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I blocked potential roommate and now they've ghosted

Miss Spider

By Miss Spider
in Business and Professional Relationships

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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About a month ago, I heard that a mutual friend ( who I have never met in person)  was looking for a roommate so I hit him up and he gave me the rundown. I asked him when I could come take a look and he said that he was busy that week, but that he would hold the room/put off other inquiries and message me on that following Monday to plan on a Tuesday meeting or whenever worked for me and kept updating me throughout the week 
 

I decided that I did not  want to move anymore, so on Sunday before we were set to plan meet, I blocked him on messenger. 
About two weeks later, I changed my mind and  inquired about them needing a roommate( their ad was still up on their FB) and I got no response from him. He didn’t even look at the messages . I told him that my Facebook was hacked and sorry for inconveniencing him. Do you think it has anything to do with the block? I’m not sure what people see when you block them on messenger. I can live with he just found another roommate because I slept on it, but I don’t want him to know that I blocked 

 

and just a heads up, I have stopped blocking people instead of confronting them. I know this is not an acceptable way to dodge confrontation. I get that now

Edited by Cookiesandough
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glows Established Member

glows

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The room may not be available anymore as he did mention that he would ward off other inquiries so it’s likely he’s just not responding to those inquiries about the room altogether. 

I really doubt he’s taking any of this personally and I wouldn’t worry about it. 

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Blind-Sided Established Member

Blind-Sided

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10 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

1) I decided that I did not  want to move anymore, so on Sunday before we were set to plan meet, I blocked him on messenger. 

2) About two weeks later, I changed my mind and  inquired about them needing a roommate( their ad was still up on their FB) and I got no response from him. He didn’t even look at the messages .

3) I told him that my Facebook was hacked and sorry for inconveniencing him. 

OK... this is disturbing behavior. We see people all the time, here on this board, asking "Why did I get ghosted?"  so......

1) Why did you block him opposed to being an adult and just saying... "I think I changed my mind on the room" ?  Seriously... what made you think that is an appropriate way to handle things?

2) He was probably pissed that you blocked him.  No wonder he didn't look at the message.  Why would he want a roommate that is flaky?

3) So... regardless if he knows the truth... why did you think it was OK to lie?

I guess what I'm getting at is... you ghosted, and lied to someone, who (from your story) did nothing wrong to you.  I've seen you post here a lot... and I guess I assume things I shouldn't... but how old are you?

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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13 hours ago, glows said:

The room may not be available anymore as he did mention that he would ward off other inquiries so it’s likely he’s just not responding to those inquiries about the room altogether. 

I really doubt he’s taking any of this personally and I wouldn’t worry about it. 

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️Made me feel much better. Ytb, glows 

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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5 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

OK... this is disturbing behavior. We see people all the time, here on this board, asking "Why did I get ghosted?"  so......

1) Why did you block him opposed to being an adult and just saying... "I think I changed my mind on the room" ?  Seriously... what made you think that is an appropriate way to handle things?

2) He was probably pissed that you blocked him.  No wonder he didn't look at the message.  Why would he want a roommate that is flaky?

3) So... regardless if he knows the truth... why did you think it was OK to lie?

I guess what I'm getting at is... you ghosted, and lied to someone, who (from your story) did nothing wrong to you.  I've seen you post here a lot... and I guess I assume things I shouldn't... but how old are you?

I appreciate your opinion. I am 29. I am so sorry that I did this. You are right that it is weird and inconsiderate. I’m going to drop.
 

I blocked him on FB messenger because I know he had held the room for me and it was easier thinking I could just disappear than explain how I changed my mind and inconvenienced him, I guess. That’s the truth. I know it’s not cool but like I said I am done avoiding discomfort this way. It was way to avoid a problem and easy considering I had no plans to ever move in nor see the person again. But yes I do think that he saw, now that I found out you can see that you have been blocked on fb messenger if you go to try to message,  unlike iMessenger. The lie was just to not seem flaky/rude, but I guess you’re right, the truth came out anyway. I’m flakey about moving in because I don’t think I can /want to so maybe it’s for the best. Although I do think it would have opened some doors. It’s for the best 
 

Thanks 

Edited by Cookiesandough
Happy Lemming Established Member

Happy Lemming

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In my opinion, renting a room is a business transaction.  Whether there is a verbal or written lease, this is still a business transaction. I've rented rooms on both a verbal and written leases.  Being that you decided not to take the room, a simple "Thanks, but no thanks e-mail" would have been appropriate. 

