Author TamSy11 Posted July 30, 2021 Author Posted July 30, 2021 Update of sorts: He has texted me and is initiating plans for a third date
Love Yourself First Posted July 30, 2021 Posted July 30, 2021 A kiss isn't really a big deal and if you feel it is and you are not communicating that, then unfortunately you are part of the problem.
Kai_Kai Posted July 30, 2021 Posted July 30, 2021 1 hour ago, TamSy11 said: So not too long ago I went on a second date with this guy. We walked along a scenic trail outside the city and even got to this romantic look out point area where we were the only people. But the whole date (about 7 hours long) passed without a kiss. He dropped me off at the metro station and we just hugged goodbye. In texts he is very flirty and sometimes a bit explicit (a lot of sexual innuendos) but in person he’s completely different. We haven’t even held hands or anything, I don’t think we’ve touched at all aside from hugging. I feel like a part of it could be chalked up to inexperience/nervousness (on both our parts). But I’m definitely attracted to him and it sounds like he is too judging from his texts but in person there’s nothing! We are going on a third date but I’m not sure what will happen if nothing goes on then Would it mean he’s just not that attracted to me? Some people are more confident via text than in person maybe this is the case. But let's talk about a 7 hour date though...whoa. That has to be a record somewhere 2
poppyfields Posted July 30, 2021 Posted July 30, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, TamSy11 said: Update of sorts: He has texted me and is initiating plans for a third date First off glad he reached out and is initiating plans for a third date. Secondly, enjoy the roller coaster ride, which is where you are headed if you don't calm down and relax! Stop chasing him! As others said, give him a chance to miss you! That's how attraction builds. Show him through actions (or in this case non-action) you are OK with a bit of distance, that you are independent with a full life, especially in these early stages. It will intrigue him and increase his attraction and interest level. Not by suffocating him with texts when you feel anxious. Do not allow your anxiety to steer your ship, kiss of death, you will lose him. That said, enjoy and have fun! Edited July 30, 2021 by poppyfields 1
stillafool Posted July 30, 2021 Posted July 30, 2021 2 hours ago, TamSy11 said: Update of sorts: He has texted me and is initiating plans for a third date Good and you didn't have to reach out to him first this time. Do you feel better now?
Calmandfocused Posted July 30, 2021 Posted July 30, 2021 One thing I’ve learnt the hard way: If you’re instinct is telling you that he’s not into you, then it’s probably correct. If a man is not displaying active interest then he’s “meh” about you. He probably likes you, he just isn’t excited about you. Big difference. I agree with others. Stop chasing him. Chasing a man who is not particularly interested in you is likely to only push him away. Don’t place your value on someone who you don’t know. If he can’t see his great you are; fine, leave him to it. Instead focus on men who are interested in you.
spiderowl Posted July 31, 2021 Posted July 31, 2021 On 7/29/2021 at 3:14 PM, TamSy11 said: You’re right, it feels like I’m not worth the effort to him. Which hurts. I think I’ll take a break from dating for now because lately it’s been really bad for my mental health/ sense of self worth. You are worth the effort but you are doing all the work for him. He will very quickly pick up on that unless you sit back and let him do the running. Guys do not value what comes easily to them. You need to stop thinking that if a guy isn't all that into you that that means there is something wrong with you. He may be wrong for you! He seems unwilling to travel far. He does not strike you as very polite or caring. I think you need someone caring, don't you? Instead of assuming there is something wrong with you, you need to value yourself and check to see if the guy is up to the standard you want. Ask yourself the following questions at least: Is he polite Is he caring Does he treat me with respect Does he make an effort for me, at least as much as I make for him Does he compliment me and find me attractive Is he being honest about his background, present situation. At the moment, you are judging yourself when he is the one you need to be assessing. If he is not keeping in contact with you, then what sort of boyfriend would he be? 2
Donnas Posted July 31, 2021 Posted July 31, 2021 If you want him to chase you cant be chasing him. Stop texting first. If he dont text then you know hes not that into you. And maybe you are overflowing liking people you just met, that will get you hurt alot. Slow down and know that you are getting to know the person. So it can not be it or a match also. When a guy likes you he make a way and time. But its to early to get him to your home if that you are thinking. If its not what you want dont keep entertaining it and catch feelings. Put a end to it.
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2021 Posted August 1, 2021 If he keeps asking you out, he is interested in you. But you have to throw a bone once in a while like leaning into him, touching his arm, to signal that it's OK. If you are not giving him the right signals, like strong eye contact, smiling a lot, laughing, putting your hair behind your ear, looking up to him submissively for example, he ain't gonna make a move.
d0nnivain Posted August 1, 2021 Posted August 1, 2021 My husband didn't kiss me until our 4th date. It was maddening. Do up your game. I wore a ridiculously short skirt on our 4th date. Lean in. Lick your lips. Act kissable
Alpacalia Posted August 1, 2021 Posted August 1, 2021 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: If he keeps asking you out, he is interested in you. Yes. A man I dated asked for a hug at the end of our first date. So at the end of our second date I leaned in and we kissed. The only thing I would be thrown off though in your case is this bit: On 7/30/2021 at 4:42 AM, TamSy11 said: In texts he is very flirty and sometimes a bit explicit (a lot of sexual innuendos) but in person he’s completely different.
Ami1uwant Posted August 2, 2021 Posted August 2, 2021 From a guys perspective who can be shy/reserved. I look for some signal from her if she’s interested. Like holding hands to me is a sign on kissing is ok. if I went on a walk you describe I’m assuming you’d have held hands on this
Lotsgoingon Posted August 2, 2021 Posted August 2, 2021 What do you FEEL when out with him? Do you feel any real electric? Sounds like you don't. In which case, it doesn't make sense that he would kiss you. In person you guys don't apparently have the spark of romance. You don't say anything about the energy between you two. 1
salparadise Posted August 2, 2021 Posted August 2, 2021 A simple solution that perhaps is too obvious––green light him in a way that he couldn't possibly mistake. Also fixable with two words: "kiss me." 1
Alpacalia Posted August 2, 2021 Posted August 2, 2021 (edited) On 7/29/2021 at 1:46 AM, TamSy11 said: I also had to text him first at the end of the date. He didn’t text me first to ask if I had gotten home safe, to say good night, etc. Is this the same man that you spent 7 hours with on your second date? Edited August 2, 2021 by Alpaca
Wiseman2 Posted August 2, 2021 Posted August 2, 2021 (edited) On 7/30/2021 at 7:43 AM, TamSy11 said: He has texted me and is initiating plans for a third date Ok. Then don't be that person who freaks out if there's no constant texting after a couple of dates. Relax and learn to play things by ear. Get off the ego train with "who initiates, who chases, who opens doors",etc.. Pay more attention to if you like them, not "signs" if they like you. Lead yourself with confidence rather than wringing your hands after dates about "is he into me"? Edited August 2, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
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