tokidoki Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 On sat night my brother's girlfriend introduced me to a beautiful friend of hers. We chatted a bit and I felt a vibe. I took her number and asked her out the next day. 3 days later we met up and had a great date. Loads in common, lots of laughs, we kissed for a while at the end and she ended up staying over at my house (although we didn't have sex, just cuddles). She stayed until about 1030am the next day, and we kissed goodbye. I texted her a few hours later to say that I had a great time, and that I'd love to see her again soon. I've not heard back but it feels like a long time to wait to reply. Should I see this as a test, to see if I become possessive/angry/chase her up? It is a little annoying to be on the end of someone else's games but it's all about how you deal with it. Would appreciate third party opinions.
Miss Spider Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 Last Saturday? Thats almost a week now. That’s not like any test I’ve ever seen. Maybe she wasn’t that interested. I’ve done similar stuff with guys and decided after some thought I’m not that interested 1
Miss Spider Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 (edited) Oh okay sorry my mistake. Notaverygoodlistener. I’d wait a little longer then. Who knows what’s going on. Hope she gets back. Edited August 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Author tokidoki Posted August 5, 2021 Author Posted August 5, 2021 haha. It wasn't that clear tbf. In making the first date she took a little while to get bak to me so might be her MO. She brought it up on the date, and I said 'it's kinda like a test to see if I get frustrated' and she kinda agreed with that. Still, playing it too cool can get a bit boring, and we have mutual friends so would be v rude to completely ghost.
Wiseman2 Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 Don't smother, crowd or text-tether. Relax and be more confident. Ask her out on a real date next time and not to your place for a hookup. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 2 hours ago, verygoodlistener said: Should I see this as a test, to see if I become possessive/angry/chase her up? No, why would you? See it as a woman who has other things going on, and maybe just isn't quite as interested in you as you are in her. The ball is in her court to reply, so there's no need to text her again. If you hear nothing for a couple days, then I would just write this one off. 1
chillii Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 Only yesterday and your doing a thread on the net about it today , Jezuz. Give it a few days. 3
Blind-Sided Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 Give it 24hrs.... and reach out again. just something basic to see if she responds.
Donnas Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 That short time and already staying....? Could be she felt it went all to fast. Would be nice she at least tell u she not interested no more. But don't wait for ever. If she don't text you no more more on. And best is to take things slow, kissing staying at your place etc shouldn't be in the early stage of u guys getting to know each other. Cause like now you got expectations,while she may had none and just had a nice time.
d0nnivain Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 (edited) I'd give it 48 hours then follow up ONE more time. If you don't hear from her after that, assume she's not interested i& move on. If you suspect that she is "testing" you to see how aggressively you chase her, don't even bother. She's not worth the effort. Since this woman is friends with your brother's GF, ask your brother what he knows about her. If she has a reputation for game playing he might know. Do not talk to your brother's GF about her friend. This isn't 4th grade. Edited August 5, 2021 by d0nnivain 1
Author tokidoki Posted August 5, 2021 Author Posted August 5, 2021 haha well funnily enough my bro's GF asked me how the date went, and I told her. She asked me if I will be seeing her again and I said it's up to her! ball's in her court. I'm not in any hurry, I'll be away for the next 2 weeks. We went for dinner and drinks first, she ended up coming back to my place afterwards - I didn't force her. She made the choice to come with me! A little fast maybe but just a testament to how well it went. Let's see what happens 1
Noproblem Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, verygoodlistener said: haha well funnily enough my bro's GF asked me how the date went, and I told her. She asked me if I will be seeing her again and I said it's up to her! ball's in her court. I'm not in any hurry, I'll be away for the next 2 weeks. We went for dinner and drinks first, she ended up coming back to my place afterwards - I didn't force her. She made the choice to come with me! A little fast maybe but just a testament to how well it went. Let's see what happens she probably was drunk and now regrets it How well it went will show itself in actually communicating after. like what's the point of her playing games if she already went to your place and kissed you all night long?? or test you? Test you for what? Edited August 5, 2021 by Noproblem
Alpacalia Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 I'd say give it a bit of time. Hopefully she'll get back to you if at least to thank you for the date!
Happy Lemming Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 2 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: Give it 24hrs.... and reach out again. just something basic to see if she responds. Yes... that is usually my "modus operandi". I call & leave a voicemail message (with date plans and time) and wait at least 24 hours, then I leave a second message (again, with date plans & time). If she doesn't get back to me 24 hours after the second message, I move on. It is my opinion, that it doesn't take over 30 seconds to respond to a phone call with a "yes" or "that doesn't work for me, but how about the next day or next week or whatever". If I don't mean enough to that person to return my phone call in a timely manner, then I don't want to date them, because I'll always be a non-priority to them. 1
Amanda92 Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 But don't you think that not responding is just very rude? Why do people treat others like this? Okay, sometimes we are busy, sometimes we don't know what to say, but playing and ignoring people shouldn't be accepted.
stillafool Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 Maybe she's a player and had a great time but has since moved on because she doesn't want to get caught up.
