If girl want to take it slow, does that mean she's not interested?

[reozeno]

Hi ya guys.

I was wondering, if the girl want to take it slow, does that means she's not interested?

Met a girl through dating app, have been messaging her for a week. I made it clear to her that i would love to bring out on date later(currently not possible due to lockdown in my country). Sometimes she did message me first which is nice.

But today she post a ig story about a guy.(Not his photo just more on reaction waiting a guy messaging her)

So, I asked her, like heyyy new bf? She answered no. And i simply said, if u like someone else, kindly tell me as i will move on. She then sort of said "its not like that". She then goes on tells me she want us to take it slow,remain friends first and she admitted that she has past scars that makes her to feel numb towards this love stuff, which in a way sort of saying she didn't have a feeling towards me.

So i said, ok, we'll take it slowly. Remain friends for now, but i will still want to bring her out for dates. And she's agreed.

The question is, am i wasting my time here? Or should i just go with the flow?

Verbally she did sort of confirming that she didn't have feelings, even said im a friend(common friendzone tactics) but she then agree to go out on a date. Usually i do see agreeing to go out for date is a sign of interest, but i dn know about her. My guts saying she's not interested. Just want to be friends,which im not keen.

[Miss Spider]

I think you do need to slow down. I’m with her. 
 

Put this in perspective. 

You have been messaging on a dating app for a week. 
 

Why are you grilling her on who she’s dating, if you should move on,  talking about your feelings and all that? 

Talk about cart before the horse. 
 

How about meeting first to see if there’s anything there?

 

Edited August 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, reozeno said:

she admitted that she has past scars that makes her to feel numb towards this love stuff

Meh, when a stranger is telling you these things, I would move along. 

She's already letting you know she's going to be difficult. 

[Donnas]

A week is equal a day when it's about dating.

Specially online you need to take alot of time to know this person in real. Because many lie and scam.

This girl told you clear. Listen to it. Don't keep making your own stories in your head .

If she friend zone you before also is best to move on.

Because if she don't want to know you that way already means you may get use or hurt soon.

Best ISTO date in your city. Socialize ,go activities. And let it happen spontaneously.lol.

 

Edited August 5, 2021 by Donnas

[salparadise]

50 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She's already letting you know she's going to be difficult. 

Precisely. She’s going to enjoy sucking your energy, enthusiasm and resources while giving nothing back — this is the definition of friends first.  She wants you to be an orbiter while she looks for a bigger fish. Best to move on now. When you hear any of those defensive phrases, take the nearest exit. 

[d0nnivain]

Many young women who say "friends first" are misusing the word.  What she is trying to say is that she needs to get to know somebody before she is comfortable with romance.  However a date is the mechanism through which you get to know each other.  When it is safe & legal to do so, take her on that date but don't press for too much physical stuff early on.  

The IG story about waiting for a guy to message may very well have been about you not some other guy.  She is being coy & unclear while you jump to conclusions.  

You have only been talking / messaging for a week.  Chill.  Nothing is a real until you meet in person.  Keep the connection alive but don't put all your eggs in her basket.  

[Ami1uwant]

4 hours ago, reozeno said:

Hi ya guys.

I was wondering, if the girl want to take it slow, does that means she's not interested?

Met a girl through dating app, have been messaging her for a week. I made it clear to her that i would love to bring out on date later(currently not possible due to lockdown in my country). Sometimes she did message me first which is nice.

But today she post a ig story about a guy.(Not his photo just more on reaction waiting a guy messaging her)

So, I asked her, like heyyy new bf? She answered no. And i simply said, if u like someone else, kindly tell me as i will move on. She then sort of said "its not like that". She then goes on tells me she want us to take it slow,remain friends first and she admitted that she has past scars that makes her to feel numb towards this love stuff, which in a way sort of saying she didn't have a feeling towards me.

So i said, ok, we'll take it slowly. Remain friends for now, but i will still want to bring her out for dates. And she's agreed.

The question is, am i wasting my time here? Or should i just go with the flow?

