allaboutchoices Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 My dad has become a creepy weirdo. Let's see, I will try to make this story short. My dad has never really been in our lives (I have a bro). He is also an alcoholic. My bro, as he grew older, decided to have nothing to do with his dad. I had been the only family member to support my dad and be there for him. My dad used to be abusive to my mom and my brother. I went home few months ago just to find out that my dad is dating a girl 10 years younger then me (my dad is 52, she is 19)with mental dissabilities. Let me just say that my dad just underwent several surgeries because of cancer and he is still drinking. Well, that being said, he told me that he wants to adopt this girl (!) as his daughter. Yuck! They are sleeping together (like that's not yuck enough). What drives me nuts is that he has never been a dad to me or my brother, and now he is adopting this girl who has already proven her self to be using him! (I don't think he can adopt a girl who is over 18, but just the statement alone is sick!) My brother bought my dad an appartment. The deal was that my dad would live there, but the apt would be my brother's. Well guess what...his/my own dad STOLE the apt from his own son! I am speechless, I am angry, I have no idea what to do. I told my dad that I am not his daughter anymore, but I think I over-reacted. I understand he is ill (alcohol abuse and such), but I just cannot look him in the eye without poking it out. I thought I would chill out after few months, but no...it keeps driving me nuts. He is probably going to die soon and I really want to be there for him, but I dont' know what approach to take. I am just so mad and disappointed...but he IS my dad. So confusing... Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
suegail Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 He is your father, but that doesn't mean you have to be supportive of his way of life. I can see that you love him and you are sympathetic in many ways, but usually in the case of alcoholism sympathy from loved ones is none too helpful for their lives. Just lay it on the line. Tell it like it is, and let him make the choice to get help or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allaboutchoices Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 I've been there. His outlook on life is "what tf do I have to lose...I'm gonna die anyway so I might as well have fun" He is not going to get help. He has gotten so bad that he doesn't even see things that are going on around him. I think his brain is not functioning well anymore. He has become very selfish and paranoid. I can tell him what I think, but the only result I can see is me getting hurt by that. My guess is he is just going to throw it behind and forget, like it never happened. I'm just so frustrated. I can't believe what he has been doing. I live on the other side of the world, so it's not like I can just go over there and knock some sense into him, either. You are right, he is my dad. Maybe I should just accept the way he is. Link to post Share on other sites
suegail Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I understand...and what I would say to that is, pray. I'm not trying to preach, but I know God can change the heart of anyone. It's a very sad situation and I do admire you for all your concern and trying to find a way to stand by him. I hope his life changes for the better and I hope the girl he is with will be okay. It's too bad someone in her family doesn't step in to get her out of that, but maybe she has no one and he's someone who is there for her, as dysfunctional as he is, he is someone she probably feels really cares for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzard Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Oh honey...how terrible. First off, you shouldn't take on the role as someone to save your daddy. You said in your post your daddy would probably die soon, and once he is gone. He is gone. You made it sound as if he had a long life of substance abuse. Which is tramatic. On you...your brother and your mother. Your brother is delaing with this by letting go. In some cases, that is best. As hard as it sounds, you can love someone but not support them 100% or even be in there lives 100%. I know that sounds unrealistic...but sometimes that is best. Good that you realize he has problems. If he is doing things that don't make sense or you understand just remember you dont live with him and have to live that everyday. If this is how he wants to live his final days...so be it. Let it go honey. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
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