Frustated partner Posted August 4, 2021 Share Posted August 4, 2021 My partner is so possessive he thinks we should do everything together. We are still in lockdown even though we have both had jabs. He puts excuses into why I can’t see my kids which aren’t his because of COVID. He won’t let me touch any mail at all and he deals with it all. He so frightened of catching something but it’s getting me down but if I say anything it causes a row and he tells me to stop arguing. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 4, 2021 Share Posted August 4, 2021 Sorry you're in this situation. To get a clearer picture, with regards to lockdown laws, is visiting your children permissible by law? Is your husband considered medically vulnerable? Does refuse to allow you to open mail which is addressed to you? Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted August 4, 2021 Share Posted August 4, 2021 It sounds like your partner is very anxious and is trying to control the uncontrollable. Unfortunately, you are in the line of fire. Has he always been obsessive about avoiding risks? No one should be denied seeing their children. Have you considered separating during this time? If he really cares for you, he will understand your need to see your children even if it means not seeing him. Also, putting it to him this way may make him realize he can't control you/every single risk/the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2021 Share Posted August 4, 2021 4 hours ago, Frustated partner said: . He puts excuses into why I can’t see my kids which aren’t his because of COVID. He won’t let me touch any mail at all and he deals with it all. How long have you been dating? Do not put this abusive clown above your children. Move out asap and see your kids on a regular basis. Have your mail forward to trusted friends and family or get a post office box. He's using some OCD style BS just to be controlling. Get in touch with trusted friends and family ASAP and arrange your departure from this. Do not talk to him about it. Just get an exit strategy together and get out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 4, 2021 Share Posted August 4, 2021 If he won't let you touch any mail at all but he deals with it, then presumably he has a way of opening it safely? Is his worry here about catching Covid from mail or is he trying to stop you accessing your own mail? Either way, if he is opening your mail, this is unacceptable. You already realise he is being controlling. I doubt it is anxiety over Covid if he is managing to open the mail, it is more about controlling you. He has no right to tell you to stop arguing, just because you are challenging him on his controlling behaviour. He has the right to leave and not engage in arguments as do you. Are you married? How long have you been together? I am afraid you are seeing a controlling part of your partner now and this sort of thing does not usually get better on its own. He is already refusing to discuss it with you so there seems to be no way you can reason him out of this. If you do not challenge it and draw firm boundaries between you and him regarding his behaviour, it will continue and possibly get worse. Challenging his behaviour is unlikely to make him change so I would suggest you ask him to go to marital counselling with you (initially) and if he refuses, that you leave him. If you are married, you would be best consulting a lawyer first to ensure your interests are protected. He is already breaking the law by opening your mail without your permission. Who knows where he will take it from here? He needs help and you need help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Frustated partner Posted August 5, 2021 Author Share Posted August 5, 2021 (edited) We’ve been living together and not married for 15 years. I know I should of done something about it before now but I find it hard to say anything. He wants me with him when he’s opening my mail. He’s always liked to be the boss but it’s got worse since COVID. He frightened of any germs. I suppose you could call him a germophobe! The law says We can now mix and we have all been double vaccinated but he still frightened of COVID! If I say what he’s doing wrong and I don’t like what he’s doing with my life he’ll turn the tables and say how good he’s been to me and what he’s done for me. I.e. helping my daughter while she was at uni and he bought her a little car but I didn’t ask him to and seeing as he doesn’t pay me a wage for helping him with his rental properties I think I could say that it’s money owed to me anyway. At the end of the month it will be a few weeks since having the jabs so it should be doing good by then. Edited August 5, 2021 by Frustated partner Link to post Share on other sites
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