At one point in my life I had a small business and would write up quotes for work.  Not once did someone "block" me, if the client wanted to go with a different party, I'd get a "thank you for your quote, but we are going in a different direction" letter or e-mail.

After you graduate (and move), you will be doing business with various individuals.  Rental agencies, car insurance companies, moving companies, car repair facilities and all manner of businesses.  Going forward, a simple polite "thank you for your bid/offer, but I've decided to go in a different direction" letter or e-mail is the correct way to go about rejecting an offer/bid.  Down the road, the company you said "no, thank you" to may end up having a better deal and you'll want to take advantage of it.  If you "blocked" them, I doubt they are going to be all that receptive to working with you.

Just my two cents...

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Blind-Sided Established Member

Blind-Sided

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Posted (edited)
20 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

In my opinion, renting a room is a business transaction.  Whether there is a verbal or written lease, this is still a business transaction. I've rented rooms on both a verbal and written leases.  Being that you decided not to take the room, a simple "Thanks, but no thanks e-mail" would have been appropriate. 

At one point in my life I had a small business and would write up quotes for work.  Not once did someone "block" me, if the client wanted to go with a different party, I'd get a "thank you for your quote, but we are going in a different direction" letter or e-mail.

After you graduate (and move), you will be doing business with various individuals.  Rental agencies, car insurance companies, moving companies, car repair facilities and all manner of businesses.  Going forward, a simple polite "thank you for your bid/offer, but I've decided to go in a different direction" letter or e-mail is the correct way to go about rejecting an offer/bid.  Down the road, the company you said "no, thank you" to may end up having a better deal and you'll want to take advantage of it.  If you "blocked" them, I doubt they are going to be all that receptive to working with you.

Just my two cents...

This is it exactly !!!   In business... things aren't taken personally, and the proper... ADULT... thing to do is a simple... "I decided to go another direction" message.   OK... I will admit that business can be personal at times. Especially if someone has put a lot of time and effort into a project... or will be losing out on a big commission... but that's not the case here.   

20 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

1) I appreciate your opinion. I am 29. I am so sorry that I did this. You are right that it is weird and inconsiderate..

2) l but like I said I am done avoiding discomfort this way.

Just broke it up a little.....

1) Great !   you see the mistake... and that means you can learn from it.  And... you are obviously old enough to understand.

2)  But it really didn't allow you to avoid discomfort... did it?  You are here, and looking for guidance... and knowing that... on some level... it's eating at you. 

Anyway... learning from mistakes is the best way to learn.  Albeit a harder way most of the time.  Put this one in the mirror, and move on.  And next time... don't take it personal... don't treat it like a bad date... treat it like a business deal, and make your choice known. 

Edited by Blind-Sided
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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I'm sorry Cookie but the guy probably didn't respond because he thinks you're flakey.  I'm glad you have stopped this behavior.

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ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

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I'm surprised that you actually thought he'd still respond to you after that blocking and unblocking nonsense.  No rational person would want a roommate who behaves that way.  It's a red flag.

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JRabbit Established Member

JRabbit

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Yes people can see when you block them, they go searching for you or click your convo and "poof", its not there.  He obviously knew, he probably went to message you when you didn't show.


Beyond rude behaviour.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Okay, okay, I’m cringing enough now, Thanks, I get it. Live and learn

 

thanks  

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NuevoYorko Established Member

NuevoYorko

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A person changing their mind about an impersonal  deal involving someone you've never even met is not "confronting."  I almost think you're kidding about this.  

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glows Established Member

glows

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What’s more important is that you have a place if your lease is up. I hope something else has come up. 

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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8 minutes ago, glows said:

What’s more important is that you have a place if your lease is up. I hope something else has come up. 

Ty I live with my parents so I don’t really need a place atm it was more just so my mom would stop trying to hang out with me all the time/being so nosey . She’s actually the reason I changed my mind about moving in with this person in the first place . She didn’t want me to 

Edited by Cookiesandough
glows Established Member

glows

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8 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Ty I live with my parents so I don’t really need a place atm it was more just so my mom would stop trying to hang out with me all the time/being so nosey . She’s actually the reason I changed my mind about moving in with this person in the first place . She didn’t want me to 

One step at a time then. I remember your other thread now. Save and keep your options open for the right opportunity. It’s exciting moving into your own place.  

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