Verbally she did sort of confirming that she didn't have feelings, even said im a friend(common friendzone tactics) but she then agree to go out on a date. Usually i do see agreeing to go out for date is a sign of interest, but i dn know about her. My guts saying she's not interested. Just want to be friends,which im not keen.

stuff you need to learn

 

1. never assume you are the only one they are talking to or casually dating. You likely aren’t.

 

2.  If they stop responding to you it’s likely because they are talking ir dating someone rise they have ranked higher than you.

 

3. with online dating it’s not anything real until you meet face to face.

 

 

[smackie9]

It means she weighing her options. Move on.

[SumGuy]

6 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I think you do need to slow down. I’m with her. 

...

Same.

[spiderowl]

I can completely understand a girl saying that.  To me, it would mean, let's not rush into thinking this is a relationship, let's get to know each other a bit first.

If you are already starting to quiz her about other guys, you will put her off.  If she's blatantly flirting with someone else under your nose, that is different - then it is time to move on, but she's entitled to see other guys until you and she become exclusive.

I know it's difficult but being possessive or demanding before you've even met someone is incredibly offputting.  I'm sure a girl will want to feel free to choose you and not feel she is being cornered before she even knows you.

[mark clemson]

It depends on the situation/woman. SOME women genuinely move slowly and need to date for weeks or even months in some cases before advancing a relationship. (There are probably some men who do this as well.) However - you write:

Quote

So i said, ok, we'll take it slowly. Remain friends for now, but i will still want to bring her out for dates. And she's agreed. ...

Verbally she did sort of confirming that she didn't have feelings, even said im a friend(common friendzone tactics) but she then agree to go out on a date.

It very much sounds like you want a genuine relationship. IMO in a case like this, just because she's letting you take her out on dates does NOT mean anything will come of it. She seems like she likes to have a few orbiters/male friends around but for whatever reason is a bit "commitment-phobic" WRT actually having a relationship.

My thought FWIW would be to:

- Continue "dating" her IF you want to roll the dice on this becoming more

- Do NOT assume this will turn into a real relationship; you can give it a chance to, but realistically the probability appears low; ASSUME it will remain only a friendship

- Do not let yourself catch feelings for her (as best you are able)

- I would suggest not limiting your own options (to date around) unless/until SHE actually commits to you

IMO if you don't/can't do the above, you risk becoming a "stuck" as an orbiter and wasting weeks or months of your life waiting for something that simply isn't that likely to materialize. If you really can't "date" her without this turning into more than friendship in your own head,  you might be better off simply walking away and dating a woman who will commit to a relationship faster.

[Interstellar]

would the girls ever tell harry styles to take it slow and be friends first? there’s your answer.

high interest level cuts through anything.

Edited August 6, 2021 by Interstellar

[poppyfields]

58 minutes ago, Interstellar said:

would the girls ever tell harry styles to take it slow and be friends first? there’s your answer.

high interest level cuts through anything.

Harry Styles is a famous musician, hardly a fair example.

Lord I wish people would stop using celebrities as some sort of fair comparison.  

For me personally, I couldn't give a rat's rear end how famous or RICH a man was, if I feel no attraction to him (which would NOT be based on any sort of celebrity status/wealth I can tell you that), then I'm not going out with him.  TRUTH.

Give us a little more credit mate, not all women are that shallow to develop "high interest/attraction" simply because a man is some sort of famous celebrity.

In fact when I lived in NYC studying acting and dance years ago, I was surrounded by celebrities, famous models.  A few would flirt, ask me out and I turned them down!  Did nothing for me. 

Again 100% truth and wish people (mostly men) would stop using celebrities as a comparison, it's a baseless argument.

 

 

Edited August 6, 2021 by poppyfields

[JRabbit]

It’s her way of keeping you around, and you’re going to give her attention and buy her dinner or things…but she won’t be romantic with you... Im sure she’s going to date others until she finds a bf. Then you’re a goner.

Shes placed you in the friend zone and your choice if you want to waste time orbiting around that. 

[poppyfields]

Do any of you folks who are assuming her MO is orbiting around him until she finds a "boyfriend" aware she and OP have NEVER met?

How can anyone know how they truly feel about someone and what they want with that someone, until they meet in person?

