He said he forgot to bring condoms, twice!

[sallynow]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

At least he's showing you what a dork he is  at a very early stage so it's easy to cut your losses.✂

Yes, I am grateful to him he showed me this at a very early stage, so I can move on easily.

[Gaeta]

5 hours ago, sallynow said:

Because we agreed he was going to buy them.

I fell off  my chair. 

YOU are responsible for your sexual health. YOU buy your own condoms you keep in your purse. YOU never ever rely on someone else to buy contraceptive. 

If he did that with you it means he does it with every woman he had sex with. 

You have to wait 3 months and get an STI screening. Before that your test will likely show false negatives. 

Edited August 6, 2021 by Gaeta

[FMW]

You should probably dump the guy, but you are brushing away the real issue.

Now that you know you might get into a similar situation again whether with him or someone else, saying you don't  usually have casual sex is no longer an excuse.  Go buy condoms and be prepared next time.  It's not just the guy's responsibility, whether or not he said ahead of time he would get them. Insist on the condoms before you get in a similar situation again.  

Having to go get the morning after pill should have made things clear.

 

[Daisydooks]

7 hours ago, sallynow said:

I met this guy on a dating app, we have been on several dates and one of those dates ended in a steamy session on the sofa.

When we were kissing and touching I asked him if he brought condoms with him and he said no. He asked if I take the pill and I said no. So he said he will pull it out before he cu** so there's no problem. After a while I told him I am not comfortable and cannot relax so is better if we stop. We stopped and we agreed for him to buy condoms for next time we have sex.

So next time was yesterday. We went out for dinner and after dinner we went to his house. I asked him if he bought the condoms and he said he completely forgot... that he has been busy the past days, didn't have time to do that and forgot. He still wanted to have sex saying he will pull it out, but I decided not to. He insisted but I didn't do it. He said next time he will definitely buy condoms.

I just find this all very weird. It feels like he either doesn't care so he really forgot about it, or he doesn't like to wear condoms and pretended he forgot. Either way I feel forgetting something so important is totally disrespectful of me and my boundaries, and also when he knows that doesn't make me feel at ease.

I'm tempted to break it off with this guy because I feel like he already disrespected some important boundaries and didn't care about me. What do you think of this?

Buy condoms! Jesus, Woman! 

[Shining One]

I know it's not really the point of the thread, but why should the woman be buying the condoms? They're not one-size fits all (speaking from experience), so the woman would have to purchase multiple sizes whereas the man would only need to purchase his size.

[Daisydooks]

I cannot fathom trusting my fertility with a man. It is up to me to not get pregnant and not get or spread STDs/STIs. Assuming we are all adults? I wouldnt give this guy a third date 

[Mrin]

Dude here. When I date I am never more than three feet from a condom. And I'm snipped! My health is important to me as is the peace of mind of the women I date. 

Next him. 

[IslandSanctuary]

Why don't you buy condoms? Or is the mans duty to buy them? 
In this day and age of EQUALITY if it bothers YOU so much, you go get some. Geez..........

[Mrin]

50 minutes ago, IslandSanctuary said:

Why don't you buy condoms? Or is the mans duty to buy them? 
In this day and age of EQUALITY if it bothers YOU so much, you go get some. Geez..........

I'm pretty sure that even in this day and age of equality we men can still perform the oh so chivalrous act of bringing the latex...

[Blind-Sided]

19 hours ago, cleverusername said:

If I was in your position I wouldn't have even had sex with him the first time BUT.... once could be a mistake

Twice is a trend....... Buying condoms isn't hard. He could have even driven to literally any 24/hr pharmacy and bought some right then. This guy just doesn't give a f***

Yep... this exactly.

I remember when I was a late teenager (18/19 somewhere around that) and I was getting "Frisky" with this girl I liked at a party... and as the party was winding down... she asked if I had condoms... I said no.  So I took a step back to cool off.  But then she asked what I Was doing, because she wanted to keep going.  SO... we jumped in my truck, and ran to the corner store to get them.  (it was a great night) 

Then... after my D... I figured I would be dating... and I ordered a big box from Amazon !!!  It was at my door the very next day.  So... it's a load of BS if he said he was busy.  He could have pulled his phone out, ordered them... and had them 24hr's later !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This guy just wants to go without... and since you don't really know him... you could have something you don't want.  (and I don't mean a kid)   And... it's been proven that "Pulling out" doesn't work all the time.   If you are an adult... you should know this. 

