Gymking Posted July 23, 2021 Posted July 23, 2021 So trying to keep things brief: moved in with gf 5 years ago, was instantly attracted to older single women who backs onto our side path. Now we are almost about to split the neighbour has become even more attractive I started purposely bumping into her whilst she was in her garden we chat a lot and have so much in common, everytime we speak I like her more and more we started texting a few times just friendly. She was going through a hard time so I sent her some flowers anonymously she was freaking out as to who they were from so I told her they were from me. We had a little joke about liking her and I said gosh have I been so obvious? She joked back and forth via text about how she’s old enough to be my mum she’s 48 and I’m 28. Since then we have been bumping into each other a lot , always chatting in private and it just seems so natural, she always seems slightly nervous chatting like once she spilt her tea as I shouted hey over the fence which also makes me think she likes me however as I still live with gf she seems very hesitant which I guess is normal. I’ve sent a lot of flirty texts whilst drunk etc and they always seem to go down ok, she openly told me she’s nervous to text back And I’m making her paranoid. I just don’t want to keep pursuing if it’s a dead end but I do feel like there’s something there but she’s just got her guard up because of gf. Do I keep on and chipping away or give it a break see if she misses the attention and chases me a bit? I’m not sure what I want but I just know we click so well, the physical attraction is there from my part and her personality seems absolutely perfect to what I want. When I text her she does text back big essays and seems interested but it’s always me instigating anything and I just don’t want to come across too full on. any advice would be appreciated.
glows Posted July 23, 2021 Posted July 23, 2021 Maybe end things with your partner and tie up loose ends first before starting something new with someone else. She's also your neighbour so not a good idea to date or burn bridges there. At the moment you're coming across as desperate and inappropriate unfortunately. Who owns this place or do your gf and you share it? 1
Author Gymking Posted July 23, 2021 Author Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) See that’s the thing even though I find her so attractive even just having her as a close friend would be amazing right now. My relationship has literally ruined all my old friendships. As we share so much in common I would love to just hang out with her and chat even if nothing comes of it. I’ve explained my situation to her also so she’s aware of things. and yeah we share it 50/50 along with a business and pets so the separation is going to be tricky to sort out. Edited July 23, 2021 by Gymking
Wiseman2 Posted July 23, 2021 Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Gymking said: see if she misses the attention and chases me a bit? Sounds like you're the one who would miss the attention. Edited July 23, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
Miss Spider Posted July 23, 2021 Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) Flirt with her. Walk outside with your shirt off showing those 28 yo abs. Seduce her with your eyes. Ask her if she needs help with her groceries. Get it, son. she’ll either love it or be weirded out and laugh Edited July 24, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 23, 2021 Posted July 23, 2021 I'd be a little concerned about the paranoid comment. And I'd be fully broken up with the GF first, then asking her out directly and accepting whether it was a yes no, AFTER the GF was gone. Then you'll know. Stop sneaking up on her, LOL. 5 2
stillafool Posted July 23, 2021 Posted July 23, 2021 If you haven't seen a man over at her house she is more than likely flattered and wonder if you're interested or just being nice. I think you could talk to her after you break up with your gf and get to know her as a friend or whatever. 1 2
Trail Blazer Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 (edited) Break up with your girlfriend first. Then get on it, bro! Don't hesitate or play games. If you're an attractive dude she'll be flattered AF. If she hasn't had any action for a while, you're in for some fun months ahead. Edited July 24, 2021 by Trail Blazer 1
Daisydooks Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 Maybe dump your gf. She probably thinks youre cute but also sleezy AF. I would. Lol. 2
Blue Sea Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 Ask yourself first. What do you want? Do you love her a lot or just having the fresh feeling of meeting a new lady in life? Do you see any future with her? Do you want a marriage with kids? Think for long term relationships instead of just a crush and wasting your youth. Time doesn't go back. If you see no future with your gf, you should break up with her & let your gf finds her happiness. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 Sounds like the energy of this woman is pointing to your unhappiness with your gf. Why haven't you dumped your gf? Doesn't sound like you get along. And if she interferes with your friendships, that's a first-degree dumping offense. Right now, you're just using your flirtation with this older woman to hide and stick your head in the sand about your current relationship--at least that's what it sounds like. Why can't you get out your current relationship? 3
Author Gymking Posted July 24, 2021 Author Posted July 24, 2021 (edited) Thanks for all the replies. My heads just all over the place, I just cant get the neighbour out my head i've tried to ignore it but its just took me back since we've got to know each other and spent a lot of time chatting I've realised wow firstly how nice she is, how we seem to just make chatting about life so effortless, the fact we have so much in common we have the same drive and ambition. She said she cant believe how mature I am for my age and she wishes she made different choices in life like I have e.g I am into rental properties, she said she almost did it but she chickened out so Ive told her its not too late go for it etc so I've been giving her lots of advice, she loves the fact im driven and don't want to settle for a generic life and I think she likes the idea of that too. Besides that I have always just been more drawn to older women, my current gf is a few years older but she needs babysitting and she's always held me back from my driven lifestyle she wants the generic settle down, have a kid, get married and retire at 65 I don't want that so actually planning on leaving this situation towards the end of the year like I said its a bit messy with business and house stuff to just up and leave but I definitely have decided enough is enough which again I think makes the neighbour even more appealing to me. I know its kinda "Wrong" to be pursuing her and texting etc without first breaking up with gf and I know thats the reason why she's so hesitant but at the same time it feels so right I just wish she would relax a little more and not be so worried and even just do the friendship thing as I think having each other around we both enjoy. I'm just at a point where its hard to just stop what I've been doing as I cant stop thinking about her, but I don't want to keep on and on if she's just not into it and only being polite. So wasn't sure whether to just try harder and chat less, text less, make less effort to bump into her or keep chipping away at this friendly and occasional flirty atmosphere. She said she won't text me first as she's paranoid about gf, when she does text me back its only during the day when gf is at work so its a tricky one as I've never been in this situation where I have to always text first and initiate contact with nothing back but like I said when I do text her during the day she then replies with big essays about her day, life, work and we can be texting all day until gf is home its just blowing my mind what to do lol. Edited July 24, 2021 by Gymking
Wiseman2 Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 9 minutes ago, Gymking said: she's always held me back from my driven lifestyle .so actually planning on leaving this situation towards the end of the year like I said its a bit messy with business and house stuff. I wouldn't call coasting along in your GFs place and stringing her along out of convenience "a driven lifestyle". 1
Donnas Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 The stuff you are agresively doing with the neighbour is what singles may do. Its disrespectful to your gf. If you want to be free,dont mislead and play with peoples heart. Atleast finish one respectfully before you start another. Is this old lady single,?If not you are also messing a other homes peace. 1
Donnas Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 9 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Flirt with her. Walk outside with your shirt off showing those 28 yo abs. Seduce her with your eyes. Ask her if she needs help with her groceries. Get it, son. she’ll either love it or be weirded out and laugh
Author Gymking Posted July 24, 2021 Author Posted July 24, 2021 1 hour ago, Donnas said: The stuff you are agresively doing with the neighbour is what singles may do. Its disrespectful to your gf. If you want to be free,dont mislead and play with peoples heart. Atleast finish one respectfully before you start another. Is this old lady single,?If not you are also messing a other homes peace. Yeah single and me and gf are just living as basically friends. Not sexually active.