To the OP, if I were chatting with a guy on line before meet, and he started pressing me about who I am dating, if I like any other guys and talking about his "feelings," I would be so completely turned OFF. Immediate next!

Never do this again, zip it up and keep it friendly until you meet in person.

Heck, YOU might not even like her after you meet in person.

RELAX!!

Edited August 6, 2021 by poppyfields

[Interstellar]

43 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Harry Styles is a famous musician, hardly a fair example.

Lord I wish people would stop using celebrities as some sort of fair comparison.  

For me personally, I couldn't give a rat's rear end how famous or RICH a man was, if I feel no attraction to him (which would NOT be based on any sort of celebrity status/wealth I can tell you that), then I'm not going out with him.  TRUTH.

Give us a little more credit mate, not all women are that shallow to develop "high interest/attraction" simply because a man is some sort of famous celebrity.

In fact when I lived in NYC studying acting and dance years ago, I was surrounded by celebrities, famous models.  A few would flirt, ask me out and I turned them down!  Did nothing for me. 

Again 100% truth and wish people (mostly men) would stop using celebrities as a comparison, it's a baseless argument.

 

 

it’s really more about the interest level here. girls have high interest level in so and so person the way they would to somebody famous so of course their excuse of not going out with him is out the window. i use celebrities as example because it’s more interesting/entertaining to describe interest level in that context. who am i supposed to use? my friend joey boy the mechanic from the shell station?

Edited August 6, 2021 by Interstellar

[glows]

20 hours ago, reozeno said:

Hi ya guys.

I was wondering, if the girl want to take it slow, does that means she's not interested?

Met a girl through dating app, have been messaging her for a week. I made it clear to her that i would love to bring out on date later(currently not possible due to lockdown in my country). Sometimes she did message me first which is nice.

But today she post a ig story about a guy.(Not his photo just more on reaction waiting a guy messaging her)

So, I asked her, like heyyy new bf? She answered no. And i simply said, if u like someone else, kindly tell me as i will move on. She then sort of said "its not like that". She then goes on tells me she want us to take it slow,remain friends first and she admitted that she has past scars that makes her to feel numb towards this love stuff, which in a way sort of saying she didn't have a feeling towards me.

So i said, ok, we'll take it slowly. Remain friends for now, but i will still want to bring her out for dates. And she's agreed.

The question is, am i wasting my time here? Or should i just go with the flow?

Verbally she did sort of confirming that she didn't have feelings, even said im a friend(common friendzone tactics) but she then agree to go out on a date. Usually i do see agreeing to go out for date is a sign of interest, but i dn know about her. My guts saying she's not interested. Just want to be friends,which im not keen.

She’s not emotionally available. Yes, you are wasting your time. Move on.

If you prefer you can also date other women and keep her as a low priority/interest. 

[poppyfields]

57 minutes ago, Interstellar said:

it’s really more about the interest level here. girls have high interest level in so and so person the way they would to somebody famous so of course their excuse of not going out with him is out the window. i use celebrities as example because it’s more interesting/entertaining to describe interest level in that context. who am i supposed to use? my friend joey boy the mechanic from the shell station?

No don't use anyone, simply say if she had a higher interest level, she'd want to date you.  Period.  

There's no need to use anyone else as a comparison, I'm not understanding the relevance whether it's a famous celebrity or Joey the mechanic, lol. 

It'a about her and the OP and her interest in him, no one else. 

But again, they've never met and only talking a week, so how high an interest level does he expect her to have at this point? 

They both should be keeping options open and talking to others, once they meet, then determine interest levels. 

Nuff said, jmo.

 

 

[Interstellar]

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

No don't use anyone, simply say if she had a higher interest level, she'd want to date you.  Period.  

There's no need to use anyone else as a comparison, I'm not understanding the relevance whether it's a famous celebrity or Joey the mechanic, lol. 

It'a about her and the OP and her interest in him, no one else. 

But again, they've never met and only talking a week, so how high an interest level does he expect her to have at this point? 

They both should be keeping options open and talking to others, once they meet, then determine interest levels. 

Nuff said, jmo.

 

 

she’s not interested in him. it’s over baby. time for a new adventure.

on my next example, i won’t use anymore famous celebrities or famous people...

