Denied it was a date

[QuietRiot]

This whole dating stuff gets confusing sometimes. I got into debate with a female friend, she had a "date", but she didn't call it a "date", because even though he paid her way....she offered to pay her own way. But he insisted, but then she countered, that she gave him the ride to wherever they were going...so she was HIS ride. 

Apparently, she kept count the back-and-forth to the point to where they broke even and apparently breaking even when going back and forth paying for whatever they are doing, that it wasn't a date?

She said they also didn't talk about "relationship stuff" whatever that means, which nullifies it being a date?

Seems some women have these "buts" or "caveats" when it comes to dating denial

Then she went on how they felt more like buddies when meeting up, no flirting, no nothing etc etc.

So...turns out, the fact that it wasn't a good match, made it NOT a date.

So...that said, it was actually a date....until it wasn't. LOL

Here's what happened, apparently it was a conversation about roller coasters, and he brought up getting together and hitting the local theme park, as if it was an itch he was wanting to scratch...it was spontaneous.  It was about finding someone to hit a theme park with, not him actually being interested in her.

[Wiseman2]

Who pays doesn't make it a date. You never bought a friend a meal or a drink?

[QuietRiot]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Who pays doesn't make it a date. You never bought a friend a meal or a drink?

A friend is someone you''ve known for a while...this is some one they are first time meeting. So they aren't even friends.

[SumGuy]

Who cares?   How is it even important the label you place on it?  Clearly she has a definition for "date" and this wasn't it, the guy she met another, you another and the dictionary a fourth.

In general, the first time you meet someone in person is much more a meet to see if you want to date.  Especially OLD, it is somewhere between the world of blind date and date, and our "courtship" vocabulary has yet to catch up.

What someone calls it though is meaningless, unless they are using the label to place unwarranted expectations on the other person.  Usually this is men thinking if I pay she owes me something.

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Who pays doesn't make it a date. You never bought a friend a meal or a drink?

Heck I've bought strangers in the drive thru line behind me food & drink...guess it was a date.  As well as buying drinks for people just met at a bar...guess I do multi-date!

[CaliforniaGirl]

She kept track of the back-and-forth because he was pushing for it to be a date and she didn't want him to feel taken advantage of or be under any illusion.

It wasn't a date.

I've paid for friends when we went out for a bite. It definitely wasn't a date.

[smackie9]

When a guy ever asked me out, I just assumed he was interested in me and went from there, call it whatever you want. No different than someone buying me a drink...IMO that is them showing an interest in me, wanting to come over and talk etc. I guess I would call it a date if they asked me formally.

[glows]

2 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

This whole dating stuff gets confusing sometimes. I got into debate with a female friend, she had a "date", but she didn't call it a "date", because even though he paid her way....she offered to pay her own way. But he insisted, but then she countered, that she gave him the ride to wherever they were going...so she was HIS ride. 

Apparently, she kept count the back-and-forth to the point to where they broke even and apparently breaking even when going back and forth paying for whatever they are doing, that it wasn't a date?

She said they also didn't talk about "relationship stuff" whatever that means, which nullifies it being a date?

Seems some women have these "buts" or "caveats" when it comes to dating denial

Then she went on how they felt more like buddies when meeting up, no flirting, no nothing etc etc.

So...turns out, the fact that it wasn't a good match, made it NOT a date.

So...that said, it was actually a date....until it wasn't. LOL

Here's what happened, apparently it was a conversation about roller coasters, and he brought up getting together and hitting the local theme park, as if it was an itch he was wanting to scratch...it was spontaneous.  It was about finding someone to hit a theme park with, not him actually being interested in her.

If they met online through OLD, the lines are blurred. It’s quite silly to keep meeting up with the same guy if she didn’t consider him dating material and didn’t say a word about shifting gears to platonic. The communication is lacking and doesn’t she have actual friends to go out with? 

She kept meeting up with him which is what most wouldn’t do in the first place if the first intent though online dating is to actually date. 

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, glows said:

If they met online through OLD, the lines are blurred. It’s quite silly to keep meeting up with the same guy if she didn’t consider him dating material and didn’t say a word about shifting gears to platonic. The communication is lacking and doesn’t she have actual friends to go out with? 

She kept meeting up with him which is what most wouldn’t do in the first place if the first intent though online dating is to actually date. 

 

I didn’t see where it was OLD. And he said it was their first meet.

[Miss Spider]

Friendzone is a confusing, ambiguous place to be sometimes.

[mark clemson]

Indeed. A "date" coupled with a "lack of romantic interest" could certainly be seen as "just hanging out."  

I imagine once in a while it's sincerely seen as hanging out by one person and equally sincerely seen (or at least hoped to be) a date by the other. Wishful thinking.

[Uruktopi]

5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Friendzone is a confusing, ambiguous place to be sometimes.

Let me to omit the "sometimes" and I´ll agree.

[glows]

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I didn’t see where it was OLD. And he said it was their first meet.

I said IF based on the first meet.