Yosemite Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 You feel cautious because of the age difference and so does she. She's probably thinking that you want a milf experience for fun before you settle down with someone your age, so she probably won't initiate anything because deep down she doesn't believe that you're serious. If you are serious, then get your ducks in a row, break up with your gf, spend some time healing over that, and then pursue the neighbor. You'll have to do most of the work in the beginning because she'll be thinking that you're using her to rebound or for the milf thing. So you'll have to prove with your actions that you actually like her. 1
basil67 Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 My thoughts are that she thinks you want a milf, and she's up for a ymilf (young man). Don't for a moment think that she wants anything more serious than quick fling with a young man.
Author Gymking Posted July 24, 2021 Author Posted July 24, 2021 35 minutes ago, Yosemite said: You feel cautious because of the age difference and so does she. She's probably thinking that you want a milf experience for fun before you settle down with someone your age, so she probably won't initiate anything because deep down she doesn't believe that you're serious. If you are serious, then get your ducks in a row, break up with your gf, spend some time healing over that, and then pursue the neighbor. You'll have to do most of the work in the beginning because she'll be thinking that you're using her to rebound or for the milf thing. So you'll have to prove with your actions that you actually like her. So what do you suggest to do until I leave? Break contact and stop texting and chatting to her?
Wiseman2 Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 11 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Flirt with her. Walk outside with your shirt off showing those 28 yo abs. Seduce her with your eyes. He's living in his GFs place. Stringing her along for convenience and on top of that he should cheat? 2
Author Gymking Posted July 24, 2021 Author Posted July 24, 2021 17 minutes ago, basil67 said: My thoughts are that she thinks you want a milf, and she's up for a ymilf (young man). Don't for a moment think that she wants anything more serious than quick fling with a young man. See that’s the confusing thing to me that’s not what she wants as she’s not been heavily flirting or suggestive to anything happening. Whenever I do flirt or say any innuendos she just laughs it off or doesn’t even acknowledge it lol. How would it ever get to that point from where we are? And how would I know that’s what she wants
Author Gymking Posted July 24, 2021 Author Posted July 24, 2021 11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He's living in his GFs place. Stringing her along for convenience and on top of that he should cheat? Never once mentioned it’s her place nor did I say she hasn’t got a clue about the situation. We have been living as friends for years she knows the situation as much as I do we are just living together in a big messy situation that needs to come to an end. I haven’t even touched the surface on information regarding my relationship with gf that’s not what I’m here for I wanted advice aside from the fact I should end things then Deal with neighbour
Wiseman2 Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 1 minute ago, Gymking said: . Whenever I do flirt or say any innuendos she just laughs it off Hopefully you don't think she takes you seriously. She knows you live with your GF . Sounds like she thinks of you as a little boy with a crush. She probably thinks it's cute. Focus on getting your own place. 1
Author Gymking Posted July 24, 2021 Author Posted July 24, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Hopefully you don't think she takes you seriously. She knows you live with your GF . Sounds like she thinks of you as a little boy with a crush. She probably thinks it's cute. Focus on getting your own place. Sounds like you’ve taken this thread to heart. Guessing something resonates to a situation in your life. I’ve got my own place thanks I’ve got many . And she knows the full situation I’ve told her everything as a friend. She understands completely and can see exactly where I’m coming from due to the issues and mental health problems of partner.
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2021 Posted July 24, 2021 57 minutes ago, Gymking said: Yeah single and me and gf are just living as basically friends. Not sexually active. Stop hankering after the sexy neighbour and start sorting out your own life. A sexless relationship is not sustainable, especially when you would rather get hot and heavy with someone else... I do not think this woman is interested in you apart from being an interesting flirty neighbour. She already said she is old enough to be your mother, so she put up a boundary wall there. She laughs and ignores or dismisses your flirting attempts too. I think she enjoys the company, but likely does not see you as romantic material. She feels "safe" as you have a gf, the minute you split up, she will have to put you straight. Seems like you feel the need to monkey branch, to make sure you have a safe landing ready for when you split. This woman will not provide that for you.
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