Gentleman or independent women

[basil67]

Expect to get back about the same amount as you put in.  Sometimes, you may give A and they give B in return, but it's still gotta work out roughly equal

[Els]

If you trust him enough to allow him to drive you (I wouldn't recommend this with a first date for instance), a man who cares for you will absolutely pick you up especially if it's a temporary issue due to you not having a car for a while. It's not a gendered issue in the sense of "men should put in more effort", but your gender matters because unfortunately women are still much more likely to be the victims of sexual assault than men are, and walking alone late at night undeniably increases the risks of that.

Out of curiosity though why can't he spend time at your place at all? If I were him THAT would be a red flag to me, like you were secretly married or something.

[Wiseman2]

On 7/22/2021 at 10:42 PM, Amanda92 said:

We usually go out to eat and then go to his place. 

Stop going to his place. It's that simple. Especially if he refuses to pick you up for dates.

"Independent" is not acting like an outcall escort, where you deliver yourself to his place even though you have no transportation and he is supposedly your BF..

[jspice]

I understand what you’re experiencing. 
I’m fiercely independent and have always done everything for myself. I never rely on people for things. 
 

My first serious relationship I was trying to be “independent”. We lived in a place with excellent public transport and I didn’t need a car. He moved to the next city an hour away from mine and this was before GPS and smart phones were so everyday. He drove all the way to my city to pick me up for a date even though I told him I could meet him. He was new and had no idea where he was even going. 
 

After that he’d always drive even when I was supposed to go from my house to his so he’d leave his house, pick me up and take me to his house. I’d offer to jump on the train and he refused. After that every man I dated who wanted me to know I was important made an effort despite my being able to take care of myself.
 

I didn’t need to ask them to pick me up. Or do anything in particular. They just did it like I showed I cared in different ways. 
 

If he wants to see you and he knows you have no car right now, but you need to ask him to pick you up, you need to consider if that is ok with you. 

If a man I was with needed to be asked to pick me up, he wouldn’t be for me. You may be ok with someone who does need to be asked and that’s ok. Just think about what kind of partner you want and evaluate of this guy is such a person. 
 

Its harder when you’re always trying to overcompensate to show people you’re not taking advantage of them so you need to work out a balance. 
 

[Amanda92]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stop going to his place. It's that simple. Especially if he refuses to pick you up for dates.

"Independent" is not acting like an outcall escort, where you deliver yourself to his place even though you have no transportation and he is supposedly your BF..

So where should I go if I want to sleep with him? I'm sorry, but I didn't ask in this topic if I can sleep with him, so please hold advices like this.

I won't explain why I can't invite him to my apartment because it doesn't change this situation.

He never refused. I am just asking what is okay because I have no experience and don't want to hear that I am a "gold digger" or something like this. I have very bad experiences and he behaves very good so far. I am still fighting this awkward feeling when someone pays for my dinner, so I need to hear from other people how relationships look like to adjust step by step.

Most of you said "yes, it's okay, if he likes you, he will care about you and picking up someone isn't a big deal." And this is what I wanted to hear. Thank you

[jspice]

If he were to actually call you a gold digger if you did in fact ask him to pick you up, that would tell you a lot about him. Some people use that to keep others “in check”
You know you’re not so if anyone pulls that line on you ( whoever they are) you need to think about your relationship with them. 
 

all the best 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Amanda92 said:

So where should I go if I want to sleep with him?

His place, so why can't he pick you up for dates, Why won't you have a car? Does he know about that?

Edited July 25, 2021 by Wiseman2