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He said he wanted to go on a second date but isn't texting me…

ZinaJ

By ZinaJ
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ZinaJ Member

ZinaJ

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So I went out yesterday for coffee with a guy I met via Hinge. I thought it went good. Before we left he said he wanted to know me better and asked me when I was free for a second date. He said he will communicate through text.

He’s being really bad at texting and now hasn’t texted me all day. I’m a bit miffed because why would he say he wanted to get to know me more and ask for my availability if he never planned on following through?

I’m a bit sad and I feel let down. I thought we had a good time but maybe he had second thoughts after. 

I’m also getting a bit cynical now…why do guys say things then never follow through? This is the second time this has happened to me. First time was after a second date, this guy I was going out with asked to see my work schedule and we chose a date together for our next meet up, then he ghosted me.

 If this guy I met yesterday really didn’t want a second date, then why would he verbalize his intentions for one? He could have just been like, “Yeah I’ll let you know” or something non-committal instead of asking for my availability and saying that he really would like to get to know me better and that he’ll “definitely” see me next week.

Ugh. Am I overthinking?

 

Edited by ZinaJ
ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
Posted

I think you're jumping to conclusions a bit prematurely.  You first went out with him YESTERDAY.  It's only been one day.  I don't think enough time has passed for you to conclude that he's not following through.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Yes you are over thinking this.  Just because we have the ability to stay connected 24/7 doesn't mean we have the obligation to do so.  It hasn't yet been 24 hours.  Chill. 

If you haven't already sent him a thank you text for the date, open the door that way.  Some guys need that text as a green light to continue pursuing.  

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ZinaJ Member

ZinaJ

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1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

Yes you are over thinking this.  Just because we have the ability to stay connected 24/7 doesn't mean we have the obligation to do so.  It hasn't yet been 24 hours.  Chill. 

If you haven't already sent him a thank you text for the date, open the door that way.  Some guys need that text as a green light to continue pursuing.  

I did send him a short text after our date last night, he responded to that. Then this morning I sent him a response and crickets since then. I feel like if he really had a good time he would be more enthused.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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He may just be busy.  Not everybody is glued to their phone.  

Give it 24-48 hours.  Then you can give up because then the crickets will be a sign of no or low interest.  

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted (edited)
59 minutes ago, ZinaJ said:

So I went out yesterday for coffee .now hasn’t texted me all day.

Yes, you're over thinking. The biggest indicator of interest is he asked you out again right there and then.

"Ill text you" doesn't mean all day everyday from the moment you meet. Relax. Stop double texting.

Edited by Wiseman2
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Sorry. Not just guys do that. That’s a cliche people in general use after a date when even when they aren’t interested  “I’ll call/text you…”

 

You’ve got to take online dating with stride. I’ve never used it, but my friend met the guy she’s backpacking in New Zealand with on hinge. So there’s that. I believe in you. 

CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
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I'd wait another day. Some guys subscribe to the wait two (or three) days rule. They think it builds interest. It actually builds anxiety and can put a bad flavor on things but it's definitely "a thing," so if you can just cool down and relax and wait and give him that chance, do so.

Of course it could mean he's not interested, OR he literally is just that super-busy (but I'm kind of cynical about that, LOL, unless he's a surgeon in a MASH unit in active wartime he's probably constantly on his phone just like everybody else)...but anyway, those are possibilities too.

So I'd give it a few more days! :)

Kai_Kai Established Member

Kai_Kai

Posted
Posted

Completely reaching. Give it some time. It's okay...keep yourself busy, so you forget about this person for a second. 

Blue Sea Member

Blue Sea

Posted
Posted

I would say you were unlucky to meet both men who have the same character where they have few options on hand. It's not uncommon nowadays especially where there are so many dating apps. 

Kick them out of your list & move on to next. Don't need to feel sad about it since they aren't right for you. 

Look for a man who can give you real happiness than sadness okay? Take care! 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

I think you need to relax a little and have some patience, OP. 

If you hear nothing within a couple days, then yes, I would assume he is likely not interested. But give it a little time first. 

Amanda92 Established Member

Amanda92

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Sorry. Not just guys do that. That’s a cliche people in general use after a date when even when they aren’t interested  “I’ll call/text you…”

 

You’ve got to take online dating with stride. I’ve never used it, but my friend met the guy she’s backpacking in New Zealand with on hinge. So there’s that. I believe in you. 

I think "I will text you" may mean: if I am interested I will text you, don't text me first, I know how to initiate if I want.

glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, ZinaJ said:

I did send him a short text after our date last night, he responded to that. Then this morning I sent him a response and crickets since then. I feel like if he really had a good time he would be more enthused.

That’s fine. It’s nice of you to text after the date. There is no rule that you are not allowed to do so. Or if there is one, to hell with it. He responded and you texted again. No big deal. Leave it for now and arrange other dates. Don’t get too hung up on this one guy. If you never hear from him again, great - more opportunity to meet someone else. Have fun. 

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Blind-Sided Established Member

Blind-Sided

Posted
Posted (edited)
17 hours ago, ZinaJ said:

1) So I went out yesterday for coffee with a guy I met via Hinge.

2) He’s being really bad at texting 

3) I’m a bit sad and I feel let down. I thought we had a good time but maybe he had second thoughts after. 

4) I’m also getting a bit cynical now…why do guys say things then never follow through? This is the second time this has happened to me. First time was after a second date, this guy I was going out with asked to see my work schedule and we chose a date together for our next meet up, then he ghosted me.

5) this guy I met yesterday really didn’t want a second date, then why would he verbalize his intentions for one? 

6) Am I overthinking?

 

Wow... Just... WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!   Let's go by the numbers.

1) IT WAY YESTERDAY !!!!!!!!!!  

2) Not everyone lives on their phone... and not everyone will immediately text back.  I REALY hate this mentality.  I had a friend who was like this.  If you didn't txt back in 10 seconds, she got upset.  Since she was a friend... I told her to stop being stupid... and that people have lives, and I can't always grab my phone.  So, what I'm saying is... he's not really bad at txt'ing... I'm guessing you have unrealistic expectations.

3) Why?   It was YESTERDAY !

4) WOW.... cynical because he didn't plan a date 24hrs after the first one? He's on a dating app.  He may have 3 or 4 dates lined up with other girls, and just hasn't gotten back around to you. 

5) With this statement you are assuming he doesn't want a second date.  You haven't given him time.

6) YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   you have driven yourself into mental state that will influence your next date with this guy.... and honestly, with anyone who may want to date you, and has a normal life.  You met him once... and just a day ago... and you expect him to have his world revolve around you.

With all that said... I'm assuming you have been texting him. (confirmed by a second post from you)  He responded to your first txt... And, I'm guessing he has gotten the "Crazy, clingy" vibe because you txt'ed him more than once after a first date.  I'm also guessing you have scared him away.  A "Date" is just that... A DATE.  It is not a relationship... it is NOT a commitment.  

Edited by Blind-Sided
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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted (edited)

You just met. It's possible he has another date which is common. You just have to wait your turn. Sit back, talk to other guys, go on other dates in the meantime. See if he asks you out again but never hold your breath. Some guys do this two or three day rule as to not look too needy...and it works doesn't it. He has you agitated because he's being aloof. It's a pickup trick that some use.

 

Edited by smackie9
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