Which one of my parents is wrong? What's my rule to solve?

[mikebenk]

my father refuses to make our new apartment ready to live in because he doesn't want to leave the apartment of my blind grandmother (where we've lived for 28 years now). Mother is so angry because it's been a couple of years and he didn't do electrical installations ...etc. During our life, grandmother caused a lot of serious troubles which badly affected my mother. They don't talk to each other for a few years now!

[basil67]

Hi mike, best to stay out of it and leave the problem to them.  Would moving out and finding your own place be an option?

[glows]

Don’t get dragged into this and make it your problem. Move out if you can.

This is where you create some healthy boundaries and avoid taking on someone else’s problems or be an emotional punching bag. If your mother is dragging you into her issues, tell her you are not getting involved. Be neutral to the three of them and don’t take sides.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, mikebenk said:

 we've lived for 28 years now. During our life, grandmother caused a lot of serious troubles which badly affected my mother. 

You need your own space. You seem angry with your father because he wants to stay in this over crowded multigenerational situation.

 

[mikebenk]

Thank you so much for your replies and for trying to help me. I'd like to clarify that I'm not angry with anyone of them. I wasn't asking for me whether to move out or not. The problem doesn't affect me at all.

I just would like to help my parents live in peace. To be more specific, I don't know which one of the two options is better:

Should I encourage to my father to leave my grandmother to satisfy my mother?

Or should I tell my mother that should beat and stay became my grandmother is old and blind and needs our help?

 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, mikebenk said:

. The problem doesn't affect me at all.I just would like to help my parents live in peace. 

If it's not affecting you, don't take sides and stay out of it.

By taking sides you create more divisiveness.

[mikebenk]

@Wiseman2
 I won't take sides but I need to know what's the right solution to this issue. I carefully talk to each one of them individually (without the attendance of the other person) because I don't want them to start arguing. But, I'm not wise enough to decide the right choice to encourage both of them to do. I don't know that's the best for them.

[glows]

On 7/20/2021 at 3:12 AM, mikebenk said:

Thank you so much for your replies and for trying to help me. I'd like to clarify that I'm not angry with anyone of them. I wasn't asking for me whether to move out or not. The problem doesn't affect me at all.

I just would like to help my parents live in peace. To be more specific, I don't know which one of the two options is better:

Should I encourage to my father to leave my grandmother to satisfy my mother?

Or should I tell my mother that should beat and stay became my grandmother is old and blind and needs our help?

 

That's not your problem and the idea that they are not living in peace is your judgment of their relationship. It is affecting you otherwise you wouldn't see a situation to correct or "help" with. I agree it's kind of you to want to help but the only person you should be concerned about is yourself and finding your own place so that you are not so pressured into meddling with others' relationships. This isn't your call, in other words. Just step away and if you can't move out, spend more time with your friends and out of the house. 

[d0nnivain]

On 7/20/2021 at 6:12 AM, mikebenk said:

I just would like to help my parents live in peace. To be more specific, I don't know which one of the two options is better:

Should I encourage to my father to leave my grandmother to satisfy my mother?

Or should I tell my mother that should beat and stay became my grandmother is old and blind and needs our help?

That's very sweet but you can't help your parents.  You are their child.  Although they love you, they don't respect you.  Parents rarely take advice from kids so just keep your mouth shut.   All you can do is love both of them no mater which decision they make.