Feeling of lust for someone at first sight. Only happened two times in my life so far.

[lovers]

I have only lusted/love for a women twice in my 30 years of life so far. When I like someone that much I just blow it and do too much. Anyways it didn't work out with the latest girl. I try to suppress my feelings for her. Its been more than 4 or 5 months now of no contact and I still think about her to this day. She has a boyfriend now. It hurts. I actually hate feeling this way, being so in lust with someone. Makes me not think straight. Similar to a break up. 

 

When I am luke warm about someone which happens alot I act a certain way but when I am in lust I do too much... give into my emotions which pushes them away. So I feel like I can never really get the girl that I want cause I can't act chill and natural. I also feel a timeline where I need to find someone to settle down with as I am not getting any younger. I feel like I will end up being one of those guys who end up being with someone that I am luke warm about. Its really rare for me to feel this way so when would be the next time? Marrying someone you are luke warm about and not being with the one that got away so to speak. Anyone go through this? 

Edited July 20, 2021 by lovers

[Miss Spider]

Get more experience and maybe some therapy. Work on reframing your perspective because this one’s not working for you and it’s really unhealthy to get so obsessed with crushes in your head that you can’t think straight. This tends to happen more the person is depressed/lacks another focus or drive. Take care of yourself. 

[lovers]

36 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Get more experience and maybe some therapy. Work on reframing your perspective because this one’s not working for you and it’s really unhealthy to get so obsessed with crushes in your head that you can’t think straight. This tends to happen more the person is depressed/lacks another focus or drive. Take care of yourself. 

you are probably right. for me atm is lack of dating options or quality ones, lack of focus or drive. i have alot of free time and i moved to a new city where i barely know anyone. i been here for a year and half now. I work night shifts too. But then again I felt this way when I lived in my hometown with big city and tried to escape my problems. 

[smackie9]

It's like starving yourself for days, and the first sight of food you go nuts.

You need to have substance and fulfillment in your life. That would mean a solid social circle, hobbies, and activities that fill your time with fun, spontaneity. Work all night and sleep all day makes you a dull boy.

The key thing here is...stop making excuses.

Edited July 20, 2021 by smackie9

[Lotsgoingon]

Lust and love are not the same thing.

[Kai_Kai]

21 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Lust and love are not the same thing.

I agree with ^^^^^^

You cant based a relationship on lust. That fizzes out eventually especially if you want to marry someone and spend the rest of your life with them. The lust factor gets old its companionship, comparing of the mind, compromising when  you can that creates true fullness. I've been in lust and I've been in love. Love > Lust. Lust causes you to do stupid things. 

 

 

[d0nnivain]

Take a look at how you behave with the lukewarm women.  Then when you meet a woman you lust force yourself to behave as if you were only lukewarm about her.  You control your own actions so get a handle on it & stop over doing it. 

[Wiseman2]

On 7/19/2021 at 9:12 PM, lovers said:

for me atm is lack of dating options or quality ones. i moved to a new city where i barely know anyone. I work night shifts too. But then again I felt this way when I lived in my hometown with big city and tried to escape my problems. 

Research "Shift work disorder" and "circadian rhythm sleep disorder". It can impact your libido and drive in general. 

Add to this being in a new location and difficulty socializing with shiftwork.

In general, if you are depressed your libido ('lust') will be low. See a doctor.

What problems were you escaping? It seems you took this inertia and lassitude (lack of 'lust') with you, no?

[CaliforniaGirl]

You're kidding. I get feelings of lust like every fifth stranger. And I'm old.

So no.

But everyone's different!

[Alpacalia]

On 7/19/2021 at 5:07 PM, lovers said:

Marrying someone you are luke warm about and not being with the one that got away so to speak. Anyone go through this? 

I think you're referring to settling.

No thanks.