Is this guy just weird or what

[Miss Spider]

So I’m dating this guy.  I hear about lovebombing a lot here and I’m not sure if that’s what he’s doing 

Something about him makes me feel really uncomfortable. I can’t even put my finger on what it is

The first thing is he talks a lot about our rship while we’re on dates and just like how natural it feels and how he rarely feels a connection like it. Personally, I don’t feel all that,  but I just agreed with him that it’s pretty cool. He’ll do this thing where he states at me all serious looking so I’m like what and he just shakes his head and says it’s just our connection is so crazy” He says things like “imagine if this keeps going so well you’ll have to meet three kids, one is 21, only a few years younger than you” Yikes dude  
 

Then I would say he def overshares, like discussions about his life, past relationships, work, kids etc. He talks A LOT in general, but half the time he’s either complimenting me or our connection. He tells me I have such a sweet personality and he tell I’m a genuinely good person and radiate kindness. I was like aw that’s nice, but lol. I mean it’s nice but he lays it on so thick . 

 

Another thing is he tries to buy me stuff everywhere. Not just wining and dining and refusing to let me pay , but my iPhone screen has a tiny crack and he asked if he could get me a new one or if he can buy me a new laptop when we passed the place and I had to beg so he wouldn’t   Or small things like he got me a bunch of merch from there I had no need for when I was in the restroom 

 

So tonight we left and it’s the third date and all we’ve done is kiss. Which is fine I guess, but it’s a little strange to me because we’ve been flirty with each other and he knows he can’t go back to my place Bc my parents. I guess it’s for the best Bc I have no idea if I even like him in that way. He’s nice but I’m just so confused. 
 

Tonight I was driving home from our date and he called me 5 min later and said “I just miss you. This is so weird for me. I want to say it in person but I want you to know like you and blah blah blah you need to like someone before love, because some people love people but don’t like them” or something like that TBH I was sort of tuning it out and trying  to get off the phone because it was a little awkward. 

 

Did any of this stuff ring weird to you or a red flag ? Ty 

 

 
 

 

 

 

Edited August 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[basil67]

He is laying it on pretty thick.   Unless I also thought they were pretty terrific themselves, I'd probably end it. 

[Miss Spider]

Ty yea im thinking you’re right. That’s always the tough part  though for me , Bc I don’t dislike him at all 

[Miss Spider]

I was just reading about this. https://www.healthline.com/health/love-bombing 

 

it’s weird to me to think of him as a manipulator, but he does pretty much everything on the list except he respects boundaries ( so far)   I told him repeatedly that I have a school to focus on and really don’t have much time for a rship.  I didn’t text back as often and he didn’t really get mad or anything. He says that he has no expectations and I don’t have to worry about that because he has the least expectations from me than any guy I’ll meet. He invited me to Vegas and I couldn’t go and he was cool with it  I guess my discomfort is that may be something isn’t right

Edited August 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[glows]

Is he recently out of a relationship? 

[Wiseman2]

How old is he? How long have you been dating? It's ok like a lot of quirkiness. Just see how it goes.

[Miss Spider]

He’s 50ish,  47 or 48  I think and I’m not certain but I don’t think he’s out of a rship recently. He told me but I don’t remember . I just feel uncomfortable about him idk why. I don’t dislike him but not that into him. It’s only been 3 dates. I guess I don’t like this behavior much historically. I’m thinking something might be wrong with him. Maybe I will just keep seeing what happens then 

 

Edited August 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[glows]

If you’re uncomfortable, don’t continue seeing him. 

[Miss Spider]

22 minutes ago, glows said:

If you’re uncomfortable, don’t continue seeing him. 

It’s just a little bit uncomfortable though. Overall I think he’s cool enough. I just don’t know.
 

i see no harm with keeping him around but it’s more of the pacing.I am cool just seeing him every once every two weeks or so. It’s too many red flags for me , but he’s fun to hang with occasionally. I just don’t know how sustainable that is realistically

 

thank you 

Edited August 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[glows]

Well, if he’s laying it on thick the compliments are flattering but eventually they will sound hollow and disingenuous. See how it goes as you say. Follow your comfort levels and instincts.

[Miss Spider]

They honestly already sound hollow and disingenuous to me. 

 

ty 

Edited August 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[glows]

He may be thinking he’s doing the gentlemanly thing and wants to impress you. Some of this could be insecurity on your part being a student(perceptions) or at a different stage than him but the comment about your age comparable with his daughter is not so tactful and belies perhaps the fact that he is nervous about your age or how others may perceive an age gap. That’s why I asked if he’s recently out of a relationship as he seems quite nervous. Asking to pay to repair or replace your phone or laptop also sounds like he’s nervous and wants to try his best to be liked in the most familiar way he knows how(as a dad). 

There is also the possibility that he’ll calm down and relax or feel more like himself. 

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, glows said:

He may be thinking he’s doing the gentlemanly thing and wants to impress you. Some of this could be insecurity on your part being a student(perceptions) or at a different stage than him but the comment about your age comparable with his daughter is not so tactful and belies perhaps the fact that he is nervous about your age or how others may perceive an age gap. That’s why I asked if he’s recently out of a relationship as he seems quite nervous. Asking to pay to repair or replace your phone or laptop also sounds like he’s nervous and wants to try his best to be liked in the most familiar way he knows how(as a dad). 

There is also the possibility that he’ll calm down and relax or feel more like himself. 

Ty, glows. You’re helpful & I see what you’re saying but my thought is he could also be trying to butter me up for something too…. I’m kind of curious as to what and that’s part of why I want to keep seeing him because he hasn’t been pushing sec so there might be  something else.
 

 There’s a back story of why I think that . He said that he divorced his ex wife 10 years ago . Then he dated here and there but he told me his marriage ended but he doesn’t blame her. He said he was not very nice to her/didn’t treat her right. So now I’m thinking he has another side to him so he tries to overcompensate and act nice or forge a connection prematurely before the person finds out. What do you think of my theory?  

[ExpatInItaly]

All of that would be too much for me for a guy I've had three dates with. 

6 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

“imagine if this keeps going so well you’ll have to meet three kids, one is 21, only a few years younger than you”

Are you comfortable with this? 

[Blind-Sided]

This guy is nutz.  LOL

He's just hopping to sweep you off your feet... but he is doing the opposite... creeping you out.  3 dates, and wants to buy you expensive things???   Talks about the future? 

If you like him... tell him to take a step back, because it's too much. 

[Lisa]

Thread closed at OPs request.