Lover in Darkness Posted July 27, 2021 Posted July 27, 2021 [RESPECT PLEASE] So here is the story. I am in a same sex relationship. We here in America. We’ve been together for a little less than 5 years. I’ve known her family since day 1. I am very close to her family, even her late grandparents, I met them and became very close. Until now, her parents think we are just “BEST FRIENDS” Only her siblings know our relationship. In my family, no problem. All accepted. We were engaged for a little less than 2 years. Only both of us know. Problem is, I am so ready to marry her and build life together. Purchase house, and grow together in our careers. However, she is NOT. She says she is not ready and is pressured in life since she has to support her family after she gets job as a doctor. (i am a doctor too). I said I am ready to talk to her parents and say “my plans” in the future. But then, when I told her all my plans, suddenly, she is “pressured” and is not yet ready for commitment. She says my commitment is so strong and she cannot reciprocate. So, we broke up. And I still live in they house. She is in another state as of now. So we’re LDR for 2 months and recently broken off. I live with her family while she is away. I want to move on and never look back. Need pieces of advice. Thank you for listening.
Happy Lemming Posted July 27, 2021 Posted July 27, 2021 I think the first thing to do is go find an apartment (month to month - preferred). You are going to need stability and your own sanctuary (safe place - away from her family), especially after working a full day as a doctor. At that point, you can start picking up the pieces, grieve the loss of the relationship and start to heal. If the process of looking for an apartment is too overwhelming, contact a realtor and ask him/her to find an appropriate rental for you. Yes, there are some realtors that specialize in rentals and apartments. You need your own place (four walls) first and foremost. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2021 Posted July 27, 2021 9 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: You need your own place (four walls) first and foremost. I absolutely agree. Staying with her family is no longer viable, and will prevent you from moving on, OP. I am sorry this happened. I realize it's very painful, but if after 5 years she is still not out and open about her sexuality, I don't think this relationship really stood a chance for the future. She's either not really accepted it (her sexual orientation) herself yet, or she is simply not ready and willing to face her family about it. Chances are that her family is not clueless and suspects you are closer than friends if you've actually been living with them. However, it appears your ex isn't comfortable with it and has opted out. In the future, it would be best to focus on women who are proudly out and don't feel the need to hide you. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2021 Posted July 27, 2021 If her parents think you are "best friends" rather than a same sex couple, I have to ask if she has ever come out to them? If not, that is where all the pressure is. You seem to want to get married now. She prefers to finish school & become a doctor, like you. That seems reasonable to me. But now since she has broken up, you do need to move out from her family's home ASAP.
spiderowl Posted July 27, 2021 Posted July 27, 2021 I am sorry to hear what has happened and how difficult this must be for you. For whatever reason, she is not ready for commitment. If she is willing to break this off, rather than to take things forward with you, then that's it, it's over and there is nothing you can do. I know that when in the throes of a break-up, the heartbreak, the confusion, everything, it seems like nothing will ever be right again, but it will. Like other posters have said, best to focus on your living arrangements now, so you can be independent, and then maybe to focus on your career and any hobbies (if you have time for them). It sounds like you were both coasting along until you wanted a commitment. It is often the reason relationships break up. I doubt if her not being 'out' is the reason here. People will go to amazing lengths to keep a relationship that feels right for them. You have an awful lot going for you and a great future ahead of you. You just happened to fall in love with the wrong woman.
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