[sallynow]

13 hours ago, FMW said:

You should probably dump the guy, but you are brushing away the real issue.

Now that you know you might get into a similar situation again whether with him or someone else, saying you don't  usually have casual sex is no longer an excuse.  Go buy condoms and be prepared next time.  It's not just the guy's responsibility, whether or not he said ahead of time he would get them. Insist on the condoms before you get in a similar situation again.  

Having to go get the morning after pill should have made things clear.

 

Of course the responsibility of my sexual Life and Health is mine.

The reason I didn't have condoms at my place when this happened with him is because as I said I don't usually do casual sex or invite guys to my place. The last man who entered my home was my boyfriend of 2 years. So I saw no need to keep condoms at my house.

Also the reason I didn't buy condoms after what happened with this guy the first time was because I wanted to see how he is. He said he was going to buy them and understands my worry, so that was a good opportunity to see what he is made of.

By not buying the condoms and wanting to have sex again without them, he showed me he is a BS liar, he doesn't care about me at all, is selfish and a person I cannot trust. I didn't want to have sex with him again after seeing this about him, so no point in me buying condoms. I told him to hit the road and am not seeing him again.

Also, to me this was a lesson not in "go buy condoms and have condoms at my place", but a lesson to spend more time dating a man outside each other's houses and only go to his house (or invite him to mine) when I am comfortable to discuss contraception ahead of being in an intimate situation. We can even go buy condoms together or something like that.

For now I took the morning after pill and I'll test for STD's yes. And don't want to see that guy again.

Edited August 7, 2021 by sallynow

[sallynow]

8 hours ago, Mrin said:

I'm pretty sure that even in this day and age of equality we men can still perform the oh so chivalrous act of bringing the latex...

Yes, I'm pretty sure is an easy task for any man.

[sallynow]

13 hours ago, FMW said:

You should probably dump the guy, but you are brushing away the real issue.

Now that you know you might get into a similar situation again whether with him or someone else, saying you don't  usually have casual sex is no longer an excuse.  Go buy condoms and be prepared next time.  It's not just the guy's responsibility, whether or not he said ahead of time he would get them. Insist on the condoms before you get in a similar situation again.  

Having to go get the morning after pill should have made things clear.

 

The point of what happened is exactly that: I want to date more OUTSIDE the house and NOT get into that situation again. Only go to a man's house again or invite him to mine when certain things like sex and intimacy were already discussed and I feel I can trust him. Casual sex is not for me.

Edited August 7, 2021 by sallynow

[SoulCat]

15 hours ago, sallynow said:

 

So I told him to hit the road Jack, or more precisely, I'm tired and going to rest. See ya. He responded just "ok", and I hope he takes the hint and forgets I exist.

Why didn't you tell him to hit the road? Then there would be no ambiguity, no 'hoping he takes the hint'.

Your actual reply was a terribly insipid attempt at a retort, and is only going to prolong your interactions with this guy. 

It seems to me that your personal boundaries could do with some shoring up. You could also do with being a bit more vocally assertive instead of going along with things that you are uncomfortable with, or hoping that people will take hints.

And for the love of zebras, buy some condoms. 

[sallynow]

42 minutes ago, SoulCat said:

Why didn't you tell him to hit the road? Then there would be no ambiguity, no 'hoping he takes the hint'.

Your actual reply was a terribly insipid attempt at a retort, and is only going to prolong your interactions with this guy. 

It seems to me that your personal boundaries could do with some shoring up. You could also do with being a bit more vocally assertive instead of going along with things that you are uncomfortable with, or hoping that people will take hints.

And for the love of zebras, buy some condoms. 

I already cut off things with him after that interaction. Told him I don't wish to continue seeing each other and wished him well.

Yes agree, I need to be more assertive. The last year I only met a few guys for a first coffee date and never got to this point of several dates, I guess I was a bit rusty and this helped me see that. Thanks.

[smackie9]

Well mother was right. Keep those legs closed! Let the man spend time taking you out for /dates/dinner and actually get to know you in person.

Edited August 7, 2021 by smackie9

[SumGuy]

15 hours ago, Shining One said:

I know it's not really the point of the thread, but why should the woman be buying the condoms? They're not one-size fits all (speaking from experience), so the woman would have to purchase multiple sizes whereas the man would only need to purchase his size.

