Fliplid89 Posted July 21, 2021 Posted July 21, 2021 This evening I had my first councelling session. Even though it was the first it really highlighted something to me. My ex blocked, deleted, and cut me out of his life. Within 3 weeks he was with someone else posting photos of them together etc. All of this can be read in my initial post. It's honestly broken my heart. Now I didn't really think about this but it seems highly likely he'd met this person while he was still with me. I begged and pleaded for him to stay with me, said how much I needed him (not a good look I know). The last convo we had, he actually got his ex to answer the phone and warn me off. Absolutely brutal. Now I feel like I should email for closure for myself, he saw me extremely weak. I want him to know that I am almost certain he met this guy while he was with me. It all makes sense now. No one moves on that quickly... Is it a good idea? Or should I just accept the fact he believes it was all me, allow him the continue to think I didn't know he started seeing this other person before me. Or should I email and say everything in a nice way, say goodbye and ask him never to contact me again? I don't know what to do for the best. I will not be doing anything tonight. Or possibly not at all but I want him to know I'm strong and ill get through this. It was long distance so I'd never bump into him. He's hurt me more than anyone in my life and I don't want to talk to him again but I want to say that I know he was likely seeing this person before me and it all kind of makes sense now. Or should I leave it, see if he gets back in touch one day and then tell him to get lost. He has so much power over me and has so far been the one to cut me out completely without a care in the world and why?! Because he has a new interest. Any advice gratefully received. I've really taken comfort from these replies. Thank you in advance.
Wiseman2 Posted July 21, 2021 Posted July 21, 2021 On 7/9/2021 at 1:44 AM, Fliplid89 said: I then asked if there was someone else to which he replied yes I'm speaking to someone else, we have so much in common and I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I don't love you like that anymore followed by I've spent the last 3 days with him (new partner) and its been amazing I just want you to delete my numbers and leave me alone. He told you he was with someone else. He also asked you to stop contacting him. Write out your letter and bring it to the therapist but do not harass, stalk or risk getting a restraining order. You need to be honest with your therapist. That you knew he found someone and that he has repeatedly asked you to stop contacting him,. 4 minutes ago, Fliplid89 said: it seems highly likely he'd met this person while he was still with me. Now I feel like I should email for closure for myself, he saw me extremely weak. I want him to know that I am almost certain he met this guy while he was with me. 1
Author Fliplid89 Posted July 21, 2021 Author Posted July 21, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: He told you he was with someone else. He also asked you to stop contacting him. Write out your letter and bring it to the therapist but do not harass, stalk or risk getting a restraining order. You need to be honest with your therapist. That you knew he found someone and that he has repeatedly asked you to stop contacting him,. My therapist knows, there would be no benefit to going to a therapist and not being truthful. She is naturally impartial and has obviously made no comment on my above post. I was just seeking general advice. Yes he has... I understand that. I just thought a letter would require no response, nor would it be harassment. I just thought it may help with closure. I do realise how bonkers I sound at times but it's just extremely hard. I appreciate your response. Thank you very much.
Author Fliplid89 Posted July 21, 2021 Author Posted July 21, 2021 1 minute ago, Fliplid89 said: My therapist knows, there would be no benefit to going to a therapist and not being truthful. She is naturally impartial and has obviously made no comment on my above post. I was just seeking general advice. Yes he has... I understand that. I just thought a letter would require no response, nor would it be harassment. I just thought it may help with closure. I do realise how bonkers I sound at times but it's just extremely hard. I appreciate your response. Thank you very much. Maybe I should write it but not send it... Instead burn it. 2
Wiseman2 Posted July 21, 2021 Posted July 21, 2021 3 minutes ago, Fliplid89 said: I just thought a letter would require no response, nor would it be harassment. Google the stalking laws in your area. "Unwanted contact " is stalking, a crime and you need to stop. Call an emergency mental health line if your therapist is not available.