Author tokidoki Posted August 5, 2021 Author Posted August 5, 2021 11 minutes ago, stillafool said: Maybe she's a player and had a great time but has since moved on because she doesn't want to get caught up. maybe so. I don't think my friend would have introduced us if that were the case though. She's a good judge of character. 55 minutes ago, Alpaca said: I'd say give it a bit of time. Hopefully she'll get back to you if at least to thank you for the date! I would hope so.
Lotsgoingon Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 (edited) Yeah, dude, it's a little early to panic. No, you do not want to chase. You wait for her to say hello. There is a 50-50 chance you were simply a one-night fling for her--I don't care what brother's gf says. Flings happen. Might be that she quite liked you but saw enough of you during this time to figure out that even though she likes you, you and she would not work as a couple. (Note, this can happen even if the sex was great.) She also could be flirting with another guy that your bro's gf doesn't know about. No, you do NOT chase. You go out and live your life. Maybe you say hello later in the week, but that's it. She knows you're interested. The only test here is a test of assumption that a great date and sex = great possible relationship. Not necessarily. In fact, tons of dates that end up in sex the first night go nowhere. Some people just freak out internally after sex on a first date, even if all is OK between the two people. Lots of folks are used to having sex only when they know the person better---and early sex makes them feel vulnerable because they're not accustomed to being that intimate with someone without knowing them better. Edited August 5, 2021 by Lotsgoingon 1
Gaeta Posted August 5, 2021 Posted August 5, 2021 12 hours ago, verygoodlistener said: I said 'it's kinda like a test to see if I get frustrated' and she kinda agreed with that. Still, playing it too cool can get a bit boring, and we have mutual friends so would be v rude to completely ghost. Why do you see tests? There was no need for her to test a man she had not met yet. Some men see 'tests' everywhere, women don't test men they think could be a good prospect or test a man they like. Women test/play men they don't really care for. I am suspecting she went on that 1st date to please her friend. She enjoyed herself and the following day decided it was not the connection she was hoping for. If she had liked you as much as you seem to have liked her, she'd have replied to that text already. As for her and you having common friends, means nothing. I was set up by friends and family, swearing I was going to meet a 'darn good guy' and he was nothing like I hoped for and I didn't reply to his communication after our first meeting. 2
Author tokidoki Posted August 8, 2021 Author Posted August 8, 2021 On 8/5/2021 at 9:38 PM, Lotsgoingon said: Yeah, dude, it's a little early to panic. No, you do not want to chase. You wait for her to say hello. There is a 50-50 chance you were simply a one-night fling for her--I don't care what brother's gf says. Flings happen. Might be that she quite liked you but saw enough of you during this time to figure out that even though she likes you, you and she would not work as a couple. (Note, this can happen even if the sex was great.) She also could be flirting with another guy that your bro's gf doesn't know about. No, you do NOT chase. You go out and live your life. Maybe you say hello later in the week, but that's it. She knows you're interested. The only test here is a test of assumption that a great date and sex = great possible relationship. Not necessarily. In fact, tons of dates that end up in sex the first night go nowhere. Some people just freak out internally after sex on a first date, even if all is OK between the two people. Lots of folks are used to having sex only when they know the person better---and early sex makes them feel vulnerable because they're not accustomed to being that intimate with someone without knowing them better. we didn't have sex. She came to my house and slept over in my bed. Things got a bit touchy feely but nothing proper. It was all v flirty and affectionate, she gave me a long kiss in the morning. She even said a couple of times during the night 'when are you next free?'. I know that in hindsight people can see things differently but there was such a vibe there, right til the very end. Can't understand how it could be such a U-turn. ... She said she had been seeing another dude lately, didn't really phase me as we'd only just met. Can't be too serious if she's staying in my bed. She also said she was having some family issues. Either way, it would be nice just to be replied to than just plain ignored. Then again, nothing surprises me anymore. Won't be chasing.
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2021 Posted August 8, 2021 She was in the moment, and changed her mind after...women do that right? once they have time to think about what had transpired?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 8, 2021 Posted August 8, 2021 20 minutes ago, smackie9 said: She was in the moment, and changed her mind after... Given that she still hasn't replied, that's what I think happened here.
Author tokidoki Posted August 8, 2021 Author Posted August 8, 2021 yeah, they do. It's called leading on.
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2021 Posted August 8, 2021 No leading on is purposeful. With pre intent. Like she made the decision to before meeting up. Changing ones mind is just that. Guys have second thoughts too. Been there.
Recommended Posts