Edited July 24, 2021 by glows

[Alpacalia]

I don't think she viewed it as a date OP.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

It was about finding someone to hit a theme park with, not him actually

Here’s another thing, QR. You say she said it wasn’t a date. And right here ^ you seem to be saying he didn’t consider it romantic either. So if the people who actually met don’t consider their meet a date, why do you want it to be?

[Uruktopi]

When I´m in mood for dark humor, I think that my wedding party was some kind of date.

After all, I had some romantic and even sexual expectatives when I asked her for....

But, as we all know, we aren´t always lucky on dates.

And she friendzoned me after said date.  

[Uruktopi]

2 minutes ago, Uruktopi said:

When I´m in mood for dark humor, I think that my wedding party was some kind of date.

After all, I had some romantic and even sexual expectatives when I asked her for....

But, as we all know, we aren´t always lucky on dates.

And she friendzoned me after that dinner and since then untill divorce.

 

Edited July 24, 2021 by Uruktopi

[QuietRiot]

3 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I didn’t see where it was OLD. And he said it was their first meet.

It was through a singles Facebook group. So, yeah, the intent there is people seeking romantic partners.

[QuietRiot]

3 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Indeed. A "date" coupled with a "lack of romantic interest" could certainly be seen as "just hanging out."  

I imagine once in a while it's sincerely seen as hanging out by one person and equally sincerely seen (or at least hoped to be) a date by the other. Wishful thinking.

Yeah, I saw some article where it talked about, "If you have to ask someone if what you're on is actually even a date, while on said date"....well, therein' lies the rub. lol

[CaliforniaGirl]

17 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

It was through a singles Facebook group. So, yeah, the intent there is people seeking romantic partners.

Yet she said it wasn’t a date, and you say he was just looking for somebody to go on rollercoasters with, without romantic intent.

Obviously, neither of them was thinking of it as a romantic meeting. 

[Lotsgoingon]

I think her insisting on paying equally for everything and not backing down after he offered to pay--I've had that happen and the message I got from that was "this is NOT a date."

Because usually if two random friends met, they pay their own way, right. I'm actually not a traditional guy at all, but just practically, I'm willing to pay for a first date because I sense that's a way a lot of women sense that a guy is serious and kind. So I go with that.

When someone literally blocks me from doing that, then that's their way of saying, we are NOT on a date. 

Now I hate to get complicated, but the irony is after I do become good friends with someone, even a woman, occasionally one of us will just pick up the meal as a little gift to the other. One of my best friends, a woman, recently treated me to breakfast because I had a recent death in my family. But the relationship is already established and platonic--so it's OK to treat each other occasionally. 

 

[jspice]

26 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I think her insisting on paying equally for everything and not backing down after he offered to pay--I've had that happen and the message I got from that was "this is NOT a date."

Because usually if two random friends met, they pay their own way, right. I'm actually not a traditional guy at all, but just practically, I'm willing to pay for a first date because I sense that's a way a lot of women sense that a guy is serious and kind. So I go with that.

When someone literally blocks me from doing that, then that's their way of saying, we are NOT on a date. 

Now I hate to get complicated, but the irony is after I do become good friends with someone, even a woman, occasionally one of us will just pick up the meal as a little gift to the other. One of my best friends, a woman, recently treated me to breakfast because I had a recent death in my family. But the relationship is already established and platonic--so it's OK to treat each other occasionally. 

 

She gave him a chance. They met and she didn’t like him. 
if this man is anything like you are on this board, if this woman says “yes it was a date but I’m not feeling it” he’s going to do his utmost to change her mind. 
From what you wrote here, you don’t accept a woman’s first “no”.

So her only option is to pay her way and make it clear this was absolutely not a date so there’s no hint of an open door. 

[Andy_K]

It's not about what they did or didn't do or talk about on the date (or non-date). It's about why they went out together in the first place. 

[QuietRiot]

10 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I think her insisting on paying equally for everything and not backing down after he offered to pay--I've had that happen and the message I got from that was "this is NOT a date."

Because usually if two random friends met, they pay their own way, right. I'm actually not a traditional guy at all, but just practically, I'm willing to pay for a first date because I sense that's a way a lot of women sense that a guy is serious and kind. So I go with that.

When someone literally blocks me from doing that, then that's their way of saying, we are NOT on a date. 

Now I hate to get complicated, but the irony is after I do become good friends with someone, even a woman, occasionally one of us will just pick up the meal as a little gift to the other. One of my best friends, a woman, recently treated me to breakfast because I had a recent death in my family. But the relationship is already established and platonic--so it's OK to treat each other occasionally. 

 

This actually happened with me from a woman that I met on Match's site. We went on 2 dates, and both times she insisted on paying. I think this was a first time I had this happen, if it wasn't it's been a while, as most women I met from dating sites let me pay.

[Donnas]

So whats the question sir lol

She dont know what she wants and tryna controle every little thing. Even if he may have been into her he woulda get turned of by her crazyness.

Most of the time you know that its a date. Guys say litterly can i take you on a date?

She tryna convince herself that she is independent and ddnt take anything from him since she ddnt like him enough. Its nuts. 

Let the guy lead. So you can relax and see if he's it for you.