Yosemite Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 1 hour ago, Gymking said: So what do you suggest to do until I leave? Break contact and stop texting and chatting to her? Just keep texting her, talking to her, going over to keep in touch. No innuendos, just keep it light and fun...just be natural, you say that you click with her so it should be easy talking to her. Then when you're single ask her out on a date...maybe she feels the same way as you do or maybe she thinks you've got a puppy love kind of crush and isn't taking you seriously. The only way to find out is to get your situation sorted with your gf and then ask the neighbor for a date. If you try to get physical with the neighbor while your gf is still in the picture, the neighbor will think that you want a milf situation or a rebound thing. If you lose the gf and try to get physical with the neighbor before taking her out on a proper date in public, she'll think the same thing.
princessaurora Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 1 hour ago, Gymking said: See that’s the confusing thing to me that’s not what she wants as she’s not been heavily flirting or suggestive to anything happening. Whenever I do flirt or say any innuendos she just laughs it off or doesn’t even acknowledge it lol. How would it ever get to that point from where we are? And how would I know that’s what she wants That's such a big age difference it's probably very difficult for her to grasp the possibility of even pursuing anything. I'm in my 40's and even though I look younger, I still cringe when guys in their 20's flirt or attempt advances because I feel like i'm being hit on by a "little boy." I don't think I could ever get comfortable enough with it to be sexual even if I wasn't married. But I know some cougars who wouldn't hesitate to jump in the sack with a dude 18 and up and do it quite often.. But to me and alot of my girlfriends, no matter how hot they are, it just has a certain" ick factor". This is probably why your neighbor giggles or doesn't flirt back.. It's awkward and she's using laughter to diffuse the situation. Like others have said, I doubt you'll get much more out of this than a fling or sexual relationship, and that's assuming you could somehow get her past the mentality that you're practically a kid to her because based on her reaction to your comments, it seems like that's the headspace she's in. In other words, you're probably going to have to make a bold physical move to overcome that hurdle, but get your girlfriend out the picture first because she doesn't deserve to be cheated on. 1
basil67 Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 2 hours ago, Gymking said: See that’s the confusing thing to me that’s not what she wants as she’s not been heavily flirting or suggestive to anything happening. Whenever I do flirt or say any innuendos she just laughs it off or doesn’t even acknowledge it lol. How would it ever get to that point from where we are? And how would I know that’s what she wants Well if she’s not responding to the flirting, then she’s not interested. In which case, what is the goal of this thread? 1
Author Gymking Posted July 24, 2021 Author Posted July 24, 2021 1 minute ago, basil67 said: Well if she’s not responding to the flirting, then she’s not interested. In which case, what is the goal of this thread? But because of the situation it’s not as straight forward as that. Her not flirting back over text messages may just be because she said she’s paranoid about texting so maybe it’s just a barrier for now. As when we are together she sometimes acts very shy, nervous when talking, fidgety and seems to respond better to my flirty cheeky nature. Even in the beginning she’d touch my arm when saying thank you for helping her out etc so somethings tell me she’s interested but then on the flip side for the most part she has a big barrier up which is what’s driving me insane because she’s just a genuinely nice person and I’d honestly be happy just as friends but even that she’s putting barriers up and keeps saying “people will talk, you know what there like, better not” because we share the same fitness passions I asked her out on a run and she turned it down not because I don’t think she wants to but because she has this worry of people talking etc even though it would just be genuine friendly experiences.
Alpacalia Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 15 hours ago, Gymking said: She joked back and forth via text about how she’s old enough to be my mum she’s 48 and I’m 28. At most, she's flattered. Frequently, it seems that people get attracted to others when their relationship isn’t exciting anymore. 2
Yosemite Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 1 hour ago, Gymking said: she’s putting barriers up and keeps saying “people will talk, you know what there like, better not” 1 hour ago, Gymking said: I asked her out on a run and she turned it down not because I don’t think she wants to but because she has this worry of people talking etc even though it would just be genuine friendly experiences. She either is uncomfortable with the age gap or she doesn't want to be/look like the other woman. Breaking up with your gf won't guarantee that your neighbor will want to date you, but it's your only shot. You should break up with her anyway because 1) it's not right to use people and string them along and 2) any quality woman, your age or not, isn't going to want to get involved with you while you live with your gf. If you want your neighbor to believe that you're for real about dating her and that you don't just want a fling, then you need to act like it by breaking up your gf. If you keep going the way that you're going, she'll never believe that it's anything other than a fantasy to distract you from the problems in your relationship. She may want a fling, you never know, maybe she doesn't want anything serious either. 4
stillafool Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 7 hours ago, Gymking said: I have to always text first and initiate contact with nothing back but like I said when I do text her during the day she then replies with big essays about her day, life, work and we can be texting all day until gf is home its just blowing my mind what to do lol. I don't know it seems if she was not interested even a little bit she wouldn't waste her time doing the above. I know I wouldn't I would ignore your texts so you'd get the message to stop. Point is none of this matters because you have a gf and you don't want to be a cheater do you?