glows Posted July 21, 2021 Posted July 21, 2021 The long distance issue may be preventing you from seeing this clearly and also buffering you from thinking that there could be legal consequences for you if you keep reaching out. He's moved on. You must also. You can write if it helps you feel better but don't send anything. Sending him a letter just sends the message that you are stuck on him, unable to move on and it would be very unfavourable for you, sadly. He is happy with someone else. You would come across as very bitter and meddlesome. If you know he has met someone else already, intervening or reaching out could be seen as you trying to prevent him from being happy. Do what you can to focus more on your own life from now on. You keep reiterating how he's seeing someone else and how he might have met this person before ending things with you. Meet this painful truth and let go of any hold that this has over you. You know that someone's wandering eye or cheating behaviour does not mean that you are less of a person, right? Don't let this break down your self-confidence. Stop any behaviours that keep giving him that power. By sending a letter or reaching out you are giving him more power than he's worth to you at this point. Move on. 1
Author Fliplid89 Posted July 21, 2021 Author Posted July 21, 2021 1 minute ago, glows said: The long distance issue may be preventing you from seeing this clearly and also buffering you from thinking that there could be legal consequences for you if you keep reaching out. He's moved on. You must also. You can write if it helps you feel better but don't send anything. Sending him a letter just sends the message that you are stuck on him, unable to move on and it would be very unfavourable for you, sadly. He is happy with someone else. You would come across as very bitter and meddlesome. If you know he has met someone else already, intervening or reaching out could be seen as you trying to prevent him from being happy. Do what you can to focus more on your own life from now on. You keep reiterating how he's seeing someone else and how he might have met this person before ending things with you. Meet this painful truth and let go of any hold that this has over you. You know that someone's wandering eye or cheating behaviour does not mean that you are less of a person, right? Don't let this break down your self-confidence. Stop any behaviours that keep giving him that power. By sending a letter or reaching out you are giving him more power than he's worth to you at this point. Move on. Thank you Glows. That makes a lot of sense. I appreciate your response. It was just a thought. I will do just that. I will write it to express my thoughts but I won't send it. Thank you very much and best wishes to you.
Author Fliplid89 Posted July 21, 2021 Author Posted July 21, 2021 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Google the stalking laws in your area. "Unwanted contact " is stalking, a crime and you need to stop. Call an emergency mental health line if your therapist is not available. Okay, can i just clarify. I am not stalking. I asked for an opinion on sending a letter. I have cut of contact for weeks. I don't even have the phone number anymore. I've not bothered, called or anything else. I'm just someone who is hurting terribly. Based on Glows very helpful and well worded response I have decided to not send a letter but just write one instead and keep it. All the best Wiseman2. 1
glows Posted July 21, 2021 Posted July 21, 2021 1 minute ago, Fliplid89 said: Thank you Glows. That makes a lot of sense. I appreciate your response. It was just a thought. I will do just that. I will write it to express my thoughts but I won't send it. Thank you very much and best wishes to you. Best wishes to you too, Fliplid. If you keep turning your efforts back to you truly, your own self-improvement, and encourage yourself to depend on him less and less for approval or what he thinks, you're on the right track. Think of him as your past. Besides, if he had his eye on someone else while dating you or was monkeybranching, he wasn't such a catch in the first place. That's the last person you need approval from. Rise above this. You can do it. 1
Author Fliplid89 Posted July 21, 2021 Author Posted July 21, 2021 Just now, glows said: Best wishes to you too, Fliplid. If you keep turning your efforts back to you truly, your own self-improvement, and encourage yourself to depend on him less and less for approval or what he thinks, you're on the right track. Think of him as your past. Besides, if he had his eye on someone else while dating you or was monkeybranching, he wasn't such a catch in the first place. That's the last person you need approval from. Rise above this. You can do it. Glows... I have taken much comfort from your replies. I'm a good person with a heart of gold. I've made many mistakes but this has hurt me beyond belief. I'm not bonkers, just upset and desperately hurt but your kind hearted honest words have really helped me. I like honesty if it is given constructively for the right reasons. Hopefully I will get where I need to be. He is my past... And regardless whether or not his new found love works that's where he will stay for me. Thank you very much. 1
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