georgiagirl76 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 When we first broke up I didn't struggle with no contact at all. I was actually wanting to not talk or email him for a while. As most of you know I ignored his first attempts to contact me. Now that things took a turn for the worse (gee did I ever think it could get worse) I actually find myself wanting to contact him. I won't. I promise. However, the urge to is very odd. I hate this feeling. However, the crying horrible pain is getting better. I guess I am posting in hopes that my usual suspects out there might have something to say. His brother said he was asking about me not too long ago and he thinks he is dating because his master's program is on a break, his shift just changed, and he still lives on post so he is bored and he thinks I am dating too. I still have to believe that when you want someone back you run blocks to find her even if it is New Year's Eve in New York City (sorry random When Harry Met Sally reference) I am trying. I really am- just not having a productive evening. Any support out there?
Art_Critic Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 GG.. Just remember that if you contact him that nothing changes and you just hurt more.. NC reduces your hurt and contact increases.. you are right about the sally refe.. When a guy wants a woman he will climb mountains to get her or get her back.. I have before and never gotten the girl back.. But we still try..
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 18, 2005 Author Posted October 18, 2005 Art Thanks, Yeah I know. I am not going to contact him. Just thought I would vent my desire to contact him. It has passed. I am just going to fight the urge and keep healing. Hang in there too!
JS17 Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Hey GG, welcome back Don't call Don't call Don't call Don't call Don't call If venting here helps to stop you from calling then do it. Better here than to him. He doesn't deserve you, you're way too smart for him and he's probably just a smelly old boy anyway You can do waaaayyy better
brooke7777 Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Hey GG- I have struggled with NC from the beginning...we actually talked a few times a week for the first few weeks, but I definitely agree with you...the longer it has been, the harder it has been to not contact him. I've really been struggling the past two weeks. I've picked up the phone and had to force myself to put it down a few times. We have to keep asking ourselves...what are we going to gain from contacting them?? Prolonged pain, most likely. Answers that we don't want to hear. Stay strong.
seachange Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Hi GG. I just finished reading Greg Behrendt's latest book (It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken). I recommend it, by the way, if you haven't read it yet - some of it is hard to read, because he's definitely not saying it'll all work out; he's giving advice on how to let go. But it's funny, and by the end it's pretty empowering (and I like how he calls the reader Hot Stuff ). Anyway, he suggests 60 days of full no contact, nothing whatsoever. If you fall off the wagon, even the briefest text message - no problem, just start over again and begin counting to 60. And of course, there's no magic number after which people will be sure to feel better (and the ultimate idea is to reach 60 and keep on going), but having that concrete goal, marking days on a calendar like that, is totally helpful. Keeps you moving forward somehow, even on the crappiest, feel-like-lying-around-in-bed-sobbing-till-the-sheets-rot-under-me days.
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 19, 2005 Author Posted October 19, 2005 Thanks Seachange I appreciate it. I am doing better and I am not going to contact him. I am being strong- just felt weak for a bit last night.
seachange Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 I hear you. And I know you're strong - you'll get it done.
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 19, 2005 Author Posted October 19, 2005 Just a random thought that really doesn't have much to do with my break up right now. I wish they had the internet when I was a kid!! This support is really great- I mean it is sad to me that so many people are out there hurting but I am glad that we have a place to support each other. I think puberty and everything else would have been so different had I been able to post and vent-oh well Thanks for all the support- I feel great today. I hope I can help anyone other there that needs it.
slubberdegullion Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 I hope I can help anyone other there that needs it. How are you with plumbing?
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 19, 2005 Author Posted October 19, 2005 LMAO That was hilarious!! Thanks for that random little bit of laughter. I needed that.
off2sea Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 It is good to know that "falling off the wagon" is not seen as a fatal error. I did this earlier this week by responding to yet another random text that seem to come every 2-3 months. Of course, once I responded there was no further contact. I have been feeling horrible mostly because I am angry at myself for caving in. I guess it doesn't have to bring you back to day one (its been 11 months) but simply looked at as a setback that one can recover from.
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 19, 2005 Author Posted October 19, 2005 Off 2 Sea Don't beat yourself up. I didn't feel bad for responding to my ex because we had agreed that we would talk after a few weeks had passed. I also don't regret emailing him about the U2 tickets because I needed to know what we were going to do. However, I regret the manner in which I emailed him but that is all water under the bridge now. I am a beautiful, sexy, intelligent (did I mention humble lol) attorney that is willing to work on a relationship regardless as to how hard it gets. Therefore, I am valuable as a person and someone will appreciate it. I will be ok and so will you. We can all be happy- we have to be patient and willing to heal even if it is hard.
seachange Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Hey off2sea. Actually, I think I was thinking of your story when I wrote that. But seriously, don't beat yourself up. It's a process.
off2sea Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Thanks all...In a strange way maybe this has helped- yes I responded and got let down, but it is a learning process. I know better for next time what I need to do (or actually not do). I think each time we get a bit stronger.
Recommended Posts