Wiseman2 Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Gymking said: in the beginning she’d touch my arm when saying thank you for helping her out etc You're thinking "hot older woman/dull live-in GF". She's thinking "should I invite him in for milk and cookies?" That's why she's not down for your flirting. Have you read Tom Sawyer? Edited July 24, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
stillafool Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 3 hours ago, Gymking said: Even in the beginning she’d touch my arm when saying thank you for helping her out etc Yeah, I never understood why men automatically think a woman is interested if she touches him. Women are not thinking about that at all when merely touching someone. It's just a touch. 1
glows Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 You’re already cheating on your girlfriend. Does it have to be such a desperate situation where you’re yearning to bypass a neighbour’s “barrier”? This seems very dramatic and manufactured, an escape as some have mentioned. I’m sorry to say that. Just get back on your feet, break up with your gf, find your own place (don’t be a parasite) and move on with your life. You’ll be free to explore and text whomever you like. 1
poppyfields Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 (edited) @Gymkingthings aren't always so black and white. I'm not a huge flirt over texting/messaging either, BUT that does NOT mean I'm not attracted! Often, the opposite, I'm crazy attracted but nervous, tentative. Some of us ladies are more shy and reserved at first when we are attracted, but what's underneath once you crack the shell is quite a different story! You posted when you said hi one day, she got nervous and spilt her tea! Lol Yeah that's a clear IOI imo, and I've done same! Nervous, a bit trembly when you talk to her -- all signs. That said, I agree with others, break up with your gf first before you make a move. In the meantime, be open and friendly and since it's summer, if you have a nice six pack, flaunt it! EDIT: The age difference, I wouldn't be concerned, age is just a number. What's important is if you both find each other attractive, and how well you vibe together. Edited July 24, 2021 by poppyfields 2 1
poppyfields Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 15 minutes ago, Olivia24 said: I agree. I do it without even thinking all the time. Again, not everything is so black and white. Personally speaking, no I don't randomly touch men (without thinking) unless he is a man I'm dating, boyfriend, brother, father. And find it weird/uncomfortable when strange men randomly touch me as well. It's called having boundaries, but everyone is different and has their own standards. This woman reminds me of myself (notwithstanding her age), nervous, trembly, if I had to venture a guess, I'd say she is quite attracted to you! But again get rid of the gf first, not doing so makes you appear like a sleaze. 1 1
stillafool Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: his woman reminds me of myself (notwithstanding her age), nervous, trembly, if I had to venture a guess, I'd say she is quite attracted to you! I have to agree on this or like I said earlier - why would she spend so much time texting him. If she didn't want to be bothered she would/could have shut him down long ago. 2
Author Gymking Posted July 24, 2021 Author Posted July 24, 2021 4 hours ago, poppyfields said: @Gymkingthings aren't always so black and white. I'm not a huge flirt over texting/messaging either, BUT that does NOT mean I'm not attracted! Often, the opposite, I'm crazy attracted but nervous, tentative. Some of us ladies are more shy and reserved at first when we are attracted, but what's underneath once you crack the shell is quite a different story! You posted when you said hi one day, she got nervous and spilt her tea! Lol Yeah that's a clear IOI imo, and I've done same! Nervous, a bit trembly when you talk to her -- all signs. That said, I agree with others, break up with your gf first before you make a move. In the meantime, be open and friendly and since it's summer, if you have a nice six pack, flaunt it! EDIT: The age difference, I wouldn't be concerned, age is just a number. What's important is if you both find each other attractive, and how well you vibe together. Thanks for a great reply this sounds bang on. Are you her? Lol she definitely was worse when we first started chatting to each other she would look very nervous and say the wrong thing and look a bit shaky it did feel good and I definitely felt something there which is probably why I’ve been so keen on getting to know her more I’m just so attracted to her energy and the fact we click so well is amazing. I’m just struggling to come to terms with trying to refrain myself from messaging her or purposely walking down the path to “bump” into her mowing the grass to have a chat because if I don’t purposely walk down there to catch her we would probably only ever speak once a month. I can’t get her out my head and It’s not even just a sexual thing either I genuinely just want to be around her and get to know her more and more even if it’s just as friends. I know even that’s still kinda wrong but this period between splitting with gf is going to be tricky to not contact her. 1 1
glows Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 You know where she lives so what’s the hurry? Split with your girlfriend and then do whatever you like. 2
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 15 hours ago, Gymking said: she(the gf) wants the generic settle down, have a kid, get married and retire at 65 So don't waste another moment of her time... 1