The condom industry would like you to believe that with names like, magnum etc. but one size does fit all.  Have you ever seen how large you can blow these things up as balloons, like the size of your thigh :) ?  If you are larger than that there are going to be other issues or condoms would be a business expense.  Not that their aren't differences in brands from thickness to various coatings, ribbings, and quality (as in break easy) etc.

[Happy Lemming]

4 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

I figured I would be dating... and I ordered a big box from Amazon !!!

When I used to buy them, I purchased condoms at my grocery store during my weekly grocery run.  Just throw them in the cart with my "Bread, milk and toilet paper".

Done and done!!

Edited August 7, 2021 by Happy Lemming
spelling

[Noproblem]

8 hours ago, sallynow said:

I already cut off things with him after that interaction. Told him I don't wish to continue seeing each other and wished him well.

Yes agree, I need to be more assertive. The last year I only met a few guys for a first coffee date and never got to this point of several dates, I guess I was a bit rusty and this helped me see that. Thanks.

but It kills me that you didn't tell him why.. Like tell him he is a selfish individual and that's why!

Bye to him and block

 

 

[Noproblem]

I just want to say again, that's it's our responsibilities as guys or girls to protect ourselves in this world.

The other person especially if he is not a long term partner, doesn't always have our best interest at heart.

If you dating a girl or a guy you knew recently and you have no idea what kind of medical, sexual history they have.. Don't even feel sorry that you might offend them or kill the spark, screw the spark, who care about sparks if we get something we don't want later on..

we should always use protection in sex, even though we might not like it.. we only have one life... we can't compromise our health...

I know people whose life ruined because of being mom or dad early on or without being ready or worse getting STI that destroyed their life or make it harder for them to date normally!

So, please from now on have condoms on you if you start dating again.

Just put it in a drawer and yes, great thing you learned to also discuss these things before sex, but just in case... have it on the ready! Like a bandaid

don't you have Band-Aids at home??

Edited August 7, 2021 by Noproblem

[Blind-Sided]

On 8/7/2021 at 11:57 AM, Happy Lemming said:

When I used to buy them, I purchased condoms at my grocery store during my weekly grocery run.  Just throw them in the cart with my "Bread, milk and toilet paper".

Done and done!!

Oh... sure.  in my younger years... and even when the (now ex) wife had to go off the pill... that's what I did.   But, as I was reading a post about me stating to date again... someone made a comment about "Screwing my way though a magnum pack of condoms to get my head on straight"... and I thought... He may be right.  So... I pulled up an amazon window as I was reading here.  LOL. Supper convenient.   

[Miss Spider]

I’ve read on Reddit some guys say they cannot keep an erection in some cases with one. He could have that problem. Like srsly if “forgetting” was the issue, this guy would be like, “okay wait here I will be right back!” and speed down to the nearest gas station and back in record time . He clearly just didn’t want to use them and thought it’d work again.

Edited August 9, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[sallynow]

7 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I’ve read on Reddit some guys say they cannot keep an erection in some cases with one. He could have that problem. Like srsly if “forgetting” was the issue, this guy would be like, “okay wait here I will be right back!” and speed down to the nearest gas station and back in record time . He clearly just didn’t want to use them and thought it’d work again.

Of course there was a reason why he doesn't want to wear a condom, not because he "forgot" or was too "busy" to buy them. I think he just doesn't like it, but didn't want to tell me that.

[sallynow]

On 8/7/2021 at 10:34 PM, Noproblem said:

I just want to say again, that's it's our responsibilities as guys or girls to protect ourselves in this world.

The other person especially if he is not a long term partner, doesn't always have our best interest at heart.

If you dating a girl or a guy you knew recently and you have no idea what kind of medical, sexual history they have.. Don't even feel sorry that you might offend them or kill the spark, screw the spark, who care about sparks if we get something we don't want later on..

we should always use protection in sex, even though we might not like it.. we only have one life... we can't compromise our health...

I know people whose life ruined because of being mom or dad early on or without being ready or worse getting STI that destroyed their life or make it harder for them to date normally!

So, please from now on have condoms on you if you start dating again.

Just put it in a drawer and yes, great thing you learned to also discuss these things before sex, but just in case... have it on the ready! Like a bandaid

don't you have Band-Aids at home??

I am not going to buy condoms to put in the drawer. 

What I am going to do though is not invite men into my house where we can be intimate without discussing contraception before hand.

[jspice]

I don’t understand what is this aversion to having condoms in your home. Why would you NOT want a box there?