...i’ll use my favorite athletes instead: derek jeter, or tom brady.

Edited August 6, 2021 by Interstellar

[poppyfields]

Just now, Interstellar said:

she’s not interested in him. on my next example, i won’t use anymore famous celebrities or famous people...

...i’ll use my favorite athletes instead: derek jeter, or tom brady.

Lord have mercy, lol.

Ok!

[bene]

If you haven’t even met then it’s way too early to have any assumptions and expectations. 
While it’s ok to get a feeling what the person is like before meeting, you are still strangers at this point. Maybe you walk into the date and decide in ten minutes that you don’t even like her in person. 

Also, if people’s start talking about their problems early on then proceed with caution. Can’t blame them later that they didn’t warn you.

[elaine567]

22 hours ago, reozeno said:

She then goes on tells me she want us to take it slow,remain friends first and she admitted that she has past scars that makes her to feel numb towards this love stuff, which in a way sort of saying she didn't have a feeling towards me.

NO. it tells you she is not really in a space to properly date anyone.
If you are looking for a relationship, then she is telling you she is not ready for that.
She may never be ready for that, depending on those scars, so best not get involved.
Relationships are hard enough without deliberately choosing people who tell you they have issues and are going to be hard to get close to. 
If she can't do the "love stuff" she needs to get help, not latch onto guys and expect them to "cure" her...

[Eternal Sunshine]

It means that she is not physically attracted to you.

[Emilyinroses]

On 8/5/2021 at 9:26 AM, reozeno said:

Hi ya guys.

I was wondering, if the girl want to take it slow, does that means she's not interested?

Met a girl through dating app, have been messaging her for a week. I made it clear to her that i would love to bring out on date later(currently not possible due to lockdown in my country). Sometimes she did message me first which is nice.

But today she post a ig story about a guy.(Not his photo just more on reaction waiting a guy messaging her)

So, I asked her, like heyyy new bf? She answered no. And i simply said, if u like someone else, kindly tell me as i will move on. She then sort of said "its not like that". She then goes on tells me she want us to take it slow,remain friends first and she admitted that she has past scars that makes her to feel numb towards this love stuff, which in a way sort of saying she didn't have a feeling towards me.

So i said, ok, we'll take it slowly. Remain friends for now, but i will still want to bring her out for dates. And she's agreed.

The question is, am i wasting my time here? Or should i just go with the flow?

Verbally she did sort of confirming that she didn't have feelings, even said im a friend(common friendzone tactics) but she then agree to go out on a date. Usually i do see agreeing to go out for date is a sign of interest, but i dn know about her. My guts saying she's not interested. Just want to be friends,which im not keen.

Why would she have feelings and want more than friendship now, if you have been only messaging for a week and haven’t met in person yet? I think you want too much too soon.

Have you suggested at least doing a video call?

[reozeno]

Hi everyone,i would like to thank everyone for the responses. I have decided to move on from her after some thoughts. 

I would like to add that im find it a bit interesting reading  all the responses. there's contrast between men and women opinion here. 

I think as a man, if we have some dating experience,we know if a girl says you're a friend, its time to move on. Now its not that you cannot be friends with a girl. Its just she will never see you as more. Based on my experience, girls who interested usually didn't try to say you're a friend.

Some people here argue we haven't met, therefore how can she's interested in me. Sure, true. But Interest is not love. Interest is simply in my opinion, is like you caught attention on something. To put into perspective, lets use Car  analogy. Like im interested to buy Tesla(girl). Doesn't mean im gonna love it after i test drive it(going on date). But if we do get on, i will buy the car(be exclusive to her).

You can be interested in someone without meeting. In fact, its the reason you decide to meet anyone. Coz you're interested. Get it?

 Which is why i find it a bit funny someone said i talk about feeling with her.  I simply said im interested, and do tell if you're not, so i can move on. Based on my experiences, if she's interested, it just so many good answers rather than lets be friends and take it slow. But in the end, Why would i want to date someone that not interested in me? 

So again, thank you everyone for the answers. I actually knows what to do, but it seems im in denial because she's kinda cute and trying my best not to move on. Hahaha.