

Of course I do feel responsibility to take action for myself. But I just see it differently than you.

To me the issues were:

- Him coming to my house too early after only a few dates

- Not talking about contraception beforehand

If I had waited longer to invite him to mine or to go to his place, we would have had time to develop more trust and openess required to talk about those things. To me THAT was the main issue. The way we did it felt just like casual sex.

So to me the lesson was that, wait longer to have sex and not put myself in a situation like this one. Not having condoms was just the consequence of not doing the mentioned.

Edited August 12, 2021 by sallynow

[Mrin]

16 hours ago, sallynow said:

So my mistake here was not to not have condoms at mine, it was to believe he would bring them without asking him beforehand. THAT was the issue. But I agree that even if he said yes he'll bring them, he might not do it, so in that case yes better for me to have some.

From a practicality standpoint of course you're right. However I just want you to know that I for one, as a man, also think that if don't want to have them on hand and would like the man to bring them then that's perfectly okay too. Like I said before, even in today's age the dude should go the extra mile and bring the latex... Along with a nice bottle of wine (of your favorite varietal). Chivalry may be mortally wounded these days but it ain't dead! Yet.

And I also think you handled the situation appropriately. High five yourself.