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 10 hours ago, Gymking said: But because of the situation it’s not as straight forward as that. Her not flirting back over text messages may just be because she said she’s paranoid about texting so maybe it’s just a barrier for now. As when we are together she sometimes acts very shy, nervous when talking, fidgety and seems to respond better to my flirty cheeky nature. Even in the beginning she’d touch my arm when saying thank you for helping her out etc so somethings tell me she’s interested but then on the flip side for the most part she has a big barrier up which is what’s driving me insane because she’s just a genuinely nice person and I’d honestly be happy just as friends but even that she’s putting barriers up and keeps saying “people will talk, you know what there like, better not” because we share the same fitness passions I asked her out on a run and she turned it down not because I don’t think she wants to but because she has this worry of people talking etc even though it would just be genuine friendly experiences. Trouble is you seem to be projecting your feelings onto her and you are making up excuses for her too. She is shy nervous, fidgety - she is interested, OR she has an anxiety issue... She has all her barriers up hence why she is not responding to your flirting...OR she is not interested/doesn't see you in that way or she is just a very closed up person.. She refused to go out for a run with you because she is worried about what people will think OR she just doesn't want to lead you on or she just doesn't want to.... Some older women, by no means all, can see young men as their sons and can get all motherly. Listening to their problems and getting involved in their lives. If they are also lonely, it can fill a void. If she has no kids of her own, she may see you as surrogate son material as opposed to lover material... Just a thought. 1
basil67 Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 10 hours ago, Gymking said: But because of the situation it’s not as straight forward as that. Her not flirting back over text messages may just be because she said she’s paranoid about texting so maybe it’s just a barrier for now. As when we are together she sometimes acts very shy, nervous when talking, fidgety and seems to respond better to my flirty cheeky nature. Even in the beginning she’d touch my arm when saying thank you for helping her out etc so somethings tell me she’s interested but then on the flip side for the most part she has a big barrier up which is what’s driving me insane because she’s just a genuinely nice person and I’d honestly be happy just as friends but even that she’s putting barriers up and keeps saying “people will talk, you know what there like, better not” because we share the same fitness passions I asked her out on a run and she turned it down not because I don’t think she wants to but because she has this worry of people talking etc even though it would just be genuine friendly experiences. Gymking, this is verging on creepy. She's putting up barriers which you're deliberately trying to analyse and find other meanings in. There is nothing in any of this which indicates any interest on her part. Yes, some do respond better to a bit of cheeky nature, but that doesn't mean they are interested. And being shy and fidgety means absolutely nothing other than they are shy and fidgety. How about you respect her barriers and back off a bit?
poppyfields Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 (edited) I dunno, sometimes it's nothing but a vibe one can sense, an energy between you. I'm not there, I can't feel that vibe but you can @Gymking. No one here can know for sure. Like I said, and I know it's true for other women as well, when I am very attracted and feel sexual tension, I feel nervous, a bit trembly, clumsy even, and no I'm not an anxious person generally. The man I'm seeing now sensed it immediately! What it told him was "she's attracted" and he was too. So he escalated and asked me out. The difference is, you are in a relationship, she knows that! So imo of course she is going to act a bit reticent, she's older too, with experience. Why not break up with the gf, since you're not happy anyway, and ask the neighbor out on an actual date? Her answer will tell you everything you need to know. Edited July 24, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Alpacalia Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 I have an inkling suspicion he won't break up with his girlfriend until this other woman gives him the green-light first. 1
spiderowl Posted July 25, 2021 Posted July 25, 2021 (edited) Dear Gymking, You are still with your girlfriend so this other lady is not going to want to intervene there, whatever you say the status of the relationship is. Does your girlfriend know you and she are 'about to split'? What does that mean anyway - that you are both talking about splitting, that you are thinking of splitting, that you have split up to all intents and purposes and have both acknowledged that but are waiting to move out? Regardless, the other woman is going to see that you are in a relationship. She is much older than you and probably thinks it's odd that you are showing so much interest in her. She is probably wondering what on earth is going on in your mind that you think it's a good idea to flirt with someone over 20 years older? Has this other woman said that you are making her feel paranoid? What did she say exactly? Paranoid doesn't sound good. It sounds as if you are stalking her. Please tell me this isn't why she feels paranoid. I think you should leave this poor woman alone. I doubt your motives are to start a genuine relationship with her. You do not seem to have much understanding of how much the age difference will be affecting her ideas of this. I am sure she cannot take you seriously as anything but a fling (and only if she were looking for a fling). As you were the one seeking her out, it doesn't sound like she was looking for anything. Where does all this leave your girlfriend? It sounds like you have got involved in a wild fantasy and are dragging this other woman into it. I bet you haven't said anything to your live-in girlfriend. Sigh! Edited July 25, 2021 by spiderowl 1
Daisydooks Posted July 25, 2021 Posted July 25, 2021 On 7/24/2021 at 4:28 AM, Gymking said: Yeah single and me and gf are just living as basically friends. Not sexually active. What cheaters hand book did ya steal that one out of? So your gf wouldnt mind if you banged the neighbour? Or is there an expectation youre not cheating? I wonder what her side of this comment would be if she knew you were flirting and chatting up the neighbour with a strong desire to push for more while still living with her
Recommended Posts